# Ask the cranky old malcontent **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 29, 2006, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cranky-old-malcontent/385983 "2006-12-29T14:30:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2007, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cranky-old-malcontent/385983/61 "2007-01-03T13:18:30Z")
Dear Cranky: Is it true that in the good old days you could leave your house unlocked all the time? Were there any cranky old men about when you were a kid? Did you show them a bit of respect? Where did it all start to go wrong? ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2007, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cranky-old-malcontent/385983/62 "2007-01-03T13:28:29Z")
Why should I get off your lawn? ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2007, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cranky-old-malcontent/385983/63 "2007-01-03T13:57:53Z")
You call that a lawn? It looks dying…and brown…and decrepid… …just like the guy living in the house _d&r_ ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2007, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cranky-old-malcontent/385983/64 "2007-01-03T14:31:42Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] Is it true that in the good old days you could leave your house unlocked all the time? [/quote] Hell, no! You might not have had to worry about crime as much in those days, but them Jehovah’s Witnesses were a hell of a lot bolder than they are now! Leave your door unlocked when you leave and sure as hellfire yer house would be a new distribution center for The Watchtower by the time ya got back. > [@Malacandra](#): > > Were there any cranky old men about when you were a kid? Did you show them a bit of respect? Son, not only did we _respect_ our elders in those days, we made damn sure they were _comfortable_, too. We knew damn well that the older ya grew, the wider yer belt got. Why, one ancient old codger we knew, man musta been old as Moses himself, had hisself a belt wide as a man’s arm was long. Saw him whoop the white clean off’n some poor boy’s hide in one stroke. Whole _town_ heard the snap o’ that leather, and God help me it raised welts on the backsides of his whole family. We learned a whole lot about respect that day, I tell you what. > [@Malacandra](#): > > Where did it all start to go wrong? Leave It To Beaver. All that namby-pamby “It’s okay, son, just promise you’ll never do it again,” “Gee wiz Dad, I’m sorry, I promise” horse puckey. The belt, Ward! The one with the horseshoe buckle! That’s how ya learn 'em! > [@ScareyFaerie](#): > > Why should I get off your lawn? 'Cos the Surgeon goddamn General says land mines is bad fer yer health. > [@LOUNE](#): > > You call that a lawn? > > It looks dying..and brown…and decrepid… > …just like the guy living in the house > > _d&r_ Ha! Shows what you know. That’s a lawn toupee. Underneath is naught but lush, green grass and flowers. And land mines. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2007, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cranky-old-malcontent/385983/65 "2007-01-03T18:48:44Z")
Well, if there are land mines by the good grass, doesn’t that mean that your good grass gets destroyed if tha land mines go off? I mean, wouldn’t it be simpler to let a kid across a corner of your lawn instead of turning your lawn into London after the Greater War? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cranky-old-malcontent/385983.md?page=3)