# Ask The Devil's Advocate **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2008, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157 "2008-07-11T17:21:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2008, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/21 "2008-07-12T03:25:32Z")
[QUOTE=Inigo Montoya] Himself wishes to advise you: Avs over Wings by 3 in 2009 for the mug. The only river that matters to Holik, Rolston or Gomez for that matter…is Styx [/QUOTE] After I mentioned this to my wife, she said, “Tell him to go to Hell!” Of course, I stuck up for you and said, "Honey, he _lives_ there. . . it’s called ‘Staten Island’. Tripler Yes, Staten Island is hell. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2008, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/22 "2008-07-12T18:04:14Z")
When people “play Devil’s Advocate” are they required to pay you a royalty? If so, what’s the standard rate? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2008, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/23 "2008-07-12T19:14:22Z")
What ever happened to Walt Disney? ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2008, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/24 "2008-07-12T22:06:52Z")
Does Al Pacino help you out at all…ever? ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/25 "2008-07-13T06:01:49Z")
Can YOUR guy make a Burrito so hot that he himself cannot eat it? Or I suppose for a more fully alternative, can The Devil make a slushie so cold and delicious that even HE could get brainfreeze from drinking it too quickly? ---
**Author:** ![phil417](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6bbea6/32.png) [@phil417](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phil417)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/26 "2008-07-14T02:33:18Z")
So you claim you’re in charge. Why is your opponent’s book the all time best seller? Phil (no love here) ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/27 "2008-07-14T03:43:15Z")
So, Devil’s Advocate then, ok here’s my question: Meh, how bad could it be? ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/28 "2008-07-14T03:44:52Z")
Do YOU have an advocate? If so, what’s HE do? ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/29 "2008-07-14T06:00:03Z")
Is it true that when bad people in Hell die, they are sent to Gary, Indiana? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/30 "2008-07-14T08:47:08Z")
[QUOTE=Randy Seltzer] Does the devil allow any percentage of hours to be devoted to pro bono work? [/QUOTE] Wouldn’t that be pro malo work? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/31 "2008-07-14T14:10:24Z")
**RoOsh & Boyo Jim** Master is not omnipotent, just evil. He did, one time make a quiche that was so bad He Himself could not eat it. He ended up serving it to Walt Disney. > [@Blondebear](#): > > How much does Devil Advocacy pay these days? How do you get the job? When you first hire on, is there a probationary period? If you’re asking oblique questions about the wages of sin then I am afraid I must inform you that discussion of pay & benefits is strictly forbidden. Bad for morale and all. > [@Randy Seltzer](#): > > To piggyback: did you do a second year summer associateship with the devil? How many billable hours per year does the devil require? Does the devil allow any percentage of hours to be devoted to pro bono work? Does the devil have offices outside of Hell? I assume the devil has organized as an LLP, is that correct? How is the devil’s softball record against other firms? No. Infinity. The Devil gives nothing for free. Staten Island-all of it. I am not allowed to divulge proprietary information about the construction or organization of Hell, the truly curious will one day discover the answers. Our softball team is not the best. First of all, nobody can beat God because He’s alters the laws of physics to favor Him during the game. He says this is not true, but as everything he says is Truth, it’s pretty hard to convince the ump that He is cheating. About the only joy in playing God’s team is watching Jesus strike out on curve balls. There is good talent in Hell, unfortunately Master eats the players along with anyone else so we are plagued with high turnover. > [@42fish](#): > > When people “play Devil’s Advocate” are they required to pay you a royalty? If so, what’s the standard rate? No, but I have picked up a few good pointers even from mortals. A true professional is always open to new ideas. > [@Chowder](#): > > Does Al Pacino help you out at all…ever? Al does a lot of my work for me by specializing in outwardly sinful characters with sincere human motivations. He is an excellent example of casting doubt on the absoluteness of truth and judgement. > [@SSG SCHWARTZ](#): > > babygirl has recently had surgery for a herniated disk in her neck. I have been the good husband and tried to take care of her and still excel at my job. This combination leaves me tired, but I do it because I love her and I know that by successfully managing both, I will be better able to provide for us both. I really believe that I am doing the right thing, but there is never enough me time. While selfless service is admirable it is usually a thankless task which drains the performer of any sense of identity. He simply becomes, “The Helper.” Once he loses his identity, he becomes useless as a human being and viscerally unattractive to those who once loved him. Take some “me” time. Indulge your deepest desires and make sure you never lose your grip on who you are. Nobody will thank you for depriving them of “you.” > [@phil417](#): > > So you claim you’re in charge. Why is your opponent’s book the all time best seller? When did I or my Master ever claim to be in charge of anything apart from The Abyss and the souls entrusted to our organization by their “loving and beneficent” Creator? As for best sellers, all great works lose some meaning in translation. The Creator inspired great love and desire in a number of authors. Master took care of overseeing the actual scribe work, subsequent revisions by political figures and religious hacks, etc. The Word is indeed pure and good and reflective of The Creator’s intent. However The Word never translated well into print. Who, then is the true author of the best seller? ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/32 "2008-07-14T14:44:48Z")
> [@](#): > > About the only joy in playing God’s team is watching Jesus strike out on curve balls. Are you saying Jesus Christ can’t hit a curve ball? ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/33 "2008-07-14T14:58:49Z")
[QUOTE=Sigmagirl] Are you saying Jesus Christ can’t hit a curve ball? [/QUOTE] Haven’t you ever seen Major League? You need Jobu on your side to hit curve balls. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/34 "2008-07-14T15:07:12Z")
(psst…I think she was _quoting_ Major League) ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/35 "2008-07-14T16:10:08Z")
Fuck you, Jobu. I do it myself. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/36 "2008-07-14T16:30:59Z")
What’s with the horns and pitchfork thing? Did he lose a bet or something? Is it always Hallowe’en in Hell? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/37 "2008-07-14T20:30:08Z")
C’mon, YOU’RE Dick Cheney, aren’y you? ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/38 "2008-07-14T20:53:59Z")
So, is the answer really 42? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/39 "2008-07-14T20:59:45Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] C’mon, YOU’RE Dick Cheney, aren’y you? [/QUOTE] No, his _Boss_ is Dick Cheney. Something about a corporate buy out, or maybe it was a preemptive strike. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/40 "2009-06-25T19:06:34Z")
I apologise for my protracted absence. Master commanded my service in arranging the afterlife rewards for a slough of jihad martyrs and I had an inconceivable task locating the requisite number of Virginians to “bless” them with. **DMark** : Is it true that when bad people in Hell die, they are sent to Gary, Indiana? **Ro0sh** : Do YOU have an advocate? If so, what’s HE do? **nd\_n8** : Meh, how bad could it be? **Really Not All That Bright** : What’s with the horns and pitchfork thing? Did he lose a bet or something? Is it always Hallowe’en in Hell? **Boyo Jim** : C’mon, YOU’RE Dick Cheney, aren’y you? **Pleonast** : So, is the answer really 42? **OP** : “for subjects of morality to which you feel there is no viable counter-argument that would validate them as in fact moral, please post them here and I will answer on behalf of His Most Unholiness.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157.md?page=3)