# Ask The Devil's Advocate **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2008, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157 "2008-07-11T17:21:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/41 "2009-06-25T20:34:32Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > **OP** : “for subjects of morality to which you feel there is no viable counter-argument that would validate them as in fact moral, please post them here and I will answer on behalf of His Most Unholiness.” They let Lou Dobbs be on TV? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/42 "2009-06-25T20:41:43Z")
What’s your boss’ position on zombies? Are they just trying to escape eternal damnation, or did he send them back? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/43 "2009-06-25T20:53:07Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > What’s your boss’ position on zombies? Are they just trying to escape eternal damnation, or did he send them back? You’re really not all that bright are you? Where’s the moral dilemma with zombies? Whether Haitian, viral or corpses animated with chemical infusions(Lovecraftian) or magic they are all non-sentient and as such are non-evil and so non-damned. It helps if you think of a zombie as a treadmill with no rollers: It’s useless for its intended purpose, but someone can still wrap you up in the tread belt and beat you silly with a club, ergo broken treadmills can still be dangerous just as non-sentient human flesh can be dangerous. Don’t even get me going on trebuchets and plague-infested corpses…whew! I’ll be in mah bunk! ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/44 "2009-06-25T20:59:18Z")
Why couldn’t the devil himself be here? Why is he always (and I mean _always_) sending a proxy? ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/45 "2009-06-25T21:16:26Z")
Does The Holy Ghost hit the curveball? And does THG hit in front of Jesus in the line-up? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/46 "2009-06-25T21:16:30Z")
> [@bup](#): > > Why couldn’t the devil himself be here? Why is he always (and I mean _always_) sending a proxy? Let me a’splain. No. Is too complicated, let me sum up. or at least paraphrase Douglas Adams: The Creator depends upon faith to sustain his existence. The Creator is omnipotent and timeless. As the most powerful of His servant creations, The Devil’s direct appearance in a public forum would be tantamount to direct proof of the existence of The Creator Himself. Direct proof confirms existence which eliminates faith which eliminates The Creator which, as He is an omnipotent and timeless being responsible for the creation of the universe, back-date eliminates the creation of the Universe while simultaneously voiding its rather considerable warranty. So in answer to your question, A Devil DID once appear and all of that actually happened. The Creator told me so. I was skeptical but He assured me that He was omniscient and that I should take His Word for it. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/47 "2009-06-25T21:20:07Z")
> [@Wargamer](#): > > Does The Holy Ghost hit the curveball? And does THG hit in front of Jesus in the line-up? The Holy Ghost refuses to allow the existence of anything as deceptive as a curve ball. Unfortunately for Jesus, THG bats at the same time as Jesus as they are 2 of The Trinity. Incidentally, God refuses to bat as part of The Trinity because of the curve ball issue. They all insist that they are one, and yet three, so when they strike out…well, you see where this is headed. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/48 "2009-06-25T21:21:03Z")
Mr. Devil sir, I have a proclamation for you: **Oreo cookies are milk’s favorite cookie!** What say you? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/49 "2009-06-25T21:23:47Z")
I concur. And I will add that Milk is the Oreo’s favorite dunking substrate. Yes, substrate. The cookie acts directly on the milk, making it much more enjoyable and necessary. The milk that is. As well as the cookie. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/50 "2009-06-25T21:35:06Z")
Does this mean you will be tormenting me for all eternity after I pass? Simply because I love Oreos and milk? ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/51 "2009-06-25T21:38:06Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Hello friends. I have been sent to you by The Devil Himself to advocate his position on topics of your choosing. Because you were created by God, you all naturally have a tendency to view situations through His own morality. My Master wishes to have it better understood among you that, while The Creator’s morality certainly has a well-deserved place in your world, it is by no means the only effective system of judgement. > > So please, for subjects of morality to which you feel there is no viable counter-argument that would validate them as in fact moral, please post them here and I will answer on behalf of His Most Unholiness. If I take a while to answer some of your querries it will be bcause I had to go to hell to as The Devil Himself his position on the matter. 'Sup? ---
**Author:** ![Sundrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sundrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sundrop)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/52 "2009-06-25T23:07:37Z")
Is dook (commonly mis-spelled Duke) University head basketball coach, Mike K. the Devil himself? His younger brother? Or merely one of himself’s many bastard offspring? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/53 "2009-06-26T02:24:11Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > I was skeptical but He assured me that He was omniscient and that I should take His Word for it. Circular argument! ---
**Author:** ![horsetech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dec6dc/32.png) [@horsetech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/horsetech)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/54 "2009-06-26T06:35:12Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > The Holy Ghost refuses to allow the existence of anything as deceptive as a curve ball. Unfortunately for Jesus, THG bats at the same time as Jesus as they are 2 of The Trinity. Incidentally, God refuses to bat as part of The Trinity because of the curve ball issue. They all insist that they are one, and yet three, so when they strike out…well, you see where this is headed. So, really, you only need one pitch to end the inning, no? One strike each and one out each? I’m also guessing that The Trinity goes for risers more than sinkers. What happened the last time they played football? Were they able to pull off the Hail Mary pass? ---
**Author:** ![VanillaGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f9ae1b/32.png) [@VanillaGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VanillaGorilla)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/55 "2009-06-26T09:16:32Z")
If I use a time machine to go back in time and have sex with myself, is that gay? In any case, is it “wrong”? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157/56 "2009-06-26T14:06:33Z")
> [@Etumretniw](#): > > If I use a time machine to go back in time and have sex with myself, is that gay? > In any case, is it “wrong”? Hmmm, well tell me what you conscience says and I’ll justify the opposite, ok? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-devils-advocate/456157.md?page=2)