# Ask the Doper with herpes. (TMI probable) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 3, 2011, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-doper-with-herpes-tmi-probable/580549 "2011-05-03T05:41:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-doper-with-herpes-tmi-probable/580549/41 "2011-05-06T01:40:53Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > My name is Isamu and I have herpes. > > My wife gave it to me in our first year of marriage. I said “Hey, you gave me herpes!” and she said “Grow up. Everyone has herpes”. (apparently it’s very common in Japan?) > > After the initial outbreak on my lower lip (one sore) I’ve only had one recurrence - again, lower lip, one sore. The second time I could tell it was coming by the tingling sensation and I immediately spread the anti-viral cream on it even before the sore showed, and the early application seemed to help in reducing the size and duration of the outbreak. Aaaah, all this is really freakin’ me out. My GF has oral herpes (She is Japanese as well and told me it’s really no big deal so quit freaking about it). She only rarely has outbreaks, in fact only once since we started dating, and we would just avoid kissing during those/that time. I was totally cool with that. Now you tell me there is a chance I can get infected anyway, and it may even spread to my weiner? Aaaaahhh!!! I realize I am being immature and insensitive about this, but for some reason it squeeks me out. I’m not about to dump my GF or anything, but I can’t say this is the best news I’ve heard. What are the chances that I already have the virus and I’m just supressing it? What are the chances I’lll get infected? What are the chances I’ll get it in either location. Dammit I need numbers! In any case, should I get tested? ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-doper-with-herpes-tmi-probable/580549/42 "2011-05-06T02:19:56Z")
You’re without symptoms, and you’re taking reasonable precautions. If she’s had HSV since she was a kid (likely), her immune system probably has it under control. You could: - get regular tests so you feel better - ask her to take a daily dose of Valtrex to prevent infection - continue what you’re doing ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-doper-with-herpes-tmi-probable/580549/43 "2011-05-06T02:30:32Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Aaaah, all this is really freakin’ me out. My GF has oral herpes (She is Japanese as well and told me it’s really no big deal so quit freaking about it). She only rarely has outbreaks, in fact only once since we started dating, and we would just avoid kissing during those/that time. I was totally cool with that. Now you tell me there is a chance I can get infected anyway, and it may even spread to my weiner? Aaaaahhh!!! I realize I am being immature and insensitive about this, but for some reason it squeeks me out. I’m not about to dump my GF or anything, but I can’t say this is the best news I’ve heard. > > What are the chances that I already have the virus and I’m just supressing it? What are the chances I’lll get infected? What are the chances I’ll get it in either location. Dammit I need numbers! In any case, should I get tested? You see all those people on the street wearing masks? They might tell you they have a cold, or hayfever. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. Maybe they have a herpes outbreak. Herpes is not pleasant but it’s not the end of the world either. If you stay with your girlfriend be prepared for the likely result that you’ll get it too. I don’t know the numbers on oral versus genital herpes, but I’ve never had a genital sore, if that’s any consolation. Keep your immune system in good order is the only advice I can give. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-doper-with-herpes-tmi-probable/580549/44 "2011-05-06T12:58:52Z")
I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t show the proper empathy and respect for this disease when first confronted by it. Several years ago, a 19-year-old friend of mine was struggling with her decision whether or not to have sex with her then-boyfriend. She came to me for advice and having grown up in the '70’s I said, “Why not?”. She had sex with him, her first time, and was infected. Later she came to me to tell me she was infected with the virus. Out of sheer ignorance, I responded by saying, “So what’s the big deal?” Now that I’m learning more about this disease, I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I was so glib when she shared her diagnosis with me. We’ve since lost touch with each other but I did hear through the grapevine that she had recently gotten married but that she had remained single for around 20 years after she was infected. After reading this thread, I owe her an apology. Thanks, Phouka. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-doper-with-herpes-tmi-probable/580549/45 "2011-05-06T19:55:06Z")
You’re very welcome, **Ruby** , and thank you for being strong enough to look back at those memories and decide to make things better. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-doper-with-herpes-tmi-probable/580549.md?page=2)