# Ask the emu! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 1, 2005, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850 "2005-02-01T21:00:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/41 "2005-02-02T01:39:11Z")
will you be able to tell us the weather for the next 6 weeks? have you seen your shadow? ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/42 "2005-02-02T01:44:23Z")
Since [Eastern Michigan University’s](http://www.emich.edu/goeagles/w-bball/index.html) initials are EMU, don’t you think the athletic teams should call themselves Emus instead of Eagles? Incidentally, I’ve pronounced “emu” correctly since I learned the word in social studies class in second grade. One chapter of the book _Communities at Home and Abroad_ was about the Australian aborigines. Since you’re apparently posting from Ontario, were you born in Canada, or captured from “The Land Down Under” as a chick? ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/43 "2005-02-02T01:47:19Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > (Except for Phil. He still owes me $20 for that six-pack of Coors, that bastard.) Why do emus get overcharged for beer? ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/44 "2005-02-02T01:54:35Z")
I’ve heard that emus are unlike all other animals in that they are really out to trick humans. They are capable of speech (as seeb here–we are talking to you) and very advanced technology. They are running a secret underground project, which is actually based on the moon, the quietly alter things to their advantage, so that when the time is right they can take us lowly humans by surprise and become the new ruling species of the planter Earth. Which brings me to my question: When can we look forward to welcoming our emu overlords? ---
**Author:** ![PastAllReason](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@PastAllReason](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastAllReason)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/45 "2005-02-02T02:04:12Z")
Have you ever been an emu in a muumuu? ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/46 "2005-02-02T02:50:14Z")
Are you an African or European emu? ---
**Author:** ![Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonzo_John_Blitz)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/47 "2005-02-02T04:33:53Z")
I have been waiting for this opportunity ever since I lost my mind. So, a few questions: 1. Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party? 2. Do you even go to parties? If so, what kinds? Fondue? Fondon’t? 3. How much wood would a Woodchuck chuck if a Woodchuck would chuck you? 4. Why is a mouse when it spins? Thanks in advance for your Emulian insights. [sub]the bat goes _eeek_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/48 "2005-02-02T06:13:57Z")
> [@harmless](#): > > Do you go better with A1 or Heinz 57? I will offer an answer here. Since emus are considered to be fowl, the proper answer would be **cranberry sauce**. ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/49 "2005-02-02T12:07:26Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR, WRETCHED AND PULING AND FOUL MORTAL BEING. FEAR THE ALMIGHTY WRATH AND TERROR OF **EDGAR**!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: Bring it on, ratite. Bring it on. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/50 "2005-02-02T12:23:04Z")
::walks into thread bleary-eyed, wearing pajamas:: … ::yawns:: … ::looks at thread:: … Eeeee-myuuuuu, eh? Then perhaps you would care to tell me where my pants are? Oh, and no one but me is taking over the planet. Unless it’s all done between the hours of 5:00 AM, and 7:00 AM. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/51 "2005-02-02T16:56:37Z")
THE EMU IS BACK! _fanfare of trumpets, confetti, cheering crowds waving banners and signs, loud applause_ So many questions, so little time… > [@Voyager](#): > > Why does the emu bird lay its egg in the air? > > Are you related to the epi and etheta? The emu bird lays its eggs in the air because it is perpetually drunk on the beer it steals from us (see question below). Luckily, scrambled emu bird eggs with red peppers, onions, mushrooms, bay leaves and a dash of cayenne make a smashing omelette. Why, yes! The epi is my first cousin’s eldest daughter’s uncle’s father’s great-aunt’s third cousin’s nephew’s sister, and the epitheta is my brother’s mother’s step-sister’s fifteenth cousin’s grandfather’s aunt’s father’s niece. It’s simple, really. > [@rocking chair](#): > > will you be able to tell us the weather for the next 6 weeks? have you seen your shadow? I can tell you that it will either rain, hail, snow, thunder, drizzle, be cold, be hot, be sunny, be windy, be foggy, or be mild the next few weeks. And emus don’t _have_ shadows, it’s the same reason why a duck’s quack doesn’t echo. Look inside yourself for the great karmic nirvana bliss, and you will hear the duck’s quack echoing and see the emu’s shadow. It is one of the eighteen great revelations of the Emu of the Universe. > [@Sternvogel](#): > > Since Eastern Michigan University’s initials are EMU, don’t you think the athletic teams should call themselves Emus instead of Eagles? > > Incidentally, I’ve pronounced “emu” correctly since I learned the word in social studies class in second grade. One chapter of the book Communities at Home and Abroad was about the Australian aborigines. Since you’re apparently posting from Ontario, were you born in Canada, or captured from “The Land Down Under” as a chick? Eastern Michigan University is not worthy to be associated with the Great and Almighty Emu. Those petty fools have offended us, and they will _pay_. It all started on a dark and stormy night… _pulls up a chair_ > [@LilyoftheValley](#): > > Why do emus get overcharged for beer? Because those damn emu birds always steal the beer, and nobody can tell the difference between an emu bird and an emu. Damn emu birds. Crispy fried emu bird for the next barbecue, roasted over a spit… > [@Jayn\_Newell](#): > > Which brings me to my question: When can we look forward to welcoming our emu overlords? You are wise and most wondrous, my child! Our coming will be soon, in the next… twenty-three minutes and fourteen seconds, and when we have dominated the earth, we will make you Supreme High Chancellor of Everything And All. > [@PastAllReason](#): > > Have you ever been an emu in a muumuu? Of course, darling! Who wouldn’t look absolutely faaahbulous in [this](http://www.lavahut.com/cotmuu-red.jpg)? > [@dogbutler](#): > > Are you an African or European emu? I don’t know! I–I–aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! _falls off the Bridge of Deathl_ > [@Alonso John Blitz](#): > > 1. Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party? > 2. Do you even go to parties? If so, what kinds? Fondue? Fondon’t? > 3. How much wood would a Woodchuck chuck if a Woodchuck would chuck you? > 4. Why is a mouse when it spins? 1. Never! We have aligned ourselves with a much, much more insidious and powerful evil… I, for one, am a close and very personal advisor and councillor to [this man](http://www.iowapresidentialwatch.com/wannabes/Bush/300-p25695-23.jpg)! 2. Of course I go to parties. I wear my white John Travolta suit from Saturday Night Fever and boogie, jive, and shake my booty all night. Yeah, baby. 3. Chuck the Woodchuck says that he would chuck wood at me if Chuck the Woodchuck chucked wood. But he doesn’t. Have you ever seen Scottish saber tossing? That’s what Chuck does. Chuck gets reaaaally tired of being asked if he chucks wood, so he chucks sabers now. 4. A mouse is a mouse is a mouse, and it spins because it spins. Why? > [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > Eeeee-myuuuuu, eh? Then perhaps you would care to tell me where my pants are? On your head. And why are you wearing ladies’ underwear? ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/52 "2005-02-02T17:01:35Z")
So, can you really make it possible for me to play my favorite C64 titles on my laptop? ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/53 "2005-02-02T17:14:00Z")
> [@Tapioca Dextrin](#): > > Were you sad when your [partner](http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/uk/newsid_298000/298817.stm) died? I wasn’t aware that men “fell off the roof”. If one did though I would imagine _he’d just die!_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/54 "2005-02-02T17:16:56Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > So, can you really make it possible for me to play my favorite C64 titles on my laptop? Why, yes! Abracadabra-alakazaam-zzzing-kapow-kablam-ramalamadingdong-kablooie-shazamm! Now the power of the C64 is yours! ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/55 "2005-02-02T17:46:46Z")
Sheesh. Now that my wish has been granted, I can’t think of a single thing to ask you, except: How _you_ doin’? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/56 "2005-02-02T17:47:02Z")
How do you get emu [oil](http://www.iherb.com/iherb/emuoil.html) ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/57 "2005-02-02T17:56:22Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > How _you_ doin’? (I was wondering when you’d get to this thread! _blows a kiss_ 😉 ) > [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > How do you get emu oil? You milk the posterior glands of the emu and boil the pus for twenty minutes with hair of the emu (after you shave it, of course), and then mix it with unicorn dust from the Invisible Pink Unicorn and liquify it with Og’s special brew. I’ve heard it cures the common cold! ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/58 "2005-02-03T00:20:00Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > (I was wondering when you’d get to this thread! _blows a kiss_ 😉 ) Oooooh! Emu kisses! _swoon_ ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/59 "2005-02-03T03:52:25Z")
Do you know Lloyd? ---
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850/60 "2005-02-03T15:39:49Z")
So. What are the seventeen other great revelations of the Emu of the Universe? Who was that chick I saw you with last night? And aren’t you worried about being brought up on a statutory charge? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-emu/287850.md?page=4)