# Ask the Evil Overlord **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2000, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246 "2000-07-11T21:35:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/1 "2000-07-11T21:35:56Z")
As a supervillain, I know how hard it can be to navigate the twists and turns of Global Conquest. In the interests of being helpful, and getting more Supervillains to distract my foes from ‘Project Ravana’, I’ve decided to share my wisdom. You can ask any question about Evil Overlord Psychology, Methods, and nearly any other aspect of the buisness. I take no responsibility for the purpose you put the knowledge to. For practical reasons, I won’t give out technical data on traps, devices, or specific information about my plans. Ask away. ---
**Author:** ![surel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@surel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/surel)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/2 "2000-07-11T22:45:04Z")
Are you my father? Are you my illegitimate half-sibling? Are you my step-mother? Will you force females to be scantily clad? Do you have trouble finding good minions/henchmen? Where do you get yours from? ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/3 "2000-07-11T22:53:39Z")
Will you remember to kill the hero outright? Can you keep your secret plan secret? Do you rule by fear? Or by pretending to be kind? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/4 "2000-07-11T22:54:16Z")
Where do you find the **very desirable** real estate that supervillians always seem to use? 😕 You know… underground bases, domed underwater cities, lost civilizations of advanced nature that are eager to be your willing dupes, orbital space stations, mountains shaped like skulls that you can fly airplanes in & out of. Like that. What do you do with the old ones? And, are they rent controled? ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/5 "2000-07-12T00:24:18Z")
Forget the real estate - what do you do with the luscious babes (that your power and money seems to attract so well) when you tire of them?? And what’s it worth to have you send 'em my way? ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/6 "2000-07-12T00:35:26Z")
Ah, a rival, huh? Well then, here’s my question: Are you aware that resistance against the Muffin invasion is futile? ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/7 "2000-07-12T00:36:05Z")
What’s your advice for dealing with children? Spanking or no? Omlettes, Ham or tomatoes? Sandals, socks or no socks? Coke or Pepsi? What do you use for getting rid of blood stains? What about soap scum? ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/8 "2000-07-12T01:19:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by surel \* > \*\*Are you my father? \*\* No, I have no children on this message board > [@](#): > > \*\*Are you my illegitimate half-sibling? \*\* No, I am not your half-sibling, nor am I illegitimate. > [@](#): > > \*\*Are you my step-mother? \*\* No, I will never be a step-mother. Maybe step-FATHER, someday. > [@](#): > > \*\*Will you force females to be scantily clad? \*\* No. Not that I would mind… > [@](#): > > \*\*Do you have trouble finding good minions/henchmen? Where do you get yours from? \*\* I used to have great trouble finding minions, then I discovered Necromancy. Now I just cast my spells and the unhallowed dead arise to serve me. I’m training them to build robots. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/9 "2000-07-12T01:24:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dogsbody \* > \*\*Will you remember to kill the hero outright?? \*\* Whenever I think of sparing the fools, I just remind myself of 007. Then I incinerate the corpse. > [@](#): > > \*\*Can you keep your secret plan secret?? \*\* It’s actually very easy, if I even mention the first phase my enemies turn pale and beg me to stop. > [@](#): > > \*\*Do you rule by fear? Or by pretending to be kind? \*\* I prefer to be kind, but it is never too late to sow fear. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/10 "2000-07-12T01:32:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*Where do you find the **very desirable** real estate that supervillians always seem to use? 😕 > > You know… underground bases, domed underwater cities, > lost civilizations of advanced nature that are eager to be your willing dupes, orbital space stations, mountains shaped like skulls that you can fly airplanes in & out of. Like that. > > What do you do with the old ones? > > And, are they rent controled? \*\* **I WISH.** I’ve gone from caves to ruined towers to hotels. The only good places I’ve had are the ones I’ve built. Generally the old ones get destroyed, but occasionally I give one to a valued servant. The only really good place I’ve ever found was the Lost City, but the only native was a slime monster. You’ve never seen so many tentacles. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/11 "2000-07-12T01:35:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dpr \* > \*\*Forget the real estate - what do you do with the luscious babes (that your power and money seems to attract so well) when you tire of them?? > > And what’s it worth to have you send 'em my way? \*\* I train them to be my assassins. And I would be quite happy to send you some ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/12 "2000-07-12T01:37:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FreakFreely \* > \*\*Are you aware that resistance against the Muffin invasion is futile? \*\* What kind of Muffins are they? ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/13 "2000-07-12T01:45:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kvallulf \* > \*\*What’s your advice for dealing with children? Spanking or no?? \*\* Responsible spanking is a proven methed of disipline, it kept me well-behaved. > [@](#): > > \*\*Omlettes, Ham or tomatoes?? \*\* Omlettes. Chesse omlettes with a bit of meat and some toast, that’s my kind of breakfast. > [@](#): > > \*\*Sandals, socks or no socks?? \*\* Sandals. > [@](#): > > \*\*Coke or Pepsi?? \*\* Coke. > [@](#): > > \*\*What do you use for getting rid of blood stains? What about soap scum? \*\* Soap and water, mostly water. Be ready to spend a few hours scrubbing, or get a zombie to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/14 "2000-07-12T01:49:12Z")
Why is it that most of your brethren feel the need to divulge all pertinant data as to how the evil doomsday device works, and the exact location of the self destruct button for said device? Also, why the need for clues to super heroes? ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/15 "2000-07-12T01:57:33Z")
I don’t know. My guess is that they like to boast, probably out of a need for praise. I add a self-destruct as a safty measure, but only I know how to activate it. I believe it is far more practical to kill the sap, or lie and trick him into doing my work for me. Of course my brethren seem to lack anything resembling common sense. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/16 "2000-07-12T01:59:51Z")
The Muffins, from the planet Muffin. What other kind of Muffin would be invading? Invasion Muffins? Yeah right. Those guys have been exstinct since… well… since we made them extinct. So just don’t cross us, and you’ll do fine. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/17 "2000-07-12T02:06:42Z")
I was hoping for blueberry. Oh well, let’s be sporting: whoever conquers Earth and Mars first gets this solar system. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/18 "2000-07-12T02:29:36Z")
Any relation to Lord Voldemort, George Steinbrenner or Bill Gates? How about Moammar Ghadafy? Idi Amin? The Grinch? ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/19 "2000-07-12T02:36:15Z")
I am not related to any of those people. I’ve only even met one of them; and if I ever see the Grinch again he’ll curse the day he stole my Christmas Tree! ---
**Author:** ![Bluepony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2000, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/20 "2000-07-12T04:01:46Z")
Are you responsible for the incredibly awful marksmanship training given to all Imperial Stormtroopers, evil James Bond villain minions, and Wile E. Coyote? Why does hi-tech seldom equate to competance? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246.md?page=2)