# Ask the Evil Overlord **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2000, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246 "2000-07-11T21:35:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2000, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/41 "2000-07-13T16:50:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kat \* > \*\*Do superheroes/heroines and supervillians/villianesses get their suits from the same suppliers? \*\* Generally they simply buy the fabric and make their own costumes. > [@](#): > > \*\*How come superheroines are more likely to be sidekicks or knockoffs than villainesses are (e.g. Supergirl, Batgirl)? \*\* Uncreative writers > [@](#): > > \*\*Why did I originally typo Batgirl as “Bargirl”? \*\* Sorry, my bad. A minor weapons test will be affecting everyone’s spelling for a bit. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2000, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/42 "2000-07-13T16:59:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*\*Originally posted by ssskuggiii \* > Now to my question: let’s say I wanted to join the ranks of the female assassins. Where do I sign up? Is there a fee? Any physical requirements besides being a female? \*\* The requirements are: Fighting skills, Tracking skills, the ability to resist James Bond, and acting ability. A background in the Military, Acting, or Magic (real or stage) is preferred. Appearence is not important. There is no fee, but finding the local branch of the testind center is the first test. ---
**Author:** ![A\_girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@A\_girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_girl)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2000, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/43 "2000-07-13T18:23:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > The requirements are: Fighting skills, Tracking skills, the ability to resist James Bond, and acting ability. A background in the Military, Acting, or Magic (real or stage) is preferred. Appearence is not important. There is no fee, but finding the local branch of the testind center is the first test. \*\* Interesting. Your thread has indeed piqued my interest. I’ve felt for some time that I’ve been wasting my valuable talents working as a secret “girl Friday” for this mook called the Dark Knight. Maybe you’ve heard of him. Anyway, his goody-two shoes boy scout routine has become wearing, and lately I’ve found his “no-kill” policy to be quite a bit dull, to say the least. Your talk of zombies and magic… hmmm! I can finally put my knowledge of conjuring and satanic rituals to good use. I’m not interested in pay, really, just world travel and lots of adventures. Anyhoo, I’m off to the testing center. Ta! A girl ---
**Author:** ![The\_Raven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@The\_Raven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Raven)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2000, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/44 "2000-07-13T19:26:32Z")
(I knew my time would come someday…) Would those of us who assist in your eventual triumph over the forces of goodness be rewarded? Myself, I’d prefer just a nice governorship of some backwater Carribean island. Just basically rubberstamping all decisions, drinking, gambling, and supervising the public execution of anyone who disagrees with you. ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/45 "2000-07-13T19:54:52Z")
Dear Evil Overlord. I have found the following items in my basement. I figure you may find them usefull in the upcoming purge and by offering them to you I may be spared. WHich ones do you want? They are as follows: Chunk of Kryptonite Yellow Power Ring Lord Voldmort’s Yearbook A Box Labled “Various Pieces of Vecna” The One Ring A Big-Ass Drilling Machine A Bomb with a LED readout A Cerebro Mutant Detection Kit (pee on the stick, it it turns blue, you’re a mutie) and One Convenient Plot Device ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2000, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/46 "2000-07-13T21:29:17Z")
I highly recommend that you employ a small child on your staff of minions. Any weaknesses in your plan that he can spot should be remedied immediately. Perhaps Elian is available? Does your staff need a Biblical prostitute? You know, to tempt the hero with kinky foot-washings? Keep up the good work. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2000, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/47 "2000-07-13T23:13:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Raven \* > \*\*(I knew my time would come someday…) > > Would those of us who assist in your eventual triumph over the forces of goodness be rewarded? Myself, I’d prefer just a nice governorship of some backwater Carribean island. Just basically rubberstamping all decisions, drinking, gambling, and supervising the public execution of anyone who disagrees with you. \*\* Of course. After worthy minions and supporters, I’m picking people from this board to fill administrative posts. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2000, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/48 "2000-07-13T23:18:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Trion \* > \*\*Dear Evil Overlord. > > I have found the following items in my basement. I figure you may find them usefull in the upcoming purge and by offering them to you I may be spared. WHich ones do you want? > > They are as follows: > > Chunk of Kryptonite > Yellow Power Ring > Lord Voldmort’s Yearbook > A Box Labled “Various Pieces of Vecna” > The One Ring > A Big-Ass Drilling Machine > A Bomb with a LED readout > A Cerebro Mutant Detection Kit (pee on the stick, it it turns blue, you’re a mutie) > and One Convenient Plot Device > \*\* Hmmm… Well I’ll probably need the Kryptonite and Power Ring. I’ll take the One Ring and Box O’ Vecna to ensure that they aren’t used against me. And I always take Plot Devices. You can be the Drilling Machine Operator. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2000, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/49 "2000-07-13T23:23:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by magdalene \* > **I highly recommend that you employ a small child on your staff of minions. Any weaknesses in your plan that he can spot should be remedied immediately. Perhaps Elian is available?** Actually my niece fills that post. > [@](#): > > \*\* Does your staff need a Biblical prostitute? You know, to tempt the hero with kinky foot-washings?\*\* Your offer is tempting, but I’m not sure it will be the Hero you meet. > [@](#): > > \*\* Keep up the good work. \*\* Good? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/50 "2000-07-14T01:27:04Z")
When you Villians talk about achieving “Total World Domination”, does this require black leather/PVC vinyl outfits? Whips? Handcuffs? Ayesha? What do you think of my sig line? (An **actual** quote, yet!) Will you be adhering to LBJ’s policies in regard to one-eyed, cyclopean, mother-in-laws? ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/51 "2000-07-14T02:08:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*When you Villians talk about achieving “Total World Domination”, does this require black leather/PVC vinyl outfits? Whips? Handcuffs? Ayesha? > > Although there are a few exceptions, whenever Supervillains refer to Domination they mean it in the sense of forcing others to swear oaths of loyalty on pain of death, not what you are implying. > > What do you think of my sig line? (An **actual** quote, yet!) Will you be adhering to LBJ’s policies in regard to one-eyed, cyclopean, mother-in-laws? \*\* I find your sig line amusing, and if I end up with a cyclopean mother-in-law I will do my best to never see her in person, let alone have her in the house. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/52 "2000-07-14T06:00:44Z")
What about your twin brother? Surely every self-respecting Evil overlord has an identical twin brother. Identical except for the fact he is good looking and nice and charming and gets to have a chaste reltionship with either Carrie Fisher or Geena Davis. Don’t you remember being seperated at birth and the other twin being whisked off to grow up with a poor illiterate peasent, where he learnt witty repartee and expert swordplay. And don’t forget to employ a five year old child to point out the really obvious flaw in your masterplan. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/53 "2000-07-14T06:08:39Z")
If you do get your hands on a big bomb with an LED reaout, rig it up to explode at about 6 minutes. That should surprise a few people. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/54 "2000-07-14T12:36:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Colin Wilkinson \* > **What about your twin brother? Surely every self-respecting Evil overlord has an identical twin brother. Identical except for the fact he is good looking and nice and charming and gets to have a chaste reltionship with either Carrie Fisher or Geena Davis. > Don’t you remember being seperated at birth and the other twin being whisked off to grow up with a poor illiterate peasent, where he learnt witty repartee and expert swordplay.** I don’t remember being seperated at birth, but if what you’re saying is true then that explains… Excuse me for a moment, and I already covered the child thing. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/55 "2000-07-14T19:26:29Z")
Which would you prefer to come after you: the aging, jaded, experienced superhero or the young, idealistic, inexperienced superhero? Why? ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/56 "2000-07-14T19:40:16Z")
I would prefer the young, idealistic, inexperienced hero. He is easier to trick, easier to drive mad, and more likely to spare my minions. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/57 "2000-07-14T22:13:47Z")
What’s so evil about you, anyway? Literacy programs, interplanetary colonization, boiling Elian, I just don’t get it. What’s your favorite weapon of mass destruction? Sure, antimatter can be fun, but I personally find black holes to be SO much more effective. Any openings on your staff for a Relativistic Physicist who knows how to make stable, controllable black holes? ---
**Author:** ![wevets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9a140/32.png) [@wevets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wevets)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/58 "2000-07-14T22:39:48Z")
I was recently speaking to another Evil Overlord, and he was complaining that in the “new” economy, good help is hard to keep. His Grand High Executioner was hired away by [mp3.com](http://mp3.com) (I suspect those lawsuits will get settled right quick now) and his Minister of Nuclear Miscreancy left to work for Electronic Arts. Do you have trouble retaining talented personnel when they could be paid well in another industry? On a completely different note, do you have an opening for an Imperial Ecologist? I’ve liked the ring of that title ever since I read _Dune_. I don’t need much, just a snappy uniform with lots of gold braid and shiny medals. I’ll be an _evil_ Imperial Ecologist, of course, if the job requires it. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/59 "2000-07-14T22:57:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chronos \* > **What’s so evil about you, anyway? Literacy programs, interplanetary colonization, boiling Elian, I just don’t get it.** Well the executions and assassinations are what convince most people. And raising the dead. I’ve seen the WORST reactions ever to that one. > [@](#): > > \*\* What’s your favorite weapon of mass destruction? Sure, antimatter can be fun, but I personally find black holes to be SO much more effective.\*\* My favorite, hands down, is the Psychofraculator. I just had to get one after watching ‘Mystery Men’. It’s destructive AND entertaining. > [@](#): > > \*\* Any openings on your staff for a Relativistic Physicist who knows how to make stable, controllable black holes? \*\* I’ll put it under consideration, but Black Holes are so… final. No land to claim, no minions to subjugate, no dead to raise. They’re too tidy for my tastes. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246/60 "2000-07-14T23:02:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wevets \* > \*\*I was recently speaking to another Evil Overlord, and he was complaining that in the “new” economy, good help is hard to keep. His Grand High Executioner was hired away by [mp3.com](http://mp3.com) (I suspect those lawsuits will get settled right quick now) and his Minister of Nuclear Miscreancy left to work for Electronic Arts. Do you have trouble retaining talented personnel when they could be paid well in another industry? \*\* Not really. The Undead and Robots only obey me, and the rest are in it for fun or a place in the coming order. > [@](#): > > \*\*On a completely different note, do you have an opening for an Imperial Ecologist? I’ve liked the ring of that title ever since I read _Dune_. I don’t need much, just a snappy uniform with lots of gold braid and shiny medals. I’ll be an _evil_ Imperial Ecologist, of course, if the job requires it. \*\* Hmmm… How soon can you be packed? Mars is proving difficult to terraform. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-overlord/25246.md?page=4)