# Ask the evil villain who is about to kill you once and for all! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 10, 2003, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395 "2003-11-10T14:40:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/1 "2003-11-10T14:40:47Z")
Ha! So! You thought you could stop me, did you? Little did you realize that I had planned for every contingency, including the small jetpack hidden in your watch! Yes, your do-gooding days are over, do-gooder! Guards! Prepare the poorly-designed death trap which will shortly be entertaining our guest! So, then. While my poorly-trained minions are preparing the device which will end you once and for all, do you have any last questions? Speak, fool! ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/2 "2003-11-10T14:43:58Z")
What’s that behind you? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/3 "2003-11-10T14:45:01Z")
It’s my 1920’s style ‘death ray.’ I picked it up at the supervillain antique sale last month. Insolent fool! ---
**Author:** ![Tusculan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Tusculan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tusculan)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/4 "2003-11-10T14:46:25Z")
Will it hurt? What’s your mission? ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/5 "2003-11-10T14:47:14Z")
You forgot about my sidekick again, didn’t you? [sub]Jeez, don’t you remember last week’s episode at all?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/6 "2003-11-10T14:48:12Z")
You were bullied as a child, weren’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/7 "2003-11-10T14:53:32Z")
**Tuscalan** - Scoudrel! Of course it will hurt! You have thwarted my plans for world domination one time too many! The World Government will now have no choice but to bow to my demands, or I will cover the entire planet in a massive sheet of aluminum foil! **Atreyu** - Fool! So you think! But your sidekick is being entertained by my scantily-clad amazon vixens of death! **Bosda** - … **SILENCE!** ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/8 "2003-11-10T14:56:33Z")
Your shoes are untied. And wipe your mouth. Does your mom know what you’re doing right now? ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/9 "2003-11-10T14:57:58Z")
We not all that different, you and I. And do you know why? Because we are brothers! You are not alone in the world. Can’t we put all this aside and reconcile? ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/10 "2003-11-10T15:02:23Z")
Don’t kill me yet, I may want to change sides. How much are you paying? What are the co-workers like? How’s the medical plan? Do you have an employer’s match in the 401(k) plan? Eh, never mind the money. I’m willing to change sides just for a share of the hot babes in tight outfits. On the third hand, I’d need enough of an income to afford the tight outfits for the hot babes. So the money is important, after all. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/11 "2003-11-10T15:03:48Z")
Can’t we just sacrafice a virgin and be done with it? **misstee** , ever so glad she is not a virgin\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b38774/32.png) [@Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hot_Buttered_Toast)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/12 "2003-11-10T15:09:41Z")
Would you please allow me to do a very insignificant action, such as…um, putting on this amulet here? It can’t possibly affect anything, right? ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/13 "2003-11-10T15:24:28Z")
(Aside to **Hot Buttered Toast** ) Are you _sure_ that’s the amulet of Life Saving and not the amulet of Strangulation? I keep forgetting which amulet shape has which property. Maybe next game I’ll have more identify scrolls… ---
**Author:** ![Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b38774/32.png) [@Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hot_Buttered_Toast)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/14 "2003-11-10T15:27:58Z")
(aside to **Scuba\_Ben** ) Well, I have no idea, and I’m going to die anyway, so I figure it can’t hurt. Except in the sense of, you know, being strangled. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/15 "2003-11-10T15:37:40Z")
Do you expect me to talk, Johnny Bravo? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/16 "2003-11-10T15:49:10Z")
**Horseflesh** - My mother, killed by World Government forces in a poorly-executed raid all those years ago, would approve of my dastardly plot against those who wronged her! Infidel! **Biotop** - Never! Even were you truly my brother, which I know you are not, I would still flay you alive in the room of a thousand pains! **Scuba\_ben** - I’ll need five references and your work history. Fool! **Mistee** - You’re looking for my cousin, the Evil Chieftan of the cave people, next continent over. **Hot Buttered Toast** - Ha! That may have worked in the ocean city (episode #23, Death in the Depths), but you won’t escape so easily this time! **plnnr** Silence! I mean… eh… speak if you wish! No! Silence! Fool! ---
**Author:** ![Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b38774/32.png) [@Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hot_Buttered_Toast)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/17 "2003-11-10T15:57:29Z")
Did you know that _horrible_ outfit you’re wearing is so outdated it’s astounding? How do you expect to be a supervillain if you’re so poorly dressed? ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/18 "2003-11-10T16:00:11Z")
Bah! Death doesn’t frighten me! I have small children and could use the sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Aankh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@Aankh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aankh)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/19 "2003-11-10T16:10:12Z")
Do you wear a black cape and tight pants? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/20 "2003-11-10T16:17:22Z")
Oh, my poor, misunderstood Evil Overlord. Here, let me stroke your poor fevered brow… let me rub this soothing ointment into your aching head… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395.md?page=2)