# Ask the evil villain who is about to kill you once and for all! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 10, 2003, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395 "2003-11-10T14:40:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/21 "2003-11-10T16:29:13Z")
Feh, your shoes are still untied AND on the wrong feet. How can possibly expect people to fear you when your sloppily dressed? Not that I side with you, mind. You obviously need help in the getting-ready-in-the-morning department. Let’s start with that untucked shirt. You’ll need to remove that faux leather duster first. Tacky, tacky, tacky. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/22 "2003-11-10T16:31:17Z")
Oops. That should read “Not that I _won’t_ side with you, mind.” ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/23 "2003-11-10T16:34:52Z")
[simpsons]Anyway, I was wondering if you could sing the entire score of the “H.M.S. Pinafore”.[/simpsons] ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/24 "2003-11-10T16:40:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by plnnr \* > \*\*Do you expect me to talk, Johnny Bravo? \*\* Aww, ya beat me to it. …and didn’t get the right response, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/25 "2003-11-10T16:51:26Z")
**carrot** beat me to the punch! (mmmmmm… carrot punch!) ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/26 "2003-11-10T17:09:30Z")
Ok… Why the tacky long, thin moustache? ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/27 "2003-11-10T17:14:13Z")
Yeah, the response was all wrong. I don’t wanna play anymore. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/28 "2003-11-10T17:30:28Z")
Why, why, WHY, **Johnny Bravo**? You’ve got the drop on the hero, and all you have to do to wipe him off the face of the earth forever is pull the damned trigger. Yet you stupidly stop and ask if he has any final questions. Not only that, but you are going take the time to answer them (honestly!), giving away your plans, as well as giving him time to think up a way out of your clutches, probably spoiling your whole day! And even if he doesn’t wriggle out of your clutches, you aren’t going to just shoot him, nooooo! You are going to put him through some long and drawn out, horribly complex procedure, just to derive a little satisfaction from his suffering, WHICH YOU AREN’T EVEN GOING TO STAY AROUND AND WATCH! You are going to leave him to the tender but incompetent ministrations of your underlings, at least one of which he has probably already seduced. Either way, he is going to escape, and continue getting foiling your dastardly plans. Why do [evil overlords](http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html) **always** do this??? Just shoot him NOW! NOW! I DEMAND THAT YOU SHOOT HIM NOW!!! ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/29 "2003-11-10T18:12:35Z")
> [@](#): > > While my poorly-trained minions are preparing the device which will end you once and for all, do you have any last questions? Poorly trained, or _potty_ trained? Ewww, I see now. Poorly potty trained. Careful. You wouldn’t wanna step in that. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/30 "2003-11-10T18:18:55Z")
Don’t look now, **Johnny Bravo** , but when you last shaved your testicles, I think you missed a spot … ---
**Author:** ![Genghis\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/45deac/32.png) [@Genghis\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genghis_Bob)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/31 "2003-11-10T18:21:25Z")
_\_ - So, tell me again **exactly** how this deathtrap thingy works? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/32 "2003-11-10T18:29:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*You were bullied as a child, weren’t you? \*\* **Bosda** : Were you ever bullied at school? **Supervillian** : (a bit defensive) What do you mean? **Bosda** : Well, all this ranting and raving about power – there must be some reason for it. **Supervillian** : Nonsense! No, er, at my school, having dirty hair and spots was a sign of maturity! **Bosda** : I thought so… and I’ll bet your mother made you wear shorts right up to your final year! (the guards look at each other for a moment in reaction) **Supervillian** : Shut up! Shut up! When I am King of England, no one will ever dare call me Shorty-Greasy-Spot-Spot again! (the guards again look up a bit surprised at this news.) With "apo-logies to _Blackadder_. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/33 "2003-11-10T19:30:08Z")
Obviously, **plnnr** , by giving you the wrong response, he was expecting you to _suffer_ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/34 "2003-11-10T19:50:52Z")
**tanookie** - Ha! Perhaps a visit from the Toddlers of Terror will have you singing a different tune! Guards! Put the little brats in their cages and bring them here! **EddyTeddyFreddy** - Yes, it is true. The life of an Evil Overlord is a lonely one. But the scantily-clad amazon vixens of death make up for it somewhat. Fool! **Dragwyr** Insolence! This mustache was passed down to me by my father and his, through generations of Evil Overlords! One cannot simply toss away tradition! Fool! **plnnr** - Ha! So you see, not even your esoteric pop culture can save you now! **BrotherCadfael** - Silence! After years of evading my grasp, the Hero is finally mine! He cannot escape! I have covered all the proverbial bases, planned for every contingency. Nothing short of a miracle can save him now! **rimshotgdansk** - Yes, it is quite ingenious, is it not? I will now drop everything while I explain, in detail, exactly how it works! ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/35 "2003-11-10T20:14:47Z")
When you bound me in your 12-point Clamp-O-Lock and engaged the Pain Circuit, I couldn’t help but notice that your skin is supple, smooth, and without blemish. What’s your secret? ---
**Author:** ![Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b38774/32.png) [@Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hot_Buttered_Toast)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/36 "2003-11-10T20:34:10Z")
You really need to coordinate your evil outfit, it looks absolutely appalling. Leather boots with _tight snakeskin_ pants? Honestly. What were you _thinking_? Have you ever considered hiring a fashion consultant? With this kind of fashion sense, you could probably use one. ---
**Author:** ![av8rmike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@av8rmike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/av8rmike)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/37 "2003-11-10T20:42:53Z")
And could you not stand so close while you bark at me? I mean, what did you eat for lunch? Here. Have a Tic-Tac. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/38 "2003-11-10T21:01:19Z")
Pardon me, just the Evil Janitor passing through … gotta clean up after the Toddlers of Terror … :: sweep, sweep, scrub scrub scrub, mop mop, sweep :: OK, back to Johnny … ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/39 "2003-11-10T21:02:36Z")
Toddlers of Terror eh? They have met their match. There isn’t a cage in the world that will hold my own Toddler and believe me we’ve tried. If that’s the best you’ve got then I’ll be on my way 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395/40 "2003-11-10T21:10:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BrotherCadfael \* > \*\*Just shoot him NOW! NOW! I DEMAND THAT YOU SHOOT HIM NOW!!! \*\* You keep out of this. He doesn’t have to shoot you now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-evil-villain-who-is-about-to-kill-you-once-and-for-all/212395.md?page=3)