# Ask the ex-Mormon! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 18, 2006, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232 "2006-08-18T15:26:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/81 "2006-08-21T07:07:01Z")
Up thread somewhere, you explained what a temple recommend was. Now, may I ask what it is _for_? 🙂 Also, do you have a rough idea of the percentages of converts in North America from door-to-door witnessing missions? And thank you too. This has indeed been a fascinating and enlightening read. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/82 "2006-08-21T07:56:56Z")
What are LDS missionaries supposed to do? All I ever see them do is walk around in pairs, looking like better-dressed, nametagged Jehova’s Witnesses. If it’s a mission, you guys must talk to people at some point… but when and where? Do you approach people, or do they approach you? If I wanted to locate the local LDS missionaries, how would I do it? There’s a course in spanish High School which has to be chosen: either “Ethics” or “Religion”; it can be any religion and for example one of my religion courses was “comparative theology”, we learned a bit about different branches of Christianity, Islam, etc. Back then there probably wasn’t a single Muslim living in town; now the local Muslim leaders give talks at that class. It would perhaps be interesting to get the “evangelistas” too. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/83 "2006-08-21T11:55:58Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] I’ve considered it. As it stands, I don’t think I’ll bother unless the Church comes out publicly in favor of some political cause I oppose. If that happens, I’m sure it will be over gay marriage or abortion. [/QUOTE] The Church hasn’t come out on those?!? You also said… _Internally, the Mormon Church still teaches these doctrines as central to the gospel. It’s only to the public that they’re downplayed. To fully describe these doctrines would require a lengthy book, one which has been written already, better than I could_ What book is that? (Please don’t tell me Dekker & Hunt’s THE GOD-MAKERS 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/84 "2006-08-21T14:08:38Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] Did you have the elaborate Mormon wedding ceremony, with the secret name and everything? Did your ex have any trouble finding a wedding gown that concealed the garment? [/QUOTE] Yes, we had the elaborate Mormon wedding ceremony, which is actually shorter and simpler than most “regular” Christian weddings. The whole thing took easily less than an hour. The ex didn’t have any problems re: the wedding gown. The simple reason is that there are plenty of Mormon formalwear businesses that specialize in modest gowns. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/85 "2006-08-21T14:10:42Z")
[QUOTE=Gleena] Is that a problem? Can you get into trouble or get counselled for this? [/quote] Nah. The only thing you’d get in trouble for is not trying, or disobeying mission regulations. If you’re doing all you can do, then obviously it’s in the Lord’s hands and the hands of the people you’re preaching to, right? > [@](#): > > Incidentally, where I live in Sydney, Australia, I’m extra nice to the LDS missionaries I see, a.) because they get treated like crap, b.) because most of the ones I’ve met are American, and we’re all tickled to hear a familiar accent and c.) most of the ones I’ve encountered are from Podunk, Utah or BFE Idaho, and Sydney is a really big place. > > Cheers, > G Yes, many missionaries come from Utah and Idaho. Arizona and California are the other big factories. Thanks for being nice to them. The poor little fuckers need every break they can get. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/86 "2006-08-21T14:15:11Z")
[QUOTE=faithfool] Up thread somewhere, you explained what a temple recommend was. Now, may I ask what it is _for_? 🙂 Also, do you have a rough idea of the percentages of converts in North America from door-to-door witnessing missions? [/quote] There are certain ceremonies and ordinances that can be performed only in a Mormon temple. These include baptisms on behalf of the dead, eternal marriages (“sealings”) and the endowment. When you go to the temple, a nice old man in the foyer asks to see your temple recommend. He gives it a quick once-over to make sure it isn’t expired or obviously fake, and waves you in with a smile. That’s pretty much it; it’s hardly a high security setup. Percentages of converts? Are you asking what percentage of people whose doors get knocked on end up converting? I don’t know, but it would have to be vanishingly small. I’ve gone out with missionaries here in the U.S., where we knocked on 100 doors and considered ourselves fortunate to \*get in the door \* two or three times, let alone convert any of them. > [@](#): > > And thank you too. This has indeed been a fascinating and enlightening read. I’m surprised and gratified that people care enough to read and ask. Feel free to come back for second helpings. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/87 "2006-08-21T14:18:17Z")
[QUOTE=Nava] What are LDS missionaries supposed to do? All I ever see them do is walk around in pairs, looking like better-dressed, nametagged Jehova’s Witnesses. If it’s a mission, you guys must talk to people at some point… but when and where? Do you approach people, or do they approach you? If I wanted to locate the local LDS missionaries, how would I do it? [/quote] Mormon missionaries do knock on doors, but it’s absolutely the least preferred method of contacting people. For one, it’s plain annoying, and missionaries don’t like getting doors slammed in their faces. Second, it simply isn’t very effective, knocking on the doors of strangers who are trying to eat dinner or watch _American Idol._ The most effective missionary work is done among those people who are already friends with a Mormon, and who are introduced to the missionaries by that friend. > [@](#): > > There’s a course in spanish High School which has to be chosen: either “Ethics” or “Religion”; it can be any religion and for example one of my religion courses was “comparative theology”, we learned a bit about different branches of Christianity, Islam, etc. Back then there probably wasn’t a single Muslim living in town; now the local Muslim leaders give talks at that class. It would perhaps be interesting to get the “evangelistas” too. Comparative religions fascinate me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/88 "2006-08-21T14:21:36Z")
[QUOTE=FriarTed] The Church hasn’t come out on those?!? [/quote] I suppose they have, in their own way. I was thinking more along the lines of what some of the evangelical mega-churches do, though, putting up websites and speaking across the pulpit on specific political issues. > [@](#): > > You also said… > > _Internally, the Mormon Church still teaches these doctrines as central to the gospel. It’s only to the public that they’re downplayed. To fully describe these doctrines would require a lengthy book, one which has been written already, better than I could_ > > What book is that? > > (Please don’t tell me Dekker & Hunt’s THE GOD-MAKERS 😃 ) No, goodness no. What are Dekker and Hunt going to tell me about my own former church that I don’t know already? Fuck 'em. I was thinking of _Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith_, for one. Right there from the mouth of the man himself, you have “God was once a man as we are, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens.” Heavy stuff for an unschooled twenty-something farmboy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Alive\_At\_Both\_Ends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Alive\_At\_Both\_Ends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alive_At_Both_Ends)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/89 "2006-08-21T20:46:20Z")
Why are LDS members encouraged to trace their ancestry? I’m glad they do, as they’ve put a lot of useful stuff online and made it accessible to amateur genealogists like me, but I’ve never got an explanation that didn’t sound like anti-Mormon propaganda. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/90 "2006-08-21T20:49:41Z")
[QUOTE=Alive At Both Ends] Why are LDS members encouraged to trace their ancestry? I’m glad they do, as they’ve put a lot of useful stuff online and made it accessible to amateur genealogists like me, but I’ve never got an explanation that didn’t sound like anti-Mormon propaganda. [/QUOTE] The main reason is that the Mormon church performs ordinances on behalf of dead people, such as baptism and marriage. In order to do this, and make sure that ordinances aren’t being repeated nor people missed, Mormons do lots of genealogy work. Is that more or less what you’ve heard? ---
**Author:** ![Alive\_At\_Both\_Ends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Alive\_At\_Both\_Ends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alive_At_Both_Ends)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/91 "2006-08-21T20:54:49Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] The main reason is that the Mormon church performs ordinances on behalf of dead people, such as baptism and marriage. In order to do this, and make sure that ordinances aren’t being repeated nor people missed, Mormons do lots of genealogy work. Is that more or less what you’ve heard? [/QUOTE] I was told that the LDS wanted to build up a database of every human being who has ever lived in order to baptise them \*all \*posthumously into the LDS church. It sounded like BS at the time but without any knowledge one way or the other, I couldn’t call them on it. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/92 "2006-08-21T21:01:55Z")
[QUOTE=Alive At Both Ends] I was told that the LDS wanted to build up a database of every human being who has ever lived in order to baptise them \*all \*posthumously into the LDS church. It sounded like BS at the time but without any knowledge one way or the other, I couldn’t call them on it. [/QUOTE] Nope, that’s pretty much the case. Latter-day Saints believe that this posthumous work will eventually reach everyone who’s ever lived. Clearly, given the hazy nature of birth records from more than a century or two ago (or even today in some parts of the world), some of it will have to wait until Jesus comes back. But you have the gist of it correct: Mormons do genealogy because they want to baptize everyone. Keep in mind that Mormons recognize the free will of those who have died; the vicarious baptism is only valid if the person’s spirit, in the spirit world, chooses to accept it. FWIW. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/93 "2006-08-21T21:05:25Z")
Let’s go back to the Mormon underwear. I assume you’ve got more than one set? When they wear out, where do you get more? Is a Mormon bookstore like one of those Christian bookstores, only with a Ladies Lingerie section? Do you have to get a new set consecrated or anything? How do they fasten, if they’re one piece - is it like baby clothes, with snaps? There was a bit in **Big Love** with an ad agency pitching a new publicity campaign for Bill’s store, where they showed an example of two photos of the same woman, and in the second you could kind of tell she had her garments on under her blouse, and they pointed out that it’s the kind of thing that a Mormon would notice sort of subconsciously. I thought that was interesting and wondered what else I was missing in ads in unfamiliar places, pitched to unfamiliar people. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/94 "2006-08-21T21:58:35Z")
[QUOTE=Zsofia] Let’s go back to the Mormon underwear. I assume you’ve got more than one set? When they wear out, where do you get more? Is a Mormon bookstore like one of those Christian bookstores, only with a Ladies Lingerie section? Do you have to get a new set consecrated or anything? How do they fasten, if they’re one piece - is it like baby clothes, with snaps? [/quote] Yes, when I wore them I usually had eight or ten sets. If you live in a big city, a city with a Mormon temple, or pretty much anywhere in Utah or Idaho, you buy them at a store called Beehive Clothing. If you don’t have a Beehive in your town, you can always get them by internet or mail order. In South America, for example, that’s pretty much how everyone does it. Garments come in a variety of fabrics, everything from silky synthetics to plain t-shirt cotton to thermal knit. They’re really inexpensive, too; I can’t imagine the Church turns any profit on them beyond their manufacturing costs. You don’t need to do any special consecration on them or anything, but you do need to take a Sharpie and write the size on the labels, because the labels themselves fade really fast, and it sucks to have to go buy new garments and not remember what size you got last time. A two-piece (virtually everyone wears two piece) looks like a set of overlong boxer briefs and a t-shirt. Aside from the marks, which are actually pretty hard to see from a distance, they just kind of look like funny underwear. One-piece garments look like the stuff people wore in the Old West. I can’t imagine why anyone chooses to wear them. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/95 "2006-08-21T22:06:45Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] In the absence of pertinent questions, impertinent wisecracks are welcome as well. 🆒 [/QUOTE] Is [Moroni](http://www.getreligion.org/wp-content/photos/Moroni.jpg) sucking on the handle of the same toilet plunger that [Kokopelli](http://rocktimes.de/gesamt/k/kokopelli/pics/kokopelli.jpg) got stuck on his face? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/96 "2006-08-21T22:28:22Z")
[QUOTE=Kevbo] Is [Moroni](http://www.getreligion.org/wp-content/photos/Moroni.jpg) sucking on the handle of the same toilet plunger that [Kokopelli](http://rocktimes.de/gesamt/k/kokopelli/pics/kokopelli.jpg) got stuck on his face? [/QUOTE] He isn’t _sucking_ on it, you blasphemer. He’s just…you know…sighting down the handle, making sure it’s straight before he buys it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/97 "2006-08-21T22:33:40Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Nope, that’s pretty much the case. Latter-day Saints believe that this posthumous work will eventually reach everyone who’s ever lived. Clearly, given the hazy nature of birth records from more than a century or two ago (or even today in some parts of the world), some of it will have to wait until Jesus comes back. But you have the gist of it correct: Mormons do genealogy because they want to baptize everyone. [/QUOTE] Wow, now the song, “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door” takes on a whole different meaning…who knew that if you opened that door in heaven, two Mormon boys would be standing there in funny underwear. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/98 "2006-08-21T22:42:16Z")
> [@](#): > > A two-piece (virtually everyone wears two piece) looks like a set of overlong boxer briefs and a t-shirt. Aside from the marks, which are actually pretty hard to see from a distance, they just kind of look like funny underwear. One-piece garments look like the stuff people wore in the Old West. I can’t imagine why anyone chooses to wear them. _shrug_ Marky Mark was wearing something pretty dang close a few years back for Calvin Klein, and just the other day someone on the pantyhose thread posted a link to “pettipants,” which look exactly like what I wear every day, only they cost $20. I find 'em quite comfy, myself, and VPL is never an issue. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/99 "2006-08-22T01:33:43Z")
[QUOTE=dangermom] _shrug_ Marky Mark was wearing something pretty dang close a few years back for Calvin Klein, and just the other day someone on the pantyhose thread posted a link to “pettipants,” which look exactly like what I wear every day, only they cost $20. I find 'em quite comfy, myself, and VPL is never an issue. 😃 [/QUOTE] Yeah, but do they suck you in and move you around and wrangle you like Spanx? Because if so, I’d consider converting. I have acquired rolls from somewhere - I think some liposuction patient lost some valuable property. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232/100 "2006-08-22T03:27:38Z")
[QUOTE=dangermom] _shrug_ Marky Mark was wearing something pretty dang close a few years back for Calvin Klein, and just the other day someone on the pantyhose thread posted a link to “pettipants,” which look exactly like what I wear every day, only they cost $20. I find 'em quite comfy, myself, and VPL is never an issue. 😃 [/QUOTE] Yeah, but doesn’t it weird you out to wear a bra over your garment top? I used to think my ex looked like some kind of superheroine. 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-ex-mormon/369232.md?page=6)