# Ask the Extraterrestial **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 12, 2006, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472 "2006-09-12T23:27:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/61 "2006-09-15T18:24:28Z")
Paper or plastic? Smoking or non? Simon or Garfunkel? Garfunkel or Ed Meese? How do you like your eggs? Fertilized or un? ---
**Author:** ![Sophie\_Z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@Sophie\_Z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophie_Z)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/62 "2006-09-15T18:30:49Z")
[QUOTE=Oakminster] Cthulu is no one’s buddy. He’s an insufferable ass, and you do not want to get stuck with his bar tab. [/QUOTE] What about Nyarlathotep, then? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/63 "2006-09-15T18:51:15Z")
[QUOTE=«Ðëëp¤F®ïêd»™] Can you believe it’s not butter?!? [/QUOTE] Yes, but I don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/64 "2006-09-15T18:52:30Z")
[QUOTE=ShibbOleth] Coke or Pepsi? [/QUOTE] Pepsi. With bourbon, on days like today. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/65 "2006-09-15T18:53:36Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] Paper or plastic? Smoking or non? Simon or Garfunkel? Garfunkel or Ed Meese? How do you like your eggs? Fertilized or un? [/QUOTE] Paper, smoking, Simon, Garfunkel, and scrambled, with grits and bacon. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/66 "2006-09-15T18:59:14Z")
Here on earth, whenever a human masturbates, God kills a kitten. What does Karana kill when you masturbate? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/67 "2006-09-15T19:03:12Z")
[QUOTE=Sophie\_Z] What about Nyarlathotep, then? [/QUOTE] That’s just what Tesla calls himself when he’s drunk. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/68 "2006-09-15T19:04:15Z")
[QUOTE=Ghanima] Here on earth, whenever a human masturbates, God kills a kitten. What does Karana kill when you masturbate? [/QUOTE] Nothing, for Karana is most wise. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/69 "2006-09-15T19:07:03Z")
So which theory of the creation of the universe is closer to the truth? The Big Bang, or the Great Green Arklesiezure? Which planet is Michael Jackson from? And could you give him a lift back? (Or at least, somewhere else?) ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/70 "2006-09-15T19:08:22Z")
Do your ships travel faster than light? Or did you just have to find a really long book for the journey here? ---
**Author:** ![Sophie\_Z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@Sophie\_Z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophie_Z)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/71 "2006-09-15T19:16:43Z")
I want a beffel. Can you get me one? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/72 "2006-09-15T19:26:47Z")
Ever heard of a planet called Eggidoodlebopper? I knew a guy from there, we went to high school together. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/73 "2006-09-15T19:54:59Z")
[QUOTE=Monstre] So which theory of the creation of the universe is closer to the truth? The Big Bang, or the Great Green Arklesiezure? Which planet is Michael Jackson from? And could you give him a lift back? (Or at least, somewhere else?) [/QUOTE] Neither is close. The creation of the “universe” as you percieve it was more like a byproduct of a bakesale. Jackson is the sole survivor from an unfortunate expirment in the Wacko Sickondrus System. They don’t want him back. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/74 "2006-09-15T19:56:12Z")
[QUOTE=Monstre] Do your ships travel faster than light? Or did you just have to find a really long book for the journey here? [/QUOTE] Yes. We have to issue Reader’s Digest condensed versions of novels for in flight reading. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/75 "2006-09-15T19:57:43Z")
[QUOTE=Sophie\_Z] I want a beffel. Can you get me one? [/QUOTE] That isn’t what you really want. ---
**Author:** ![Sophie\_Z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@Sophie\_Z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophie_Z)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/76 "2006-09-15T19:58:28Z")
[QUOTE=Oakminster] That isn’t what you really want. [/QUOTE] Sure it is. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/77 "2006-09-15T19:58:47Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] Ever heard of a planet called Eggidoodlebopper? I knew a guy from there, we went to high school together. [/QUOTE] Your classmate did the brown acid, didn’t he? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/78 "2006-09-15T20:01:35Z")
[QUOTE=Oakminster] Your classmate did the brown acid, didn’t he? [/QUOTE] In fifth grade? I hope not. His version of the story was that his name was Bloo Spi, and he came to this planet and allowed [name of kid] to go and live as a Pan-Dimensional Cosmic Entity in some other dimension. So he was stuck here. Kind of a weird guy, really. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/79 "2006-09-15T20:02:15Z")
[QUOTE=Sophie\_Z] Sure it is. [/QUOTE] Excuse me? I’m the omnipotent extraterrestial around here. I know what you really want, and a beffel ain’t it. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472/80 "2006-09-15T20:03:22Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] In fifth grade? I hope not. His version of the story was that his name was Bloo Spi, and he came to this planet and allowed [name of kid] to go and live as a Pan-Dimensional Cosmic Entity in some other dimension. So he was stuck here. Kind of a weird guy, really. [/QUOTE] Brown acid, lead paint chips…something like that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-extraterrestial/372472.md?page=5)