# Ask the five year old child.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [February 13, 2004, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011 "2004-02-13T08:15:47Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/1 "2004-02-13T08:15:47Z")
We all know that children can give a unique insight into this world so now is your chance to ask Life’s big questions to be answered by my five year old brother.
So forget Cecil. Here’s the answer to all your questions.
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### Author:  [@Extraneous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Extraneous)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/2 "2004-02-13T08:26:14Z")
Why is the goldfish upside-down?
At the top of the bowl?
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### Author:  [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/3 "2004-02-13T08:27:40Z")
Do you like candy?
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### Author:  [@Broken\_Doll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broken_Doll)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/4 "2004-02-13T08:27:40Z")
What is the meaning of life?
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### Author:  [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/5 "2004-02-13T08:30:17Z")
> [@](#):
>
> It’s because he is resting **and** sleeping on his back so he can be resting.
I’m sorry guys but the lil’one just left for school so he’ll be available for your questions in about 7 hours.
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### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/6 "2004-02-13T09:07:10Z")
When he’s back, I’d like to ask him…
On a 4 terabit ADP line with multi-zap encryption how do I go about filtering the cloned infra-electron field without side-clocking the proton matrix?
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### Author:  [@ageless6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ageless6)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/7 "2004-02-13T11:07:08Z")
First of all,I think our oracle should have a name,even if it’s a screen name like “LITTLE BIG DUDE” or some such. Yeah,why don’t you ask him what he wants his name to be?
I’d like to know what he thinks of president Bush.
And at what age are you old?
And where does the light go when it goes out?
And does he think there are too many rules or not enough.
This is fun. What a great idea. I could think of a thousand questions for him.I hope this takes off.
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### Author:  [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/8 "2004-02-13T12:50:35Z")
Why is bird poop white?
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### Author:  [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/9 "2004-02-13T13:15:01Z")
I can’t believe I’m the first to think of this question…
Why?
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### Author:  [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/10 "2004-02-13T13:24:20Z")
If the speed of light is 186 Million miles per second, and the speed of a slug is one inch per hour, how long has Robert Conrad had that battery on his shoulder?
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### Author:  [@NutWrench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutWrench)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/11 "2004-02-13T13:42:50Z")
Do cows in other countries Moo in different languages?
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### Author:  [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/12 "2004-02-13T13:48:38Z")
Can you fix my video?
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### Author:  [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/13 "2004-02-13T14:09:18Z")
I’ve got a five year old son and I’m going to his kindergarten class’s Valentine’s Party this morning. So I’ll be surrounded by five year olds. I think you can probably be a little more sophisticated in your questions (okay, some of you). I know that he’s found some features of WarCraft III that I didn’t know existed. Yesterday I told him that his grandfather’s birthday is the 22nd, and did he know how old he’d be? “Umm, sixty-eight?”, no, he’s sixty-eight now, he’ll be sixty-nine.
Maybe I’ll run some of your questions by him too and see if we get the same answers.
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### Author:  [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/14 "2004-02-13T14:13:16Z")
Why do dogs hate cats?
Why do cats hate mice?
Who do mice hate?
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### Author:  [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/15 "2004-02-13T14:21:52Z")
Who’s going to win the Daytona 500?
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### Author:  [@notquitekarpov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notquitekarpov)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/16 "2004-02-13T14:27:31Z")
What’s brown and sticky?
…just checking if five-year old’s senses of humour are changing!
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### Author:  [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/17 "2004-02-13T15:15:05Z")
Are we there yet?
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### Author:  [@IrreverentTone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IrreverentTone)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/18 "2004-02-13T15:23:09Z")
Who is the prettiest girl in the world?
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### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/19 "2004-02-13T15:55:04Z")
I’ll serve as control here, and ask the same question I asked the oracle:
Paper or plastic?
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### Author:  [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-five-year-old-child/229011/20 "2004-02-13T16:12:31Z")
**littlebigdude** is now back for the night.
> [@](#):
>
> _originally posted by **Eleusis** _
> Do you like candy?
No, because I don’t like candy (go figure)
> [@](#):
>
> _originally posted by **Broken Doll** _
> What is the meaning of life?
When you have a family and you haven’t died before you are a family.
> [@](#):
>
> _originally posted by **Lobsang** _
> On a 4 terabit ADP line with multi-zap encryption how do I go about filtering the cloned infra-electron field without side-clocking the proton matrix?
If you go underground to get there easily you won’t get hurt. Get a bag of water as well.
> [@](#):
>
> _originally posted by **ageless6** _
> I’d like to know what he thinks of president Bush.
>
> And at what age are you old?
>
> And where does the light go when it goes out?
>
> And does he think there are too many rules or not enough.
I think he’s good because he tidies up his house better than anyone else.
Into the van and then when they can’t use it any more they buy some more.
Too many rules because there are too many questions.
> [@](#):
>
> _originally posted by **Already in Use** _
> Why is bird poop white?
Because if it’s white it doesn’t smell. White is not smelly because it is bright.
> [@](#):
>
> _originally posted by **Lord Ashtar** _
> Why?
Because you want to trick us.
> [@](#):
>
> _originally posted by **Dragwyr** _
> If the speed of light is 186 Million miles per second, and the speed of a slug is one inch per hour, how long has Robert Conrad had that battery on his shoulder?
A hundred days.
> [@](#):
>
> _originally posted by **NutWrench** _
> Do cows in other countries Moo in different languages?
No. Because.
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