# Ask the forensic pathologist - or, Last chance to pontificate **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2006, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724 "2006-03-31T17:51:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/101 "2006-04-07T21:18:59Z")
> [@Hamadryad](#): > > HEY!! She’s number 2. Uh. Could I be number 3? ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/102 "2006-04-07T21:27:34Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > And **Hal** likes sheep…what’s your point? > > Now that my buttering has worked and you’ve caved in to my amazingly absurd demands …just like the REST of your female brethren…waitaminit…that makes no sense… we can start breaking you into other silly threads. > > Are there any ethical dilemmas you’ve had to encounter recently? Yes, it’s a broad question, but the leeway is there for your discretion. How did such things get handled? Did they ever get handled? > > twickster’s head’s so big, she wraps it with a white cloth for movies at the drive through! > > 😃 (love me, **twickster** …I love youuuuuuuuuu ) Sometimes, to tell or not to tell - A family member is not always entitled to an autopsy report. It goes by strict state law as to next of kin. Spouse first; if no spouse, grown children; if no grown children, parents; if no parents, sister or brother. Well, suppose X has died at nineteen under suspicious circumstances with her husband present, and he is feuding with his mother-in-law. There is no sign of murder, but the cause of death isn’t at all clear. The girl’s mother is desperate for info. Do you tell or don’t you tell? How about if the dead person is an infant, the mother is a suspect but has not been arrested, and she calls wanting to know what you found? What do you do with the newspapers? Suppose a dead child is Jewish and it looks like she has died from an epidemic that is sweeping the town. Everyone in town is frantic - this is a real case, by the way - but no autopsy on the five children who have died so far has yet shown a cause of death. There is a real public health need for info. Father and mother do not want autopsy on religious grounds. Right decision? What about money found on dead people? Jewelry? We have a shining history of perfectly honest dealings in our office, but you know, when a forensic tech is earning $10 an hour, he’s alone in the back, he’s undressing a decomposed guy who has been living in a FEMA trailer after a flood, no one in the world knows if or how much money the dead guy has on him, and he finds $5000 in hundred dollar bills with only the outer one soaked with decomp juice, it’s gotta be a temptation. He turned it all in. Every one. Photographed them in the wad and as he pulled them out and laid them down on the counter. Family never gave him a dime in reward. We gave him a commendation and the State gave him an extra vacation day. Big deal. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/103 "2006-04-07T21:36:50Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > **gabriela** , this thread is incredibly fascinating and I’m another who is beyond thrilled that you’ve joined. I’ll certainly be looking forward to reading more of your posts around the board, especially on a subject that we all apparently wish to view through you with voyeuristic glee. 🙂 Awww… > [@faithfool](#): > > Do you handle many suicides? If so, what method is the largest variety you typically see? Is there a preponderance in a specific age range? One sex over another? Ethnicity? Or any other identifiers that would lump them into groups (like, in my case, people who suffer from mental illness), etc. Hundreds. About a fifth of our 600+ autopsies a year are suicides. (About 130 are homicides.) We probably view (meaning examine but do not autopsy) a hundred more. We autopsy all the ones who used guns, which is the vast majority of them. This is unique to Virginia - I mean the autopsying: many jurisdictions don’t bother to autopsy gunshot wound suicides. Virginia does because of a chief-level policy decision after a “homicide-suicide” case turned out to be a homicide-homicide that had to be exhumed. Exhumed bodies have a special stink all their own. Southerners have a real tendency to use guns when they want to die. When I worked in New York City, jumping off tall buildings was way commoner. Not many buildings in Virginia tall enough. Hanging is also very common. We see very few suicidal overdoses. I’ve seen one count’em one suicide by combined Viagra and cocaine. Talk about a way to go! Age range - Two: young and old. Young people typically commit suicide over disappointment in romance, while drunk, and impulsively. They can give you “cluster” suicides if a suicide is published a lot with a lot of attention and sympathy. Old people typically commit suicide over serious health problems in themselves or their spouse. They plan it with great care, they are not drunk, it is not impulsive, and it’s almost impossible to stop. More men than women. More whites than blacks. We don’t have enough Hispanics or Asians here to draw valid conclusions. Psych history does contribute, but it’s usually a history of depression, which of course is a risk factor for suicide. Not sure if there would be any actual increase in schizos and so forth if you took the depressed people out of it. I am so sorry to hear you struggle with it. Tell us sometimes what a day is like for you. I would like to know. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/104 "2006-04-07T21:39:11Z")
> [@Rick](#): > > I just want to add my congratulations, and thanks for joining up. > If you are at work and some strange person shows up with a goat, or you see tentacles I suggest you run like hell. 😃 What, like that’s not every day? ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/105 "2006-04-07T21:40:56Z")
> [@Peak Banana](#): > > The last one has always bugged me. If Eve was created from Adam’s rib, shouldn’t Adam be the one to have an odd number of ribs? > > So… do men have eleven or twelve ribs? 😉 You, personally, have eleven. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/106 "2006-04-07T21:45:26Z")
> [@gabriela](#): > > “Forensic Anthropology of Intercourse with the Foramen Magnum of the Skull” Crap, they’re on to me! > [@gabriela](#): > > “Bestiality with Horses Involving Whipped Cream” _Crap!!_ ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/107 "2006-04-07T21:57:00Z")
**gabriela**! I’m so happy you joined! Do you testify in court? If so, have you found the so-called “CSI effect,” where juries expect things to be the way they see on TV? And if yes, how do you counteract that? If you don’t testify in court, how do your colleagues who do handle the CSI effect? ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/108 "2006-04-07T22:20:42Z")
Yay! **gabriela** ’s staying! She’s staying! :does happy dance, which looks remarkably like Snoopy dance, except with wild red hair: I can’t think of any cool questions right now, I’m just happy you’re a member! You are, like, so cool! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/109 "2006-04-07T23:49:45Z")
Isn’t there something strange that we are elated that someone who deals with decomposing corpses has joined The Dope? We sure weren’t that happy the last time we got an accountant. We’re a weird bunch. ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/110 "2006-04-07T23:51:04Z")
> [@Mighty\_Girl](#): > > Isn’t there something strange that we are elated that someone who deals with decomposing corpses has joined The Dope? We sure weren’t that happy the last time we got an accountant. Oh, man, that hurt. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/111 "2006-04-07T23:55:30Z")
> [@Mighty\_Girl](#): > > Isn’t there something strange that we are elated that someone who deals with decomposing corpses has joined The Dope? We sure weren’t that happy the last time we got an accountant. > > We’re a weird bunch. “Weird” is so … judgmental. “Eccentric,” perhaps. BTW, there’s such a profession as “forensic accountant” – ya think they’d have any interesting stories to tell? Nah, I don’t think so either. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/112 "2006-04-08T00:37:29Z")
> [@Mighty\_Girl](#): > > We sure weren’t that happy the last time we got an accountant. Or an engineer. Now, I would get _really_ excited about a shrink. That fella would be usefull for you folks. Er, we folks. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/113 "2006-04-08T01:00:14Z")
> [@Mighty\_Girl](#): > > Isn’t there something strange that we are elated that someone who deals with decomposing corpses has joined The Dope? We sure weren’t that happy the last time we got an accountant. > > We’re a weird bunch. …or a college student. Waitaminit, lemme sweeten the deal… _ahem_ …or a charmingly handsome college student. **twicks** , there’s your opening to ask what I did with such a student… ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/114 "2006-04-08T01:02:33Z")
(psst… **gabriela** , bonus points to the new member if you defend me before **twicks** or some other hoodum tarnishes my sterling image) ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/115 "2006-04-08T01:02:40Z")
(psst… **gabriela** , bonus points to the new member if you defend me before **twicks** or some other hoodlum tarnishes my sterling image) ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/116 "2006-04-08T01:03:11Z")
(psst… **gabriela** , bonus points to the new member if you defend me before **twicks** or some other hoodlum tarnishes my sterling image) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/117 "2006-04-08T01:15:31Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > before **twicks** or some other hoodlum tarnishes my sterling image) Steel wool wouldn’t… ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/118 "2006-04-08T01:24:02Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > “Weird” is so … judgmental. > > “Eccentric,” perhaps. Eccentric = weird + money. Are we all rich? 😉 > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **YaWannal** > Oh, man, that hurt. :: pats \*\*YaWanna \*\*on the head :: [baby voice] There, there. Look at the pretty accountant. Nice chubby cheeks. [/bv] Better? ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/119 "2006-04-08T01:24:31Z")
'tis true. I need a new coat o’varnish (or is it some form of laquer that’d be applicable?) …probably just a polish would work for that particular buffing situation. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/120 "2006-04-08T01:32:54Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > Crap, they’re on to me! > _Crap!!_ \<\\> [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724.md?page=7)