# Ask the forensic pathologist - or, Last chance to pontificate **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2006, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724 "2006-03-31T17:51:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/141 "2006-04-08T02:25:22Z")
> [@gabriela](#): > > “LOOK! Everybody! I have found a Mule!! I am autopsying one! Count the cocaine bags with me! All together now! One… two… three…” That sounds like fun. Alas, I can see the prudence of such a procedure. Is there any problem with drug or alcohol use in your office? I’d imagine that seeing all them ‘stupidcides’ would tend to motivate people towards a healthier lifestyle. (It’s one thing to joke about “Eat Well, Stay Fit, **Die Anyways** ,” and another to go running for one’s own starring role in an autopsy.) On the other hand, it does sound very stressful. If not from the constant reminders of mortality, then the constant reminders of the idiocy of people in general when dealing with court appearances. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/142 "2006-04-08T02:25:45Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > (psst… **gabriela** , bonus points to the new member if you defend me before **twicks** or some other hoodlum tarnishes my sterling image) Are you calling Twicks a hoodlum?! Silver scalpels at dawn!! ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/143 "2006-04-08T02:27:44Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > (psst… **gabriela** , bonus points to the new member if you defend me before **twicks** or some other hoodlum tarnishes my sterling image) Hey, if your new member is tarnished, I’m not the profession you need. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/144 "2006-04-08T02:29:24Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > 'tis true. > > I need a new coat o’varnish (or is it some form of laquer that’d be applicable?) > > …probably just a polish would work for that particular buffing situation. So now it’s buff handsome college students in a situation? I give up taunting you - I need to sit down and take a look inside your head. ---
**Author:** ![Pazu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pazu/32/15522_2.png) [@Pazu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pazu)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/145 "2006-04-08T02:29:27Z")
> [@gabriela](#): > > Hi Pazu!! > > Forensic pathologist, surgical, cyto (I make the sign of the Devil at you if so to keep you away)? AP/CP + Hemepath boards. Doin’ the general private practice pathology thing. What’s wrong with cyto? Those of us who trained at UCSF know that cyto rulez! 😃 > [@](#): > > No, I’m pure East Coast! Also, those of us who wished to sign out our OWN FRIGGIN’ CAUSES AND MANNERS OF DEATH steered clear of San Francisco. > > I dunno who’s there now - who is there? Actually, I grew up on the East Coast, but here I am. The comment about signing out your causes and manners of death–that wouldn’t have to do with a certain former head of the ME’s office, would it? My friend Ellen Moffatt is working there now. We overlapped in residency. I figure, in a few years, she’ll be running the place. I may have missed this–where do you practice? ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/146 "2006-04-08T02:36:24Z")
> [@OtakuLoki](#): > > That sounds like fun. Alas, I can see the prudence of such a procedure. > > Is there any problem with drug or alcohol use in your office? I’d imagine that seeing all them ‘stupidcides’ would tend to motivate people towards a healthier lifestyle. (It’s one thing to joke about “Eat Well, Stay Fit, **Die Anyways** ,” and another to go running for one’s own starring role in an autopsy.) On the other hand, it does sound very stressful. If not from the constant reminders of mortality, then the constant reminders of the idiocy of people in general when dealing with court appearances. We are fond of alcohol. But, then, who isn’t? I saw a guy once who had a dotted line tattooed down him, with the motto, “Cut Here”. When my boss stopped laughing, she did. It’s not as stressful as you think. They’re dead. They don’t complain (though their families do). We have calluses. The job is interesting. We don’t have to produce nonsense, or do things that interfere with the smooth running of the natural world, or ever have to lie. It’s nice to have a real job where you never, ever, have to lie. I bet many of you out there have harder job lives than I do. Don’t waste sympathy. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/147 "2006-04-08T02:39:39Z")
> [@Pazu](#): > > AP/CP + Hemepath boards. Doin’ the general private practice pathology thing. > > What’s wrong with cyto? Those of us who trained at UCSF know that cyto rulez! 😃 I’m AP/CP/FP/PP (peds path). Last time I took a Boards, the Boards warned me that if I ever took another, I’d have to give one up. And my husband said I’d have to give him up. > [@Pazu](#): > > Actually, I grew up on the East Coast, but here I am. > > The comment about signing out your causes and manners of death–that wouldn’t have to do with a certain former head of the ME’s office, would it? My friend Ellen Moffatt is working there now. We overlapped in residency. I figure, in a few years, she’ll be running the place. > > I may have missed this–where do you practice? Yes it did have to do with a certain brand of B.S. (you guess who) and I hope Ellen Moffatt will revamp the whole place. Not talkin’ about where I work. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/148 "2006-04-08T02:42:04Z")
Time to go to bed, people. I love you all. Talk to you in the morning, or maybe later than that - got to work in the AM. Gabriela feeling normal by contrast ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/149 "2006-04-08T02:45:35Z")
Gee, I think we have more pathologists than we have Family Practitioners here at SDMB! ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/150 "2006-04-08T02:55:26Z")
> [@gabriela](#): > > um, LeOrUsNaEv, I already said I adore your name, but if it comes down to defending you, I don’t know exactly what you’re doing with handsome college students. They’re my mules. Let’s hope there’s a market for raspberry jam in Mexico. …'round here, we call it “reverse-muleing”. ---
**Author:** ![2nd\_Law](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/f475e1/32.png) [@2nd\_Law](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2nd_Law)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/151 "2006-04-08T04:16:45Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Least Original User Name Ever** > 'tis true. > > I need a new coat o’varnish (or is it some form of laquer that’d be applicable?) > > …probably just a polish would work for that particular buffing situation. > > > [@gabriela](#): > > > > So now it’s buff handsome college students in a situation? > > > > I give up taunting you - I need to sit down and take a look inside your head. …hands **gabriela** the stryker saw… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/152 "2006-04-08T12:21:53Z")
Y’all are doing a fine job of dealing with that puppy **Least Original** , I don’t need to get involved here. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/153 "2006-04-08T12:34:16Z")
Damn, forgot the main thing I wanted to say – **gabriela** , if you’re somewhere in the MidAtlantic area, it’s not too soon to start thinking about [Gettysdope](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=361349), the big annual picnic – July 15th this year. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/154 "2006-04-08T13:21:07Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > Gee, I think we have more pathologists than we have Family Practitioners here at SDMB! That’s because FPs are way too busy. Qadgop, I am so glad you showed up to this thread. I’ve read your threads and responses many times with interest and deep respect. Verging on awe, sometimes. I am very much not up on current care for non fatal diseases; many times, people ask questions on the Dope to which I have no answer, and I find myself hoping you’ll be the one to step up to the pitch and swing the bat. Thanks for weighing in. Gabriela ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/155 "2006-04-08T13:23:05Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > They’re my mules. Let’s hope there’s a market for raspberry jam in Mexico. > > …'round here, we call it “reverse-muleing”. snork! uh… raspberry jam??? You have just outdone me. (marks points up in the air on an invisible scoreboard on LOUNE’s dies) And confused em - raspberry jam?? Dopers are smarter as a class than I am. Not an unfamiliar sensation. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/156 "2006-04-08T13:24:43Z")
> [@2nd Law](#): > > …hands **gabriela** the stryker saw… Major arse SNORK!! I didn’t even THINK of that!! you score ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/157 "2006-04-08T13:26:06Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Damn, forgot the main thing I wanted to say – **gabriela** , if you’re somewhere in the MidAtlantic area, it’s not too soon to start thinking about [Gettysdope](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=361349), the big annual picnic – July 15th this year. Hunh. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/158 "2006-04-08T15:18:42Z")
> [@gabriela](#): > > Oh. My. God. > > Oh. My. God. > > TUBADIVA spoke to me! > > (runs away leaking tears of emotion) Seriously now. I usually get that reaction after I play and I haven’t even warmed up yet! TubaDiva “I’ve suffered for my art. Now it’s your turn.” ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/159 "2006-04-09T00:13:08Z")
> [@gabriela](#): > > How many years you got, softball? I just wanted to say that this would make a kick-ass sig line. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724/160 "2006-04-09T00:44:05Z")
> [@gabriela](#): > > That’s because FPs are way too busy. > > Qadgop, I am so glad you showed up to this thread. I’ve read your threads and responses many times with interest and deep respect. Verging on awe, sometimes. I am very much not up on current care for non fatal diseases; many times, people ask questions on the Dope to which I have no answer, and I find myself hoping you’ll be the one to step up to the pitch and swing the bat. Thanks, but I’m much less awe-inspiring in person. Just ask **elfbabe**! 😉 You’ve heard the old joke, I’m sure: An FP’s knowledge is wide but shallow, so they end up knowing almost nothing about nearly everything. A Specialist’s knowledge is deep but narrow, so they end up knowing almost everything about nearly nothing. But a pathologist can get to know almost everything about nearly everything! But only after the patient’s dead. Good to have you here! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-forensic-pathologist-or-last-chance-to-pontificate/350724.md?page=9)