Ask the (former) crackhead

I have to quote myself from eight years ago check that from 2008 for more than eight years ago because I was wrong. Freebasing cocaine is mixing cocaine with ammonia and then heating it. Crackle Kane that’s crack cocaine is made by mixing cocaine with baking soda and then heating it.

This time unlike when I used to use it I am not buying rocks off the street. I randomly met somebody who is selling it to me as powder and I’ve now figured out how to cook it. I know this will sound absurd but a I kept buying it because I kept messing up the cooking process. The Internet is a strange and wonderful place. I meant the Internet is a strange and perverse place and I’ve now studied and mastered the art of cooking crack rocks. This is not the sort of skill one should have. But here we are.

I have no objection to rehab. I am of the mind that coaching is always a productive thing. I’ve told several people about my relapse space well not tonight but this general episode. I need to figure out a game plan.

I think my use corresponds to times when I get into a deep rut. I’ve just been offered offered a good opportunity at work which can help me transition to a new place. My wife and I are separated and I need to figure out my next life.

Also I have to say that 2008 me who originally posted this thread is kind of an asshole. Please forgive how arrogant I think I sound.

Truth be told I am addicted to cannabis. That’s my drug. I haven’t really gotten sober since I was 21 and now I’m 43. I think It has allowed me to start my emotional growth. I need to seriously grow up.

Last multi post because if I am not mistaken that is considered bad etiquette around here.

But I must say that I am reminded of a line that bill Cosby, horrible man may he be, about cocaine use. He said he was told that it in Hanses enhances your personality.

Yeah he said, but what if you’re an asshole?

I’ve decided that one side effect of using this drug is that it makes me think that my internal monologue is interesting enough to share with others.

It also causes serious financial Mishaps. Definitely overpriced.

OK I’m sorry one more and then I will stop bumping my own thread. Looking back I disagree with the sentiment above which I stated in 2008. Despite my own fuck upery, and those of other select people, there are actually people who can use cocaine recreationally. I’ve now met them. I’m not saying it’s not very bad for you, especially your heart and lungs, but the biggest immediate danger’s come from its legal status. that is the risk of acquiring it is its biggest immediate danger. And I am proof that a person can get really blasted and still sit on the couch and watch football and listen to music or surf the Internet. It doesn’t require you to commit horrible acts of violence or do other outrageous things.

I realize that I am in the minorityAnd speaking from an addled mind but I would leave it up to people. If you want to shoot heroin on your couch on the weekend so be it. It’s better and safer to let you do it then criminalize it and create risks that are unnecessary.

I am so very sorry that drugs have destroyed your life so much.

If it helps at all, I was able to walk away from meth about 30 years ago and I still get a twinge now and then. I have never stopped smoking weed, it is possible to mentally separate the need. I also quit smoking tobacco after over 40 years of use while still smoking the bud.

I can’t tell you why my success happened while yours seems to have stalled. I will tell you that I tried a bunch of times to quit just to go back. When I realized that I really wanted to quit, I stopped sabotaging myself and making excuses, so was able to quit fairly easily.

The chemicals aren’t doing nearly as much to stop you from quitting as your own mind. You need to make up your mind now, or you will struggle for the rest of your life.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say destroyed. That seems a little hyperbolic. This is a setback. But I’m still in good spirits. I mean it could be my addled state but I have hope,. I mean I am employed, my (separated) wife and I are very amicable, my son and I are actually bonding lately, And there’s no reason that I couldn’t start dating.

One thing that stays with me is a message from a friend that said that I’m not that far away from where I want to be. He’s right. As the Years ago part of this thread references, I know how to be healthy. I actually have a decent job with a really good opportunity where I can run two offices. Granted there is pressure, And I’m not the extrovert that this rainmaker career path sort of requires (but I have lots of Mantras about just doing it and going for it and getting outside your comfort zone, so there’s that) and this recent relapse risks ruining the opportunity, but I know that I can get to where I want to go.

It’s not like I want a lot. This recent little drug thing has led to some credit card debt that can be reconciled with some discipline and a few months. I know that I can get healthy and in shape: I was actually working out Near daily until just a few months ago. And if I play my cards right I can bring enough business I can make enough money to buy a house put in a doggie door and get a pup. Because my ultimate life goal is to be a good pet owner. Seriously.

I’m happy for you that you were able to get past this. By all that I’ve heard, cocaine is a tough habit to kick.

BTW your screen name is rather interesting in the context of this thread.

I’m guessing you haven’t read the recent bump at post #59 and beyond.

Moriarty, don’t worry about violating rules. There is nothing about this thread that endorses illegal drug use. To the contrary, it says nothing positive about it.

Good. After a multi day bender, where I barely ate or slept, spent hundreds of dollars, acting shamefully, and endured a horrible headache,

I am done.

I’ve called an old counselor to resume sessions. I’ve got in touch with a cousin who is clean, but who is familiar with this stuff. I have other things I’m working on to change this, too.

I’m very embarrassed that I bumped this thread. I hope it drops off the page again. This is a chapter that I’m eager to close.

I hope you close this chapter, too.

Just keep doing the best you can.

good luck my friend, cocaine is the only drug that i have found that is immediately, upon ingestion, addicting , very addicting !!

peace my friend, I wish you well.