Ask the fortune-teller

If I think it’s the only way a client about to do something really stupid will listen to me, yes. Or if the client is a serious scumbag and deserves rotten treatment, yes.

Fine, but YOU don’t believe that YOU have any connection to the supernatural, do you? You’re not the Pope, are you? You don’t have a direct connection to god, and don’t have any actual way of telling the future.

You say what you offer is “common sense which unfortunately many people don’t have,” but you fail to label it that way. You tell people you are a fortune teller. How is it not complete nonsense, and how are you not a complete scam artist? Unless, that is, you are claiming you have some connection to the supernatural.

The spirits channeling through my 11 year old nephew imparted the secrets of the “Quote” button last night, so that hereafter I can exercise this magical implement for better posting.

Because I am a fortune teller. I have an actual way of telling the future or at least predicting quite close. It’s called thinking. Whether or not I have supernatural gifts I honestly don’t know. On good days, I want to believe everyone on Earth is intelligent and rational and that there is nothing particularly unusual about me. On most days, as I watch the mind-bogglingly level of stupidity most people exhibit, I have this pessimistic thought that unfortunately there are higher spiritual powers and it or they created people like me, so that some of the idiots don’t die from stupidity.

Oh, and I would love to hook the pope (and many other religious leaders) up to a polygraph machine to estimate just how much they actually believe of their religions.

Holy shit, Batman! *Thinking *lets you know what’s going to happen in the future? Maybe I’m not thinking right then, because I have no idea what’s going to happen in the future to other people. Hold on, I’m going to *think *real hard about what’s going to happen next week to the lady in the office next to me. (Thinking furiously!) I *think *she’s going to show up for work next week, but I got little else than that.

So ask the fortune teller anything, eh? Okay, what’s going to happen to me next week? Am I going to buy a new car? If so, what kind? Will I adopt a puppy? What color blouse shall I wear next Wednesday? Ooh, I can’t wait to find out!

Well we’re going to see. Ask your magic powers or the wind, or whoever you communicate with to predict my future, the answers to my questions. That is, if *thinking *fails.

I’d add to that “did they try to upsell you to more expensive services?” I’d be concerned if I went to a fortune-teller and they spent too much time trying to upsell me to more expensive services (that actually applies to any service professional, really- I wouldn’t trust a dentist who spent my whole appointment trying to sell me on teeth whitening, either).

What do you wear? What’s your hair, jewelery, and makeup like when you’re working? What kind of physical environment do you like to work in? Do you use props to set the stage and enhance the “mystical” feeling, like a crystal ball on a side table or something?

Which deck(s) do you use?

Which layout(s) do you use?

For a while, I dabbled with the Crowley Thoth deck and his 5 groups of 3 cards layout.

That’s a good way of seeing it. Kind of like a “Dear Abbey” advice giver for people who only believe they can get advice through mystical means. Like the Wizard of Oz. Nobody would take advice from some old man so he had to hide behind the guise of a powerful wizard so they would listen to common sense.

What do you mean “if”? Don’t you know one way or the other?
I am seeeing teh fuuuuuture and I predict this thread may end…badly.

It depends on the audience. For purely entertainment purposes, say a private party, I have fantasy Gypsy costumes of varying colors (yes, I can match costumes to theme colors.) For clients in a shop, I wear a suit with a slightly softer cut than most tailored business suits, jewelry, a head scarf for cultural reasons, and sometimes an additional head covering if it looks good with the outfit. My hair is always covered. Presentation is important, so the look should be professional yet accessible and of course exotic. I prefer blue over black because I look better in blue. Jewelry that serves a prop purpose is always good. I use lots of props for atmosphere. I like tarot charts and star charts. My favorites are embroidery pieces made by relatives including a giant cross-stitch chart of something called the Celtic tarot which my niece made me. As far is I can tell the Celtic tarot is something invented by a Wicca publishing house a few years ago.

Waite or Rider. I have some specialized decks for entertainment, including vampire, fairy, and cartoon characters. I got the cartoon ones out of Hong Kong over ten years ago. They are hysterical think the Care Bears and My Little Pony as tarot figures. I’m probably going to cry when that deck wears out. Sorry, my layout is a trade secret.

I predict you are not going to enjoy any answer I give you.


I agree. I spend a lot of time telling contractors and sales personnel to take a hike.

FYI, polygraph machines are BS, too.

Hmm…how do you protect your trade secrets from other psychics? Can’t they divine your secrets merely by reading your mind?

Also, can you tell me what’s wrong with my car, and how much it will cost to fix? (Please note that I’ve already used my psychic powers to divine the answer – except, in my case, my “magic card deck” consists of an invoice and a business card.)

More seriously, I can’t determine if “Matthew” wants to keep talking to me. What do your cards say? (You can PM me the answer, if you like.)

:frowning: She’s never going to tell me if I’m getting that puppy or not, or most importantly, what shirt I’m going to wear next Wednesday.

Oh, I can help you with that.

You’re not going to get the puppy because the people at the animal shelter won’t adopt to a person called “Mean Old Lady.”

The shirt you’re going to wear next Wednesday will be the one with the stain on it.