# Ask the Fox News reporter **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 28, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665 "2003-04-28T14:17:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/1 "2003-04-28T14:17:11Z")
For fair and balanced answers to your questions, you can ask me anything you want. Just to help get the ball rolling, I’ll offer a few topics that Fox News Dynamic Polls show are of importance to the American people. (Note: if you are not an American, I am shocked and confused.)[ul][li]Bush administration’s policies for recovering from the Clinton/Gore recession.[/li][li]The US led Coalition of the Willing liberation of Iraq, and the coming liberation of Syria, Iran, Pakistan, and Lebanon. [/li][li]The War on Brown People I Mean Terrorism[/li][li]The US State Department’s plans for a future United Nations[/li][li]Subversive treason by Hollywood’s lair of communist spies[/li][/ul]Remember, I’ll be fair and balanced. So, ask away! ---
**Author:** ![Summertime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@Summertime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Summertime)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/2 "2003-04-28T14:18:36Z")
All terrorists are not brown. My question, Mr. Expert: What is libertarianism? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/3 "2003-04-28T14:23:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Summertime \* > \*\*All terrorists are not brown. > My question, Mr. Expert: > > What is libertarianism? > 😉 \*\* Libertarianism is an off-shoot from the Democrats. Although the Libertarian Party was formed by former Republicans, most Fox News experts agree that these were subversives who had failed in their efforts to infiltrate the Republican Party. Libertarians are typically disgruntled hippies who shoot guns and smoke pot. According to Fox News experts, the Libertarian Party is composed mostly of homosexual cross-dressers and other sexual deviants. They seem to have some grasp of economic issues, but are far out of the mainstream on social issues. ---
**Author:** ![Summertime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@Summertime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Summertime)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/4 "2003-04-28T14:25:24Z")
Where is the former Iraqui Information Minister? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/5 "2003-04-28T14:31:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Summertime \* > \*\*Where is the former Iraqui Information Minister? \*\* No one knows for sure, but as coalition forces continue to amass a mountain of evidence concerning Iraq’s weapons of mass destructions and ties to Al-Qaeda terrorists, Fox News experts believe that Uhmad Said al-Sahaf is in the protective custody of either Susan Sarandon or Martin Sheen. ---
**Author:** ![Netbrian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71e660/32.png) [@Netbrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Netbrian)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/6 "2003-04-28T14:37:01Z")
Have you uncovered any more evidence of Saddam Hussein’s communist ties? ---
**Author:** ![Summertime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@Summertime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Summertime)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/7 "2003-04-28T14:41:03Z")
communist ties-they’re all red ! ha! Okay, so what does it take (credentials-wise) to become a Fox News Reporter? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/8 "2003-04-28T14:43:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Netbrian \* > \*\*Have you uncovered any more evidence of Saddam Hussein’s communist ties? \*\* Yes. More than you can imagine. So far, Fox News has learned from credible sources that Saddam had direct ties to Fidel Castro, Usama bin Laden, NAMBLA, Benedict Arnold, Judas, Madonna, and Beelzebub. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/9 "2003-04-28T14:47:54Z")
Why are we in a recession now and what will our Fearless Leader GW Bush do to pull us out of it? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/10 "2003-04-28T15:01:34Z")
Since this is mostly a slam on Fox News and/or the GOP (not that I personally mind on either account), it’s better off in the Pit. Down the hatch! ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/11 "2003-04-28T15:10:13Z")
What is the Fox News annual budget for eye makeup? (It’s OK to round off your answer to the nearest ten million dollars.) ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/12 "2003-04-28T15:15:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Summertime \* > \*\*communist ties-they’re all red ! > ha! > > Okay, so what does it take (credentials-wise) to become a Fox News Reporter? \*\* To be a reporter or hold a news desk, you have to be young, good looking, dynamic, and well built. But to qualify as one of our liberal commentators, you need only to wear thick glasses, have unkempt hair, and come across as an elitist ass. ---
**Author:** ![djf750](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ea666f/32.png) [@djf750](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/djf750)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/13 "2003-04-28T15:16:22Z")
Why do I get dizzy when I watch “The No Spin Zone?” ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/14 "2003-04-28T15:22:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ShibbOleth \* > \*\*Why are we in a recession now and what will our Fearless Leader GW Bush do to pull us out of it? \*\* Fox News experts believe that the Clinton/Gore recession was the result of runaway government spending, secret deals with communist China, and overall moral indecency. The impeached administration vetoed many bipartisan attempts to forestall a recession, such as the bill that would have banned partial birth abortions. Our experts say that the recession can be fought with a vigorous tax cut package directed at people with the means to invest along with packages that will subsidize faith-based charities. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/15 "2003-04-28T15:28:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Summertime \* > \*\*communist ties-they’re all red ! > ha! > > Okay, so what does it take (credentials-wise) to become a Fox News Reporter? \*\* A Republican party card, and knowledge of at least **three** Clinton jokes. To the OP: Who is more evil, Bill Clinton or Osama bin Laden? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/16 "2003-04-28T15:30:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by december \* > \*\*What is the Fox News annual budget for eye makeup? (It’s OK to round off your answer to the nearest ten million dollars.) \*\* If you include Sheppard Smith, it’s a fairly high-budget item. Fox News normally does not disclose expenses on-air, but I think it’s appropriate here to point out that the president of CNN sold out to a murderous dictator so his network could have coverage inside Iraq. We do not waste a dime on propping up enemies of the United States. […fade to shot of flag in breeze, superceded by face of American soldier…] ---
**Author:** ![Payton\_s\_Servant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3da27b/32.png) [@Payton\_s\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Payton_s_Servant)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/17 "2003-04-28T15:35:32Z")
I think my daddy’s copy of **Playboy** is broken, 'cause I’ve been looking at it for 3 hours and I still haven’t gotten a boner. What should I do? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/18 "2003-04-28T15:37:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by djf750 \* > \*\*Why do I get dizzy when I watch “The No Spin Zone?” \*\* Fox News experts believe that it is most likely because you are an extremist left-liberal, and therefore perceive our fair and balanced coverage as insufficiently representative of your hatred for the United States. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/19 "2003-04-28T15:41:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elf6c \* > \*\*A Republican party card, and knowledge of at least **three** Clinton jokes. > > To the OP: Who is more evil, Bill Clinton or Osama bin Laden? \*\* This is difficult to answer. Our Fox News analysts point out that both are immoral, egomaniacal, and treacherous. Usama had his World Trade Center, but Clinton had his Waco. Your question would have been easier to answer had you included Senator Hillary Clinton. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665/20 "2003-04-28T15:46:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Payton’s Servant \* > \*\*I think my daddy’s copy of **Playboy** is broken, 'cause I’ve been looking at it for 3 hours and I still haven’t gotten a boner. > > What should I do? \*\* This is something that you should discuss with your priest in his private office. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-fox-news-reporter/171665.md?page=2)