# \[Ask the Funeral Director who's a\] New Member \[edited title\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 2, 2011, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142 "2011-06-02T23:55:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2017, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/201 "2017-06-21T19:33:24Z")
> [@CoffinMan](#): > > One of the posters previously mentioned the assumed difficulties a funeral director would face if dealing with a family member’s arrangements - since 2011 since I last posted on this page, I have had the unique experience of doing just this for a few family members - my young wife in particular passed away unexpectedly in 2014 and I handled the arrangements. Since she was only 36 when she passed, the coroners office did a full postmortem which I did not expect, having been told by a contact at the coroner’s office that they would likely only do a blood draw for tox screening - she came to back to my mortuary in dire need of reconstruction by my morgue staff. I do not know if seeing her in this condition affected my ability to mourn, which I must admit I think has been reduced somewhat because of my professional need to disconnect and compartmentalize my emotions to get through everything. I am sorry to hear of the death of your wife. I see in the earlier discussion, people have mentioned Mitford’s “The American Way of Death”. I am curious, are you familiar with Caitlin Doughty’s organization Order of the Good Death and do you think it is a positive step in terms of americans dealing with death and loss? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2017, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/202 "2017-06-21T19:34:56Z")
Welcome back, **Coffin Man** , this was a fascinating thread then and now! I am sorry, though, to hear about your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2017, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/203 "2017-06-21T20:11:30Z")
> [@CoffinMan](#): > > I apologize for the delay in my response Glad you’re not dead and that your back on the boards. But I’m very sad for you losing your wife at such a young age. I wish you the very best in moving forward through the grief and forward through life. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2017, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/204 "2017-06-21T22:47:37Z")
At the cemetery, following the death of my grandfather, a cousin of mine asked the funeral director, who happened to be a neighbor, a question about taking some flowers from the coffin. Then she asked about one of the other funeral home employees, deeming him “cute” Our neighbor called the guy over, introduced them, and left. His explanation was “When I was in school for this job, do you know how hard it was to get a date?” I believe my cousin did end up going out with the guy a couple of times. Would you say other young people going into the job might have similar problems? ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2017, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/205 "2017-06-21T23:11:30Z")
> [@CoffinMan](#): > > Because of physical changes that occur after death it is inherently difficult - albeit not impossible - to put shoes on the decdent. Additionally, because typically during either a viewing or a funeral the lower portion from waist down is not visible. Again if wearing shoes is requested by a family we will our bedt to accommodate. Hello, and welcome! This got me thinking about when my mom passed. She had actually told my oldest sister years before that, this is the dress I want to be buried in. It happened to be a dress she had worn to another sister’s wedding. In any event, when the time came, my sister couldn’t find shoes to go with the dress so she told the funeral director, cover up her feet. Mom laid in the casket with her legs and feet covered with a blanket. She looked extremely comfortable. I think things like that probably happen very often. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2017, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/206 "2017-06-21T23:13:40Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Graves are something he just fell into? Johnny, you’ve had me rolling over with your one liners, at least I’m not rolling over in my grave 😊. ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2017, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/207 "2017-06-22T01:30:21Z")
I have found this to be a very interesting thread, glad to see you on here, and I am sorry to hear of the loss of your wife _HUGS_ How often do you find “gallows” humor to be used as a coping mechanism in families? Do you or your colleagues use similar strategies to cope? Also, have you ever seen this old [Nichols and May](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLkuNnnp89g&t=29s) sketch? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2017, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/208 "2017-06-22T01:40:50Z")
> [@Patx2](#): > > Johnny, you’ve had me rolling over with your one liners, at least I’m not rolling over in my grave 😊. I haven’t re-read the whole thread. Did I mention the funeral home that had a pre-need program where you pay in instalments? It was a lay-away plan. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2017, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/209 "2017-06-22T04:01:32Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Are either embalming or a casket a legal requirement for cremation? Unfortunately, I recently had reason to learn the answer to this one so I’ll jump in. At least in the state of Indiana if services/viewing are not part of the plan and the cremation takes place within a certain window of time, no, neither embalming nor casket is a legal requirement for cremation. \*_CoffinMan_, I’m sorry to hear of the death of your wife, my condolences. My husband died recently so I definitely sympathize. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2017, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/210 "2017-06-22T04:02:42Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Are either embalming or a casket a legal requirement for cremation? Unfortunately, I recently had reason to learn the answer to this one so I’ll jump in. At least in the state of Indiana if services/viewing are not part of the plan and the cremation takes place within a certain window of time, no, neither embalming nor casket is a legal requirement for cremation. I suspect that the exact rules will vary from one place to another. **CoffinMan** , I’m sorry to hear of the death of your wife, my condolences. My husband died recently so I definitely sympathize. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2017, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/211 "2017-06-22T13:43:26Z")
Welcome. I work in a discount store, and a customer once bought twenty tubes of Krazy Glue. I said “I have to ask you. What are you doing with all that Krazy Glue?” He replied “Oh, I’m a funeral director. We use a lot of it.” I declined to question him further, but would you like to explain it? ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2017, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/212 "2017-06-22T13:48:09Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Welcome. I work in a discount store, and a customer once bought twenty tubes of Krazy Glue. I said “I have to ask you. What are you doing with all that Krazy Glue?” He replied “Oh, I’m a funeral director. We use a lot of it.” I declined to question him further, but would you like to explain it? I’ve always heard that eyelids have to be glued shut unless the family wants a rather morbid sort of corpse at the viewing. I imagine Crazy Glue would be useful for other more mundane things like keeping flower arrangements intact also. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2017, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/213 "2017-06-22T14:39:20Z")
Not to be too gruesome, but crazy glue is also used for things like preventing “anal leakage”, which is just what it sounds like, and would also be useful for sealing up cuts/gashes which I think might be part of what \*\*CoffinMan \*\*meant when discussing “reconstruction” after his wife’s autopsy. My grandparents were undertakers/funeral directors back in the day and my dad was involved in the family business for awhile (he went to college and became a pharmacist in part to get out of it). I know a bit more than average about these things, even if some of my knowledge is dated. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2017, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/214 "2017-06-22T15:31:49Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I’ve always heard that eyelids have to be glued shut unless the family wants a rather morbid sort of corpse at the viewing. I always thought the eyelids were held closed with sort of spiky contact lenses. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2017, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/215 "2017-06-22T15:34:23Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I haven’t re-read the whole thread. > > Did I mention the funeral home that had a pre-need program where you pay in instalments? It was a lay-away plan. Nice 😊 ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/216 "2017-06-23T17:42:26Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Are either embalming or a casket a legal requirement for cremation? I do know that most crematories require some sort of durable outer container (read: cremation casket) house the decedent in order to accept them for cremation. I do not know if this is a regulation, however since I have heard of some cremation societies doing cremations in body bags. Embalming is not legally required, however I usually recommend it be done as a cost savings measure since there are daily fees for refrigeration. Refrigeration is legally required for any remains which are not embalmed, and the fees are such that after just a few days the cost of refrigeration will exceed the cost of embalming. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/217 "2017-06-23T17:45:12Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I always thought the eyelids were held closed with sort of spiky contact lenses. In most cases there are eyecaps that are placed under the eyelids in order to keep them closed, however the eyelids may not appear to be completely closed or can still open slightly over time which is why most reconstructive artists use a crazy glue type of adhesive to ensure the eyes remains shut. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/218 "2017-06-23T17:49:27Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > “What are you doing with all that Krazy Glue?” He replied “Oh, I’m a funeral director. We use a lot of it.” I declined to question him further, but would you like to explain it? Crazy glue is actually used to prepare remains for viewings, in order to ensure the eyelids and mouth remains closed and sealed and in some reconstruction, like in cases where a full post mortem exam took place and the scalp needs to be fastened back on the remains. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/219 "2017-06-23T17:52:41Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Not to be too gruesome, but crazy glue is also used for things like preventing “anal leakage”, which is just what it sounds like, and would also be useful for sealing up cuts/gashes which I think might be part of what \*\*CoffinMan \*\*meant when discussing “reconstruction” after his wife’s autopsy. There is a special device used to secure the sphincter of remains from leakage - it looks like a threaded butt plug. Usually this won’t require the application of any adhesive but I can totally see crazy glue being used for that purpose. I frequently seal paper cuts with crazy glue, and in this same way it can be used to seal small lacerations on the remains too. Apparently this is what it was actually invented to do. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/220 "2017-06-23T17:55:05Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > **CoffinMan** , I’m sorry to hear of the death of your wife, my condolences. My husband died recently so I definitely sympathize. Thank you for your kind condolences. I am sorry to hear about your husband’s passing as well. For me time has made my loss easier to bear, but widowed people all have suffered a wound that won’t ever totally hear, though over time we become accustomed to living with the chronic pain. Thanks again! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142.md?page=12)