# \[Ask the Funeral Director who's a\] New Member \[edited title\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 2, 2011, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142 "2011-06-02T23:55:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/61 "2011-06-12T07:50:15Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > How do you square the naked merchandising aspect of the job with the fact that, in some cases, you’re meeting and (marketing to) these people on the very worst, most vulnerable, day of their lives? Any moral qualms? How do you handle it? > > I apologize if I’m a bit acrimonious about this. I have not had very good experiences with funeral directors, who, in my direct personal experience, have been unctuous, mealy-mouthed used car salesmen. The guy who sidled up to my father, who had just held his wife of 54 years in his arms as she convulsed and died, and whisperingly tried to sell him some cheap gewgaw to be included in the casket to accompany my mother into the Great Beyond (for only $800 extra!), made me want to punch his face in. > > Likewise the guy who charged us for the liner for my grandmother’s grave, and then tried to avoid installing one. Sorry to hear about your mother - and especially about the insensitive way that director treated your father. I would have wanted to punch him too. Admittedly, there are some funeral directors out there that are not good and decent people. I would like to think that they are the exception and not the rule because the majority of the folks I have worked with have been very caring and committed to the families they serve. Personally, I have no moral qualms about selling merchandise, but I never steer anyone toward any piece of merchandise and instead allow them to choose for themselves. I do not get commission and have no ulterior motives, and even notify them that they can feel free to purchase the merchandise elsewhere for our use if they so desire. (I thought I had posted a response to your post earlier, but couldn’t see it so here, so I tried my best to remember what I had said earlier. Sorry for the delay in reply) ---
**Author:** ![AaronX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7bcc69/32.png) [@AaronX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AaronX)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/62 "2011-06-12T07:58:58Z")
> [@CoffinMan](#): > > Aaron: > > But in all seriousness, I think it would be incredibly bad publicity if it came out that developers put their building on a cemetery without removing the dead from the grounds. I am not sure if there is a regulation on the books about this, but my assumption is that this must be a legal requirement (or if it isn’t then it should be) > > There is always the potential for not realizing that the area you are developing was formerly a cemetery, however - see this link: > > [Chinese laborers finally rest in peace](http://articles.latimes.com/2010/sep/05/local/la-me-memorial-wall-20100905) Thanks for the reply! I just noticed this recently. My wife thinks they’ll let families arrange their own exhumations, then bulldoze the ground, including any unclaimed coffins :eek: I had a vision of coffins being dug out and split apart with earth mover machines and mummies falling out and thought, :dubious: Don’t they pump formaldehyde into the body during embalming? Wouldn’t that be good enough to get the flame going? I read in Stiff it’s colored red, to make the body look more lifelike. I really like Stiff too (I bought all her books, including Packing For Mars). Do you use those contact lens-like “eye-closers”? ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/63 "2011-06-12T08:02:32Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > When you find someone wondering away from the viewing room (and into rooms that they really shouldn’t be, but some people are just nosy that way) have you ever had the temptation to clap them on the shoulder from behind and say, > [Angus Scrim]“[The Funeral is About to Begin…Sir!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5LJ5SDot0Q)”[/Angus Scrim] I have had that exact temptation, now that you mention it! And anytime I am inside an indoor mausoleum, I cannot help but think that there’s a silver flying orb is lurking around the corner waiting to fly at me. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/64 "2011-06-12T08:06:24Z")
> [@AaronX](#): > > Don’t they pump formaldehyde into the body during embalming? Wouldn’t that be good enough to get the flame going? I read in Stiff it’s colored red, to make the body look more lifelike. > > I really like Stiff too (I bought all her books, including Packing For Mars). Do you use those contact lens-like “eye-closers”? Though this is something that is done by the embalmers and morgue staff, they do have a fastener that is _occasionally_ used to close the eyes. I do know that some of the compounds used in embalming are meant to impart a more lifelike appearance, but if this is really because of the red coloration I cannot confirm - though admittedly it makes some sense. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/65 "2011-06-12T08:22:22Z")
> [@alphaboi867](#): > > (bolding mine) > > :eek: Now I’m picturing a body falling out of a casket while the pallbearers are trying to move it. Is _that_ what you were implying? Have you ever had any diasters like that happen during a service? When a body is in too bad a shape for an open casket (ie left rotting in a hot apartment for days, burned or mutilated beyond recognition, bones found in the woods, etc) is it still dressed before burial (if so are hair & makeup still done)? Have you ever had a client (ie the live person arranging the funeral) insist on an open casket when the body simply cannot be restored? What about exhumation; have you ever been present at one? Is it true that the casket must be opened even if it’s just being moved to another plot? What “precautions” must the workers take before opening a sealed casket that’s had a body in it decomposing for several years? For whatever anectdotal evidence is worth, I have heard some horror stories regarding shoddy caskets. I have been fortuanate not to have had it happen to me. Occasionally we have had remains that were in poor condition. Whenever possible we will do our best to accomodate the wishes of the family, but as have mentioned before, our reconstructive artists can only do so much. If I feel that viewing the remains will be unduly traumatic, it is my duty to let the family know that it is not my recomendation to proceed with a viewing. There are universal safety precautions that must be taken anytime you deal with remains, and these are a matter of procedure for whenever we do a disinterment. I have never heard that a casket has to be opened in order to be reinterred. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/66 "2011-06-12T11:37:01Z")
> [@CoffinMan](#): > > There is a large national funeral industry conglomerate who I will not name that is well know in the industry for their profit motivated operations- a quick google search will point you to them - and they charge more than double in fees than we do and mark up their merchandise to the highest level possible. Batesville Casket Company? ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/67 "2011-06-12T15:44:06Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Batesville Casket Company? No, not Batesville which is a decent and respectable company with a reputation for outstanding customer service and a long history of good products made in America. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/68 "2011-06-12T17:25:12Z")
**CoffinMan** , thank you for the answers to my questions. Much appreciated! ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/69 "2011-06-12T17:47:20Z")
In the UK and Ireland Pallbearers actually carry the coffin on [their shoulders](http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-13708943). I understand this isn’t common in the US. So, my questions: How is the coffin transported? What do the “pallbearers” do in the US? If the relatives wanted to carry the coffin, could they? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/70 "2011-06-12T17:53:36Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > How is the coffin transported? > What do the “pallbearers” do in the US? > If the relatives wanted to carry the coffin, could they? When a great-aunt died, the casket was wheeled to the door of the church. The pallbearers, who were relatives. picked up the casket by its handles and carried it to the hearse. One of my aunts, who was standing near me, muttered ‘Please don’t drop it!’ 😛 ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/71 "2011-06-12T18:01:35Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > In the UK and Ireland Pallbearers actually carry the coffin on [their shoulders](http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-13708943). > > I understand this isn’t common in the US. > > So, my questions: > > How is the coffin transported? > What do the “pallbearers” do in the US? > If the relatives wanted to carry the coffin, could they? For the most part (at least from my experience with funerals) it’s transported on something akin to a gurney. The duty of the pallbearers is to transfer it from the hearse to the gurney and back again. It’s held by rails along the side (see [here](http://www.bestpricecaskets.com/store/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=BPC&Category_Code=Solid_Wood_Caskets) for some random examples). Relatives do indeed carry the coffin, as much as it is carried. My siblings and I, including my two sisters, served as pallbearers at my father’s funeral. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/72 "2011-06-12T18:57:22Z")
As for the large chain that jacks up prices, I would assume he’s talking about one of the large national chains like Service Corporation International. Maybe he’s smart not to name them, though–they will bury you! While googling, I found this about a suit filed five years ago: > [@](#): > > The nonprofit watchdog group Funeral Consumers Alliance, headquartered in Burlington, Vt., is the lead plaintiff in the consumer lawsuits. It alleges a conspiracy to fix casket prices by SCI, competing funeral-home chain operators Alderwoods Group Inc. and Stewart Enterprises Inc., and the country’s largest casket maker, the Batesville Casket Co. Personally, I want to be buried wearing a Kirkland-brand shirt, with a fifth of Kirkland-brand vodka, in a Kirkland-brand coffin. My pallbearers will throw in some of those $1.25 hot dogs on top. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/73 "2011-06-12T19:23:10Z")
> [@OttoDaFe](#): > > For the most part… it’s transported on something akin to a gurney. I always imagine them (and patients, too) being transported on guernseys. . ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/74 "2011-06-12T20:35:16Z")
> [@OttoDaFe](#): > > For the most part (at least from my experience with funerals) it’s transported on something akin to a gurney. The duty of the pallbearers is to transfer it from the hearse to the gurney and back again. It’s held by rails along the side (see [here](http://www.bestpricecaskets.com/store/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=BPC&Category_Code=Solid_Wood_Caskets) for some random examples). > > Relatives do indeed carry the coffin, as much as it is carried. My siblings and I, including my two sisters, served as pallbearers at my father’s funeral. We do typically utilize what we refer to as a “church truck” or “casket cart” which is used to support the weight of the casket and allow the casket to be rolled from the funeral coach to the chapel. Pallbearers are given the honor of bearing the weight of the casket when it is lifted on and off of the cart. Additionally, at the graveside the pallbearers will carry the casket by it’s support rails and handles (though I do understand that in Europe they do in fact lift the casket onto their shoulders) from the coach to the burial site. Family members may serve as pallbearers if they wish - this includes women as well. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/75 "2011-06-12T20:48:15Z")
> [@Erdosain](#): > > Personally, I want to be buried wearing a Kirkland-brand shirt, with a fifth of Kirkland-brand vodka, in a Kirkland-brand coffin. My pallbearers will throw in some of those $1.25 hot dogs on top. Though I will not confirm or deny what specific company or companies I have been referring to when I talked about the conglomerates coming in to take over the industry, I think enough information exists elsewhere that you good folks can utilize to formulate your own educated opinion on the matter. I suspect that a lot of the bad press has come about due to the actions of the conglomerate(s) which are, like many big businesses, more concerned about profits than the people they serve. If in fact the funeral home I now devote my efforts to representing had a business model of that type, I would refuse to be a part of their world. A lot of this negative press - none of which is the fault of good funeral homes like the one at which I am employed - makes my job as a funeral director all the more difficult. Many people come to me in a combative state and are hypersensitive about what we are charging for our services and our merchandise even though our prices are well below the average market and considerably less than those of the conglomerate chains. In the end, the majority come to understand - though it is not without difficulty. In some cases, the bereaved mistrust us so much from the onset that I suspect they are wary of everything that we do even after they detect that we are not out to con them out of their money. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/76 "2011-06-12T20:56:37Z")
By the way: When I pass, I intend to be embalmed as that can be done for a low one time fee as opposed to daily fee of refrigeration that will accrue during the 3 to 5 business day period it typically takes to get a permit for disposition. I leave it up to my family to choose to have a viewing and to purchase or not to purchase merchandise. If they wish they can cremate me in a simple cardboard casket or they can buy one made out of solid gold and modeled after the casket of King Tut if they wish (though I know that a solid gold casket is way, way outside of my wife’s tastes) I authorize them to scatter my ashes or have my ashes interred in a grave if they wish. My wife and I have been discussing the idea that whoever goes first will hold on to the other’s ashes and then when the second passes we can both be scattered or intered at that time since it represents a cost savings. Since I am not a supporter of what the big-box meglomarts of our times do to small american businesses, I would prefer that they not purchase my casket from there. I have, however, been toying with the idea of making my own casket in the garage and using it, in the meantime, as a coffee table - though I have yet to convince my wife that this would look good in our living room. One thing that I have learned, however, is that services exist for the comfort of the living, not the dead. So even with my specific instructions, I authorize my wife to alter and modify these instructions in any way she sees fit if it will be of more comfort to her. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/77 "2011-06-12T21:34:04Z")
So, if a traditional Irish family actually wanted to shoulder the coffin, not just put it onto and off a cart- would that be a problem? ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/78 "2011-06-12T21:57:08Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > So, if a traditional Irish family actually wanted to shoulder the coffin, not just put it onto and off a cart- would that be a problem? As long as the pallbearers are physically capable of doing doing this I have no problem working this out- though I have heard of other funeral homes in California requiring Pallbearers to sign a liability waiver before they are allowed to participate. Glad my home doesn’t require this since I don’t groove with this concept. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/79 "2011-06-12T22:56:34Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > **CoffinMan** , thank you for the answers to my questions. Much appreciated! Spoons, it is my pleasure. Here is an interesting article that talks about some of the problems family owned and operated funeral homes are experiencing in the industry. Not all of the information is entirely accurate, but it provides some very interesting background nonetheless. There may come a time when a consumer has little choice but to go to the conglomerates: [http://www.interment.com/articles/goliaths.html](http://www.interment.com/articles/goliaths.html) ---
**Author:** ![user\_hostile](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/user_hostile/32/474_2.png) [@user\_hostile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/user_hostile)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/80 "2011-06-12T23:36:42Z")
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