# \[Ask the Funeral Director who's a\] New Member \[edited title\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 2, 2011, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142 "2011-06-02T23:55:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/81 "2011-06-12T23:56:51Z")
> [@user\_hostile](#): > > Is difficult to deal with deceased children? Or at least the first time? It was extremely difficult to deal with the first case involving a child- to this day I still find babies and young children to be the most emotionally difficult cases. As a director these cases break my heart, but I cannot begin to imagine the pain and sorrow the parents must feel. ---
**Author:** ![user\_hostile](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/user_hostile/32/474_2.png) [@user\_hostile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/user_hostile)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/82 "2011-06-13T00:31:27Z")
Thanks for the quick answer. The questions was prompted by a friend of mine who was a radiologist technician in a coroner’s office in Southern California. When she started the job, she was naturally squeamish the first day, but fully accustomed to the work by the second week. That is until she encountered a child (six year old) who had been beaten to death by a parent. Nobody had warned her when she walked in. She remained professional, shot the pictures and then went home for the rest of the day to weep. To their credit, management put two-and-two together and required that the age and cause of death be given to the techs before they started the process. It made a difference , she told me, because it gave her time to prepare for the shoot, and remain composed for the rest of the day. But she said you never get used to it. What do you do in your off-time? A stereotype of a funeral director would suggest they tend to be low-key and conservative in their activities. Know any that participate in risky sports (Hang-gliding, sky-diving, etc.)? ---
**Author:** ![RalfCoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@RalfCoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RalfCoder)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/83 "2011-06-13T13:53:41Z")
**Coffinman** , thank you for a very informative thread, and a chance to look a bit into a business that I’ve never had much cause to investigate. I’ll have to go find the books that have been mentioned here. Before my mother died, she had set up a living trust and pre-planned almost everything. She already had the grave site and headstone purchased. It was almost a turnkey operation for us. We just notified the funeral director, met with him a couple of times to go through what she had requested and settle a few minor details, and put the plan into motion. As a surviving child, I have to say that this was very easy for us. I’ve recommended it to others, and my wife and I plan to do much the same thing at some point. Do you do a lot of such pre-planned services, or are the majority put together at the last minute, so to speak? And I have to compliment the funeral director Mom chose. He was very professional throughout, very courteous, and personable. I took a liking to him immediately, and if he wasn’t so far away, I’d pick him now to do my service. One thing I picked up from dealing with him was that it seemed that his operation was almost a franchise. He was with a Life Story funeral home. A web search shows that these seem to be mostly in Michigan, Indiana, and Illinois. It didn’t seem at all to be like the corporate-owned funeral homes like those described earlier. Are there such franchises in the industry? ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/84 "2011-06-13T14:19:37Z")
When Grandpa goes, I’d like to brn him p in the backyard. Are there any legal problems with this? Grandpa ought to be combustible-he drinks 4-5 martinis every night. Also, I built a coffin out of plywood and 2x4’s-is this acceptable? ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/85 "2011-06-13T15:18:39Z")
Thanks for your response to my question and for continuing the thread! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![xkit0katx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/50afbb/32.png) [@xkit0katx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xkit0katx)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/86 "2011-06-13T15:26:54Z")
My (rather flippant) go-to quip whenever death/funerals come up in conversation is “I want a viking\* burial” 😉 But, on a serious note, is that possible in today’s society and/or legal? \*stick body in a boat, shove off, remotely ignite ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/87 "2011-06-13T21:19:22Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > When Grandpa goes, I’d like to brn him p in the backyard. Are there any legal problems with this? > Grandpa ought to be combustible-he drinks 4-5 martinis every night. > Also, I built a coffin out of plywood and 2x4’s-is this acceptable? Your casket should be fine as long as it can bear the weight of the remains without falling apart. Cremating in your background will be problematic, however. There are likely a long list of regulations in your city and state and also on the Federal level that will make this impossible fir you to do. Since this is a legal issue and since I am not an attorney I am precluded from interpreting these regulations for you. Suffice it to say that it would not be my recommendation to do this on your own and I would recommend that you have a professional take care if any cremation instead. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/88 "2011-06-13T21:22:44Z")
> [@xkit0katx](#): > > My (rather flippant) go-to quip whenever death/funerals come up in conversation is > “I want a viking\* burial” 😉 > But, on a serious note, is that possible in today’s society and/or legal? > > \*stick body in a boat, shove off, remotely ignite As I mentioned in a response to a similar question I don’t believe that this would b allowable. There are a number of regulations that would likely prohibit this. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/89 "2011-06-13T21:32:40Z")
> [@user\_hostile](#): > > Thanks for the quick answer. > What do you do in your off-time? A stereotype of a funeral director would suggest they tend to be low-key and conservative in their activities. Know any that participate in risky sports (Hang-gliding, sky-diving, etc.)? Funeral directors are regular people with an unusual job - some of us quiet and restrained, others outgoing and vivacious. We are liberals, conservatives, tea party, red, blue, gay, straight, married, single, puritanical and promiscuous, risky or risk adverse. Personally I used to be wilder in my college days - used to play the clubs in my punk band for what it’s worth- but have mellowed now as a married middle aged dude. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/90 "2011-06-13T21:54:36Z")
> [@CoffinMan](#): > > There is a large national funeral industry conglomerate who I will not name that is well know in the industry for their profit motivated operations- a quick google search will point you to them - [StoneMor Partners](http://www.stonemor.com/)? I met the President and CFO at an MLP conference about a year ago. Interesting business model. Their investors get a pretty good returns because of the tax advantages that are derived from the partnership structure. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/91 "2011-06-13T22:42:07Z")
RalfCoder, thanks for your kind words. I am glad that you had a positive experience. Though I am not familiar with LifeStory Mortuary, it sounds like they did right by you and your family do they have my respect. Preneeds or pre arranged funerals are a good idea indeed, and not just because of the financial savings they can bring to a family, but also because it makes things much easier for the bereaved. Best of all it gives s person an opportunity to have authority over their own funeral service which I think is a positive thing. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/92 "2011-06-13T22:50:47Z")
Omar - I am not familiar with that company but have no issue with a coronation making money as long as they are not engaged in bad practices and operate with compassion and respect for the families they serve. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/93 "2011-06-13T23:47:30Z")
apologies - I have been responding today from my iPhone and looking over what I had written I see numerous points where the auto correct function has made what I wrote sound pretty weird. though you probably can figure out what I meant in context - damn you iPhone! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/94 "2011-06-14T01:47:57Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > Grandpa ought to be combustible-he drinks 4-5 martinis every night. I knew an Irishman who died, and his body was cremated. It took them three days to put out the fire. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/95 "2011-06-14T12:37:23Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I knew an Irishman who died, and his body was cremated. It took them three days to put out the fire. …It wouldn’t have been so bad if it weren’t that so many mourners wanted a ‘light’. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/96 "2011-06-14T13:41:59Z")
In some families in Ireland (like ours), there are old style wakes, where the body is laid out in a coffin in the family home. Do such arrangements exist in the US? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/97 "2011-06-14T15:55:16Z")
> [@An\_Gadai](#): > > In some families in Ireland (like ours), there are old style wakes, where the body is laid out in a coffin in the family home. Do such arrangements exist in the US? A first cousin of mine died in a car wreck (he wrecked the car) when I was seven years old. Cousin was around age 21 I believe. Anyways, he was laid out in the parlor (what? this was in the country. country homes have parlors) of my aunt’s and uncle’s house. This is the only time I have ever seen this done. They also took pictures of my cousin lying in the casket and my aunt had one framed and in said parlor. I avoided that room at all costs from then on cause, well, big framed picture of my cousin in a coffin. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/98 "2011-06-14T15:56:55Z")
> [@An\_Gadai](#): > > In some families in Ireland (like ours), there are old style wakes, where the body is laid out in a coffin in the family home. Do such arrangements exist in the US? Occasionally a family will request a wake, visitation, or even a funeral service at their home. Our funeral home would have no problem accomodating such a request and I am certain that the majority of the mortuaries in the states would likewise be willing to accomodate this sort of request. Truthfully there are no real issues other than those pertaining to pure logistics and those usually be overcome with a little careful planning. Thanks for your question! ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/99 "2011-06-14T17:46:55Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > A first cousin of mine died in a car wreck (he wrecked the car) when I was seven years old. Cousin was around age 21 I believe. Anyways, he was laid out in the parlor (what? this was in the country. country homes have parlors) of my aunt’s and uncle’s house. This is the only time I have ever seen this done. They also took pictures of my cousin lying in the casket and my aunt had one framed and in said parlor. I avoided that room at all costs from then on cause, well, big framed picture of my cousin in a coffin. :eek: Yeah my dad was waked in our house. Taking photos of the corpse seems to be common enough in Germany but it’s not something that most (anyone?) would do here. ---
**Author:** ![staili](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c57346/32.png) [@staili](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/staili)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142/100 "2011-06-14T18:06:43Z")
Sorry for the silly question, but why aren’t most people buried with shoes on? Is there a technical reason? If they’re wearing underwear and often wearing a suit, I’d think they’d be wearing shoes, too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-funeral-director-whos-a-new-member-edited-title/584142.md?page=6)