# Ask the Gay Guy II! **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [May 9, 2000, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028 "2000-05-09T18:13:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 19
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2000, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/361 "2000-09-16T12:16:34Z")
I apologize if this has been covered, but i dont have the time nor the inclination to wade through both of these threads and see if it was discussed ;). I found a site, [http://www.straightacting.com](http://www.straightacting.com). On it, it talks about the idea of guys who are “straight acting” and says: > [@](#): > > Unlike what other people might say, calling someone “straight acting” or someone looking for someone else that is “straight acting” is not a way to “diminish gays as human beings or marginalize the gay community.” It’s called PREFERENCE…nothing more, nothing less. Don’t discriminate against people that express their preference! > > Just as people have preferences for the type of guys they like, for example, “TALL men”, many of us have a preference for “straight acting” men-- Men that have very few effeminate traits but still like to get down with other men. Now, i guess I fit the definition of “straight acting”. I exhibit very few effeminate traits. In fact, many of the dopers who have met me have said they really couldnt tell at all that I was gay. One said i was the “straightest gay man” he met (I guess i’m skyslash’s gay counterpart ;)). I really dont see myself as trying to act straight. I just see myself as me being me. Perhaps because i grew up in a house full of guys (two brothers, and dad) i’m the way I am, but who knows? (in fact, a couple of my friends speculated that might be why i dont seem at all particularly effeminate, but I hesitate to make that conclusion). There is also a quiz on that site you can take. I got a level four: > [@](#): > > Your score is 73 > > LEVEL 4 – SOMEWHAT STRAIGHT ACTING > > A few people might suspect that you might not be a heterosexual. No one knows for sure, but there are rumors about what you’re doing on the weekends. Most of your traits are straight acting but a few traits you have are causing people to wonder, but nothing is so apparent that anyone is sure enough to bring it up. I think this is fairly accurate of me. I remember mike saying that he and our group of friends speculated a little about me, but then thought that i wasn’t gay. He says because he really didnt suspect I was gay, it was a bigger shock to him when I came out, than it was when it was confirmed our friend David was gay (who i’ve already discussed in this thread). Anyway, i thought i’d ask you, oh Gay Guy what you thought about the whole “straight acting” thing. PLUS: Recently on my school’s message board, some guy posted some crap about gays being punished by God with AIDS, and how unnatural we gays are, etc. It was typical bigot crap. Shockingly, he claimed he worked at Planned Parenthood, then went on to claim AIDS is a “gay disease”. If anyone is interested in reading the original post, I can send it to you through email, if they haven’t cleaned the message board up (it’s amusing just to read the spelling and grammatical mistakes. He called AIDS the “BLACK PLEDGE”). Suffice to say, I was quite pleased to see him get over 100 responses of dissaproval and disgust about what he wrote. That’s probably about the only thread anyone on that message board who posts, could agree on (it brought several people out of the woodwork who never post). ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2000, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/362 "2000-09-16T18:21:53Z")
one which I will struggle to control and overcome.said snark. So how exactly does one overcome being gay? And why do you want to overcome it? ---
**Author:** ![Snark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Snark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snark)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2000, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/363 "2000-09-16T18:41:54Z")
How do you overcome being gay? Well, for starters, you don’t engage in homosexual behavior for a long time. Stop reinforcing the behavior. Why do I want to overcome being gay? It makes me miserable, that’s why. I realize not all gays feel this way, but for me, to be gay is to be miserable. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2000, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/364 "2000-09-16T18:47:18Z")
But you don’t engage in homosexual behavior. Youre a virgin! If you mean, stop looking at pictures of naked men, that won’t cure you. And whatever you do, don’t go to a naked Tommy Lee site… ---
**Author:** ![Snark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Snark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snark)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2000, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/365 "2000-09-16T19:22:19Z")
Okay, this conversation is going to have to be continued in private e-mail, Rose. I’ve learned by sad experience not to air my dirty laundry on this message board. See ya in e-mail. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2000, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/366 "2000-09-16T20:14:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doobieous \* > **. . . There is also a quiz on that site you can take. I got a level four . . .** I got a 4 too, though some of the questions were a bit . . . weighted (of course, it’s a lark, not science.) in re: the whole “straight acting” thing. As far as I’m concerned, the key word is “acting.” And that leaves with only “straight,” which of course just ain’t true. I think it’s a beard some gay homophobes hide behind. I understand it–we’re all raised to be homophobes, and even some gay people are never quite fully able to overcome it. But I think it’s more helpful to try to see it as a limiting label than as an ideal. A man who can live openly as a sissy has a lot more courage than a man who feels a flannel shirt and poor hygiene can offer him protection from himself. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2000, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/367 "2000-09-17T03:23:36Z")
I have to mention (we are at Sue Dunhym’s party) that Jack Batty (who is married to a lovely lovely woman) got \*"Your score is 123 LEVEL 7 – VERY FEMININE It’s kinda assumed ‘Oh, yeah he’s gay’. Your consistent behavior leads anyone you come in contact with to think that you’re more than likely a fun loving homo boy. You’re the life of the party and your hands are moving and talking as much as your mouth. You clothes are so perfect that sometimes they look fake.\* whereas I got a level 3. Kinda makes you wonder about the accuracy. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2000, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/368 "2000-09-17T04:51:25Z")
I just took it - **Level 7 - Very Feminine.** No surprises here. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2000, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/369 "2000-09-17T04:53:36Z")
Ah Jeeze - and I swore I would **never** post to an **Esprix** thread. Oh well… ---
**Author:** ![beakerxf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc79bd/32.png) [@beakerxf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beakerxf)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2000, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/370 "2000-09-17T15:31:37Z")
LEVEL 5 – SOMEWHAT FEMININE No surprise, whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2000, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/371 "2000-09-17T16:00:43Z")
I got Level 8 - extremely feminine. Well, I’m not sure about the descriptor, but I’m definitely a Great Big Fag[sup]TM[/sup]. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2000, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/372 "2000-09-17T17:13:14Z")
My score of _Very Feminie_ was skewed by two things. First of all being married, most of my responses were directly attributed to my wife (neat apartment - number of candles, etc) Second of all, OldScratch filled the survey in with me responding interview style. Example - I rarely dance, but when I do, I like to do the Monkey, 'cause I can’t dance well and that’s easy to fake - so OldScratch says, aha that’s dancing with your hands above your head! Believe me, if you ever met me you wouldn’t think I was very feminine. I’m kind of oafish in many way’s and while I may be in touch with my feminie side, it rarely manifests itself in behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2000, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/373 "2000-09-17T17:20:45Z")
Slythe takes the test and scores a… _NINE!?!_ My ghod, if I’m a nine, I’ve got friends that are “twelves”! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Lao](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dr.Lao](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Lao)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2000, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/374 "2000-09-17T18:44:29Z")
I’m a level 1 with a score of 17. That’s to be expected, I’m a straight male in college. Hence: messy room, no candles, and zero decorating. I found the decription of a level 1 the most interesting: > [@](#): > > Your score is 17 > > LEVEL 1 – EXTREMELY STRAIGHT ACTING > > No one would expect you as being gay because your actions never show even a hint of femininity. You carry yourself in a macho, masculine manner at all times. You’re hung up on ‘guy things’ and if you dance at a club your feet and hands barely move. Your idea of a good time is probably watching WCW wrestling. Do gay men see straight men (or straight acting gays) as boring? Do they see anyone who acts straight as hung up or repressed? That seems to be the implication here. BTW, I am **not** a fan of professional wrestling. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Lao](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dr.Lao](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Lao)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2000, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/375 "2000-09-17T18:53:44Z")
Uh oh, I recieved an error message when I posted last and now this thread isn’t showing new posts. I think I killed Ask a Gay Guy II. Is it time for Ask a Gay Guy III? ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Lao](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dr.Lao](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Lao)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2000, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/376 "2000-09-17T18:56:12Z")
NM, the thread seems to be alive and well again. ::cheers:: ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2000, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/377 "2000-09-18T19:30:38Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Doobieous** _ > > I apologize if this has been covered… It was, but I think it was in a MPSIMS thread. > [@](#): > > There is also a quiz on that site you can take… I scored the following: > [@](#): > > Your score is 105 > > LEVEL 6 – MOSTLY FEMININE > > People are starting to place bets that you are gay. You do a lot of things and have a lot of behaviors that are the stereotypical gay feminine traits. You enjoy exploring your feminine side. Most people just assume you are gay, and go on with it, which is just fine with you. Judge for yourselves. 😉 > [@](#): > > Anyway, i thought i’d ask you, oh **Gay Guy** what you thought about the whole “straight acting” thing. There’s also a poll you can take whether you prefer the term “straight acting” or “masculine.” I think there is an amount of internalized homophobia in the term “straight-acting” (the implication being “gay-acting” is not desirable), so I prefer the term “masculine.” Of course, even that smacks of our male-dominated society - who says being a lumberjack can’t be feminine? Our society’s sex roles are screwed up enough as it is, and I think terms like these only exacerbate the situation, IMHO. > [@](#): > > Suffice to say, I was quite pleased to see him get over 100 responses of dissaproval and disgust about what he wrote. That’s probably about the only thread anyone on that message board who posts, could agree on (it brought several people out of the woodwork who never post). Quite. Did he learn anything from it? Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2000, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/378 "2000-09-18T20:20:28Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Snark** _ > > … for me, to be gay is to be miserable. Although I hesitate to bring this up again, I don’t know if I ever got an answer to this particular question - why does your homosexuality make you miserable? Is it just based on your religious beliefs, or is there something more to it? Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2000, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/379 "2000-09-18T20:25:53Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Anthracite** _ > > Ah Jeeze - and I swore I would **never** post to an **Esprix** thread. Oh well… {arched eyebrow} And why’s that, pray tell? Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028/380 "2000-09-18T20:38:54Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Dr. Lao** _ > > Do gay men see straight men (or straight acting gays) as boring? Do they see anyone who acts straight as hung up or repressed? That seems to be the implication here. There’s this weird love/hate relationship between feminine gay men and masculine-acting gay and straight men, kind of a “don’t wanna be ya, but there’s an allure there as well.” I’m sure there have been studies done - anybody have any info on this phenomenon. As Romanovsky & Phillips once sang, “‘Straight-looking Marine seeks straight cop to please.’ How straight do they look when they’re down on their knees?” 😉 Esprix [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028.md?page=18) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-ii/19028.md?page=20)