# Ask the Gay Guy IV! **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 23, 2001, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014 "2001-04-23T17:04:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Beltane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@Beltane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beltane)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2001, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/241 "2001-10-07T23:35:21Z")
I think “boi” has come to mean a youngish man, as opposed to “boy” which can be mistaken for a _literal_ boy. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2001, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/242 "2001-10-08T00:46:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Iconoclast \* > \*\*Hello all, I’m new here but I have a question. Where did this “Boi” thing come from? I just started noticing it all over the freaking place all of a sudden. Did I fall asleep at some point and miss the great unveiling of this term where it was revelaed what makes it different from “Boy”? It makes me feel all old and out of touch not knowing. > \*\* I don’t think this is really gay slang, although some gay men might use it. I first became familiar with that spelling of the word as Internet goth slang, although goodness knows what the real origin was. It goes nicely with “grrl”, though. ---
**Author:** ![Zap\_Rowsdower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3da27b/32.png) [@Zap\_Rowsdower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zap_Rowsdower)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2001, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/243 "2001-10-08T02:10:29Z")
OK, I have a question and apologize if it has been asked before. I skimmed through this thread and have not seen anything. I recently have been to a couple of parties where I was the only straight male, and the others were gay, about 5 or 6 or so. Anyway the conversation ended up at one point were one of the fellows mentioned he had known he was gay since he was 6 years old. (for some reason 6 seems to be the magic age). Even more recently I have been involved with folks in the S&M scene, mainly the Female Domminant variety. Among the men who were exclusively submissive to the women the ones involved in the conversation again said they knew when they were 6 that they were this way. One guy particularly said that he was watching some show, where a man was tied up by a woman or imprisoned and he got “excited” but did not know why. My question, is this usual for gays and other people who live outside what society considers to be the “mainstream”. I have to admit when I was 6 the only knew was that girls were icky and had cooties, and had no concept of anything other than a man and woman being together. How can you know something when your body and intellect are not ready or able to handle it? No one has really been able to answer this, but I like hearing others opinions. ---
**Author:** ![Iconoclast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b77776/32.png) [@Iconoclast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iconoclast)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2001, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/244 "2001-10-08T02:27:51Z")
Well, I (a male) had crushes on other boys, and not on girls at all, in elementary school. I don’t recall the exact age though. Probably more like 8 or 9. I distincly recall as a child of about 10 or 11 stealing my babysitter’s beefcake calendar from out of the trash when she threw it away at the end of the year and it was a cherished secret possesion of mine for quite soem time. Anyway, thanks for the answers on the “Boi” thing. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Defense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Civil\_Defense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Defense)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2001, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/245 "2001-10-08T03:11:23Z")
In my neck of the woods, we sometimes use “boi” in writing as a tip of the hat of our sexuality to others – those of us who aren’t out, anyway. It’s subtle enough to not be noticed, but strong enough to get a point across. That’s how I’ve learned to use it, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2001, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/246 "2001-10-10T00:23:32Z")
The one person to have used “boi” in both speech and writing around me always pronounced it with an upwards lilt to the final “-i,” sort of a “boy-ee” effect. And used it for irony. ---
**Author:** ![They\_Call\_Me\_Sneeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@They\_Call\_Me\_Sneeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/They_Call_Me_Sneeze)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2001, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/247 "2001-10-10T04:32:33Z")
Dear Gay Guy, I apologize if this has been asked and answered before, but I have neither time, patience nor inclination to wade through 10+ pages of questions, plus my question is kind of specific in a way that makes me think it hasnt been asked before. My question relates to poetry. Please do not think that I am assuming that all gay people write poetry, but: if you do write poetry, do you write free verse or metrical poetry? And, if (when) you read poetry, do you find that you prefer free verse or metrical? Also, do you have a strong literary background (like a degree or something) or do you just read poetry because you like it? The reason for this question has to do with my impression that free verse, because it is seen as a break from the stodgy formalism of the past, has been embraced by various minority groups. As for myself, I do not like free verse AT ALL, but I do very much like James Merrill. I apologize if this is a stupid or offensive question, but it is not meant to be either. love Sneeze Also, I have a second question: do you find the idea of “acting gay” offensive? love Sneeze ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Defense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Civil\_Defense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Defense)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2001, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/248 "2001-10-10T15:22:13Z")
> [@](#): > > Also, I have a second question: do you find the idea of “acting gay” offensive? I’ll let someone with a little more poetic experience answer your first question, but as to acting gay, I’ll answer your question with a question: Do you find the idea of “acting straight” offensive? Personally, I don’t. There are very few ways in which one can “act gay,” per se. Hell, I wish I acted more gay than I do. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![They\_Call\_Me\_Sneeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@They\_Call\_Me\_Sneeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/They_Call_Me_Sneeze)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2001, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/249 "2001-10-10T17:54:05Z")
Hi Civil Defense! Thank you for your answer. I 'm not sure if this is the same thing as the acting gay question, but: say you are a guy who has a lot of the stereotypical gay behaviors (like Nathan Lane in “the Birdcage” - lisping, shreiking, limp wristedness), and you and I become a casual acquiantance. Would it be offensive if I suspected you were gay because you acted like a stereotypical gay person, and if then, one day you were like “Sneeze, I’m gay” and I was like “Yeah, I know, because you act gay.” Would that be offensive, if you were actually gay? Or is it like “Yeah, I know, I’m flaming and proud”? Is “flaming” offensive? If it is, I apologize. “I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fa_la_ming!” -homer simpson Also, even though I asked Civil Defense this question, anyone can answer - please do : ) Love Sneeze ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/250 "2001-10-11T03:54:02Z")
I haven’t been in the situation of someone finding out I’m gay and thinking, “I knew it!” in the last four years, because during that time, most people who’ve met me have figured it out for absolute certain within a very short time indeed. Backpack buttons are a good thing. 🙂 Anyway, the concept of “acting gay”… hm. Well, I know a lot of people do find the idea offensive. I just find it inaccurate; there are a lot better terms for it than “acting gay” (e.g. “flaming,” “being a screaming queen,” “being femme”, “being **matt\_mcl** ”). Pretty much the only way to “act gay” is to suck cock, not to put too fine a point on it. What I find extremely offensive is the suggestions that I have some responsibility to _not_ act femme, and that when I do I’m somehow perpetuating a stereotype (excuse me, but if I were to act butch, by the same logic would that be perpetuating a stereotype about men?) Of course, we’ve been down _this_ road before, haven’t we? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Defense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Civil\_Defense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Defense)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/251 "2001-10-11T03:59:41Z")
Hiya Sneeze > [@](#): > > Thank you for your answer. I 'm not sure if this is the same thing as the acting gay question, but: say you are a guy who has a lot of the stereotypical gay behaviors (like Nathan Lane in “the Birdcage” - lisping, shreiking, limp wristedness), and you and I become a casual acquiantance. Would it be offensive if I suspected you were gay because you acted like a stereotypical gay person, and if then, one day you were like “Sneeze, I’m gay” and I was like “Yeah, I know, because you act gay.” Would that be offensive, if you were actually gay? Or is it like “Yeah, I know, I’m flaming and proud”? For me, personally, I would not be offended if someone assumed I was gay because of how I act. I’d assume the more offended person would be the straight guy who is accused of acting gay. 🙂 > [@](#): > > Is “flaming” offensive? If it is, I apologize. No, it’s fun 😉 I’m probably more liberal than a lot of my gay cohorts, but I tend to use a lot less “PC” terminology than my straight friends who don’t want to appear offensive. I’m flaming, and damn proud to be =) ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/252 "2001-10-11T05:57:30Z")
Fair warning - we have surpassed page 5 and the moderators may be inclined to close this thread off and start a new one. I’m actually working on a lengthy post to address some past questions, but perhaps it might be a good thing to do so in a new thread. Mods, if it’s ok, please contact me first before locking this one so I can accurately start the next one - I’d be much obliged. 🙂 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2001, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/253 "2001-10-14T17:31:01Z")
I’ve read through all the threads in the past and I don’t recall any specific links about this, although I admit that I don’t have the time to skim through again today. Would anyone have a link to a journal report where it is proved and explained why higher education correlates with more positive attitudes towards homosexuality? Yeah, it’s for an essay, so sue me! 🙂 (Note: I have been looking for an hour so far) Think about it this way: after a month I’ll have three intelligent papers on homophobia and gay rights, all ready to share. ---
**Author:** ![Diesel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@Diesel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diesel)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/254 "2001-10-15T06:38:05Z")
Hey, Esprix. I have kind of a complex question (rather lengthy too, seeing as how most of my posts are either short little blurbs or full-blown stories). For this theatre class I’m taking I had to go see a play and write up a critique about it. My professor suggested a play called “R + J.” All he really told the class about it was that it was a modern update of Romeo and Juliet. What he neglected to tell us was that it had an all-male cast. Around the time that “Romeo and Juliet” started kissing, I was pretty weirded out. I ended up walking out during the intermission (the fact that the play didn’t seem to have much of a point was also a factor in my leaving, but mostly it was because I was unnerved). Here’s the tricky part: I’ve always thought of myself as really open-minded. I’m fine with just about everything, homosexuality included (it’s not for me, but I hate the term “fag” as much as the next gay person). But when I saw the two guys kissing (really passionately, I might add) on stage, it freaked me out. In retrospect, I feel bad for having walked out. So, finally, here’s my question… or questions, rather: Any idea why I reacted the way I did? Am I a bad person for walking out? ---
**Author:** ![xanadu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c4cdca/32.png) [@xanadu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanadu)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2001, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/255 "2001-10-21T07:01:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by They Call Me Sneeze \* > \*\*Dear Gay Guy, > As for myself, I do not like free verse AT ALL, but I do very much like James Merrill. > > \*\* Hey, cool! I love James Merrill. Especially “Self Portrait In Tyvek Windbreaker” and “The Christmas Tree”. Anyways, I posted a question earlier, and no one’s answered it so far. ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2001, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/256 "2001-10-21T07:04:27Z")
Tangent: In the original stage production of Romeo and Juliet, put on in the Globe Theater in Shakespeare’s day, Juliet was played by a man. It was considered improper for women to appear onstage, so all women’s parts were played by male actors in drag. Think of it this way: you saw a true-to-the-original version of the play. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![booklover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@booklover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/booklover)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2001, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/257 "2001-10-22T19:50:13Z")
ALthough I’m not Esprix (such a sad state of being!) I’m a lefty dyke attempting to answer the following. Nope, you’re not a bad person, just someone who’s uncomfortable with same-sex kissing. It’s totally one thing to be comfortable with things in theory and entirely another to be comfortable with them in real life. To wit, I have no problem accepting SM & other things of that nature, but tend to get a little uncomfortable hanging out with a bunch of leather guys who are hanging all over each other. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diesel \* > \*\* > > For this theatre class I’m taking I had to go see a play and write up a critique about it. My professor suggested a play called “R + J.” All he really told the class about it was that it was a modern update of Romeo and Juliet. What he neglected to tell us was that it had an all-male cast. Around the time that “Romeo and Juliet” started kissing, I was pretty weirded out. I ended up walking out during the intermission (the fact that the play didn’t seem to have much of a point was also a factor in my leaving, but mostly it was because I was unnerved). > Here’s the tricky part: I’ve always thought of myself as really open-minded. I’m fine with just about everything, homosexuality included (it’s not for me, but I hate the term “fag” as much as the next gay person). But when I saw the two guys kissing (really passionately, I might add) on stage, it freaked me out. In retrospect, I feel bad for having walked out. So, finally, here’s my question… or questions, rather: Any idea why I reacted the way I did? Am I a bad person for walking out? \*\* ---
**Author:** ![BoiToi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d26b3c/32.png) [@BoiToi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoiToi)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/258 "2001-10-23T07:40:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by c\_goat \* > \*\*Let’s say you’re a straight male, and you have a friend who you know is gay, and this friend knows that you’re straight, and you both know that the other is a aware of your sexual orientation. Let’s say you’re at this friends house, and you’re sitting down using his computer, and he starts giving you a back massage (for no apparent reason). Is he hitting on you/trying to seduce you and convert you? Would there be another reason for such an act (for example, maybe gay people are just really friendly)? Do gay men routinely try to “challenge” themselves by trying to convert straight men? If I make jokes with a gay friend about sexual acts, could this be taken as an invitation? > > I haven’t read any of the previous “ask the gay guy” threads so forgive me if it’s already been covered. Also, if I’ve used any offensive terminology let me know. \*\* This one I can almost answer. There is no such thing as “conversion” in my book; that is of course my own opinion. You might be able to get a straight man to drop his drawers every now and again, but that does not mean he will drop yours. Some guys don’t mind receiving that kind of attention, but they definitely don’t feel the same about reciprocating. Without the act of reciprocation the man can’t even be considered Bi. If the chemistry isn’t there you cannot take advantage of it. That being said, my own experience is that I’ve successfully used this as a means to achieve a seduction. But I’ve also given back massages because I genuinely care about my straight male friends. I think in both cases though that the desired end results were due to the level of trust I achieved with the individuals. My straight friends permit my touching them because they trust that I will not stray into uncomfortable territory. My seductions welcomed the opportunities that became available. There are people who routinely challenge themselves into seducing “straight” individuals. I mean, get serious, there are guys who challenge themselves to get laid every night! Those individuals who mark their worth by sexual conquest are everywhere. But each person must be taken as an individual. His behavior is not representative of all of us. If your friend pushes into uncomfortable territory for you he’s not being a very good friend. He apparently doesn’t value your friendship over his desire. Seduction is a two way street, and driving the wrong way down a one-way street can be disasterous. If you trust this person, then trust him. If you are suspicious of his intentions, then you don’t trust him and you should not let him have this kind of access to you. But in the end you have to judge that individual for himself. ---
**Author:** ![486](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/ecccb3/32.png) [@486](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/486)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/259 "2001-10-27T05:58:39Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Diesel > … “Romeo and Juliet” started kissing, I was pretty weirded out. I ended up walking out during the intermission (the fact that the play didn’t seem to have much of a point was also a factor in my leaving, but mostly it was because I was unnerved). > Here’s the tricky part: I’ve always thought of myself as really open-minded. I’m fine with just about everything, homosexuality included…_ I consider myself to be open minded too. but The first time I saw 2 guys kiss on some TV show (don’t the remember name now) it gave me a really odd feeling and i turned away. I think that is a normal reaction – its something new and it sorta shocks you. It doesn’t bother me anymore to see guys kissing on tv shows…but I’ve never seen anything more than a quick kiss - never anything passionate (and i’ve never seen a ‘live’ kiss such as in a play, but I really don’t think it would affect me either) Probably if you saw a kiss like that again it would not be as unnerving…but i can’t say for sure. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/260 "2001-10-27T06:26:42Z")
Daowajan wrote: > [@](#): > > Tangent: In the original stage production of Romeo and Juliet, put on in the Globe Theater in Shakespeare’s day, Juliet was played by a man. Yeah, but I’ll bet Juliet didn’t aardvark with Romeo on stage. Heck, I was weirded out enough by the portrayal of Mercutio in that modernized _Romeo and Juliet_ movie (the one with Leonardo DiCapprio in it). Almost as much as I was weirded out by that time I dated a woman, we started getting intimate, and then just as I was sliding into third base she told me she was a hermaphrodite with a miniature penis and scrotum instead of a vagina – and for a split-second afterward, she suddenly looked like Scott Collins from 9th grade. :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014.md?page=14)