# Ask the Gay Guy IV! **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 23, 2001, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014 "2001-04-23T17:04:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/261 "2001-10-27T18:48:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by c\_goat \* > **Let’s say you’re a straight male, and you have a friend who you know is gay, and this friend knows that you’re straight, and you both know that the other is a aware of your sexual orientation. Let’s say you’re at this friends house, and you’re sitting down using his computer, and he starts giving you a back massage (for no apparent reason). Is he hitting on you/trying to seduce you and convert you? Would there be another reason for such an act (for example, maybe gay people are just really friendly)? Do gay men routinely try to “challenge” themselves by trying to convert straight men? If I make jokes with a gay friend about sexual acts, could this be taken as an invitation?** Many gay men are more physically affectionate in non-sexual ways than the general run of mankind (of course, many are total cold fish as well), so it could very well be that he is in fact trying to relieve your stiff neck. It could also be that he is attracted to you and trying to seduce you.\* However, gay men are capable of using the language like everyone else, so my advice would be enjoy the back rub, and if he starts doing something you don’t like, tell him so (for which purpose, “No, thank you” is quite sufficient; no long explanations about being straight and “I like you but not like _that_” should be necessary.) \*note: although I have been attracted to straight men in the past, and have hit on them (politely), it’s not with a view to “converting” them, just to get them to, um, look the other way for a little while. I’d venture to say this is a common way of thinking. As Marga Gomez said, we cannot recruit; we can only impress. ---
**Author:** ![BoiToi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d26b3c/32.png) [@BoiToi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoiToi)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2001, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/262 "2001-10-28T07:30:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 486 \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Diesel > > … “Romeo and Juliet” started kissing, I was pretty weirded out. \* > > I consider myself to be open minded too. but The first time > I saw 2 guys kiss on some TV show (don’t the remember name > now) it gave me a really odd feeling and i turned away. > \*\* I know when I first saw two guys kissing I was kinda freaked. And I was kinda freaked the first time I kissed a guy. And a couple straight friends of mine who actually took me for a spin were actually shaking the first time they kissed me. I think it’s perfectly natural that you get nervous or uncomfortable. After all, we are raised to believe that this is not appropriate, or downright wrong. Don’t feel bad. Being open minded doesn’t mean you have to be 100% politically correct. There are things that may disturb you, and it would not be politically correct for us to judge you either. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/263 "2001-11-14T21:24:27Z")
I’ve been writing this Ewe’s sluts thing for fun in MPSIMS, which is a rather ribald tale of animal husbandry, sex, and lust. My protagonist is caught and manipulated in a battle between the Greek Gods and various farm animals. The second part, tentatively titled **Ewes Sluts II Queer Goings On** will feature our protagonist interacting with several gay characters, (Mercury the God of Gay Men,) has already made an appearance. I’d like to do this because it will fit into the sexual nature of the plot(if I don’t use Gay people I’ll have to come up with soemthing else that will work,) and because I’d like to use some of the things I’ve learned concerning being Gay from my friends on this board in a comical way. I also intend to uncover -The Source of Mystical Sheep lust -The Horrorifying Nature Of The Font Of Virgin Power -The Gay Illuminati And Their Secret Agenda. -The Evil Purpose OF The Dewey Decimal System. -The Reason their are Gay People -How To Please a Bull -Sex with My Fiance My intention in writing this would be to have fun and bring a smile to people’s faces. There’s no bigger fool in the story than “I,” the protagonist. But, it occurs to me that I might hurt some feelings or cause some unhappiness, if I just proceed. So, I guess what I’m trying to do is solicit a recommendation. Would you prefer I tone down, or even eliminate the presence of gay characters, or should I go for it? ---
**Author:** ![jkusters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/fbc32d/32.png) [@jkusters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jkusters)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/264 "2001-11-14T22:44:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*I’ve been writing this Ewe’s sluts thing for fun in MPSIMS, which is a rather ribald tale of animal husbandry, sex, and lust. > … > So, I guess what I’m trying to do is solicit a recommendation. Would you prefer I tone down, or even eliminate the presence of gay characters, or should I go for it? \*\* Okay, speaking as a gay man, as someone who has not read the “Ewes Sluts” thread(s), as someone who does not know your posting history on SDMB, and based solely on what you posted above, I think this has the potential to be either a huge flamebait or laughable parody. It would all depend on how you crafted it. If the piece was obvious farce, obvious to someone who knew nothing about the previous chapter, and if gay characters were portrayed in the same light as the straight characters, you’d probably be relatively unoffensive. Those are big “ifs” though. I’d avise staying away from campy stereotypes, villians who are evil because they are gay, and heros who are heroic because they are straight. Make sure the straight characters have as many flaws as the gay ones, and that the gay characters have as many virtues as the straight ones and you’d likely be safe. Most offence comes from intent. If you’re obviously intending not to send the message that gay = bad, then your chances of offending go down a lot. JOhn. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/265 "2001-11-15T00:22:44Z")
jkusters: Here ya go: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=83744](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=83744) ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/266 "2001-11-15T02:03:32Z")
I am inclined to believe you are far too brilliant to make offense. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![tronvillain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@tronvillain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tronvillain)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/267 "2001-11-18T11:45:33Z")
Esprix, back on the first page (quite a while ago I know) you said: > [@](#): > > That would mean every straight man who ever experimented with other boys is also bisexual, which would mean there isn’t a single solitary heterosexual person on the earth. Were you joking, exaggerating, or serious? It just seems like an odd statement to me. ---
**Author:** ![Phouchg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/41988e/32.png) [@Phouchg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phouchg)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/268 "2001-11-18T15:56:40Z")
OK Gay Guy… Is there a term for a straight guy who likes “gay” things like… \*Lavish Broadway Musicals \*Wearing neatly pressed polo shirts, chinos and topsiders \*Will & Grace \*The View \*Classic movies from the 40s through 70s (from the musicals to “The Lion In Winter” and beyond) \*Techo-house music \*Big Band Music \*Shopping at Restoration Hardware and so it goes… But at the same time does not find the male form or mansex stimulating or pleasurable at all and prefers to stick with women, thank you very much. Phouchg Lovable Rogue ---
**Author:** ![urban1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d07c76/32.png) [@urban1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/urban1)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/269 "2001-11-18T16:11:14Z")
Why do you believe you are gay? Bob ---
**Author:** ![Phouchg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/41988e/32.png) [@Phouchg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phouchg)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/270 "2001-11-18T18:05:54Z")
I can say with metalphysical certitude that I am heterosexual. However, simply because I may prefer some things which are stereotypically “gay” I also enjoy much which is not stereotypically “gay” - I am a huge football fan (go Patriots!), I enjoy “ogling” women, and again, I have no desire to ever engage in homosexual activity - it’s just not for me. I think the sociology of the gay community is fascinating however. Strange to think that something as mundane as a person’s sexual orientation can create such a bond. Phouchg Lovable Rogue ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/271 "2001-11-18T19:05:49Z")
**Phouchg** : the answer is “human.” Just as it would be for your diametic opposite. Very few people are stereotypes. Some interests and some personality traits seem to have a moderate statistical correlation, but that’s about as far as it goes. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/272 "2001-11-18T19:14:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Phouchg \* > \*\*Strange to think that something as mundane as a person’s sexual orientation can create such a bond. > \*\* I’d probably rephrase this as “[not so] strange to think that…a person’s sexual orientation [and the way that society in general treats people with that orientation] can create such a bond”. Although I have to say that the myth of gay subculture being all about showtunes and Judy Garland and lithe muscleboys gyrating their compact hips on the dance floor is only the most visible part of gay subculture. There are a lot of different sub-subcultures in there, and they don’t all get along. The Closet Cases ( . The Dancing Queens. The Bathhouse Bunch. The Bears. The Twinks. The Theat_re_ People. The Leathermen. The Kinkies. And that’s not counting the usually subtle but generally present low-level animosity between the men and the lesbians, who have their own subsubcultures. I know all I seem to hear at the bar on Saturday night is “More lesbians just came in…what a waste! If they’d get their own bar there’d be more space for men…” That attitude irritates me, but it exists. So the idea that there’s some kind of monolithic gay culture is inaccurate, to say the least. jayjay ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/273 "2001-11-18T19:18:04Z")
Good point, **jayjay**. I just had to respond to ask you if you were listing off the groups from next year’s Lalapalooza: > [@](#): > > The Closet Cases ( . The Dancing Queens. The Bathhouse Bunch. The Bears. The Twinks. The Theatre People. The Leathermen. The Kinkies. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/274 "2001-11-18T19:29:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polycarp \* > \*\*Good point, **jayjay**. I just had to respond to ask you if you were listing off the groups from next year’s Lalapalooza: > > > [@](#): > > > > The Closet Cases ( . The Dancing Queens. The Bathhouse Bunch. The Bears. The Twinks. The Theatre People. The Leathermen. The Kinkies. > > 😃 \*\* Hehe…I considered adding appropriate quotes for each group (and forgot to remove my opening parenthesis from the first one) but thought that would raise waaay too many questions about how I know so much about all of them… :eek: jayjay ---
**Author:** ![LCP2972](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@LCP2972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LCP2972)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/275 "2002-04-29T10:29:07Z")
Forgive me if this has been asked before, but these threads of yours are prolific to say the least, and I’d likely forget my questions before reading through all of them. Rest assured I am working my way through them. What’s a circuit party? It sounds like a circle jerk, but that may just be the "c"s involved. thanks ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/276 "2002-04-29T18:46:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LCP2972 \* > \*\*Forgive me if this has been asked before, but these threads of yours are prolific to say the least, and I’d likely forget my questions before reading through all of them. > > Rest assured I am working my way through them. > What’s a circuit party? > It sounds like a circle jerk, but that may just be the "c"s involved. > > thanks \*\* A circuit party is as the name says: part of a circuit. The circuit of these parties is mostly comprised by the attendees who travel from party to party for sex, drugs, and rock and roll(not literally all three or even two out of three). They often are very organized, and have major talent performing, and are promoted in slick glossy magazines. These parties, while not solely for the wealthy, have a contingent of wealthy gay men who can afford to follow the circuit whereever it goes. Anyone who wants to fill in the gaps, feel free. I’ve gotten my data from a friend who used to attend the circuit parties. ---
**Author:** ![LCP2972](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@LCP2972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LCP2972)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2002, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/277 "2002-04-30T06:33:54Z")
thanks, Hastur it seems blatantly obvious now, but I couldn’t quite figure it out. ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2002, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/278 "2002-05-01T00:45:29Z")
(huff puff) (Um, that was me huffing and puffing due to the exertion of reading ATGG 1-4. Sorry for the misunderstanding.) Question: In class the other day, the people sitting at my table began using “gay” and “perverted” interchangably. Now, I’m as straight as a superstring in the absence of singularities, but I don’t seem to have the knee-jerk “ick” reaction that many straight men have to mansex, the company at my table included. I’m also somewhere in between class clown and class psycho, and thusly had no reputation to worry about. In brief, I started flirting with the three of them. I.e. Me:(suggestively) Don’t knock it 'till you’ve tried it. Them: Robert, you are freaking me out. Me: (Put hand on their shoulders) Don’t be like that. Want a back rub? And so on. Is this offensive to anyone? Besides the Three Bigoteers at my table, of course. P.S. One of them threatened me with sexual harrasment. I pointed out that the school has a truly draconian policy about intolerance and hate speech. I’m not worried about legal repurcussions. P.P.S. I’m 6’2", and weigh 220 lb, and am known to bite in fights, so gay-bashers don’t scare me. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2002, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/279 "2002-05-01T02:57:23Z")
Why the “I’m as straight as a superstring in the absence of singularities” disclaimer? Don’t knock it 'till you’ve tried it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2002, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014/280 "2002-05-01T05:00:36Z")
I’m guessing you’re in high school. In which case, be careful. Depending on which area of the country you’re in, you can get any of a large range of reactions if people think you’re gay, running the gamut from friendly acceptance to outright violence, toward yourself and even possibly your family. If it’s a cause you feel like taking up, then by all means, I at least appreciate the effort. But it’s not to be taken lightly. Know what you’re getting into first. Getting a reputation as being gay might help some of the gay people in your school, but it’s more likely to get you an education in what life is like for them. There may be better ways to help, if you’re interested. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy-iv/63014.md?page=15)