# Ask the Gay Guy! **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [March 2, 2000, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100 "2000-03-02T17:53:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![quadell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/b9bd4f/32.png) [@quadell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quadell)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/241 "2000-04-01T06:35:00Z")
_grin_ I think I’ll just lay low and see how Esprix or SqrlCub answer this one. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/242 "2000-03-31T19:36:00Z")
quadell, maybe these 2 little jokes told to me by a member of the alternative-sexuality community can help clear it up: Q. What does a lesbian bring with her on the second date? A. Her U-Haul. ('Cause she’s moving in, get it?) Q. What does a gay man bring with him on the second date? A. What second date? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/243 "2000-03-31T20:36:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **tracer** : > > Wait a minute … the rec.arts.movies FAQ from **five years ago** said Jodie Foster was gay. (Not that she “might” be, that she _was_.) She may be, but she has never publicly stated so, so in my book, that still leaves her in the “might be” category. There are plenty of stars who have come out, so we don’t stinkin’ need her anyway. 🙂 The fellow I got a list from, David Hua, wrote me the following: > [@](#): > > Most of them {the names on the list} came from the book “Images in the Dark,” published by TLA Video ([http://www.tlavideo.com](http://www.tlavideo.com)) That said, and for what it’s worth, here’s the list on his website ([www.qcinema.com](http://www.qcinema.com)): [quote] **Queer Actors:** Chad Allen, Mitchell Anderson, Alexis Arquette, Paul Bartel, Jackie Beat, David Bowie, Marlon Brando, Raymond Burr, Dan Butler, Simon Callow, Richard Chamberlain, Graham Chapman, Montgomery Clift, Wilson Cruz, Jaye Davidson, James Dean, James Duval, Rupert Everett, Rainer Fassbinder, Harvey Fierstein, Nigel Hawthorne, Sean P. Hayes, Rock Hudson, Matt Klemp, Bruce La Bruce, Nathan Lane, Mitchell Lichtenstein, Greg Louganis, Ian McKellen, Sal Mineo, Ramon Novarro, Raoul O’Connell, Anthony Perkins, Danny Pintauro, Tyrone Power, Anthony Rapp, John Schlesinger, Dirk Shafer, Stephen Spinella, Rudolph Valentino. **Queer Actresses:** Amanda Bearse, Sandra Bernhard, Chastity Bono, Louise Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Marlene Dietrich, Cheryl Dunye, Greta Garbo, Anne Heche, k.d. lang, Barbara Stanwyck, Lily Tomlin, Guinevere Turner. [quote] The problem I have with this list is not all of the actors are gay but may have admitted to one gay experience, or may be bisexual to a greater or lesser extent (Marlon Brando, for one), or never publicly admitted their orientation (like Lily Tomlin, AFAIK). I have yet to find a list of actors who have publicly stated their orientation. Ah, Hollywood… Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/244 "2000-03-31T20:56:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Grim\_Beaker** : > > **Gay Guy:** > > In traditional man/woman relationships it seems as though there are a lot of generally accepted “social rules” that are often safe to follow… Do homosexual relationships have any kind of generally defined “dating rules”? Who pays on a first date? It is _so_ refreshing not to have to deal with those “social rules,” and instead make ones up that make a lot more sense. You’re right - without a woman and a man, the traditional rules go right out the window, so guess what? We get to treat each other _equally!_ Sounds nice, doesn’t it? (This is excluding any socio-sexual relationships, _a la_ slave/master, butch/femme, which are not the majority and are usually left in private, although I don’t care how somebody enjoys a date.) Who pays on the first date? In my book, it’s whoever asks, and thereafter you split the check. Seems the gentlemanly thing to do. 🙂 > [@](#): > > … women tend to wait a bit longer for sex, looking for the relationship to build first before getting intimate. Many men… jump in the sack with a woman as fast as they can. In homosexual relationships is the tendency more to wait for the relationship to build or for more immediate sexual contact? Obviously you _have_ had limited dating experience, because there are just as many horny women out there as there are conservative men. I will go out on a limb and say that the gay and lesbian community tends to be a tad more sexually liberal than the straight community, and I attribute that to having to deal with personal sexual issues in such an up-front, life-changing way. But, on the whole, I wouldn’t say any one kind of relationship is in the majority of the community, and I like it that way. (Personally, I’m an easy lay, but don’t tell Dr. Boyfriend. :)) (One caveat: I have previously stated that male-male relationships are unique in that one male ego is bad enough, but put two together and there’s trouble. This might have to do with the sexual pervasiveness in the mainstream gay community, and probably a factor in those men that go in for a lot of sex. Just my opinion, nothing to back it up…) > [@](#): > > Or is there not really a general overall tendency in the gay community and its really a case by case issue (essentially 50/50)? And this is the crux of it. Homosexuality, bisexuality, lesbianism and transgenderism know no social, economic, status, hair color, national, religious, etc. boundaries - you’ll find a gay trucker as quickly as you can find a lesbian Mary Kay employee. Look around you - as much diversity as you see among straight people, you’ll see the exact same diversity among gay people. I just love that! Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/245 "2000-03-31T21:11:00Z")
Dear Gay Gay— Valentino gay? Where’d ya hear that? Maybe you’re thinking of Ramon Novarro. Or Billy Haines. From everything I’ve read, Valentino was a very nice, not-terribly-bright fella who had a mother fixation and married strong, controlling women. His first wife, Jean Acker, was gay, but he went on to a string of affairs with women and was never known to have been involved with men. —The Movie Lady ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/246 "2000-03-31T21:19:00Z")
You tell 'em, Eve honey! (and she’s, like, an historian and stuff…) Folks, you’ll never get this kind of misinformation on the “ask the bi guy” thread, because we shy away from being pinned down (well, actually, erm… :D) [Follow Me!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001515.html) (oh, and then come back here…I don’t want Esprix to think I’m trying to pull a Pied Piper on his readers.) _grin_ * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/247 "2000-03-31T21:27:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Eve** : > > **Dear Gay Gay** > > Valentino gay? Where’d ya hear that? Maybe you’re thinking of Ramon Novarro. Or Billy Haines. See? Already the list proves controvertial! 🙂 I got the list from [www.qcinema.com,](http://www.qcinema.com,) which in turn got it from the book “Images In The Dark,” as quoted above. I do not personally claim the list’s accuracy, but quote it as a reasonable resource. > [@](#): > > From everything I’ve read, Valentino was a very nice, not-terribly-bright fella who had a mother fixation and married strong, controlling women. His first wife, Jean Acker, was gay, but he went on to a string of affairs with women and was never known to have been involved with men. Really? Then how did he die? My understanding was that he was killed with a lead dildo by a jealous gay lover (bludgeoned with it, IIRC), and I will cite the source when I get home (of course, I could be wrong - I often am). But then again, most gossip from that era is hearsay and lots of PR cover-up - another reason I was hesitant to post the list. Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/248 "2000-03-31T21:37:00Z")
I’m sorry, I have to lie down for a minute . . . There, now I feel better. OK. First, my credentials: I am a very gay-friendly film historian, so I have no axes to grind. I have read probably every book printed on Rudy, as well as hundreds of articles, and there is not one shred of evidence that he was gay. Now, he may have been gay—but in that case, he hid it completely. Unlike, say, Alla Nazimova, Wm. Haines and others, who were pretty open about it. Lead dildo . . . Oy. OK, what you’re thinking of is the urban legend that Ramon Novarro was choked to death on said object, given him by Valentino (Valentino himself died of a perforated ulcer in 1926). Poor Ramon was beaten to death by two thugs in 1968. Rumors later were spread by that evil, bitter queen Kenneth Anger about the dildo. But Ramon’s biographer got ahold of the police records and the cop who was on the scene, and no such object existed. Rule No. 1: never believe ANYTHING Kenneth Anger ever said. To paraphrase someone else, “every word in the book is a lie, including ‘and’ and ‘the’.” —The Movie Lady ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/249 "2000-03-31T21:41:00Z")
OK, Eve, I’m on your side. I am going to re-read my “How Did They Die?” book when I get home, tho, 'cause now I’m curious. So did Valentino ever admit to a singular gay encounter? Or perhaps he was a tad bi? Participated in a Hollywood orgy? Like I said, I have problems with the list because some of the entries seem to be based on hearsay or tenuous evidence or a singular gay encounter/thought/comment, but it was mostly accurate, and I didn’t have a problem with the source. Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/250 "2000-03-31T22:50:00Z")
What about Jack Nicholson? I’ve heard (through no means that are at all reliable) that he has a pretty open relationship with his caddy (or someone). Maybe bi? StG ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/251 "2000-04-01T00:28:00Z")
And I noticed Jim Nabors dowsn’t appear on the Queer Actors list that David Hua got from _Images in the Dark_, either. I thought he was, like, one of the _first_ known gay actors! ---
**Author:** ![D-bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@D-bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D-bear)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/252 "2000-04-01T02:39:00Z")
Dear Gay Guy Have you taken the Straight Dope Survey yet? How did you awnser question #21 (marital status)? Am I just over-reacting or is it odd to you too that even the U.S. Census form had a box for living with unmarried partner? ---
**Author:** ![CalifBoomer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f1d935/32.png) [@CalifBoomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalifBoomer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/253 "2000-04-01T03:20:00Z")
Dear Gay Guy: Do you think that continuous coverage of the gay lifestyle thru television and public forums such as this will lead to a general acceptance of gays and alleviate the rampant homophobia that exists in our society? :: ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/254 "2000-04-01T12:42:00Z")
> [@](#): > > And I noticed Jim Nabors dowsn’t appear on the Queer Actors list that David Hua got from Images in the Dark, either. I thought he was, like, one of the first known gay actors! The Jim Nabors story got its start when some bogus wedding invitations were sent out, announcing the upcoming wedding of Jim Nabors and Rock Hudson in Hawaii. Nothing indicates such a wedding ever took place and Jim Nabors continues to deny the truth of the gay rumors. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/255 "2000-04-01T17:40:00Z")
Wait a minute … I remember hearing the “Jim Nabors is gay” rumors _looooooong_ before Hawaii became associated with gay marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/256 "2000-04-01T22:43:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Esprix, who still has the issue of Playgirl that [Christopher Atkins] was the centerfold in So you’re saying you’re the real-life model for Ethan Green? 😃 Here’s a question for you: What did you think of the Jonathan Taylor Thomas interview in the Advocate? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2000, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/257 "2000-04-03T13:42:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **StGermain** : > > What about Jack Nicholson? I’ve heard (through no means that are at all reliable) that he has a pretty open relationship with his caddy (or someone). Maybe bi? I think that’s just rumor, although I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d had a same-sex encounter or two in his past (I mean, he _was_ in “Easy Rider”). Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2000, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/258 "2000-04-03T13:46:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **tracer** : > > And I noticed Jim Nabors dowsn’t appear on the Queer Actors list that David Hua got from _Images in the Dark_, either. I thought he was, like, one of the _first_ known gay actors! There have been rumors of Jim Nabors for _years_, as Otto pointed out, but no proof and he’s always denied it. This is one of the problems of “gay lists” - rumor and innuendo comingle with fact and statement, and the whole list gets watered down. I’m going to keep looking for a list of celebs that have actually come out. You also pose another interesting question I’ll dabble into - who was the _first_ openly gay actor in Hollywood? Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2000, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/259 "2000-04-03T13:57:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **D-bear** : > > **Dear Gay Guy** > > Have you taken the Straight Dope Survey yet? Just did. 🙂 > [@](#): > > How did you awnser question #21 (marital status)? As I usually do - “single (never married),” which is my status (although Dr. Boyfriend and I have been dating for a year this week). If I decided to commit to someone, I’m not sure if I would continue to mark “single” or fly in the face of the mainstream and mark “married,” but hopefully by then the point will be moot. > [@](#): > > Am I just over-reacting or is it odd to you too that even the U.S. Census form had a box for living with unmarried partner? Not at all! This is the first year the Census Bureau has gone to great lengths to actually count gay and lesbian couples in the US, and “living with unmarried partner” is just one way. Many gay groups have been encouraging gay couples and families to check the census forms honestly so that we can be more accurately represented, for better or for worse. If I get some background info on the census I’ll post it. Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2000, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/260 "2000-04-03T14:03:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **CalifBoomer** : > > **Dear Gay Guy** : > > Do you think that continuous coverage of the gay lifestyle thru television and public forums such as this will lead to a general acceptance of gays and alleviate the rampant homophobia that exists in our society? Boomer, if you’re trolling, by God I’ll put you out on your ear, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt… Sure. Makes sense, doesn’t it, for any kind of fear/hatred/phobia? The more we see that people of different races are just like us, the less distrust we have towards them; the more we see how men and women are more alike than dissimilar, the more communication and less problems we have; and the more that straight society sees that the gay community is their brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, nieces, nephews, cousins and neighbors, the more people simply won’t give a damn. At least, that is my own hope. Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100.md?page=14)