# Ask the Gay Guy! **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [March 2, 2000, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100 "2000-03-02T17:53:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/101 "2000-03-15T16:25:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Freedom: > > … what do homosexuals think about defending themselves from hate crimes? > > Have you ever had any friends talk about this option? > > What do you think of this article? > > Do you think this would fly in the Gay community? Why or why not? > > Is this just your opinion, or do you think it is indicative of most homosexuals? Certainly everyone has a right to defend themselves against bodily harm. Do I think the gay community should take extra steps to do so? Never thought about it, but now I am. 🙂 The article certainly hits to the core of it - in many parts of the country, being perceived as gay makes you an open target for harassment, moreso than the more obvious ones of being of a different race or a different sex or handicapped. Hate crimes against the gay community are way up, and in many places you’ll get a less vigorous investigation than in other kinds of crimes, particularly since, like rape, many crimes go unreported because of irrational fears of the victim. Personally, I’m a conscientious objector, so I would not carry a gun. However, like Sqrl, I’ve learned that pepper spray is my friend - I can disable someone temporarily without doing permanent damage. Have I ever had to use it? No, thankfully, and I hope I never do, but I still got canisters for my entire family for Christmas, because I fear as much for their safety (including the guys in the family) as my own. I, however, am the only one that regularly frequents center city Philadelphia - the rest of 'em are all white-bread suburbanites through and through. The political ramifications of encouraging the gay community to arm themselves would certainly be colorful. (Imagine the NRA and the NGLTF cooperating! :eek:!) Is it something I’d advocate? I don’t know, but perhaps I’ll bring it up with some friends and see what they think. The only other thing that comes to mind is that as diverse as the gay community is, the _active_ gay community tends to come off, to me, as a bunch of brotherly love peaceniks, so I don’t know if it would fly or not. Thanks for a great, thought-provoking post! Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/102 "2000-03-15T16:27:00Z")
I am so proud of myself for not pouncing on the obvious joke that arming gays suggests… Although as an outed (here on the SDMB, anyway) bisexual man, I could only have been half-flamed if I HAD made the joke. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/103 "2000-03-15T16:32:00Z")
Arrg! I hate it when the board freezes up, and you can’t tell whether your message made it through or not. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Freedomx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4af34b/32.png) [@Freedomx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freedomx)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/104 "2000-03-15T16:39:00Z")
In addition to this article, I read a couple things somewhere (can’t remember) about a city (in a state with CCW laws) where an outreach was being made to homosexuals by the gun community. In fact, it was more than just homosexuals, it was all types of non-traditional sexual lifestyles. (cross dressors, TS, etc…etc…) A local organization that supports (maybe even trains) people to carry concealed was holding free seminars for their organizations in an attempt to close the gap between them. I am curious as to how this will play out over the next several years. Right now there are 33 (I think) states where you can carry concealed if you want to. It would be funny to see gay rights activists screaming and yeling at the NJ and NY legislature that they need the right to carry conceled 🙂 (of course I would be right there next to them) ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/105 "2000-03-15T21:15:00Z")
Bricker posted in the http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001515.html ]Ask The Closeted Bisexual Guy thread: > [@](#): > > Perhaps this belongs in the **Gay Guy** thread (and perhaps this is a hijack; if so, sorry) but why are Broadway musicals such a classic gay thing? I ask out of equal parts neutral curiosity and self-interest – I’m also a huge fan of Broadway shows, and go to New York at least four times per year to catch up on new shows. > > But I’m straight. I was going to jump right in and answer this, but it was addressed on page 2 of this thread. Read it, and if you need more, ask something again. 🙂 Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/106 "2000-03-15T22:20:00Z")
Having checked out the answer… I’m not sure I buy that “theater equals flamboyance”. Looking at what’s on Broadway now, and not counting revivals, I’ll give you _Fosse_, _Footloose_ and _The Wild Party_ (with Eartha Kitt and Mandy Patinkin!) But surely you don’t suugest _Phantom_, _Les Mis_, _Miss Saigon_, _Jekyll & Hyde_, or _Aida_ as flamboyant? If you add revivals into the picture, I agree the tide starts to turn; for some reason, shows of yesteryear were pretty flamboyant - fun, of course (see _Chicago_ or _Annie Get Your Gun_) and not real long on dramatic story. But I would contend that this has changed over the past twenty years or so. Or maybe I don’t fully appreciate subtle traces of flamboyance! 🙂 - Rick ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/107 "2000-03-16T14:36:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Bricker: > > Looking at what’s on Broadway now, and not counting revivals, I’ll give you _Fosse_, _Footloose_ and _The Wild Party_ (with Eartha Kitt and Mandy Patinkin!)… First of all, putting _Footloose_ in there, you deserve to be shot several times over - obviously you certainly are **not** gay. 🙂 > [@](#): > > … But surely you don’t suugest _Phantom_, _Les Mis_, _Miss Saigon_, _Jekyll & Hyde_, or _Aida_ as flamboyant? No, but they are dramatic - the _pathos_ is what gets some gay men and women alike. I like 'em cause they’re singable, and I’m a singer. Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/108 "2000-03-16T16:59:00Z")
No, but they are dramatic - the pathos is what gets some gay men and women alike. I like 'em cause they’re singable, and I’m a singer. Yes, but _pathos_ is hardly an appeal only to the gay community. The original question remains – why are gay men so identified with it? I participated on a message board some years ago… and one of my first posts was about Broadway shows. After some months had gone by, several people on the board told me they had at the start assumed I was gay – because, after all… - Rick ---
**Author:** ![GLWasteful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f05b48/32.png) [@GLWasteful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GLWasteful)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/109 "2000-03-16T17:08:00Z")
Rick: > [@](#): > > I participated on a message board some years ago… and one of my first posts was about Broadway shows. After some months had gone by, several people on the board told me they had at the start assumed I was gay – because, after all… I get the same thing, Rick. Because I like Broadway shows, because I use terms that are used mostly by the gay community, because I’ve been around so many folk that are gay, then naturally I must be gay as well. All things considered, I would rather be welcomed among my gay friends than most of the heterosexuals I’ve encountered. So in my case, anyway, it kinda works out win-win. Waste Flick Lives! ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/110 "2000-03-16T17:19:00Z")
OK, I have a question. Why are gay/lesbian folk so much more flagrant about kissing and making out in public? There is nothing wrong with displays of affection, but I’m talking about a little more here. * * * Carpe Jugulum ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/111 "2000-03-16T17:41:00Z")
OK, I have a question. Why are gay/lesbian folk so much more flagrant about kissing and making out in public? There is nothing wrong with displays of affection, but I’m talking about a little more here. * * * Carpe Jugulum ---
**Author:** ![GLWasteful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f05b48/32.png) [@GLWasteful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GLWasteful)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/112 "2000-03-17T06:32:00Z")
aenea: Just where, exactly, do you live? Waste Flick Lives! ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/113 "2000-03-17T06:34:00Z")
We aren’t really out there making out in public (I.E. Kissing, holding hands). It happens so infrequently that when you see it, it sticks in your mind. Go to a beach and tell me how many gay couples you see holding hands or even kissing eachother… not many… do the same with a straight couple and you will actually see significantly more. HUGS! SQrl * * * [SqrlCub’s Arizona Adventure](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005351.html) ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/114 "2000-03-16T19:33:00Z")
## I currently reside in Raleigh, NC. (BTW I see little of the alternative lifestyle of ANY type here. ;)) I just moved here last year. I’m not talking of kissing or holding hands either. I’m talking about straight out neckin’,\* oh god, oh god, we’re about to get laid\* - that type of making out. And I am the type to yell “get a hotel room” to anyone hetero or homo. But I usually only see heteros getting it on in a bar or a club or whatnot. Man, I’ve seen a few _flagrant_ gay people (male and female) displays. Where? Oh let’s see. I grew up in The Valley in California so there would be the Hollywood bunches of grapes. I moved to Marin county in 1984 so then there was the San Fransisco experience. Montana was a real culture shock after all that. Sorry to report that gay folk up there often have a hard time. Let’s see… Austin was a real trip as far as meeting a gay person in a club. Which brings up another question. Why do the men that want to be women(I’m not sure if the term is queen) give natural women such dirty looks? I mean _really_ dirty looks. No I was committing no fashion crime. I didn’t get it. Please understand, I’m just trying to understand. You said it was alright to ask questions Carpe Jugulum ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/115 "2000-03-16T19:34:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Bricker: > > Yes, but _pathos_ is hardly an appeal only to the gay community. Obviously, since you like 'em, too, plus those blue-haired old ladies. > [@](#): > > The original question remains – why are gay men so identified with it? Well, why do **you** like them so much? People focus on the differences between gays and straights, when there are really many, many more similarities. If you can answer it for yourself, you can probably answer it for much of the gay community. Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/116 "2000-03-16T19:37:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by aenea: > > Why are gay/lesbian folk so much more flagrant about kissing and making out in public? There is nothing wrong with displays of affection, but I’m talking about a little more here. What town do **you** live in, 'cause I’m packing up to move! Seriously, you’re either in a high-concentration area of homosexuals where they feel safe enough to do so, or the few PDA’s you’ve seen have stuck in your mind, or you passed a gay pride parade and didn’t know it. Even in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware - a hotbed gay resort town that is about half/half straight/gay - I’ve only ever seen two men holding hands that weren’t on the gay part of the beach **once**. Unless you feel you’re in very, very safe territory, you’re just friends to all outward appearances. At least, this has been my experience. Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/117 "2000-03-16T19:45:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by aenea: > > I currently reside in Raleigh, NC. Oh, what a cute little town! Lots of northerners transplanted there, I found… > [@](#): > > I’m not talking of kissing or holding hands either. I’m talking about straight out neckin’,\* oh god, oh god, we’re about to get laid\* - that type of making out. I guess if you feel safe enough to hold hands, you might as well go all the way. 😃 Are you talking like on the street in downtown, inside a gay bar, at a mixed restaurant, where? Why do the men that want to be women(I’m not sure if the term is queen) give natural women such dirty looks? I mean _really_ dirty looks. No I was committing no fashion crime. I didn’t get it. [/QUOTE] “Queen” is more of an attitude. Men who want to be women technically are transsexuals, but you might be thinking of drag queens, although they just like dressing up as fabulous women (men’s fashions are **so** boring sometimes). But if you’re talking, which I think you are, about the attitude some gay men have against straight women or, worse, lesbians, I personally think it’s appalling. There is enough divisiveness in our community as it is amongst our own sexes, let alone between the sexes, that this is wholly counterproductive. But the fact remains - some gay men hate women, some lesbians hate men, and that’s that. Why? The first one I think off the top of my head is territory - any man who walks into a lesbian bar is suspect, as is any woman who walks into a gay bar. They’re there seeking solace (or more) amongst their own kind, and seeing an “outsider” gets their hackles up. Any male friend of mine who refers to any woman as “bitch,” “fish,” or some other derogatory term gets an earful from me. > [@](#): > > Please understand, I’m just trying to understand. You said it was alright to ask questions That’s why we’re here - ask away! Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/118 "2000-03-17T17:11:00Z")
Esprix wrote: > [@](#): > > you might be thinking of drag queens, although they just like dressing up as fabulous women (men’s fashions are **so** boring sometimes). I think I ought to tell you, Esprix, that when I read this, I imagined you saying it with a really exaggerated foppish accent. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/119 "2000-03-17T17:31:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by tracer: > > I think I ought to tell you, Esprix, that when I read this, I imagined you saying it with a really exaggerated foppish accent. 😉 But that _is_ how I said it, darling… 😉 Of course, I’m assuming by “fop” you mean “Fabulous Outre Princess…” Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100/120 "2000-03-17T17:47:00Z")
Hmmm…a question for the gay guy… Ummm…how ya doin’? 😃 * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-gay-guy/18100.md?page=7)