# Ask the Girl in the Wheelchair **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436 "2012-05-19T16:21:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2012, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/321 "2012-05-27T07:54:11Z")
> [@congodwarf](#): > > Finally! It has taken me 3 hours but I have finally finished reading both your threads and thank you because it has been the most fascinating 3 hours I’ve had in a long time. > > Either I overlooked it or no one has answered the major question that has been on my mind all along… > > Did your cousin get fired after your accident? > Seriously, that is the only thing I’ve been able to come up with. Every other question I could have possibly thought up (and a huge amount I couldn’t) have already been asked. > > I agree that this is the most interesting Ask the… thread I’ve read and I’m impressed and glad that it’s still generating interesting and unique questions and responses after so many pages. That’s awesome. Thank you. My cousin did get fired. But it was really a formality, since he would have quit anyway, after what happened. Poor guy, he took it the hardest. While my brothers have all continued to be avid snow sport enthusiasts, to my knowledge, he hasn’t been on a mountain since I got hurt. I think it’s his way of extending solidarity to me, though that’s just my own crazy hypothesis, having never asked him about that. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2012, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/322 "2012-05-27T07:59:14Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > Why, thank you for noticing! That means _alot_ to me. 😉 THIS, however… :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2012, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/323 "2012-05-27T09:26:58Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > I don’t know that it’s sexiness I’m maintaining, but it’s always been important to me to look normal (as normal as possible). I don’t usually leave the house without my hair or makeup done, and I wear fashionable clothes. I see some quads who wear sweats or weird poncho things out in public or (dear maude) have their leg bags strapped to the outside of their pants. I don’t know their personal reasons for doing this, and whether it’s a necessity for them or not, but I just know I don’t want to be like that. I’ve actually been thinking about this post for a few days. There might be all sorts of reasons for this, but I can’t help wondering if money is an issue. **Umkay** , I don’t have to tell you how fortunate you are that you have the resources to set up your assistive technology, purchase your wheelchairs, and pay for your carers. Unfortunately, not every disabled person is in that position. I could see someone who has no resources (poor or absent family, unemployed, etc.) being left to the mercy of our society’s tattered safety net and at the mercy of being cared for by people they don’t choose. Maybe those quads in the shabby/weird clothes are living in cast-offs and what someone else chooses for them at Goodwill. Their leg bags are strapped to the outside of their pants not because they choose it but because their attendants arrange it that way for _their_ convenience, not the quad’s, and the person in the chair can’t change it because they aren’t the one paying the paychecks of the people who can’t be bothered to dress someone else with dignity. It strikes me that such a situation would be horrific, to have even small decisions like that taken from you and no way for you to change it. That is, of course, how many people view any life in a wheelchair and one of the reasons they find the prospect so horrifying. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2012, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/324 "2012-05-27T14:18:48Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > I didn’t know who this was, so I looked him up. Just so you know, Rob Summers did not have a complete spinal cord injury; the article I read has him describing movement and sensation throughout his legs and back from the very first days of his injury. They had a long article about Summers in ESPN the Magazine awhile back where one of the reasons they thought he was important is (in their words) they’ve been able to restore some movement to incompletes before but he was the first complete they had ever had stand up in a lab or etc. I always wondered what delineated complete/incomplete because in the ESPN article it mentioned how he had regained movement in his toe very early in his hospital stay (but 20+ months of rehab and he had no improvement in his legs.) I guess sports journalists probably aren’t a great source for medical news. > [@](#): > > I just have to say one more thing about this. People constantly tell me about this or that technological break-through that may help me walk again (nevermind that I’m much more interested in getting my arms back than my legs). It gets exhausting to feign enthusiasm with them. I’ve been in this chair a long time; I’m used to it. I’d like to get out of it, but I honestly don’t believe that will ever happen. So until there’s a true cure, I’m pretty “meh” about the rumors. Yeah, I’m sort of a “Popular Mechanics” sort of guy, I follow a lot of developments in robotics and such because I find it really interesting. (Not that I’m unsympathetic to how they can help disabled people, that’s just not my primary interest in the tech.) The friend I mentioned is actually really into robotics–actually for about 25 years he owned a software company that wrote software for industrial machines (he got bought out by a Fortune 500 company for serious $$.) Something he always did on the side in his machine shop (he’s a mechanical engineer by education) was create various mounts and tools that let him hunt from his chair. When he started creating them in the 80s he said while he wasn’t the first guy to create totally mouth driven gun mounts for a wheelchair he’s the first person he knows of that built a mouth controlled bow mount and successfully took a deer with it. I wasn’t with him when he took the deer but I hunted with him some using the bow mount. Before he retired he had very little / nothing to do with the disabled community, but now that he’s not working he’s spent a lot of time traveling the state and helping other quads get hunting rigs set up and taking them on hunts. ---
**Author:** ![Svejk\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@Svejk\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svejk_1)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2012, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/325 "2012-05-27T18:18:21Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > I’m describing myself because I’m sure the tendency is to think that I look seriously f-ed up, like Terri Schiavo or something. I don’t. And I want to dispel the notion (as I’ve tried throughout this thread) that people with disabilities are by default asexual, or _un_sexy. I will never be able to compete with an AB woman in the ‘hot body’ category. But my face is quite lovely, and I work that to my advantage whenever possible. Course, you’ll have to just take my word for it, because I’m not going to post a picture at this time. But I hope I’ve earned enough respect with my honesty and candor in every other answer I’ve given and you’ll just trust me on this one. This reminds me off some really deserving work that’s been done in The Netherlands, where I’m from. This woman who presents a quiz show on Dutch TV, her name is Lucille Werner, is disabled (relatively mildly: one of her legs is shorter than the other). She’s dedicated some of her time to running a Miss Disabled show (I don’t think they call it that but that’s what describes it best) to dispell the myth that just because your body does not work like it could and should, that should mean your any less pretty or attractive. I’m trying to find some links but so far all I find is in Dutch ([like this thing](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqJPQ_D_g1E)). ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2012, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/326 "2012-05-27T20:36:17Z")
> [@Svejk\_1](#): > > This reminds me off some really deserving work that’s been done in The Netherlands, where I’m from. This woman who presents a quiz show on Dutch TV, her name is Lucille Werner, is disabled (relatively mildly: one of her legs is shorter than the other). She’s dedicated some of her time to running a Miss Disabled show (I don’t think they call it that but that’s what describes it best) to dispell the myth that just because your body does not work like it could and should, that should mean your any less pretty or attractive. I’m trying to find some links but so far all I find is in Dutch ([like this thing](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqJPQ_D_g1E)). On a slightly related note, there’s [this show](http://www.sundancechannel.com/push-girls/), coming soon to the Sundance Channel. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2012, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/327 "2012-05-27T21:02:02Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I’ve actually been thinking about this post for a few days. There might be all sorts of reasons for this, but I can’t help wondering if money is an issue. **Umkay** , I don’t have to tell you how fortunate you are that you have the resources to set up your assistive technology, purchase your wheelchairs, and pay for your carers. Unfortunately, not every disabled person is in that position. I could see someone who has no resources (poor or absent family, unemployed, etc.) being left to the mercy of our society’s tattered safety net and at the mercy of being cared for by people they don’t choose. Maybe those quads in the shabby/weird clothes are living in cast-offs and what someone else chooses for them at Goodwill. Their leg bags are strapped to the outside of their pants not because they choose it but because their attendants arrange it that way for _their_ convenience, not the quad’s, and the person in the chair can’t change it because they aren’t the one paying the paychecks of the people who can’t be bothered to dress someone else with dignity. It strikes me that such a situation would be horrific, to have even small decisions like that taken from you and no way for you to change it. > > That is, of course, how many people view any life in a wheelchair and one of the reasons they find the prospect so horrifying. That makes me want to cry. ☹ I don’t know if I can redeem myself, but let me say: If there’s one word that defines my life, it is lucky. No one knows that better than me. I was born with a leg up just because of what my dad does for a living. And my life, even after I was disabled, has been charmed. I think my life challenges have made me a better person; but there’s still enough bratty rich girl in me that I sometimes say things without thinking them through, without really considering the mountain others are trying to climb. For this, I am sorry. Thank you for humbling me. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2012, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/328 "2012-05-27T21:07:47Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > On a slightly related note, there’s [this show](http://www.sundancechannel.com/push-girls/), coming soon to the Sundance Channel. I’ve known about this show for awhile now and I can’t wait! No power chairs though, natch. ---
**Author:** ![winneee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a88e4f/32.png) [@winneee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/winneee)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2012, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/329 "2012-05-27T22:24:34Z")
You are just totally diggable. And I say that being a 45-year-old mom who is reading this thread thinking how proud your parents must be. You are honest and humble and totally up for learning different perspectives. Yay you. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/330 "2012-05-28T00:10:44Z")
Why did you want to be homschooled post-injury? ---
**Author:** ![Sacrilegium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f05b48/32.png) [@Sacrilegium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sacrilegium)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/331 "2012-05-28T01:18:55Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > So, I’m not going to post a picture. But I’ll try to sate your curiosity by saying this: From the neck up, I’m very, very pretty. I have long, straight (as of tonight!) blonde hair with trendy straight-across bangs (which get in my eyes a bit but are worth it because they’re _sassy_); bright green eyes; one of the world’s best noses, perfectly straight and ever so slightly turned up at the end; and nice, straight white teeth. In an attempt to be complimentary, more than a few people have told me that, if it weren’t for the chair, I could’ve been a model. I’m picturing Claire Coffee. That’s not a bad thing. Since all of my real questions have been answered, I have a way TMI and probably-comes-off-creepy question: Do your carers groom your pubic area? ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/332 "2012-05-28T01:45:33Z")
I’m disappointed you didn’t post a photo either. I mean, we can Google **Ambi** if we want to see his muscley-ness. 🙂 Ah, well, I understand. The Dope also has an unofficial [pic page](http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/) if you want to see what we look like. ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/333 "2012-05-28T02:08:22Z")
> [@Sacrilegium](#): > > I’m picturing Claire Coffee. That’s not a bad thing. > > Since all of my real questions have been answered, I have a way TMI and probably-comes-off-creepy question: Do your carers groom your pubic area? Her carers are her hands. She does whatever she wants or can. Everything else has to be done by someone else. Most personal and daily care is done by her carers. If she wants her pubes shaved they will do it. Or her BF or whoever. This is like asking anyone else if they trim their privates. Just because her arms do not work does not really make the question OK. We have gathered enough up-thread to know enough about her condition and care to know the answer closely enough. She don’t need my defense I am sure. But geese please don’t throw out random fucked up questions just because you couldn’t think of something good to ask. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/334 "2012-05-28T02:16:16Z")
> [@winneee](#): > > You are just totally diggable. And I say that being a 45-year-old mom who is reading this thread thinking how proud your parents must be. You are honest and humble and totally up for learning different perspectives. Yay you. That’s really sweet. I appreciate you saying that. I felt like a tool. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/335 "2012-05-28T02:19:47Z")
Can you share what your parents do for a living? ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/336 "2012-05-28T02:21:06Z")
> [@fifty-six](#): > > Her carers are her hands. She does whatever she wants or can. Everything else has to be done by someone else. Most personal and daily care is done by her carers. If she wants her pubes shaved they will do it. Or her BF or whoever. \*\* This is like asking anyone else if they trim their privates.\*\* Just because her arms do not work does not really make the question OK. We have gathered enough up-thread to know enough about her condition and care to know the answer closely enough. > > She don’t need my defense I am sure. But geese please don’t throw out random fucked up questions just because you couldn’t think of something good to ask. Bolding added. (also - geese = jeeze?) While I totally agree with the sentiment above, I would also like to mention that variations of the bolded segment \*have \*appeared with some regularity on these boards as actual thread topics, so it isn’t like the Dope is a bastion of skeeve-less questions. At least \*\*Sacrilegium \*\*didn’t include a multiple-choice option. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/337 "2012-05-28T02:27:07Z")
> [@Sacrilegium](#): > > I’m picturing Claire Coffee. That’s not a bad thing. Okay, so that’s kind of freaky. I’ve never heard of her, but she and I share a first name, though I spell mine differently. FWIW, from googling her, I think that Claire is somewhat prettier than me. My eyes are greener, my hair blonder, and my face more angular, but I think you’d nevertheless find her an appropriate stand-in, were you to ever see me. > [@Sacrilegium](#): > > Since all of my real questions have been answered, I have a way TMI and probably-comes-off-creepy question: Do your carers groom your pubic area? Totally coming off as creepy…what fifty-six said. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sacrilegium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f05b48/32.png) [@Sacrilegium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sacrilegium)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/338 "2012-05-28T02:32:49Z")
Didn’t mean to come off as creepy, but I can see how it would (hence my couching it as such). I just figured in a thread where we’ve already talked pee and poop and orgasms and even masturbation-by-carer, the question of body hair wasn’t too far off the path. Oh well. And fifty-six, I’d **totally** ask anyone that question. I’m kinda curious if **you** do, to be truthful 😛 ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/339 "2012-05-28T03:04:53Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Why did you want to be homschooled post-injury? It might be different for someone who has had some kind of disability from birth, but going from being an AB jock on the cusp of puberty to being in a wheelchair, unable to physically perform most of the basic activities of life, was…traumatic. I couldn’t imagine facing my old schoolmates, girls I had played sports with and boys I had flirted with, in such a different body. For those first few months, I just wanted to hide away for the rest of my life, never leave the house again. As I said, my parents wisely insisted that this was out of the question. Ultimately, it was the best thing for me. It was a band-aid that needed to be ripped off: I had to just face people, face the stares, and learn how to handle that with grace, since I’d be doing it the rest of my life. And my experience was that it was hard and awkward at first, but people adapted as I did, and were kinder than I had expected. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/340 "2012-05-28T03:17:15Z")
> [@EmAnJ](#): > > Can you share what your parents do for a living? My mom raised us kids (and three boys plus a pair of twins, all born within 6 years was, I can only imagine, an insane amount of work). My dad is a banker (don’t hate the player, hate the game). 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=18)