# Ask the Girl in the Wheelchair **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436 "2012-05-19T16:21:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 24
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/461 "2012-06-01T05:34:46Z")
> [@zagloba](#): > > **umkay** , have you by chance seen the TV series Friday Night Lights? One of the main characters in the first 2 1/2 seasons is a star athlete who suffers an SCI. He ends up having use of his arms, but the function of his hands is limited. He has many experiences similar to what you’ve described. In fact your forthright accounts give me the feeling that the show’s portrayal of this character is fairly accurate. I never watched it when it was on the air, but I _devoured_ all five seasons on Netflix several months ago. Man, WHAT a great show! Yes, Justin Street as a quad was a terrific portrayal, IMO: He’s in denial at first, he breaks up with his girlfriend, he goes gaga for stem cells, he gets over himself, he drives, he gets a job, he knocks a girl up–all so true to life and just fantastically told, story-wise. Five stars. Clear eyes, full hearts… ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/462 "2012-06-01T05:42:25Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > **Umkay** , you mentioned that part of your job involves talking on the phone. How do you use a phone? (If this question has already been answered, feel free to ignore it.) I have a variety of ways that I can use the phone, but the most common is with a Bluetooth headset. It’s modified for me, so I have an earbud in my ear, but the headset itself is clipped to my shirt collar (or on a lanyard if my shirt collar is too low that day). If the phone rings, I just bump the button on the headset with my chin and answer. To dial, I press and hold the button and give a voice command to dial the person/number. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/463 "2012-06-01T05:47:00Z")
> [@lizlizliz](#): > > Not sure if you’re into _South Park_, but I read your username in Mr. Mackey’s voice. Ahaha! I was worried about that in retrospect (curiously, it did not cross my mind while making the sn). Oh well. 😉 > [@lizlizliz](#): > > What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? I love ice cream, and for that reason I honestly don’t know if I have just one favorite flavor. My _favorites_ are strawberry, mint chocolate chip, moose tracks, and just a high-quality French vanilla. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/464 "2012-06-01T05:49:20Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > **umkay** , I’m a middle aged woman who’s totally straight (though my gay friends tell me I’m the most bent straight person they know - I think that’s a compliment), and this is totally inappropriate, but this is the Dope, so I don’t care. I got a little crush on ya. You are Teh Awesum. Just popping in to say that. I got no questions, people have asked stuff that never occurred to me. (Another reason I love this place!) It seems your life is indeed charmed, and I hope it gets even charmier as you continue on your unique journey. > > I’ll probably regret these two glasses of wine in the morning… 😃 Ha! Consider me flattered. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/465 "2012-06-01T05:56:41Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I greatly appreciate this thread from a public-service perspective. Thanks **Umkay**. 🙂 Aw. That means heaps from a fellow gimp. Thank you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/466 "2012-06-01T06:03:10Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > I never watched it when it was on the air, but I _devoured_ all five seasons on Netflix several months ago. Man, WHAT a great show! > > Yes, Justin Street as a quad was a terrific portrayal, IMO: He’s in denial at first, he breaks up with his girlfriend, he goes gaga for stem cells, he gets over himself, he drives, he gets a job, he knocks a girl up–all so true to life and just fantastically told, story-wise. Five stars. > > Clear eyes, full hearts… Glad to hear you say that. It’s one of my four or five favorite shows ever. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/467 "2012-06-01T06:15:08Z")
> [@gonzoron](#): > > What are the best (and worst?) portrayals of the disabled that you’ve seen in TV/movies/books? Hm, good question. The sad fact is that there are TONS more bad portrayals than good ones. Also I don’t necessarily go seeking out books and movies with disabled characters, per se, so I may have missed quite a few. But, off the top of my head, Sam Worthington in Avatar was amazing. I loved how, even though his chair was a pivotal plot point, the story wasn’t _about_ it, you know? He was this B.A. ex-Marine who, even in his own paralyzed body, was still capable and manly. Realistic chair, realistic attitude, realistic body–the atrophied leg thing was crazy! I googled how they did that immediately after the movie and discovered that they had taken a mold of a real para and made fake legs from it. These legs sat on the chair, and Sam’s real legs were hidden beneath the chair. Oh, also Sam Worthington is blisteringly hot, so that didn’t hurt. I hated Million Dollar Baby, and thought it only highlighted the most devastating after-affects of a quadriplegic SCI. I actually didn’t know the plot included this before seeing the movie, so that was a little awkward. I had a lot of interesting conversations after that movie with friends (and a lot of interesting looks leaving the theatre…). To me it was just another “I’d rather be dead than in a wheelchair” movie. Gah. It’s late and I’m totally blanking on any other examples. If you think of one, throw it at me and I’ll tell you if I thought it was any good (if I’ve seen/read it, that is). And of course, other chair users should feel free to add to the critique. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/468 "2012-06-01T06:17:10Z")
> [@zagloba](#): > > Glad to hear you say that. It’s one of my four or five favorite shows ever. You CANNOT be leaving me hanging on this. One more time: CLEAR EYES! FULL HEARTS! … (and you say?) ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/469 "2012-06-01T06:23:34Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > It’s late and I’m totally blanking on any other examples. If you think of one, throw it at me and I’ll tell you if I thought it was any good (if I’ve seen/read it, that is). And of course, other chair users should feel free to add to the critique. 🙂 Gary Sinise as Lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump, for one. Also, Tom Cruise as Ron Kovick in Born on the Fourth of July. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/470 "2012-06-01T06:30:33Z")
> [@echo7tango](#): > > Many here have already said how awesome this thread is and you are - agree there, big time. Love your raw honesty and down-to-earth exchanges. Thank you for enlightening us about ladies/people in chairs. Thank you so much for your kind words. What nice things to say. 🙂 > [@echo7tango](#): > > What field/specialties do you recruit for? My brother (my boss) reminded me today (apropos of nothing…I _think_) that I need to be careful what I share online, not only just for general safety reasons, but because we recruit in the tech industry. My clients are all very savvy, technologically, though most don’t have any idea I’m a quadriplegic. However, if they ever put two and two together and found this or the devotee thread, I would be kind of horrified. So that’s as specific as I can get about what I do. I hope you’ll understand. 🙂 > [@echo7tango](#): > > What do you think of the Jill Kinmont Boothe story? I can imagine you at 17, not having tried that flip/jump at 14, making a run at the Olympic snowboarding team. I suspect you’d have kicked ash and taken names. I have totally seen The Other Side of the Mountain. Really touching, and a wonderful portrait of someone who had a full life despite a physical disability. And thanks for the compliment! I definitely prefer to think that would have happened, rather than I would have become a drug addict or something. LOL. > [@echo7tango](#): > > Hey, you’re not a valley girl, are you? (Like, really?) 😃 Do valley girls exist in the 21st century? Do you mean, do I live in the San Fernando Valley? Nope. Why? Do I, like, sound like that, Veronica? > [@echo7tango](#): > > And yes, umkay, you do rock. Right back at ya. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/471 "2012-06-01T06:54:11Z")
I hated Million Dollar Baby for the same reason you did. It was great until she got injured. In my experience, many people who are injured think about suicide at first, but get over that pretty quickly. The will to live is much stronger than most people think. I hated that MDB perpetuated that old stereotype. When I was working with SCI patients and told strangers what I did, a common response was “I wouldn’t want to live like that.” I would usually answer something like “you might surprise yourself” and tell them what my patients said and how they responded. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/472 "2012-06-01T06:55:35Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > … that’s as specific as I can get about what I do. I hope you’ll understand. 🙂 > I have totally seen The Other Side of the Mountain. Really touching, and a wonderful portrait of someone who had a full life despite a physical disability. And thanks for the compliment! I definitely prefer to think that would have happened, rather than I would have become a drug addict or something. LOL. > Do you mean, do I live in the San Fernando Valley? Nope. Why? Do I, like, sound like that, Veronica? Totally understand. No problem. Re: not becoming a drug addict, I once ran into a former professor of mine in the grocery store. In 2 minutes of catching him up on what I was doing to pay the rent he retorted, “Good! I’m glad you didn’t end up in jail!” It was so off the wall and hilarious! No, you don’t sound valley. I was just pulling your leg to see if you could feel that. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![rowe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@rowe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowe)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/473 "2012-06-01T08:40:52Z")
Reading your thread kept me up way too late tonight…thanks for sharing! Just curious, are you a gamer at all? PC/console? ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/474 "2012-06-01T11:55:02Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > You CANNOT be leaving me hanging on this. One more time: > > CLEAR EYES! FULL HEARTS! > > … > > (and you say?) Can’t lose! (Sorry to butt it. I love that show.) ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/475 "2012-06-01T12:33:13Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > First, I’m sorry your son has to go through that. CF sucks. > > Second, I haven’t used a Vest like that, but I’ve seen them and I know some quads use them. Most days, a few minutes of quad coughing are enough for me to get cleared up. However, whenever I’m even slightly under the weather with a cold or other respiratory issue, I use a [CoughAssist](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUMyb9h2-2w) machine, otherwise known as an in-exsufflator. Briefly, a mask is placed over my nose and mouth, and the machine fills my lungs with air. Then, it sharply sucks the air out of my lungs, simulating a cough. Has your son ever used one? I have no idea if they’d be indicated for CF, but they’re fantastic for quads. You’re so kind. We’ve been super-lucky with his CF so far. He’ll be four in August and has so far been healthy and avoided the hospital completely. I’ve never heard of the CoughAssist or anything similar being used for CF, but that doesn’t necessarily mean much. You’ve been saying that the details of SCIs are so individual - CF is the same way. One person could have a great deal of lung involvement and no digestive involvement, or vice versa. Or anything in between. Some people develop CF-related diabetes (a different animal than type 1 or type 2), and some do not, and no one knows exactly why. I know when he’s old enough - probably pretty soon - that his CF team will teach him coughing exercises to do during and after his Vest treatments. Huff coughing and other exercises are dependent on him being physically and cognitively able to do them, though. Having CF doesn’t prevent you from having other conditions, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a CoughAssist or something similar was used for a patient with both CF and another condition that prevented them from completing the coughing exercises. On another note, I’m glad to read that the portrayal of Jason Street on Friday Night Lights was well-done. My favorite thing about that show was the realism of the relationships (for instance, it’s clear Tammy Taylor loves her husband deeply, but she also occasionally considers strangling him), and it made me happy to hear that that piece was also portrayed well. It certainly worked on me - when I see the actor who portrayed Jason Street in something else, I still get a split-second jolt because he’s just walking around like nothing happened. Anyway, add me to your fangirl list. 😉 I’m loving this thread and your dynamic voice. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/476 "2012-06-01T18:19:08Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > My brother (my boss) reminded me today (apropos of nothing…I _think_) that I need to be careful what I share online, not only just for general safety reasons, but because we recruit in the tech industry. My clients are all very savvy, technologically, though most don’t have any idea I’m a quadriplegic. However, if they ever put two and two together and found this or the devotee thread, I would be kind of horrified. So that’s as specific as I can get about what I do. I hope you’ll understand. 🙂 Forgive me for asking, but I am just a bit confused here: _why_ can’t you tell us what field you work in? Could you explain your reasoning a bit more? I’m not trying to get you to share anything you feel uncomfortable about; I only want to understand why you feel uncomfortable about it. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/477 "2012-06-01T18:26:07Z")
Because a ton a personal information was shared, often labeled as TMI in other threads…? I’m guessing **umkay** would want to be seen as a button-down professional and not have clients reading the stuff in the two threads here on the Dope. I don’t want to speak for her, but I wouldn’t want that to happen to me. No way. No how. . ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/478 "2012-06-01T18:36:22Z")
> [@Philster](#): > > Because a ton a personal information was shared, often labeled as TMI in other threads…? I’m guessing **umkay** would want to be seen as a button-down professional and not have clients reading the stuff in the two threads here on the Dope. > > I don’t want to speak for her, but I wouldn’t want that to happen to me. No way. No how. > > . Right but are any of her clients going to do the sleuth work and detective work necessary to determine that the girl in these threads is in fact the person who is their co-worker? And is that even possible? With just the field of employment given? She already said none of them know she is a quad, so even if they read those threads, why would they suspect **her**? Unless her field is so specialized that by revealing it she would be revealing her identity. If that’s the case then I understand. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/479 "2012-06-01T18:48:22Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Right but are any of her clients going to do the sleuth work and detective work necessary to determine that the girl in these threads is in fact the person who is their co-worker? And is that even possible? With just the field of employment given? She already said none of them know she is a quad, so even if they read those threads, why would they suspect **her**? Unless her field is so specialized that by revealing it she would be revealing her identity. If that’s the case then I understand. Ok, this reads in a way I didn’t intend. I totally understand not wanting one’s professional life to veer into one’s private life, especially when that private life can attract a lot of unwanted and potentially dangerous attention. I only wanted to know how giving a general field of employment can cause those lines (professional vs private) to blur. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/480 "2012-06-01T19:36:03Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Forgive me for asking, but I am just a bit confused here: _why_ can’t you tell us what field you work in? Could you explain your reasoning a bit more? I’m not trying to get you to share anything you feel uncomfortable about; I only want to understand why you feel uncomfortable about it. I’m a bit confused, too: I’ve said I do tech recruiting. I’m wondering why that’s not specific enough for you? That’s the exact **field** I work in. When I said I didn’t want to get more specific, I meant that I didn’t want to discuss what companies I work for, or what specialties I deal with. In this thread, I’ve given my first name, the area where I live, the field I work in, and lots of demographic info about my family. I’ve also described a lot of TMI stuff. Forgive me for trying to keep the two from linking up in personally undesirable ways. RE: Your skepticism that someone could find me on this board. The fact is, I recruit very smart, geeky, (mostly) guys from all over the country who make their livings on their computers. In other words, _precisely_ the kind of person who would find their way to an online forum like The Dope. Sure, most of the prospects and companies I work with don’t know that I’m a quad; my brother is the face of the company to our corporate clients, and face-to-face meetings with prospects in my industry are rarely necessary. I don’t think it’s likely that some CEO of a company we work with is going to meander his way to this thread and realized it’s me. But, I wouldn’t be all that surprised to find that one of my past or present prospects was on this board, and could identify me with not a whole lot more info, lack of knowledge about my disability notwithstanding. And my co-workers, who for sure know I’m a quad? Um, yeah, they definitely could. I’ve seen the web connect people in some crazy ways, for good and for bad, and this is not an instance where I’d like that to happen to me. Perhaps this is unusual, but I’m not on any mission here to create a major web presence, where my face, name, and all my personal info is connected to everything I do online or say here on The Dope. I don’t have any desire to be famous on the internet. To be honest, this thread wouldn’t exist if not for the safe semi-anonymity that prevails here; only my most intimate friends know a lot of the details of my care that I’ve described here, for obvious reasons. If I thought I’d be sharing my real life with everyone here, I would probably have been more guarded in my answers. Because I wasn’t planning on splicing my real and internet life together, I’ve been able to be frank and honest here, and I think that’s been a good thing. Plus, **you** know that I’ve already been contacted by people who’ve read my threads on this site and “would like to meet me” because they’re “really into quadriplegic women.” So it’s not just my co-workers and business acquaintances that I’m hiding from; it’s people who could use any further info about what I do to find my brother’s company, my work email, my company website picture, ME, etc. I’m aware that my caution is unusual, but I just think it’s crazy to put so much of myself out there. Especially since my job has provided me many, many opportunities to see a potentially great placement go kablooey because of something somebody said on their Facebook page. Does that make sense to you now? I’m not _trying_ to be an enigma, wrapped in a conundrum, shrouded in mystery. 😉 I’m just trying to keep (IMHO) safe and healthy boundaries here. Is that unreasonable? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=23) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=25)