# Ask the Girl in the Wheelchair **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436 "2012-05-19T16:21:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 26
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2012, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/501 "2012-06-02T20:06:09Z")
**Umkay** -Even consider getting Dragon software? ---
**Author:** ![winneee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a88e4f/32.png) [@winneee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/winneee)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2012, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/502 "2012-06-02T21:04:39Z")
Still swooning over here, Jimmy. šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/503 "2012-06-03T00:04:21Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > **Umkay** -Even consider getting Dragon software? Hi **etv78** , I think she already said in a previous post that she uses Dragon. Yeah, Iā€™m pretty sure of it, saying something about having to program it for zombie words. ---
**Author:** ![Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/do_not_taunt/32/2968_2.png) [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Do_Not_Taunt)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/504 "2012-06-03T00:06:38Z")
> [@echo7tango](#): > > Many here have already said how awesome this thread is and you are - agree there, big time. > > And yes, umkay, you do rock. And in the spirit of the Straight Dope, my contrary opinion is that this thread and the OP are really.. oh, who am I kidding? This thread and **umkay** are awesome, and Iā€™ve read all ten pages of it! So my question original question was this: **umkay** , you said earlier that one of the things a friend could suggest that youā€™d do together is getting coffee. How would the logistics of this work? Say I call you up and say, ā€˜Yo! **umkay!** You busy? Letā€™s get some coffee.ā€™ So we meet up, not as a date or anything, but just two buds. Would I be helping you to drink the coffee? Would a carer come along? If the former, does the fact that itā€™s a hot beverage introduce any additional challenges? Anyway, then you said you donā€™t like coffee, and avoid caffeine in general, so what would you get if we went out for coffee? Anyway, thanks for a great thread. _Much_ ignorance fought. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/505 "2012-06-03T00:26:21Z")
> [@echo7tango](#): > > Hi **etv78** , I think she already said in a previous post that she uses Dragon. Yeah, Iā€™m pretty sure of it, saying something about having to program it for zombie words. Searched the thread, using ā€œdragonā€, our two posts were the only 2 I found. I believe she dictates to a PCA. ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/506 "2012-06-03T00:33:54Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Searched the thread, using ā€œdragonā€, our two posts were the only 2 I found. I believe she dictates to a PCA. She didnā€™t specify Dragon, but she did say she uses voice-recognition software sometimes, in addition to dictating to her carer at other times. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/507 "2012-06-03T00:40:42Z")
**voltaire** -thatā€™s what I get for using a brand name. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/508 "2012-06-03T00:51:36Z")
So you donā€™t have spasticity? When you say that your arms and legs are spindly and skinny, that would suggest flaccidity and/or a lack of spasms. Why is this? My paralysis is flaccid because it is ischemic; due to loss of blood (and oxygen). Does yours have anything to do with the complete severing of your cord? Do you ever think about what severe spasticity would be like? :eek: I canā€™t imagine. But the silver lining of dealing with it is it maintains a degree of muscle mass to the paralyzed limbs. One of the _myriad_ reasons ā€œblessed but cursedā€ is my little mantra. šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/509 "2012-06-03T01:30:56Z")
> [@echo7tango](#): > > How do you regulate and check and control your temp? Do your carers occassionally touch you to check your skin temp, much like I used to touch my kidsā€™ foreheads to see if theyā€™ve got a fever? Or do they check with a thermometer? How is it managed? And, do you ever run a temp/fever? In other words, **umkay** just how hot are you? šŸ˜ƒ Okay, couldnā€™t resist that one. Seriously, I am curious about the temp monitoring question. And, for the record, I am married - very happily so - and not hitting on you! ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/510 "2012-06-03T05:23:15Z")
Perhaps of relevant interest is the new TV reality show [ā€œPush Girls.ā€](http://www.ksl.com/?nid=155&sid=20640670&title=push-girls-new-show-gives-close-up-of-women-in-wheelchairs) Iā€™m sure it will be Hollywood-ized, but it does seem to break some new ground, rather like this thread. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/511 "2012-06-03T05:29:20Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Ok, this has been on my mind since you described the cheesy 70s sex video you were privileged to watch (with mom in the room!) as what I guess was the best effort to have the quad version of ā€œThe Talk.ā€ Obviously it didnā€™t resonate with you as the best way to broach the subject. > > How should it be done? > > That is, knowing what youā€™ve seen that wasnā€™t the right answer, whatā€™s the best way to introduce a newly spinal cord injured person to the delicate subject of _cherchez la femme_? (Or, I guess, _cherchez le homme_ in your case, assuming I havenā€™t mangled the French too badly). - Cherchez lā€™homme\* šŸ™‚ Well, for starters, parents **should not** be in the room. :smack: Of course, I appreciate that pediatric SCIs like mine present a dilemma regarding when exactly to bring this stuff up, and how to do that in an appropriate way. But, seriously, no other 16 year old I know had to watch a soft-core with their momā€¦ Second, it should be emphasized that nobody truly knows what **your** body is capable of. Too many doctors speak in absolutes; but Iā€™ve met dads in chairs who were told theyā€™d never father children (hello, Justin Street!), and I was told that Iā€™d never experience an orgasm (ha!). The body is a mysterious thing and the sexual impulse is a hard one to hold down. Doctors should respect this and encourage the injured person to explore all they want/can to find their own personal boundaries. That being said, as much time as possible should be spent on options for sexual activity. SCIs are more complicated for men, sexually, and Iā€™ve never dated a dude in a chair, so I donā€™t know all the specifics there. But, for both genders, thereā€™s plenty of ( **NSFW** ) [adaptive equipment](http://www.intimaterider.com/products/) that can make sex fun and exciting and more [accessible](http://www.streetsie.com/wp-content/uploads/wheelchair-sex-positions.jpg) for both partners. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/512 "2012-06-03T05:34:12Z")
> [@Farmer\_Jane](#): > > I did. This was my first hit: [Why are Tech Recruiters so Clueless?](http://37signals.com/svn/posts/2598-why-are-technical-recruiters-so-clueless) Ah, yes. Iā€™m aware that my profession often gets (and gives itself) a black eye. There are bad eggs in every field, and for some reason a higher percentage find themselves attracted to recruiting. Maybe it seems easy? To do it well, itā€™s most certainly **not** easy. Thatā€™s why a lot of people fall flat on their faces (and embarrass the industry) when they attempt it. Anyway, my track record of very satisfied clients and candidates speaks for itself. I know I provide an extremely valuable service to themā€¦if I didnā€™t, theyā€™d stop calling and referring me. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/513 "2012-06-03T05:35:31Z")
> [@Hippy\_Hollow](#): > > Just saying that I appreciate your caution, **umkay**. ā€¦ Youā€™ve done an awesome job of fighting ignorance as well as demonstrating that itā€™s possible to maintain a level of privacy and self respect, IMHO. A lot of folks could learn a lot from how youā€™ve conducted yourself in this thread. šŸ™‚ Youā€™re too kind. Thank you. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/514 "2012-06-03T05:40:56Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Did **umkay** say sheā€™d rather have use of her hands back than being able to walk? F\*ck hands. If I could just have **one shoulder, one elbow, and one wrist back** , Iā€™d be over the moon. I could feed myself, apply my own makeup, scratch my own freaking noseā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/515 "2012-06-03T05:47:15Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > Ah, yes. Iā€™m aware that my profession often gets (and gives itself) a black eye. There are bad eggs in every field, and for some reason a higher percentage find themselves attracted to recruiting. Maybe it seems easy? To do it well, itā€™s most certainly **not** easy. Thatā€™s why a lot of people fall flat on their faces (and embarrass the industry) when they attempt it. > > Anyway, my track record of very satisfied clients and candidates speaks for itself. I know I provide an extremely valuable service to themā€¦if I didnā€™t, theyā€™d stop calling and referring me. šŸ™‚ Iā€™m sure youā€™re great! But Ambi wasnā€™t the only one who didnā€™t know what that was - I Googled it before you told him to. I wasnā€™t aware people even recruited anymore! (: ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/516 "2012-06-03T05:56:31Z")
> [@echo7tango](#): > > šŸ™‚ Hope I wasnā€™t being too forward or inapproptriate with that weak attempt to break the ice, **umkay**. Weā€™ve only just met. Ha! No worries. I thought it was funny. šŸ™‚ > [@echo7tango](#): > > How do you regulate and check and control your temp? Do your carers occassionally touch you to check your skin temp, much like I used to touch my kidsā€™ foreheads to see if theyā€™ve got a fever? Or do they check with a thermometer? How is it managed? And, do you ever run a temp/fever? I _can_ tell if Iā€™m cold or hotā€¦eventually. Unfortunately, by the time I notice a chill or flush on my neck and face, itā€™s bad news. So yeah, my attendants tell where Iā€™m at temp-wise by touching the skin on my arms or legs a few times a day, but a better indicator is the weather. In a normal indoor temperature (mid-70s), Iā€™ll probably be a little chillyā€“most quads run coolā€“but itā€™s not life-threatening. Theyā€™ll just throw a blanket or a sweater on me. The real problems come when Iā€™m in temperatures significantly above or below that normal indoor range. Iā€™ll get my temp checked via thermometer a couple times a day if Iā€™m in a really hot or really cold place (Hawaii, Tahoe). If Iā€™m overheating outside, I need to get to the shade (if Iā€™m not already in it). I bought one of those funny ā€œcooling towelsā€ years ago, so someone will get that wet and put in on my neck. And Iā€™ll drink some icy water. If that doesnā€™t work, I just have to leave the beach and get somewhere with A/C. In cold climates, I have to wear heavier clothes than what an AB might. If my temp drops too far, I have a sweater or a blanket put on me. I also will drink a warm beverage, like tea or hot cocoa. Again, if my temp doesnā€™t rise fast, I need to get somewhere with heat. Oh, and I also have little hot and cold packs (you know the kind that activate when you scrunch 'em?) that I carry just in case. Yes, I can get a fever, and I sometimes do when Iā€™m sick. But itā€™s not more frequent than for able-bodied folks. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/517 "2012-06-03T06:04:36Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Searched the thread, using ā€œdragonā€, our two posts were the only 2 I found. I believe she dictates to a PCA. Thatā€™s weird! I didnā€™t name Dragon software in this thread? I love the stuff and have been using it for years. I couldā€™ve sworn I had mentioned itā€¦ Oh, thatā€™s the problem! I found itā€“it was in my devotee thread. Anyway, hereā€™s my post there, verbatim: > [@](#): > > "Perhaps Iā€™ve given you all the wrong impression of my voice software. I donā€™t mind dictating to a carer when Iā€™m trying to do a bunch of things at once or, as in the case of this and my other thread, Iā€™m trying to post replies to questions as quickly as possible. For that, nothing beats a pair of hands. > > However, the computer has always been a high quadā€™s best friend. And with my specialized hardware and software, I can literally do anything on my computer that you can do on yours, once someone helps me get set up. > > My voice software is especially good (made by Dragon, the same people behind Appleā€™s Siri); itā€™s so good, a lot of AB people use it. [Hereā€™s](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PgLQWeGoXs&feature=fvsr) an AB blogger who demonstrates how easy, accurate, and helpful the software is for him. The Dragon software can literally control your entire computer, but I find a lot of the voice commands cumbersome. So I use it only for creating content. [If you want to fool around with some Dragon stuff, I recommend their free iPhone app, Dragon Dictate]. > > Simply writing a long post (like the one you commented on) is not what takes me so long. Itā€™s the editing. Iā€™m pretty anal about grammar, punctuation, and the ā€œflowā€ of my writing, so once Iā€™ve gotten my thoughts down on the screen, I use a chin-operated mouse and my mouthstick to correct wrongly heard words (homonyms are my bane), add emoticons, and move paragraphs or sentences around. All of this would be much faster with a pair of hands, which is why lengthy posts take me longer than the average AB person. But I can do them just as well as an AB person if I have the time and energy." ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/518 "2012-06-03T06:25:53Z")
> [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](#): > > And in the spirit of the Straight Dope, my contrary opinion is that this thread and the OP are really.. oh, who am I kidding? This thread and **umkay** are awesome, and Iā€™ve read all ten pages of it! You had me worried for a second there. I almost called my attendant to help me into my flame suit. šŸ˜‰ > [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](#): > > So my question original question was this: **umkay** , you said earlier that one of the things a friend could suggest that youā€™d do together is getting coffee. How would the logistics of this work? Say I call you up and say, ā€˜Yo! **umkay!** You busy? Letā€™s get some coffee.ā€™ So we meet up, not as a date or anything, but just two buds. Would I be helping you to drink the coffee? Would a carer come along? If the former, does the fact that itā€™s a hot beverage introduce any additional challenges? > > Anyway, then you said you donā€™t like coffee, and avoid caffeine in general, so what would you get if we went out for coffee? You are really paying attention, arenā€™t you? šŸ˜‰ Youā€™re rightā€“I donā€™t drink coffee, but ā€œgetting coffeeā€ has become shorthand for ā€œletā€™s go to a coffee shop,ā€ which is something I do enjoy. I donā€™t get coffee, but can I confess something here? I freaking love those little Horizon Vanilla Milk things at Starbucks! I also really like the Tazo iced green tea. Theyā€™re both cold and come with a straw, so itā€™s no biggie for someone to help me with them. (Yes, hot beverages are trickier, but Iā€™m just careful and use a straw. In fact, I use a straw to drink everything. Even beer and wine. Iā€™d prefer not to, but itā€™s better than having someoneā€“who may be drunk themselvesā€“try to pour it into my mouth, which usually ends up with me in my own personal wet tshirt contest). :smack: Would I bring along a caregiver? Depends on several factors. But, if youā€™re a really good friend, probably not. With a good pal, itā€™ll probably go like this: Youā€™ll call me and say hey, letā€™s get coffee (you know what I mean). Iā€™ll be like, sounds great! Youā€™ll drive to my house, load me up in my van, and drive that to the coffee shop. Once there, Iā€™ll order my own drink and youā€™ll grab my wallet and pay for mine with my money. Weā€™ll find a table, and youā€™ll ditch one of the chairs (I bring my own, har har). Youā€™ll take a drink of your drink, then offer me one, chat, drink, offer, chat, etc. If I donā€™t know you that well yet, say we just met, Iā€™ll probably at the very least have my helper drive me to the coffee shop; I hate to inconvenience people. I also always try to gauge whatā€™s the least uncomfortable thing for you: Having a third person sit with us and help me drink/eat, or having **you** help me with those things. If the latter is weirder, then Iā€™ll just have my caregiver join us (theyā€™re all really nice ladies). But if thatā€™s actually the weirder option, Iā€™ll have her wait for us somewhere discrete (maybe she reads a magazine in the van with the AC on; maybe she comes into the shop, but sits at a table across the room and has a drink of her own). It goes without saying that, if weā€™re meeting for business, I will most definitely bring a carer with me. She will drive me to the prearranged meeting place and do anything that needs doing for me while we meet. _Obviously_. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/519 "2012-06-03T06:39:07Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > But, seriously, no other 16 year old I know had to watch a soft-core with their momā€¦ That would make one hell of a Monty Python sketch. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/520 "2012-06-03T06:43:20Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > So you donā€™t have spasticity? When you say that your arms and legs are spindly and skinny, that would suggest flaccidity and/or a lack of spasms. Why is this? My paralysis is flaccid because it is ischemic; due to loss of blood (and oxygen). Does yours have anything to do with the complete severing of your cord? > > Do you ever think about what severe spasticity would be like? :eek: I canā€™t imagine. But the silver lining of dealing with it is it maintains a degree of muscle mass to the paralyzed limbs. One of the _myriad_ reasons ā€œblessed but cursedā€ is my little mantra. šŸ˜‰ I llke your mantra. šŸ™‚ Ah, yes, the curse/blessing of spasticity: better muscle tone, worse quality of life (for some). For better or for worse, like many other completes, I donā€™t have much spasticity at all. My arms and legs are pretty atrophied as a result, gah. But I knew a low quad who had such bad spasms that she occasionally flew right out of her chair. No, thank you! :eek: I know some people with more function than me can actually use their spasms to their benefit, triggering a spasm at the right moment to grasp an object or even stand up. But since my injury is so high, spasticity would only be a detriment. Of course, that isnā€™t to say that I _never_ have spasms. In the car, sometimes my arm will fall off my arm rest; when that happens, my arm will spasm as a result, bending at the elbow and flying up towards my chest, sometimes landing in my lap. And my leg will sometimes kick out if my parentsā€™ dogs jump up and put their paws on my lap (they donā€™t do that much anymore, as you can imagine). These small spasms I donā€™t mind, because theyā€™re so infrequent and donā€™t cause any major problems for me. If anything, itā€™s kind of fun to see my body move again on its own once in awhile. šŸ™‚ Side-note: Iā€™ve never known someone with paralysis due to ischemia before. Do you mind my asking how that works and/or how it happened? Of course, feel free to ignore this question. After all, it wasnā€™t **you** who started this thread, inviting the whole world to ask questions about your life. šŸ™‚ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=25) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=27)