# Ask the Girl in the Wheelchair **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436 "2012-05-19T16:21:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 29
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/561 "2012-06-04T18:09:08Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Undoubtedly you’re correct – the random stranger who pipes up with his book idea is coming from – charitably – a place of ignorance. Yes, yes, this is exactly the scenario I had in mind when I made that comment. I’m not offended when a person who only knows me from the written word says that I’m a damn fine writer (thank you, by the way, and ditto). > [@Bricker](#): > > So what I’m telling you is that you should write a book. I don’t say it should be an autobiography; I don’t say it should be a paean to overcoming the adversity of injury. I say you should write a book because you’re a damn fine writer. Working on it… > [@Bricker](#): > > Now, if it turns out that there’s only one story to tell inside of you – that your ability to write only flowers when it’s about you and your life – then, my mistake. > > But I bet I’m not wrong. We shall see. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/562 "2012-06-04T18:10:49Z")
Damn, I just wrote a brilliant post about how I see a connection as a Black man to **umkay’s** response to **brickbacon** in the regard that we are often expected to serve in advocacy roles regardless of our interest, appropriateness, or ability to do so - and that part of the experience, in my life, is drawing the line on “okay I will be an advocate (whatever that means) on this topic, on this issue” and simply saying, “I wish things were better, but it’s not my job to save the world/Black people/Black men 24/7.” I have to live my life the best way I can, that takes care of my mental and physical state, then I can help others. But it disappeared… ugh. Anyway, great response, **umkay**. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/563 "2012-06-04T18:14:42Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > This is not a feature of being wheeled instead of feeted. This is a feature of being a damn fine writer. And when I read anything I think is written by a damn fine writer that isn’t already a book, my first reaction is usually to say, “You should write a book.” > > So what I’m telling you is that you should write a book. I don’t say it should be an autobiography; I don’t say it should be a paean to overcoming the adversity of injury. I say you should write a book because you’re a damn fine writer. **Bricker** and I disagree on practically everything. Thought it was worth mentioning that before saying I concur with him completely on this point. All except for ‘feeted’. That’s ‘_footed_,’ dammit. Had to find _something_ to disagree with him about! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/564 "2012-06-04T18:19:28Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > (thank you, by the way, and ditto). Ah, you’re too kind. But let me tell you what I think. I have a very dry, sometimes acerbic, style of writing. It’s conversational but lectionary – as though I were teaching an academic subject. I like to think I have a gift for explaining complex legal issues, for example, in ways that resonate with people with no training in the law. But it’s not an intimate voice I have. In other words, when I write, I explain, I debate – even as I am doing now! When you write, you INVITE. “Here’s my mind; join me for a while,” your prose says. Mine says, “Sit down, and let me explain this to you.” Someday I may write a textbook. Someday you’ll write a novel that will be made into a movie. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/565 "2012-06-04T18:21:13Z")
I’d say this thread is excellent disability advocacy because it shows disability in the context of life-one with disability-melding and mixing successfully with a world that hasn’t necessarily ‘caught up’ with all the realities and necessities of the disabled world. It (this thread) serves dual purposes: not only does it fight ignorance for the many able-bodied people who make up this ‘unaware’ world; it also provides a source of encouragement and positivity for those who may be earlier-on in their journey through life with a disability. Two big thumbs up. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/566 "2012-06-04T18:21:14Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > **Bricker** and I disagree on practically everything. Thought it was worth mentioning that before saying I concur with him completely on this point. > > All except for ‘feeted’. That’s ‘_footed_,’ dammit. > > Had to find _something_ to disagree with him about! 😉 😃 I liked the quasi-homonymic relationship between feeted and featured. Sue me. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/567 "2012-06-04T18:22:32Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Dave’s the sort of person who moves society forward (for example, he’s head of a provincial human rights commission), and he’s a quad, so it was pretty much inevitable that he would publish in the human rights and disability field… > > …but ultimately it all comes back to who he is as a person, with his own unique insights and abilities… > > …I think that everyone has his or her own set of talents and skills, and these usually are related to that person’s background and interests, but the flip side of the coin is that writing is not for everyone, and for those who do write, it often takes much of that person’s lifespan to get to the point of being ready to write. The same can be said for public speaking, or for event coordination, or for fundraising, or for any number of ways that a person can help move society forward. Good for him! When fate (God?) conspires to give a person who moves the world forward a disability, and that person takes the baton and runs with it, joyfully, it’s a boon to us all. Just like when someone with an amazing voice also has the desire to become a recording artist, and we all get to benefit from their artistry. But not everyone with a great voice can or should become a star (the opposite is also true but that’s a whole 'nother story, haha). Same with a person with a disability, I think. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/568 "2012-06-04T18:26:57Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > …adjusting for life experience and any maturity that may (or may not 😉 ) have happened since your teenage years, you were just as interesting and enjoyable… I find immaturity, most times, is a lot more interesting and enjoyable than maturity. Don’t you? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/569 "2012-06-04T18:38:27Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > I find immaturity, most times, is a lot more interesting and enjoyable than maturity. Don’t you? 😉 a.k.a., being a brat. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/570 "2012-06-04T18:39:32Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > I find immaturity, most times, is a lot more interesting and enjoyable than maturity. Don’t you? 😉 I don’t doubt you, but I haven’t the slightest idea why you would think _I_ would know anything about that. _cough_ ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/571 "2012-06-04T18:40:34Z")
> [@Philster](#): > > **umkay,** despite all disclaimers from those admiring your writing and ‘‘voice’’, do you still reserve some doubt, because there might be this pity angle? Even if it isn’t intentional, do you wonder still? > > This is bound to tick off people who overestimate their ability to be objective. > . Hm. Sometimes, I suppose. But most of the time, I just think they’re overly excited about the novelty of my situation, and the only thing they can think to say is that I should write a book about it. Because, naturally, they’d like to slurp up all the gory details. This is what I call the “Extreme Home Makeover” effect. 😉 Oh, just thought of one way to know if people are complimenting me on my writing prowess or are just interested in the wheelchair story: How often are other people on this forum told they should write a book? I’m a relative newcomer, and already I’ve come across some of the most brilliant people and fascinating writers I’ve ever read, right here on this forum. So, old-timers, is it a common theme in threads to have a lot of this literary encouragement going on? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/572 "2012-06-04T18:52:49Z")
For me, advocacy is important exactly _because_ I want me and every other wheelchair user to be able to live their life according to their dreams; I want them to be able to achieve their goals just like every other American (or person). It is outstanding that **Umkay** is able to do just that-and I believe she is doing a very good thing doing what she is doing here-but on a larger scale many disabled folks cannot. Being an advocate is not something _every_ disabled person can be; its just not feasible (or wanted) for some. But for others, like myself, it is the only direction their life can take. Because I am not stricken with poverty and because I am not stricken with debilitating physical issues resulting from my injury, I feel as though I am somewhat freed up to pursue these advocacy issues. I am not looking to make ‘a name’ for myself or to necessarily be in the public eye. I just know that if not me, then who else? Who else will be motivated to work for the rights and quality of life for wheelchair users and the disabled? Or maybe I should say “who better”? You’ve got to go out there and start the change you wish to see. Yes, disabled people should be able to just live life just like everybody else; pursuing their goals and dreams. Of course not every person using a wheelchair needs to be an ‘advocate’; however if all those people in chairs are ever going to have a chance to _really_ live that life in a way that lets them pursue those dreams and goals in a fair and equal way then disability advocacy is absolutely needed. ---
**Author:** ![F.Pu-du-he-pa-as](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@F.Pu-du-he-pa-as](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.Pu-du-he-pa-as)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/573 "2012-06-04T19:01:45Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > It seems to me (in the should or shouldn’t the disabled overachiever become a disability “advocate”) that the disabled living very ordinary lives in as ordinary a way as possible, going out with friends and having a job and so forth is _just as important_ as the celebrity disabled who chat with the TV talking heads, go on book tours, and so forth. That is, after all, the _goal_ of all that disability advocacy. It’s not to turn all the disabled people into celebrity spokespeople but to integrate them into _ordinary life_ to the extent possible. This. And I can think of examples from both sides (though nothing as profound as the issues we’re discussing here.) When I was younger, I was a girl interested in science, math, and engineering. So, my parents and teachers naturally sent me to a lot of talks and workshops where someone would talk about how women could succeed in science and were just as capable as men, or something like that. I found women-in-science talks tiring (I mean, I’d rather just hear about science), but I also found them disturbing. I went into science because of my love of science, and these talks made me think that there was a lot of societal prejudice against it, and that was scary. What made a bigger positive impression on me was seeing people, not even necessarily women, out fearlessly pursuing the sort of science that I wanted to pursue, like it was just a normal thing for them. That was a life that I could aspire to. From the other side, I went to middle and high school with some kids who had obvious physical disabilities. At first, it was awkward and disconcerting to be around them. But, I saw them a lot through the course of school, and it didn’t take long before they became just two more of my classmates. In my senior year, they started a band. We were joking around about it one day, and one of them said something like, “We could call our band ‘The Blind Guy and the Cripple!’” (exact disabilities changed to protect the innocent.) I was like, “What? Where’d that idea come from?” Then I remembered that one of them was, in fact, blind, and the other was, in fact, someone you could describe as a cripple. I didn’t remember that they were disabled like that at first because it had stopped being a relevant part of their identity to me long, long ago. And this is the way it should be-- people judging each other only for who they are as people. I also know that it will eventually be this way for any other disabled people I might meet. This is not an experience that a disability advocate could have given me (not to knock disability advocates, because I know they do valuable work); because it’s something that I could only really internalize by just having someone like this as a part of my everyday life. So, I feel like umkay is certainly fighting the good fight by just being out there in the world, and being a meaningful part of other peoples’ lives. ---
**Author:** ![happycamper\_5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/cab0a1/32.png) [@happycamper\_5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happycamper_5)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/574 "2012-06-04T19:07:04Z")
While I have read the entire thread, I didn’t do it today, so if I’m wrong, be gentle, but have we actually gotten to 12 pages without someone asking what kind of music you like? That’s one of the most interesting things to learn about someone and one of my favorite ‘get to know you’ questions. However, if, like my cousin, your answer is something along the lines of 'Ohhhhhhh, I don’t really like music…", then feel free to pretend you never saw my question. It was soul-crushing to hear that from her and, out of self-preservation, I’ve decided to believe that she’s the only person on Earth who feels this way. (And just in case you’re wondering, this is not an attempt to steer the topic away from a discussion of advocacy. I’m just curious about your taste in music. :)) ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/575 "2012-06-04T19:13:00Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > So, old-timers, is it a common theme in threads to have a lot of this literary encouragement going on? I’ve been told I should teach law. Does that count? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/576 "2012-06-04T19:14:48Z")
I’m in a rush now so I don’t have much time but I’ll expand on it later: but a distinction needs to be made between old-school disability advocacy and what current disability advocates practice. Traditional, older disability advocacy centers actually promote the very obstacles and stereotypes regarding disabled life that they purport to eradicate. There existence is part of a vicious cycle. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/577 "2012-06-04T19:31:11Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > Hm. Sometimes, I suppose. But most of the time, I just think they’re overly excited about the novelty of my situation, and the only thing they can think to say is that I should write a book about it. Because, naturally, they’d like to slurp up all the gory details. This is what I call the “Extreme Home Makeover” effect. 😉 > > Oh, just thought of one way to know if people are complimenting me on my writing prowess or are just interested in the wheelchair story: How often are other people on this forum told they should write a book? I’m a relative newcomer, and already I’ve come across some of the most brilliant people and fascinating writers I’ve ever read, right here on this forum. So, old-timers, is it a common theme in threads to have a lot of this literary encouragement going on? Almost all of us have told **Sampiro** he should write a book, and I think he is doing so actually. (If you haven’t read any of his epic threads about his family you really need to do so.) ---
**Author:** ![Fiddle\_Peghead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddle_peghead/32/3506_2.png) [@Fiddle\_Peghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiddle_Peghead)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/578 "2012-06-04T19:42:17Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Do you prefer Coke or Pepsi? Do you watch Community? If so, wouldn’t you like to see Chang get killed off? I see what you did there, and I think it’s sweet! ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/579 "2012-06-04T20:08:29Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > …So, old-timers, is it a common theme in threads to have a lot of this literary encouragement going on? Semi-oldtimer here. It’s not all that common, though with many notable exceptions like **Sampiro**. I believe there are at least a dozen or so published authors on the Dope, including, that I know of, various kinds of nonfiction and science fiction. I’d say you’re unusual here in that your voice isn’t very geeky, in either the pedantic mode Bricker mentioned or any of the typical geek humor modes we do so well here. I am betting that your novel will be one of those ones people argue about as to whether it qualifies as Chick Lit, because it will be engaging and energetic and personable and you really can’t have that in Serious Litrachah, you know. _That_ kind of authorial voice is rare on the Dope and everydamnwhere else, IME. Can the rest of y’all who are not using craptastic iPad keyboards dig us up some Best of the Dope threads to share with **umkay**? I can contribute [The Horror of Blimps](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=160851) [The Telemarketer Speaks. I Respond.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=51270) And perhaps THE classic example of SDMB geekery, [FYI: A lady’s corset provides minimal protection against a dildo attack.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=266235) ---
**Author:** ![CyclopticXander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@CyclopticXander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CyclopticXander)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/580 "2012-06-04T20:10:20Z")
> [@F.Pu-du-he-pa-as](#): > > From the other side, I went to middle and high school with some kids who had obvious physical disabilities. At first, it was awkward and disconcerting to be around them. But, I saw them a lot through the course of school, and it didn’t take long before they became just two more of my classmates. > > In my senior year, they started a band. We were joking around about it one day, and one of them said something like, “We could call our band ‘The Blind Guy and the Cripple!’” (exact disabilities changed to protect the innocent.) I was like, “What? Where’d that idea come from?” Then I remembered that one of them was, in fact, blind, and the other was, in fact, someone you could describe as a cripple. > > I didn’t remember that they were disabled like that at first because it had stopped being a relevant part of their identity to me long, long ago. And this is the way it should be-- people judging each other only for who they are as people. I also know that it will eventually be this way for any other disabled people I might meet. > > This is not an experience that a disability advocate could have given me (not to knock disability advocates, because I know they do valuable work); because it’s something that I could only really internalize by just having someone like this as a part of my everyday life. > > So, I feel like umkay is certainly fighting the good fight by just being out there in the world, and being a meaningful part of other peoples’ lives. This exactly. My live in girlfriend/fiancee of six years uses a wheelchair (although her disability isn’t even in the same ballpark as **Umkay** ’s). She is the person I know most intimately and spend the most time with by a long shot, so my brain has completely filtered out ‘disabled’ as part of her identity. It can in fact be detrimental sometimes when I forget she even needs help getting around in public and walk on as if I am with another AB person. This actually extends to any disabled person I meet. Everyone can’t have a disabled SO though, so things like this are necessary. **Umkay** didn’t set out to inspire or preach, she simply opened a window into her life and let us peek inside. This is the internet equivalent of getting to know a person for who they are. Now that we know this about **Umkay** , I think the next helpful step will be for her to post normally around here and just be another name among the many who debate and discuss any wide variety of things. Eventually when we see **Umkay** we won’t be thinking of her as a girl in a wheelchair. When I first saw this thread title a few nights ago I almost didn’t look inside because I already know a “girl in a wheelchair” and I knew the drill. Address them directly and not their companion, do not assume physical and mental disabilities are the same thing, flying sucks, etc. And yes people tell her she should write a book too. I’m really glad I ended up clicking though, I stayed up the rest of the night reading with fascination. Since then it has really stuck with me and I find myself checking in every time I go online. So basically I want to add my tiny voice to the chorus of encouragement here. Thanks for giving your time and energy so generously **Umkay** , I know that I am much more informed and socially aware for it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=28) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=30)