# Ask the Girl in the Wheelchair **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436 "2012-05-19T16:21:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 43
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/841 "2012-06-16T01:31:54Z")
Umkay, what’s the funniest explanation you have given people who ask? I mean, before the kitten idea? ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/842 "2012-06-16T02:52:40Z")
And when you tell the real story, do people say/look, “Serves you right for hot dogging.” ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/843 "2012-06-16T03:33:16Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > You know, you kind of suck for trying to get me to wake up my wife by laughing out loud. The act of suppression was actually painful. 😃 I suppose you also blame me for that time you went up in the Pitts and took the controls? The flying lessons? bwa-ha-HA! ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/844 "2012-06-16T03:38:51Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > My brother and I are, yes, obviously fraternal. I have pictures of us in the bath as kids that prove it. 😉 But we’ve been asked more times than you would think possible if we are identical. :smack: No, of course you’re not identical - only one of you has a broken neck. :rolleyes: 😃 Now shake your head slowly and say “… and it was such a _shame_ about that kitten…” And then he can put his hand on your shoulder and say "But sis, it could have been _So. Much. Worse." Consider if it had been the gerbil._ Have I mentioned I have an evil streak? No, really, I’ve been watching my spouse do that sort of thing to nosey AB’s for over twenty years. The expressions are _priceless_. He currently wants to put a bumper sticker on the car that says “Date a gimp. You get better parking at the movie theater.” (It’s true.) ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/845 "2012-06-16T03:43:31Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I suppose you also blame me for that time you went up in the Pitts and took the controls? The flying lessons? > > bwa-ha-HA! No. That was the kitten’s fault. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/846 "2012-06-16T04:18:07Z")
I haven’t read anything since my last comment, until tonight. That was on page 3 or 4, and I read up to 12. I’ve been accused of being single-minded about things, and I’m a fairly new scuba diver, but I’m really interested in your diving pursuits. I know it’s not even summer yet, and California diving is cold business, but I’m insanely curious! Are you still planning to dive this summer? Did your brother/tech guy have any input regarding the full face voice com mask? Sorry, this is very selfish questioning, but I HAVE TO KNOW! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/847 "2012-06-16T05:13:15Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > And when you tell the real story, do people say/look, “Serves you right for hot dogging.” Are you f\*cking _kidding_ me? No, no one has ever said that to me. If some unbelievably obnoxious @sshole ever did, I would f_cking unload on them: First of all, what a sh_tty thing to say, just in general. I can’t imagine someone feeling like that was okay to say, let alone think. Second, do all 14 year olds who do stupid sh_t “deserve” to have their necks broken and spend the rest of their lives completely paralyzed? Because I’m guessing we’d be looking at about a 95% disabled population if karma worked that way (almost certainly including the total jack@ss idiot who said it to me). Third, even if it did, I’d hope I’ve paid my penance by now. I’ve lived almost half my life in a f_cked-up, useless body–is that about enough, you think, to make up for that one momentary lapse in judgment? And that’s all it was, BTW; it’s not like I drowned a puppy. I just wanted to earn some respect from my brothers and my cousin. So I deserved to break my neck and be in a wheelchair forever? Give me a f\*cking break; that’s some draconian vengeance there. Seriously, _what_ a f\*cked up thing to say to a person. (I don’t think _you_ were saying that, BTW, and none of that’s directed at you, personally. But your question made me so mad I couldn’t see straight for a minute). ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/848 "2012-06-16T05:18:57Z")
> [@gonzoron](#): > > Actually, it’s possible… very very unlikely, but possible: > [Can Identical Twins Be Different Genders or Sexes?](http://multiples.about.com/od/funfacts/a/boygirlident.htm) Well, reading the symptoms of Turner syndrome in the girl half of the boy-girl identical twin scenario… Swollen hands and feet Wide and webbed neck Absent or incomplete development at puberty, including sparse pubic hair and small breasts Broad, flat chest shaped like a shield Drooping eyelids Dry eyes Infertility No periods (absent menstruation) Short height Vaginal dryness, can lead to painful intercourse …I guess I’ll be much less bemused at that question in the future, and a whole lot more offended. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/849 "2012-06-16T05:21:59Z")
**umkay** -OBVIOUSLY it’s a dickish thing to say! You’re 100% right about 1 thing: if the worst case scenario resulted from everthing teens did, we wouldn’t have ANY AB adults. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/850 "2012-06-16T05:37:37Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > Are you f\*cking _kidding_ me? > > No, no one has ever said that to me. If some unbelievably obnoxious @sshole ever did, I would f_cking unload on them: First of all, what a sh_tty thing to say, just in general. I can’t imagine someone feeling like that was okay to say, let alone think. Second, do all 14 year olds who do stupid sh_t “deserve” to have their necks broken and spend the rest of their lives completely paralyzed? Because I’m guessing we’d be looking at about a 95% disabled population if karma worked that way (almost certainly including the total jack@ss idiot who said it to me). Third, even if it did, I’d hope I’ve paid my penance by now. I’ve lived almost half my life in a f_cked-up, useless body–is that about enough, you think, to make up for that one momentary lapse in judgment? And that’s all it was, BTW; it’s not like I drowned a puppy. I just wanted to earn some respect from my brothers and my cousin. So I deserved to break my neck and be in a wheelchair forever? Give me a f\*cking break; that’s some draconian vengeance there. > > Seriously, _what_ a f\*cked up thing to say to a person. > (I don’t think _you_ were saying that, BTW, and none of that’s directed at you, personally. But your question made me so mad I couldn’t see straight for a minute). There _are_ people out there who believe that anyone in a wheelchair wound up that way because they deserved it in some twisted way. It’s not even that rare to encounter such a person. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/851 "2012-06-16T05:49:54Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > Umkay, what’s the funniest explanation you have given people who ask? I mean, before the kitten idea? Hey Mulva! May I call you Mulva? 😛 In HS, my favorite response was to say that it was a shark attack. Apparently that seemed plausible to naive Southern Californian teenagers, because a _lot_ of them fell for it. For proof, I’d show them the surgical scar on the back of my neck from my spinal fusion, and they’d gasp at the mark that ol’ bastard Jaws left on me. :eek: Nowadays, if I’m feeling particularly silly, I might say “Oh, the wheelchair? Yeah, well, I don’t technically _need_ it. It’s not that I _can’t_ walk; it’s that I’m lazy.” My other sassy go-to is to act all confused when a person asks what’s “wrong” with me or what “happened” to me. Be like, “What do you mean? Do I have something in my teeth?” It’s probably wrong for me to get such pleasure from watching AB folks nearly choke on their embarrassment as they either try to explain what they meant or play it off like they actually _weren’t_ asking what they actually _were_ asking. But these are the few-and-far-between silver lining moments of living with paralysis–you wouldn’t begrudge me them, would you? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/852 "2012-06-16T06:03:36Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > There _are_ people out there who believe that anyone in a wheelchair wound up that way because they deserved it in some twisted way. It’s not even that rare to encounter such a person. So I take it you’ve encountered several of these awful people? To be fair, I’m not on the complete opposite end of the spectrum from this type of jerk: I don’t think that no one, no matter what they did, ever deserves to end up in a wheelchair. I think adults who drive drunk and endanger/hurt others, then crash their cars and paralyze themselves, have responsibility for their injury. And I think if you get shot and paralyzed while trying to rob someone in their home in the middle of the night, you pretty much deserve it. Et al. My pissed off response was specifically directed at anyone who heard my personal story and then responded that I, as a totally sober 8th grader, goofing off with some family members, “deserved” what I got. Thankfully, as I mentioned, I’ve never met such a horrible person. I’m really shocked that you have. And disturbed. ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/853 "2012-06-16T06:12:15Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > No, of course you’re not identical - only one of you has a broken neck. :rolleyes: 😃 Well, there’s the _obvious_ answer. 😉 Have I mentioned how grateful I am that I didn’t have an identical twin sister instead? How annoying would the comparisons be then? :smack: > [@Broomstick](#): > > Now shake your head slowly and say “… and it was such a _shame_ about that kitten…” > > And then he can put his hand on your shoulder and say "But sis, it could have been _So. Much. Worse." Consider if it had been the gerbil._ > > Have I mentioned I have an evil streak? I love it. But I find myself in the same position as any future hearers of this little dialogue: saying “WTF?? How the…Whaaa…??” > [@Broomstick](#): > > He currently wants to put a bumper sticker on the car that says “Date a gimp. You get better parking at the movie theater.” (It’s true.) I like this guy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/854 "2012-06-16T14:50:56Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > Hey Mulva! May I call you Mulva? 😛 > > In HS, my favorite response was to say that it was a shark attack. Apparently that seemed plausible to naive Southern Californian teenagers, because a _lot_ of them fell for it. For proof, I’d show them the surgical scar on the back of my neck from my spinal fusion, and they’d gasp at the mark that ol’ bastard Jaws left on me. :eek: > > Nowadays, if I’m feeling particularly silly, I might say “Oh, the wheelchair? Yeah, well, I don’t technically _need_ it. It’s not that I _can’t_ walk; it’s that I’m lazy.” > > My other sassy go-to is to act all confused when a person asks what’s “wrong” with me or what “happened” to me. Be like, “What do you mean? Do I have something in my teeth?” It’s probably wrong for me to get such pleasure from watching AB folks nearly choke on their embarrassment as they either try to explain what they meant or play it off like they actually _weren’t_ asking what they actually _were_ asking. But these are the few-and-far-between silver lining moments of living with paralysis–you wouldn’t begrudge me them, would you? 😉 He he he he he he. No, no, go ahead, have fun watching us choke. Great ice breaker. So, yeah, call me Mulva if you like. Or call me whatever my name is, per your earlier post. Whichever joke is on special is fine with me. Though, as a propellerhead myself, in the interest of technical accuracy I should point out that my real name looks like a common woman’s name in print; it doesn’t sound like one. The Seinfeld reference only worked partway. Obscure joke: What do you call an AB person in your thread? Mulva. Well, apparently. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/855 "2012-06-16T18:46:27Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > I don’t think that no one, no matter what they did, ever deserves to end up in a wheelchair. I think adults who drive drunk and endanger/hurt others, then crash their cars and paralyze themselves, have responsibility for their injury. So you are saying that these people _deserved_ to end up in a wheelchair? Because having a degree of _responsibility_ for one’s accident and _deserving_ the outcome of that accident are two totally seperate things in my opinion. And you specify “adults” who drive drunk; are those who are ‘not yet adults’ who drive drunk any less culpable for their actions? ETA: In most cases, these “they deserved it” people are of the quasi-religious ilk. ---
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/856 "2012-06-16T21:13:58Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > …I guess I’ll be much less bemused at that question in the future, and a whole lot more offended. :dubious: Well, yeah, given the options of assuming that people either a) don’t know how genetics work, and are just clueless or b) know about a really odd and really rare condition and saying you look like you have it. I’m going to think the vast majority of people fall into a). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dignan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@Dignan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dignan)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/857 "2012-06-16T21:34:25Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > Real quick: I find this kinda funny. “Hey, you’re in a wheelchair! So that means you watch that show about people in wheelchairs, huh??” 😉 I get this kind of stuff all the time. Harmless, but sorta ridiculous. That’s true, and when she asked me if I’d seen it, I didn’t know what it was at first. She told me about it, and the pieces came together pretty quick. I eventually took it as a compliment (she suggested I should start my own series about guys). It was a change from the usual “My (cousin/grandma/uncle/a guy from high school) was in a wheelchair …” or “I was in a wheelchair for three months, so …” And I don’t really mind. I wouldn’t have found out about the show otherwise. > [@](#): > > However, her description of her injury was puzzling to me. She said that she was classified as a C4/5 complete, but a) she told her aunt she could feel her foot in her boot, which automatically makes her incomplete (if she wasn’t joking), and b) she just seems to have way too much wrist function to be a C4/5. She looks to me like a [C5/6](http://www.apparelyzed.com/support/functionality/c6.html) incomplete. Also, when she described herself as being “paralyzed from the neck down,” obviously I took issue with that. Girlfriend uses a manual wheelchair, toasts her own wineglass, and can do her own makeup, none of which I can do, as a girl who is truly paralyzed from the neck down. I can’t even shrug my shoulders. But then, I’m not too offended, because she seems just as uninformed about paras: **Dignan** , I thought of you when she told the photog that paraplegics were “paralyzed from the waist down.” :smack: I know what you’re saying. I used to go into a pretty good amount of detail of how/where I was paralyzed. I’m not really paralyzed from the chest, because it’s slightly lower, but I’m not paralyzed from the waist either, because it’s higher than that. To make things easier, I’ll go saying I’m paralyzed from the stomach down, or say “about here” and point to the top of my stomach. It isn’t the most accurate description, but is close enough, without going into detail. The 30 seconds for an explanation on a TV show doesn’t allow the same detail as a thread. About “feeling her foot”, I don’t think she meant she could feel her foot. Since you and I are at different levels, I don’t know if you have the same sensation as I do. Here’s what I mean by that: I cannot feel my legs (or anywhere below my injury really). If my foot fall off my wheelchair, or if my cushion is deflated, I don’t really feel it, but I get a sense that something is wrong or different. It doesn’t “feel” the way it is “supposed” to feel. I think that is what she meant. > [@](#): > > I described in an earlier post, but that actually wasn’t CGI. James Cameron had a cast made of a real para’s legs, then made dummy legs from it. The fake legs sat on the chair, and Sam’s real legs were tucked underneath (okay, and concealed, undoubtedly with a little CGI help). Crazy, right? Thanks. I missed that part, but went back and found it. That explains why it was so convincing! ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/858 "2012-06-16T22:58:11Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > So you are saying that these people _deserved_ to end up in a wheelchair? Because having a degree of _responsibility_ for one’s accident and _deserving_ the outcome of that accident are two totally seperate things in my opinion. And you specify “adults” who drive drunk; are those who are ‘not yet adults’ who drive drunk any less culpable for their actions? Well, first, I need to make sure it’s clear that, whether or not I think someone “deserved” an SCI for doing something criminal, I would never tell them that in person. Well, unless they had gotten paralyzed while doing something truly horrific like trying to kill a child. I don’t find that’s a helpful thing (“you deserved it”) to say to someone, whether or not it’s true. I say this because it has _just_ occurred to me that I have no idea how your car accident happened, and I may in fact be speaking to someone who drove drunk and crashed his car. If that’s what happened to you, I’m sorry you got hurt that way and that I bungled my way into this conversation. But since I’m here, I think I should explain what I mean: It’s a very tricky thing to define where simple “cause and effect” gives way to “just desserts.” But I do believe we live in a logical world, and it’s a little bit of magical thinking to interrupt the logical flow of events that starts with choosing to drive a car while intoxicated and ends in the driver and/or innocent bystanders getting hurt. But let’s start with the simple stuff. If an adult, who has the intellectual capacity, emotional maturity, and, frankly, the moral responsibility to know better than to drive drunk does so, that is a bad decision. They are opening themselves up to all sorts of consequences, from the relatively mild (getting a DUI), to the seriously life-altering (killing or maiming themselves or others). It’s not punitive–it’s just the way the world works. Fighting it is as useless and unwise as cursing gravity. But it gets more complicated when we start talking about what people “deserve” for bad or even criminal behavior. I know the reality of life in a wheelchair, and there are few people I would ever wish it on (but not none). Do I think that it’s “fair” for someone who makes one bad choice, maybe drives drunk for the very first time, to pay for that the rest of their life, by being paralyzed? Probably not. But needless to say, what I think is irrelevant, since I have no control over the outcome. And what’s done is done. That being the case, I think it would be very mature for a person in that situation to take a reasonable amount of responsibility for what happened to them. Say, “The accident that paralyzed me was nobody’s fault but my own. Life in a wheelchair seems like a pretty harsh punishment to me, but since I could have just as easily put someone else in a wheelchair with my poor choice, I suppose it’s better that it was me.” Does the person have to spend the rest of their life in mourning for that choice, or apologizing for it, or flogging themselves for it? No way. It’s over. Move on. But I also don’t think it’s appropriate for them to curse the gods and have a pity party about it, abdicating all responsibility for it. (BTW, I believe in varying degrees of culpability in just about everything, seeing severity of guilt on a continuum between white lies and genocide). For myself, I’ve already mentioned in this thread that I don’t blame anybody but myself for my accident. I paralyzed myself. However, I wasn’t doing anything illegal (unless you count hanging around at the resort after-hours, though employees often did this, and we were with an employee, and I seriously doubt we would have been arrested for it). And I was a child, not even in high school yet (no, I don’t think minors bear the same responsibility for their actions as adults do, and our justice system by and large agrees with me). I also wasn’t endangering anyone but myself, and I don’t think many people would make an obvious connection between snowboarding and breaking your neck. So do I think it was my “fault?” Sure, I’m comfortable saying that. But do I think it “served me right,” or that I “deserved” the severe disability that resulted? No. As I said, that would be some seriously draconian justice. Again, sorry if I stepped into a pile here unknowingly. But I’ll be glad if you tell me I didn’t. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/859 "2012-06-16T23:17:46Z")
I’ve always said that the problem with a “pity-party” is that few people show up, and nobody brings presents. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2012, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/860 "2012-06-17T03:57:11Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > But let’s start with the simple stuff.\*\* If an adult\*\*, who has the intellectual capacity, emotional maturity, and, frankly, the moral responsibility to know better than to drive drunk does so, that is a bad decision. They are opening themselves up to all sorts of consequences, from the relatively mild (getting a DUI), to the seriously life-altering (killing or maiming themselves or others). It’s not punitive–it’s just the way the world works. Fighting it is as useless and unwise as cursing gravity. (my bold) So I think we agree that a world of difference exists between saying a person holds a degree of responsibility for their circumstances; and saying that person _deserves_ to be in those circumstances. I’m curious, what is your definition of “adult”? You repeatedly make this distinction between yourself as a 14 year old just horsing around and what an ‘adult’ has the capacity to recognize, the responsibility to uphold, etc. Let’s take the DUI, for example. At what age does drunk driving become an “adult” action? And why? Does a teenager possess the same intellectual capacity, emotional maturity and moral responsibility of someone decades older? I ruptured my aorta in a car accident when I was 20 years old, after I had consumed a moderate amount of alcohol that night at a friend’s house. I wasn’t paralyzed as a direct result of the accident itself but rather as a result of the emergency surgery necessitated by my aortic injury. Now, the surgery was needed to save my life, so I am, of course, eternally grateful for the prompt action. However, just because it saved my life, does that mean that I am not allowed to inquire as to whether or not everything that could have, even _should have,_ been done in order to save my legs as well as my life _was_ done? Well for the first year or so, I had no idea of any of this. It was my parents and a few doctor-relatives who were discussing this possibility over my head (no pun intended). Well, it soon came to be that a malpractice suit was in the works. Without going into all the stupid details, it basically said that steps that should have been taken to keep my circulation in tact never were. Long story short; after a loooong three years, the hospital settled before the suit went to trial. I had no issue with settling. I didn’t want to go to trial and I wasn’t looking for some big payday. At that point, I just wanted everything to be over. It had been a very emotional time; those three years. So I’ settled with the hospital that saved my life but also paralyzed me. After an accident from which _I_ was solely responsible for the outcome. It’s not so cut-and-dry, ethically; imo. I never skirt responsibility for what happened to me. But I would never say, because I made a foolish, immature, impulsive decision when I was _a kid_ (you’re a kid at 14, I’m one at 20), that I deserve to be paralyzed for the rest of my life. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=42) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=44)