# Ask the Girl in the Wheelchair **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436 "2012-05-19T16:21:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 46
**Author:** ![dngnb8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@dngnb8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dngnb8)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/901 "2012-06-19T16:49:45Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Other questions of that nature seem to be rooted in a genuine curiosity about how a quad’s body functions, what he/she is able to do, etc. Not “dirty minds want to know.” Pardon me for adding a bit of humor. As far as body functions, I am aware of that answer already with my background in medicine. LOL @ thin skins ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/902 "2012-06-19T16:53:01Z")
All have already been answered. Read the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Gezmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Gezmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gezmo)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/903 "2012-06-19T18:26:20Z")
> [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > All have already been answered. Read the thread. But there’s 19 pages. I cant read 19 pages just for a couple of short questions!! ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/904 "2012-06-19T18:47:52Z")
Sure you can! ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/905 "2012-06-19T19:08:58Z")
> [@Gezmo](#): > > But there’s 19 pages. I cant read 19 pages just for a couple of short questions!! IIRC, all of your questions were answered in the first couple pages. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/906 "2012-06-19T19:27:13Z")
**Umkay** , do you have any interest in taking part in any of the other threads here at the SDMB? ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/907 "2012-06-19T20:02:50Z")
> [@dngnb8](#): > > Considering the line of questions already answered, I dont think so. > > She has been very open about her sexuality. Very well, since you’re incapable of following good advice, let’s make it formal. This is a moderator instruction to stop. - Gukumatz, IMHO Moderator ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/908 "2012-06-19T20:06:38Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > **Umkay** , do you have any interest in taking part in any of the other threads here at the SDMB? She’s already doing so. I suppose the medical issues she’s was having might have slowed that down some, though. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/909 "2012-06-19T20:17:07Z")
> [@Gezmo](#): > > But there’s 19 pages. I cant read 19 pages just for a couple of short questions!! What **Maggie the Ocelot** said. You’re not the only one who can’t be bothered reading the whole thread and asking things which have already been asked and it’s getting a bit annoying. **Umkay** _can_ be bothered to use software and/or dictate her posts and then spend the time to edit them and think about them so that they are both incredibly readable and also error free. Do you really need it pointed out to you that this probably takes her more time and effort than an AB person? On top of that she has been dealing with fairly serious medical issues. So would it be too much to ask that you first read what she has already written with such care and attention? ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/910 "2012-06-19T20:23:34Z")
> [@Gezmo](#): > > More questions? > > How is your breathing? > Do you have sensations for bowel movements? > Can you eat? > Can you drink? > Can you experience an orgasm? Read the thread, it’s all there. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/911 "2012-06-19T20:58:28Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > What **Maggie the Ocelot** said. > You’re not the only one who can’t be bothered reading the whole thread and asking things which have already been asked and it’s getting a bit annoying. **Umkay** _can_ be bothered to use software and/or dictate her posts and then spend the time to edit them and think about them so that they are both incredibly readable and also error free. Do you really need it pointed out to you that this probably takes her more time and effort than an AB person? On top of that she has been dealing with fairly serious medical issues. So would it be too much to ask that you first read what she has already written with such care and attention? Plus there’s a lot more cool and interesting info in there. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/912 "2012-06-19T21:46:27Z")
> [@dngnb8](#): > > apples to oranges here. The title of this thread is > > Ask the girl in a wheelchair. She has been open about her sexuality. > > All she had to say is > > None of your business, No, That is too personal etc. “Have you let other people take naked pictures of you” is a question that in most contexts is inappropriate for ANY woman, not just **umkay**. The cultural lines don’t change because she’s paralyzed. That is, actually, one of the points that need to be drummed into some heads, that the disabled are still women (or men) and are to be treated as far as possible as able-bodied adults. If **umkay** had desired she could have come back and answered the question despite the mod call, saying “No, that’s alright, I’m comfortable with that” but she didn’t, which I take to be tacit agreement with the moderator. > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Actually it’s barely anything like that at all, unless your intent is to create the most exaggerated comparison possible in a shamelessly melodramatic appeal to emotion. But you wouldn’t do that, would you? Yes, I was trying to make a point. Occassionally, hyperbole gets that across. **Umkay** is the ultimate arbiter of what she will and will not answer in this thread. Her willingness to answer a particular question in a category in no way obligates her to answer others. > [@](#): > > That said, **dngnb8** ’s “question” was phrased in a remarkably sleazy way. And that sleazy manner is largely why it is objectionable. Excusing it as a joke is no excuse at all. It’s rather like a man grabbing a woman’s tit without permission then attempting to excuse it as “playing around”. Is it quite _that_ serious? No, but it’s on the spectrum. ---
**Author:** ![dngnb8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@dngnb8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dngnb8)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/913 "2012-06-19T22:19:26Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > “Have you let other people take naked pictures of you” is a question that in most contexts is inappropriate for ANY woman, not just **umkay**. The cultural lines don’t change because she’s paralyzed. That is, actually, one of the points that need to be drummed into some heads, that the disabled are still women (or men) and are to be treated as far as possible as able-bodied adults. > > If **umkay** had desired she could have come back and answered the question despite the mod call, saying “No, that’s alright, I’m comfortable with that” but she didn’t, which I take to be tacit agreement with the moderator. Really. Funny, I have asked that question of other women, and they answer, and are not offended. Apparently, not everyone has your sensibilities. I will follow the moderators direction. I just happen to disagree with the Mod and you in this case. > [@](#): > > Yes, I was trying to make a point. Occassionally, hyperbole gets that across. Occasionally, hyperbole is just that, hyperbole, and its unrelated and not equal to the event, just like your previous comparison. Funny how that happens. > [@](#): > > **Umkay** is the ultimate arbiter of what she will and will not answer in this thread. Her willingness to answer a particular question in a category in no way obligates her to answer others. I never said it did obligate her. Not sure where you get this from. I know, lets add content that doesnt exist so we can demonize someone. Gratz. Got any more additions you would like to add that arent the case? > [@](#): > > And that sleazy manner is largely why it is objectionable. Excusing it as a joke is no excuse at all. It’s rather like a man grabbing a woman’s tit without permission then attempting to excuse it as “playing around”. Is it quite _that_ serious? No, but it’s on the spectrum. Not even close. But hey, hyperbole failed for you before, let it fail again. If at first you dont succeed, try and try again. umkay at any time, via this thread, or pm, could have told me it was none of my business, and I would have respected that. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/914 "2012-06-19T22:31:08Z")
> [@dngnb8](#): > > Really. Funny, I have asked that question of other women, and they answer, and are not offended. I know an incredible number of women who would be polite to your face and not publicly speak of offense, but who actually are offended. I will also counter your collection of unoffended women with the statement that I, and quite a few women I know, would be extremely offended at someone asking that question, even in a joking manner. Anyone who asks that of me will offend me, I will think of them as a sleazy and immoral person, and do what I can to distance myself from them in every way possible. The fact you find it funny in some way does not mean those who are offended are any more wrong than you are right. We’ll have to agree to disagree here, but yes, I do regard you as a lesser person for not only asking that question in the manner in which you did, but posing in outrage as you defend your position by, essentially, calling anyone who doesn’t share your viewpoint unreasonable and doing whatever you can to minimize their position. As opposed to, say, stating you didn’t mean to give offense and apologize if what you find funny unintentionally offended someone else. ---
**Author:** ![dngnb8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@dngnb8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dngnb8)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/915 "2012-06-19T22:46:33Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I know an incredible number of women who would be polite to your face and not publicly speak of offense, but who actually are offended. This may be, but many answer yes. So if they are so offended, why say yes? Or could it be, some arent as outraged as you are? > [@](#): > > I will also counter your collection of unoffended women with the statement that I, and quite a few women I know, would be extremely offended at someone asking that question, even in a joking manner. Anyone who asks that of me will offend me, I will think of them as a sleazy and immoral person, and do what I can to distance myself from them in every way possible. The fact you find it funny in some way does not mean those who are offended are any more wrong than you are right. We’ll have to agree to disagree here, Wow, you mean, we can have different opinions on this? Really? Amazing. Is it possible for women to have a different opinion then you on this, or do you speak for all of them? > [@](#): > > but yes, I do regard you as a lesser person for not only asking that question in the manner in which you did, My day has been ruined. I so hoped you would have a better opinion of me. Paging Dr Phil… > [@](#): > > but posing in outrage as you defend your position by, essentially, calling anyone who doesn’t share your viewpoint unreasonable and doing whatever you can to minimize their position. As opposed to, say, stating you didn’t mean to give offense and apologize if what you find funny unintentionally offended someone else. You see, what you miss is that there was no malicious intent. My statement dirty minds etc was to add humor. Like a smiley wink etc. There was no intention to offend, hence the humorous statement. The fact that it upsets you that I defend my position further indicates that it was you who had the issue with disagreement, not I. You even added context in your last post that wasnt present to attempt to give your disagreement greater validity. Im so sorry I pointed that out. Maybe if you add something to your next response it will work. umkay has always had the option to answer, give me the finger, ignore, etc. Maybe things would have worked out had you let her handle it. I just dont know what I am going to do… You think Im a lessor person. /cry ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/916 "2012-06-19T22:55:23Z")
> [@dngnb8](#): > > This may be, but many answer yes. So if they are so offended, why say yes? Or could it be, some arent as outraged as you are? Because in many societies people are culturally indoctrinated to not cause a fuss. This is particularly true of women. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2012, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/917 "2012-06-20T00:21:36Z")
Thanks for killing the thread. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2012, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/918 "2012-06-20T01:28:29Z")
**Mod Note**. Right, **dngnb8** has acknowledged the moderator instructions and this hijack is now over. If you still need to talk about it, resolve it in PMs or make a separate thread. - Gukumatz IMHO Moderator. (Hope you’re still with us, **umkay**?) ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2012, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/919 "2012-06-20T02:02:26Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I know an incredible number of women who would be polite to your face and not publicly speak of offense, but who actually are offended. > > I will also counter your collection of unoffended women with the statement that I, and quite a few women I know, would be extremely offended at someone asking that question, even in a joking manner. Anyone who asks that of me will offend me, I will think of them as a sleazy and immoral person, and do what I can to distance myself from them in every way possible. The fact you find it funny in some way does not mean those who are offended are any more wrong than you are right. We’ll have to agree to disagree here, but yes, I do regard you as a lesser person for not only asking that question in the manner in which you did, but posing in outrage as you defend your position by, essentially, calling anyone who doesn’t share your viewpoint unreasonable and doing whatever you can to minimize their position. As opposed to, say, stating you didn’t mean to give offense and apologize if what you find funny unintentionally offended someone else. I have to say, as an impartial _male_, I find the question, in it’s content as well as it’s _format_ (anonymous internet text), to be quite offensive as well as creepy as fuck. Just one guy’s 2 cents. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2012, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436/920 "2012-06-20T04:26:43Z")
I hope **umkay** ’s all right and not in another crisis. I hope she’s able to find out what’s causing the problem and get it sorted. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=45) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-in-the-wheelchair/622436.md?page=47)