# Ask the girl with the makeshift Ouija board **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 24, 2005, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565 "2005-11-24T07:49:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![roshia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6bbea6/32.png) [@roshia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roshia)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/1 "2005-11-24T07:49:42Z")
Well, Ouija sheet, really. It’s all-paper _and_ all-knowing! Ask! Recieve knowledge! Impress your friends! ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/2 "2005-11-24T08:02:23Z")
Dear GWTMOB, What is the key to happiness? ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/3 "2005-11-24T08:10:31Z")
Be careful. [Here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=341431&highlight=prize) is my (true) story about Ouja boards. ---
**Author:** ![roshia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6bbea6/32.png) [@roshia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roshia)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/4 "2005-11-24T08:20:28Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > Dear GWTMOB, > > What is the key to happiness? Dear Eonwe, The Makeshift Ouija Board says “Baquete”. At first glance, I thought TMOB was attempting to say “baguette”, and figured TMOB must be a poor speller and dyslexic as well. But this is not so! TMOB knows all! Googling gave me a whole lot of French websites, some of which were apparently food-related. This goes well with my “baguette” interpretation. So, the key to happiness is to eat French food. You can find french food almost everywhere these days! Some people will try to tell you that french fries aren’t really French, but they’re just silly food snobs who probably don’t like puppies either. Just be sure you get _real_ french fries–happiness obtained from eating so-called “freedom fries” is fleeting and not all that salty. ---
**Author:** ![roshia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6bbea6/32.png) [@roshia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roshia)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/5 "2005-11-24T08:30:20Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > Be careful. [Here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=341431&highlight=prize) is my (true) story about Ouja boards. Damn, that’s one seriously creepy story. Sad, too. If TMOB starts giving me anything other than nonsensical answers, I’m gonna go hide under my bed. ---
**Author:** ![BadBadger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BadBadger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BadBadger)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/6 "2005-11-24T09:26:59Z")
Dear GWTMOB, Where did I leave my bracelet? ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/7 "2005-11-24T09:48:44Z")
What am I thinking? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/8 "2005-11-24T13:35:13Z")
Will I make through Christmas this year without losing my sanity? ---
**Author:** ![roshia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6bbea6/32.png) [@roshia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roshia)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/9 "2005-11-24T13:46:56Z")
> [@BadBadger](#): > > Dear GWTMOB, > > Where did I leave my bracelet? Dear **BadBadger** , TMOB says “Jim”. Do you know any guys named Jim? Been over to his house lately? I think he might have stolen it. There’s also a possiblility that TMOB meant “gym”. I’d normally assume that my Makeshift Ouija Board would mean what it says, but I’m open to the possibility that I’m channeling a less than brilliant spirit here. That being said, do you go to a gym? If so, I’d suggest looking there first. This way, if you don’t find your missing bracelet while you’re at the gym, you can always get all buff while you’re there, which will come in handy when you beat up Jim for stealing your bracelet. > [@CynicalGabe](#): > > What am I thinking? Dear **CynicalGabe** , TMOB says [TISQ](http://www.tisq.com/). Sound familiar? No? It may have meant, “tsk”, as in “Tsk tsk, does **Roshia** really expect me to believe this crap?” But that’s fine, my cynical friend. Skepticism is only natural in the beginning. But now you can see. See the limitless power of TMOB! > [@Kythereia](#): > > Will I make through Christmas this year without losing my sanity? Dear **Kytheria** , TMOB says “no, [migpest](http://www.micron.co.uk/migpest.html).” I think it’s trying to tell you that no, you won’t make it through the holidays with your sanity in tact, but not for the usual reasons. You’re going to get the plague of locusts for Christmas this year! The end is near, my friends! Only through giving **Roshia** large sums of money is there any hope! ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/10 "2005-11-24T14:46:53Z")
What time should the turkey come out of the oven? Will the peppermint mousse be a hit or a flop? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/11 "2005-11-24T15:00:56Z")
Is Alan going to stop being an asshole? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/12 "2005-11-24T15:03:09Z")
Will you go to Hell if you use a ouija board? ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/13 "2005-11-24T15:22:04Z")
Is this a rash, or what? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/14 "2005-11-24T15:28:10Z")
Should I get my boyfriend a kilt or a Catholic schoolgirl plaid skirt with black patent leather shoes for Christmas? ---
**Author:** ![roshia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6bbea6/32.png) [@roshia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roshia)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/15 "2005-11-24T15:35:33Z")
Dear **Ca3799** , > [@Ca3799](#): > > What time should the turkey come out of the oven? For optimum turkeytastic turkiness, you should remove your turkey from the oven at 1:56. > [@Ca3799](#): > > Will the peppermint mousse be a hit or a flop? TMOB says “bie more”. Buy more? Well, I think only you can really decide what this one means. Did you make the mousse yourself? If so, I hate to say it, it sounds like you should get thee to a mousse salesperson and buy some replacement mousse. If, however, you bought this mousse from the store, then it sounds like you’re in the clear. That is, of course, as long as you have enough mousse to go around–you know how those Thanksgiving guests can get violent when there’s not enough of a favorite dish. Be safe, buy more mousse! > [@twickster](#): > > Is Alan going to stop being an asshole? Dear **twickster** , TMOB says “maybe mufin”. Either TMOB has a pet name for you now, muffin, or it’s suggesting that you go get a muffin for Alan. It’s hard to be an asshole when you’re eating a muffin! I like the chocolate chip kind, myself. Could you grab me one while you’re out getting one for Alan? > [@Malacandra](#): > > Will you go to Hell if you use a ouija board? Dear **Malacandra** , TMOB says “yes.” Dammit. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/16 "2005-11-24T15:38:26Z")
Will the dog _ever_ learn not to go on the carpet? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/17 "2005-11-24T15:40:42Z")
> [@roshia](#): > > Dear **twickster** , > > TMOB says “maybe mufin”. Either TMOB has a pet name for you now, muffin, or it’s suggesting that you go get a muffin for Alan. It’s hard to be an asshole when you’re eating a muffin! I like the chocolate chip kind, myself. Could you grab me one while you’re out getting one for Alan? **hands over muffin and a nice steaming mug of coffee** I prefer orange-cranberry – is that going to be a dealbreaker? ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/18 "2005-11-24T15:51:02Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Should I get my boyfriend a kilt or a Catholic schoolgirl plaid skirt with black patent leather shoes for Christmas? That all depends on what’s going to look better on the floor at the foot of your bed. ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/19 "2005-11-24T17:16:59Z")
Dear GWTMOB, Has my cat left hairballs/turds in locations in the house that I have yet to discover? ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2005, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/20 "2005-11-24T17:36:55Z")
Hey there, GWTMOB, I’d like some news from my dear departed Great Aunt Lidie. And a word of caution, GWTMOB, I’ll probably know if you’re just making it up as you go along, so this better be the real deal. 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565.md?page=2)