# Ask the girl with the makeshift Ouija board **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 24, 2005, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565 "2005-11-24T07:49:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/21 "2005-11-25T02:55:57Z")
I’m going to Orlando in January. What does the MOB suggest I do while in Florida? ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/22 "2005-11-25T03:10:52Z")
Should I go home this weekend to play fire emblem see my family or stay at university and drink study? ---
**Author:** ![roshia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6bbea6/32.png) [@roshia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roshia)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/23 "2005-11-25T03:13:37Z")
> [@Hung Mung](#): > > Is this a rash, or what? Dear **Hung Mung** , TMOB says “yes lprosv”. TMOB seems to be a poor speller, but fortunately, in this day and age of high-speed internet connections and online spellcheckers, we have google to fix our spelling errors. Unfortunately, google seems to think that TMOB meant “leprosy”. So yes, you _do_ have a rash, if leprosy can be considered to be a rash. > [@swampbear](#): > > Should I get my boyfriend a kilt or a Catholic schoolgirl plaid skirt with black patent leather shoes for Christmas? Dear **swampbear** , TMOB says “no sequin”. (apparently, TMOB’s spelling is getting better) Now, this could mean that you should avoid getting your boyfriend something with sequins in in, but that would just be silly. Everybody loves sequins, and if you don’t you’re probably a bad person anyway. So say “I love you” with a sparkling and festive outfit that he’ll remember for years to come. This message brought to you by the Sequin Manufacturers of America. > [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Will the dog ever learn not to go on the carpet? Dear **carnivorousplant** , TMOB says “maybe og”. Have you spoken with Og lately? Pray with me. Almighty Og can free your dog from it’s affliction of overactive bladder–all you have to do is ask. > [@twickster](#): > > **hands over muffin and a nice steaming mug of coffee** > > I prefer orange-cranberry – is that going to be a dealbreaker? Nope. At least not for me. I’m not going to bother asking TMOB, because it might want half of my muffin. > [@Amazon Floozy Goddess](#): > > Dear GWTMOB, > > Has my cat left hairballs/turds in locations in the house that I have yet to discover? Dear **Amazon Floozy Goddess** , TMOB says “yes ndchimne”. Yes. In the chimney. > [@koeeoaddi](#): > > Hey there, GWTMOB, > > I’d like some news from my dear departed Great Aunt Lidie. > > And a word of caution, GWTMOB, I’ll probably know if you’re just making it up as you go along, so this better be the real deal. > 🙂 Dear **koeeoaddi** , TMOB said “keg”. I was interrupted for a minute, and when I came back it said “nickl”. Nickels? Maybe Aunt Lidie left you a secret treasure! A keg full of nickels! That, or she wants you to fill a keg up with nickels, and roll it down a hill. Why? I have no idea. But it might be fun, right? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/24 "2005-11-25T03:17:30Z")
I’ve got the ambergris, the raisins, and the polyurithane. Even the rocket launcher is working, & it’s an Acme. But somehow, my idea is just not gelling. What am I doing wrong? ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/25 "2005-11-25T05:05:50Z")
> [@roshia](#): > > Dear **swampbear** , > > TMOB says “no sequin”. (apparently, TMOB’s spelling is getting better) Now, this could mean that you should avoid getting your boyfriend something with sequins in in, but that would just be silly. Everybody loves sequins, and if you don’t you’re probably a bad person anyway. So say “I love you” with a sparkling and festive outfit that he’ll remember for years to come. This message brought to you by the Sequin Manufacturers of America. Sequins!!! Please! I want to see your boyfriend in a sequined kilt. (On a side note, why do we never see pictures of your boyfriend?) ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/26 "2005-11-25T05:10:55Z")
Dear GWTMOB, I’ve had hiccups for the past half hour. What’s a good cure? ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/27 "2005-11-25T05:44:12Z")
Dear TMOB, Will I get married? Will I be rich? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/28 "2005-11-25T07:39:33Z")
Last night I dreamt that I was driving a car down a long and empty highway. I met a centaur holding an ice cream cone on the shoulder. When I offered him a lift, my car turned into an apple turnover. So my question is: how did I do on my music theory test? ---
**Author:** ![Bobara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@Bobara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobara)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/29 "2005-11-25T08:36:19Z")
Dear TMOB, I really like this girl, but she eats pigs feet and it’s kinda gross what should I do? ---
**Author:** ![roshia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6bbea6/32.png) [@roshia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roshia)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/30 "2005-11-25T08:46:20Z")
Everybody say Hello to my friend **Bobara**. She’s a little weird, but I love her just the same.😉 > [@Bobara](#): > > Dear TMOB, > I really like this girl, but she eats pigs feet and it’s kinda gross > what should I do? Dear **Dara Dara Bo Bara, Banana Fana Fo** , TMOB says “neopt”. This looks suspiciouly like “neopet”, which I just know is insulting somehow. That’s right, slag. Take your pickled pigs feet fetish over to neopets and stop projecting your bizarre fantasies on me:( The rest of your Ouija board readings will be coming soon, once Rosh’s brain has decided it’s a good time to think coherent thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/31 "2005-11-25T10:01:04Z")
Three questions… How’s Hitler’s ghost doing, these days? What are the exact GPS coordinates of where Osama bin Laden sleeps? Are the three-odd anime series’ I’m watching now going to have sad, unsatisfying, and/or really confusing final episodes? ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/32 "2005-11-25T11:35:48Z")
Could you ask Aleister Crowley’s spirit what he’s up to these days? ---
**Author:** ![John\_Stamos\_Left\_Ear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_stamos_left_ear/32/3198_2.png) [@John\_Stamos\_Left\_Ear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Stamos_Left_Ear)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2005, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/33 "2005-11-25T11:55:28Z")
Dear Ouija Board: I shall ask this question in the form of a Clash song: Should I stay or should I go? Regards, JSLE ---
**Author:** ![roshia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6bbea6/32.png) [@roshia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roshia)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/34 "2005-11-27T01:19:11Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > I’m going to Orlando in January. What does the MOB suggest I do while in Florida? Dear **Sternvogel** , TMOB says “milk”. Have _you_ had your 2-3 daily servings of dairy lately? Milk is a good source of calcium, which helps to build strong bones. TMOB is concerned for the health of your bones and doesn’t want you to develop osteoporosis. Have you ever had a hip fracture? I bet one would really put a damper on your vacation. They even make lactose-free milk these days, how cool is that? It’s never to early to start taking care of your bones! > [@Revenant Threshold](#): > > Should I go home this weekend to play fire emblem see my family or stay at university and drink study? Dear **Revenant Threshold** , TMOB says “god”. I think you should be asking yourself WWJD? Well, in the Bible, there was this story about Jesus turning water into wine, yeah? As far as I know, there wasn’t one about fire emblem. So the obvious answer is DRINK! If it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for you. > [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > I’ve got the ambergris, the raisins, and the polyurithane. > Even the rocket launcher is working, & it’s an Acme. > > But somehow, my idea is just not gelling. > > What am I doing wrong? Dear **Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor** , TMOB says “visgim”. Google tells me that TMOB meant to say “virgin”. What better than a virgin sacrifice to assure success in your endeavour? > [@BraheSilver](#): > > Dear GWTMOB, > > I’ve had hiccups for the past half hour. What’s a good cure? Dear **BraheSilver** , TMOB says “cugqk”. Googling gave me [this](http://www.brunching.com/cgi/drugslanger.cgi?url=http://www.kodak.com/eknec/documents/a4/0900688a8011e4a4/Research_and_Development.pdf) website. Look at the text carefully. Heavy drug use is the answer! > [@KCSuze](#): > > Dear TMOB, > Will I get married? Will I be rich? Dear **KCSuze** , TMOB says “no” and “yes”. I think TMOB is being mean, and is just jealous that 1) you’re going to be rich and 2) you’re not a stupid piece of paper. More readings to come! ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/35 "2005-11-27T01:42:18Z")
Dear GWTMOB: Are those things real? MBG ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/36 "2005-11-27T01:45:11Z")
I have a two-parter: 1. How is Elvis doing these days? 2. Are you going to possess **roshia** and methodically slaughter everyone who has posted in this thread? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/37 "2005-11-27T01:53:10Z")
Dear GWTMOB: Can you please ask it; isn’t Google really a better answer tool than a Ouija sheet? By the way, I haven’t seen \*\*BadBadger’s \*\* Bracelet Jim ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/38 "2005-11-27T04:25:07Z")
A) which job does Capybara get offered? B) Is it a cavity or is it gum disease? ---
**Author:** ![AThingWithFeathers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@AThingWithFeathers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AThingWithFeathers)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/39 "2005-11-27T06:00:57Z")
Dear GWTMOB, Will my hair turn blue and fall out, or should I continue dy(e)ing it strange colors? If so, what color? Hope ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2005, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565/40 "2005-11-28T02:26:04Z")
> [@jrfranchi](#): > > Dear GWTMOB: > Can you please ask it; isn’t Google really a better answer tool than a Ouija sheet? Well, duh, how do you know what to google without the Ouija gadget! Pfft. Freakin’ skeptics. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-girl-with-the-makeshift-ouija-board/332565.md?page=1)