# Ask the Guy who has become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 10, 2003, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691 "2003-09-10T04:40:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/121 "2003-09-14T23:00:20Z")
Hey, Death, when you said this: > [@](#): > > If I went nuts keeping up with the times, you’d see Death with a weed whacker instead of a scythe. I couldn’t help but think that a weed whacker would be, well, poetic justice, apropos, le mot juste, whatever, in the case of certain to-be-deceaseds. Maybe you’d reconsider your adherence to the scythe? I admit, with the black robe it has that timeless elegance, but some candidates for harvesting don’t deserve a first class reaping. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/122 "2003-09-14T23:35:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Satisfying Andy Licious \* > \*\*So in the interest of attracting and holding a younger audience,… As opposed to? I mean, if you’ve just died and are bargaining with the Dread Reaper to not rend your soul and condemn you to the Eternal Pit, you’re not in the best bargaining position to say “I don’t feel lke chess today.” > [@](#): > > I _am_ the player killer. \*\* lol ---
**Author:** ![a\_bird\_on\_the\_wire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d9b06d/32.png) [@a\_bird\_on\_the\_wire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a_bird_on_the_wire)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/123 "2003-09-15T03:52:00Z")
Yo, D. I called Ernie and he said that there was like a kryptonite thing for death (oops, DEATH) and he thought it was like pine-sol or something. I think he’s fulla crap but I don’t know. Whadda ya say? With all due respect, that is. Yessiree, all due respect, no offence, love that outfit by the way…doesn’t make your butt look too fat. So…should I stock up on pine-sol? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/124 "2003-09-15T04:03:53Z")
What I heard, **bird** , was it’s those little cardboard pine tree automobile deodorizers that do the trick. If you build a wall around yourself with them, Death can’t sniff you out and you’ll be safe. I believe the floor and ceiling have to be made of the same stuff, though, and you can’t have a window, so you need to run in an oxygen hose. ---
**Author:** ![a\_bird\_on\_the\_wire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d9b06d/32.png) [@a\_bird\_on\_the\_wire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a_bird_on_the_wire)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/125 "2003-09-15T04:54:51Z")
Dear **Eddy** , I know you are a good boy and will understand that **bird** looks up to you like the big brother he never had (well he’s got one but he’s a guest of the state for a while yet). **Bird** just hangs on your every word and he always tells me and Uncle Earl everything you say and always says he wants to grow up and be just like his buddy **Eddy**. He’s real impressionable so you gotta be careful what you say to him cause god knows he believes everything you say. I’m telling you this cause he’s not here right now. He went and borrowed $100.00 from Uncle Earl and Jo Beth and asked me could he use the pickup cause he just had to get to Wal\*Mart right away. You wouldn’t have any idea what that’s all about would ya? ``` Regards, **Birds'** Momma ``` ---
**Author:** ![T.Slothrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3e96dc/32.png) [@T.Slothrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T.Slothrop)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/126 "2003-09-15T06:08:03Z")
> [@](#): > > EMBROILED IN A PRAWN BATTLE rockband. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/127 "2003-09-15T13:56:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by T. Slothrop \* > \*\*Oh. Good. I have been looking for someone to whine and scrape to. I’m like 54 years old. Is there someone you would like me to maybe rub out, as a favor, so it doesn’t look like your work ? > > in exchange for maybe 20 or 30 years of you looking the other way, wink wink ? \*\* Death Needs No Subcontractors. Not that I would mind the help. I just hate paperwork. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/128 "2003-09-15T14:00:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by a bird on the wire \* > \*\*Dear **Eddy** , > > I know you are a good boy and will understand that **bird** looks up to you like the big brother he never had (well he’s got one but he’s a guest of the state for a while yet). **Bird** just hangs on your every word and he always tells me and Uncle Earl everything you say and always says he wants to grow up and be just like his buddy **Eddy**. He’s real impressionable so you gotta be careful what you say to him cause god knows he believes everything you say. I’m telling you this cause he’s not here right now. He went and borrowed $100.00 from Uncle Earl and Jo Beth and asked me could he use the pickup cause he just had to get to Wal\*Mart right away. You wouldn’t have any idea what that’s all about would ya? > > ``` > Regards, > **Birds'** Momma ** > > ``` Feh. Pine-sol plus pine fresheners equals pine box. Tell you what. Just because we’re all friends here, and this is a board dedicated to fighting ignorance, I’ll let you in on the secret. The key to defeating death? Cheeseburgers. Cheeseburgers and cigarettes. Enjoy. _This message was brought to you by Death, the Proven Solution for Existence._ ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/129 "2003-09-15T14:59:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Satisfying Andy Licious \* > \*\*The key to defeating death? > > Cheeseburgers. > > Cheeseburgers and cigarettes. I’ve never smoked a cheeseburger before but I’m willing to try. But I just gotta ask: Cite? ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/130 "2003-09-15T17:52:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Horseflesh \* > **I’ve never smoked a cheeseburger before but I’m willing to try.** Try the smoked-bacon cheeseburger, with extra mayo. Remember The Three C’s For Healthy Living: Cigarettes, Cheeseburgers, and Cell Phones While Driving. _This message is brought to you by Death, reminding you that Life is really overrated._ > [@](#): > > \*\*But I just gotta ask: Cite? \*\* Asking Death for a cite moves you five spots up the list. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/131 "2003-09-15T17:55:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shade \* > **As opposed to? I mean, if you’ve just died and are bargaining with the Dread Reaper to not rend your soul and condemn you to the Eternal Pit, you’re not in the best bargaining position to say "I don’t feel lke chess today."** We want people to feel that they’re involved and that they have a chance to make a difference. It’s a lot like politics. ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/132 "2003-09-15T18:49:48Z")
COuld I substitue A First person shooter for Diablo? I mean I would LOVE to see the set up you’d have for unreal. Even a Mech Warrior rig thats set up to look like a real cockpit. C’mon Death Let me get a good play before I go 😉 ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/133 "2003-09-16T07:17:58Z")
What’s the real story with Schroedinger’s Cat? Is your real name Wesley, which you don’t use because it doesn’t inspire dread? Do you enjoy your cameo appearances in The Sims? ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/134 "2003-09-16T08:13:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Satisfying Andy Licious \* > \*\*We want people to feel that they’re involved and that they have a chance to make a difference. > > It’s a lot like politics. \*\* And it’s more devastating to beat them at something they’re good at? ---
**Author:** ![buzzie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@buzzie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buzzie)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/135 "2003-09-16T15:53:26Z")
Am I allowed to flirt with you? ---
**Author:** ![Age\_Quod\_Agis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d07c76/32.png) [@Age\_Quod\_Agis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Age_Quod_Agis)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/136 "2003-09-16T16:59:07Z")
> [@](#): > > _Death, tDoW:_ > Asking Death for a cite moves you five spots up the list. Are there any other behaviors that move someone up the list, and should therefore be avoided? Waiting until you get to the front of the line before deciding what to order? Asking your waitress out before deciding how much to tip? Poor, punctuation?!? ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/137 "2003-09-16T20:32:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MonkeyMule \* > \*\*COuld I substitue A First person shooter for Diablo? I mean I would LOVE to see the set up you’d have for unreal. Even a Mech Warrior rig thats set up to look like a real cockpit. C’mon Death Let me get a good play before I go 😉 \*\* That sounds like a good idea. I like to think of myself as the type of Death that is forward-looking, involved in the 21st century. But just don’t ask for “Grand Theft Auto.” I don’t want to get sued for causing injuries. _This message is brought to you by Death – The Other Dead Meat._ ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/138 "2003-09-16T20:38:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sturmhauke \* > **What’s the real story with Schroedinger’s Cat?** There’s more than one way to skin him. > [@](#): > > Is your real name Wesley, which you don’t use because it doesn’t inspire dread? Now where did you come up with “Wesley”? Actually that isn’t such a bad name for ye olde Charon: “Wes Death – Agent of Doom.” Has a nice ring. > [@](#): > > Do you enjoy your cameo appearances in The Sims? I’m like Michael Caine: I always enjoy working. _Death – Sooner or later, you’re gonna switch._ ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/139 "2003-09-16T20:42:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by buzzie \* > \*\*Am I allowed to flirt with you? \*\* I love it when people flirt with Death. Just remember, Death likes really skinny chicks. Not those full-figured ones like Kate Moss. I want a woman with some bones on her meat. _Death: Billions served and not one customer complaint._ ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691/140 "2003-09-16T21:06:32Z")
Ah, Death – have you mislaid your sting? Do you find that these days you don’t bring All those terrible chills To those jaded with thrills? Has your scythe lost its powerful swing? Just asking, mind you – not accusing you of being passe or anything, nossirree, no way… :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-become-death-the-destroyer-of-worlds/200691.md?page=8)