# Ask the guy who has no idea what he is doing at an comedy club's Open Mic night **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 29, 2010, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865 "2010-06-29T00:29:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/1 "2010-06-29T00:29:55Z")
That’s right I agreed to perform at an Open Mic. I have no idea what my set will be because I can’t write jokes. I don’t know how to tell interesting stories but I did come up with one killer that I will save for the end. So ask me anything you want. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/2 "2010-06-29T00:36:23Z")
Well, I’m assuming here that you are there because your friends think you are funny or something. My guess would be that you are snarky or have humorous insight about daily activities. My advice would to stick to whatever made you think you were funny in the first place, rather than try to tell a series of jokes. My favorite comedians are the ones the say the things other people are afraid to say, e.g. Chris Rock, Carlos Mencia. (That’s right, I said Carlos Mencia.) Richard Pryor has this huge comedic reputation, but if you go back and watch his old sets, his stories were actually really boring. It was his insight that made them funny. Or, if you are one of those guys who make funny sounds (Eddie Murphy,) go with that. So, in summary, stick to what already works for you, even if you don’t think it’s funny yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/3 "2010-06-29T00:37:40Z")
> [@MannyL](#): > > I don’t know how to tell interesting stories but I did come up with one killer that I will save for the end. > > So ask me anything you want. Please post the killer one here. I hope you have a lot of fun. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/4 "2010-06-29T00:38:47Z")
BOOOO! You SUCK! I keed, I keed. I’d love to do open mic. I can make people laugh with my improv, but I can’t make it translate well (read as: at all) onto paper, in a repeatable manner. How many minutes will you have to do? If you’re bombing badly, will you stick it out, or will you go right to your main gag, and hopefully leave 'em laughing? ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/5 "2010-06-29T00:48:08Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > Well, I’m assuming here that you are there because your friends think you are funny or something. My guess would be that you are snarky or have humorous insight about daily activities. My advice would to stick to whatever made you think you were funny in the first place, rather than try to tell a series of jokes. > > My favorite comedians are the ones the say the things other people are afraid to say, e.g. Chris Rock, Carlos Mencia. (That’s right, I said Carlos Mencia.) Richard Pryor has this huge comedic reputation, but if you go back and watch his old sets, his stories were actually really boring. It was his insight that made them funny. > > Or, if you are one of those guys who make funny sounds (Eddie Murphy,) go with that. > > So, in summary, stick to what already works for you, even if you don’t think it’s funny yourself. I like to think I am snarky and have humorous insight but I don’t know what others will think. The son of the club owner suggested to me I try it because I have “stage presence” I love Chris Rock, Jim Bruer , and I like Carlos even if he borrows from other comics. When Craig Robinson was at the club I was on stage with him at one point which was enjoyable for me but I wasn’t doing comedy > [@Muffin](#): > > Please post the killer one here. I hope you have a lot of fun. Sorry I won’t post it here until after my show but I will pm it to you > [@Daithi\_Lacha](#): > > BOOOO! You SUCK! > I keed, I keed. I’d love to do open mic. I can make people laugh with my improv, but I can’t make it translate well (read as: at all) onto paper, in a repeatable manner. > > How many minutes will you have to do? If you’re bombing badly, will you stick it out, or will you go right to your main gag, and hopefully leave 'em laughing? I don’t know how long I’ll have or if they will save me if I’m bombing. I’m going to try to sick it out then at the end leave them with the main gag but we will see. ---
**Author:** ![gladtobeblazed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@gladtobeblazed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gladtobeblazed)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/6 "2010-06-29T00:53:12Z")
Have you ever worked on stage before? Do you enjoy performing for an audience? I used to do a lot of theater in high school and college, but I haven’t been on stage in years. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/7 "2010-06-29T01:02:29Z")
For the curious, yes, it is a killer joke. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/8 "2010-06-29T01:21:00Z")
> [@gladtobeblazed](#): > > Have you ever worked on stage before? Do you enjoy performing for an audience? I used to do a lot of theater in high school and college, but I haven’t been on stage in years. Other than a karaoke stage no. I sung live on the stage with MrCraigRobinson playing the keyboard but that was unplanned and unexpected. I can do deadpan expressions (as my Face Belly thread shows) I love entertaining but am scared. I’m hoping that things just flow when I’m on stage because I’m comfortable there. Part of me thinks it would be easier for me to write if I had some illicit substances in me but I’ve never done any of them. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/9 "2010-06-29T01:55:10Z")
Ah, I pity you. I’ve done open mic before - you can’t really appreciate how polished a professional comedian’s act is until you’ve tried it yourself. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/10 "2010-06-29T02:11:25Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Ah, I pity you. I’ve done open mic before - you can’t really appreciate how polished a professional comedian’s act is until you’ve tried it yourself. Good luck. Ahh but I can and do appreciate how polished an act looks due to years of practice. I don’t have any delusions of instant success but if I can get one person to laugh I will feel good. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/11 "2010-06-29T11:41:33Z")
If all else fails, do face belly. It made me giggle, at least. Unless MTV has a copyright to that character now… ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/12 "2010-06-29T12:07:57Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > For the curious, yes, it is a killer joke. 🙂 Mein Hund hat keine Nase? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/13 "2010-06-29T12:14:34Z")
Aw now I wanna know. PM it to me! PM it to me! I won’t spill the beans! ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/14 "2010-06-29T12:37:14Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > Mein Hund hat keine Nase? Awful! wait, think I forgot something in there… ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/le_ministre_de_l_au-dela/32/12181_2.png) [@Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Ministre_de_l_au-dela)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/15 "2010-06-29T13:22:50Z")
Are you afraid of dying? (I didn’t want to post that before the gig, in case it freaked you out.) Still, are you/were you? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/16 "2010-06-29T14:55:12Z")
Do you know the secret to comedy? Because I know the secret to comedy. It took me a long time but I finally figured it out. Go on. Ask me the secret to comedy. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/17 "2010-06-29T17:42:59Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Do you know the secret to comedy? > > Because I know the secret to comedy. It took me a long time but I finally figured it out. > > Go on. Ask me the secret to comedy. _sigh_ Time to take one for the team. Ahem. What’s the secret to co- ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/18 "2010-06-29T17:51:40Z")
Whee! A thread I can participate in! (No, that wasn’t the reason for the fact I haven’t been on in a while, just haven’t had time for the Dope lately. What’s the punishment for that?) I performed comedy off and on for 20 years, never did get anywhere with it, but had a blast doing it! My advice is, first of all, be true to yourself - good advice for life in general, but don’t try to copy someone else or the like, or do a particular joke even though you don’t like it (or don’t do one because someone else doesn’t like it). Also, I’d recommend not to do blue (ie saying “fuck” every second word) - that’s way overdone and really looks amateurish to me. I’ve seen people make it big without ever doing an ounce of blue jokes, and those that do swear deliberately work their swears in at a certain point, not just throwing them in because “fuck” makes the audience giggle. I’ve never met George Carlin\* but I’m sure that every one of his dirty words is there deliberately and not just randomly thrown in. \*(I have met several comics who have given me advice, and I’ve learned a lot from them. I pass their advice on to you, grasshopper.) Above all, good luck and I’ll leave you with this thought, audiences are generally kind to first timers on stage, but they do expect you to learn from your experiences for the next time, free rides aren’t guaranteed. (And, if you want to PM me your jokes or act, I’d be glad to give it the once over for ya and pitch in with any advice! I promise I’ll stay on the boards long enough to check my PMs! honest!) ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/19 "2010-06-29T17:54:02Z")
Timing! ETA: And as you can see, mine is off. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865/20 "2010-06-29T18:12:29Z")
Anyway … I have quite a bit of experience in public performance, but as a musician. I’ve sung in front of an audience, just me and my guitar, many, many, many times, and I got over any stage fright a long time ago. So when I got the opportunity to do a bit of standup a few years ago, I figured it would be no problem. Dear Og, that was the most terrifying experience of my life! I had met a standup comedian, [Natalie Gray](http://nataliegray.com/Natalie_Gray_-_Home.html), via MySpace, and when I checked her schedule I discovered she was going to be appearing at the very club where I worked as a cook. So I chatted with her a bit, and with my boss, and we all agreed it would be fun for me to be the one to introduce her to the audience. And we decided I would deliver a very brief comedic monologue to introduce her. So I came up with a completely bogus description of how I met Natalie\*, ran it past her for her approval (she thought it was hilarious), and when the time came I got up on the stage, took the mic … and probably looked like a deer in the headlights. I completely lost control of my voice, and began speaking in a slow, Southern drawl (all the while thinking to myself, “WTF?! I’m a lifelong resident of the Pacific Northwest! Where is this voice coming from?!”) Another problem was that I didn’t have my guitar to “hide behind”, as I normally would when on stage. I felt naked and exposed. Somehow, though, I managed to remember the bulk of my “script” and deliver the punchline effectively, and got a good laugh from the audience (in that regard, I did better than our regular Comedy Night host did). But I’d never been so happy to get the hell off the stage! - Basically, I described meeting a woman online and hitting it off. But, I said, being aware that many men pretend to be women online, and I wanted to try to confirm that I was actually talking to a real woman. “So I sent her a photo of myself, and then asked her if she wanted to have sex. She said, ‘no’. Hey, it _is_ a real woman! And here she is, folks, give it up for Natalie Gray!” (heh - and then in her opening bit she assured the audience that she never actually said she _wouldn’t_ have sex with me 😛 ) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-has-no-idea-what-he-is-doing-at-an-comedy-clubs-open-mic-night/544865.md?page=2)