# Ask the guy who hasn't yet blown his hand off in a drunken 4th of July accident **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 1, 2011, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500 "2011-07-01T13:31:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2011, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/21 "2011-07-03T22:53:45Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Don’t worry, they’re professionals. > Yeah, right. I’ve had firemen pals most of my life and they’re more dangerous than most other folks. He made it home this morning, hung-over, but otherwise intact. They set off their old fireworks without killing anyone or burning down the forest. At least there are no reports of forest fires in the vicinity of the cabin. It started raining last night, enough to extinguish their bonfire. They actually did the work they set out to do; replace the floor. It turned out that the owner’s dad let some rookies use the cabin during ski season, who thought it was a good idea to leave food in the cabin for the next campers. After the bears ripped open the side of the cabin, and got the food, the gallon of syrup soaked into the floor, so the poor bears had to rip up the floor to get it. See, you don’t have to have fireworks to make a mess. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2011, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/22 "2011-07-04T05:04:16Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > He made it home this morning, hung-over, but otherwise intact. They set off their old fireworks without killing anyone or burning down the forest. At least there are no reports of forest fires in the vicinity of the cabin. It started raining last night, enough to extinguish their bonfire. > > They actually did the work they set out to do; replace the floor. It turned out that the owner’s dad let some rookies use the cabin during ski season, who thought it was a good idea to leave food in the cabin for the next campers. After the bears ripped open the side of the cabin, and got the food, the gallon of syrup soaked into the floor, so the poor bears had to rip up the floor to get it. > > See, you don’t have to have fireworks to make a mess. 😃 If anything deserved the adjective “epic”… ---
**Author:** ![bahia\_hombre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@bahia\_hombre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bahia_hombre)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2011, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/23 "2011-07-06T23:15:01Z")
> [@Tarwater](#): > > Do you have anything spectacular planned for when you do blow your hand off? And will you still be able to light fireworks with one hand while it’s holding a cold one? Or will you have to give something up? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2011, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/24 "2011-07-07T16:07:10Z")
I keep seeing this thread title in the list and thinking, “what’s taking him so long?” ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/25 "2011-07-07T16:19:04Z")
In Asia you can get all sorts of home manufactured fireworks. Various sized coconuts filled with who knows what. As well as the same cheap Chinese fireworks that we get here. Believe me the home made are way, way better. And drunken tourists setting them off right outside their grass bungalows, how can that not be fun? They have giant sparklers, heavy as a lead pipe, burn for ages and get hot enough to weld with, I swear. All these fireworks come with the exact same two instructions; 1. Light 2. Run away! What’s not to love? ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2011, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/26 "2011-07-07T20:01:11Z")
> [@bahia\_hombre](#): > > And will you still be able to light fireworks with one hand while it’s holding a cold one? Or will you have to give something up? He’ll still have teeth! Wait, **Enderw** , you do still have teeth, right? (I mean, enough, anyway) ---
**Author:** ![crewface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@crewface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crewface)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2011, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/27 "2011-07-07T20:48:38Z")
I spent 3 weeks in Japan in the early 80’s and must tell you all their children are pycho. I stayed with several Japanese families over the time and they love fireworks. I was the brunt of continued pyrotenical assaults much of the time, not by adults who thought it was extremely comical, but their very cute demonic children. I could never know when the felt pressure and auditory reports from below my feet would produce tons of smoke and the funniest American dance they had ever seen. The little devils would sneak up on me and throw all kinds of strings of firecrackers, and outright bombs at me, under me, over me. Now considering I was a trained karate killer, I should have been able to withstand that but the quivering mass of jelly that boarded the plane to the usa gave away my new found fear of sudden dismemberment. The Japanese now give their children shock treatment when they are about 12 years old so they will not grow up that way and start another world war. I do love the older Japanese people and the unarmed children. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/28 "2011-07-07T20:59:52Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > what is your shoe size? > > when did you start feeling a strong attachment to your hands? 10.5 Sometime before birth, most likely during week 5 of my mom’s pregnancy according to [this](http://www.pregnancy.org/fetaldevelopment/week-five) website. But I don’t just credit muscular mass and bones for this feat. I’m sure it also has something to do with gravitational forces and covalent bonds. > [@Tarwater](#): > > Do you have anything spectacular planned for when you do blow your hand off? A ticker tape parade. It’s going to be the best celebration ever, hands down. > [@Quercus](#): > > He’ll still have teeth! > Wait, **Enderw** , you do still have teeth, right? > (I mean, enough, anyway) I have at least as many teeth as my daughter who, at last count, has two half teeth. Which counts as one tooth, I guess. So I have tooth. Or more. Either way, it’s enough. But honestly, who lights fireworks with their mouth? Oh, and I’d just like to point out for anyone playing along at home, this is not me: [http://www.kansascity.com/2011/07/06/2998800/charges-possible-after-firework.html](http://www.kansascity.com/2011/07/06/2998800/charges-possible-after-firework.html) ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/29 "2011-07-08T05:20:03Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Oh, and I’d just like to point out for anyone playing along at home, this is not me: [http://www.kansascity.com/2011/07/06/2998800/charges-possible-after-firework.html](http://www.kansascity.com/2011/07/06/2998800/charges-possible-after-firework.html) Daaaaaarrrrrrwwwwwwwiiiiiiiinnnnn. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/30 "2011-07-08T15:19:40Z")
> [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](#): > > Daaaaaarrrrrrwwwwwwwiiiiiiiinnnnn. To be fair, it was his stupid friend who lit the firework and threw it on the ground in this guy’s apartment. All he was trying to do was stop a hole from being blasted into his floor. As to who made these homemade fireworks though, well, that could be this guy’s fault. Who knows? Either way, at least he still has his teeth. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/31 "2011-07-08T19:09:39Z")
[Here](http://www.heavy.com/comedy/2011/01/20-worst-fireworks-fails/) are the 20 Worst Fireworks Fails. 3 and 10 are very good. 9 is awesome; it starts slowly but must be watched in its entirety. 18 will scar your brain forever. ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/32 "2011-07-08T23:59:10Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > [Here](http://www.heavy.com/comedy/2011/01/20-worst-fireworks-fails/) are the 20 Worst Fireworks Fails. 3 and 10 are very good. 9 is awesome; it starts slowly but must be watched in its entirety. 18 will scar your brain forever. #9 = :eek: Couldn’t force myself to watch 18, 19 or 20. ---
**Author:** ![user\_hostile](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/user_hostile/32/474_2.png) [@user\_hostile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/user_hostile)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/33 "2011-07-09T00:41:26Z")
See post #18 about #9 _sans_ John Lennon ---
**Author:** ![Arrogance\_Ex\_Machina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrogance_ex_machina/32/192_2.png) [@Arrogance\_Ex\_Machina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrogance_Ex_Machina)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500/34 "2011-07-09T00:46:26Z")
Gotta love the _Deliverance_ banjo duel soundtrack on #9. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-hasnt-yet-blown-his-hand-off-in-a-drunken-4th-of-july-accident/587500.md?page=1)