# Ask the guy who is hiding in your bushes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 31, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168 "2010-08-31T18:32:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/1 "2010-08-31T18:32:39Z")
I’ve been watching you for a while now. I know what you have for breakfast, what color your bathroom towels are, and what your favorite underwear looks like. But it occurs to me that for all I know about you (and I must say, watching you masturbate to DVDs of _The Thundercats_ is kinda creeping me out), you don’t know anything about me. So here’s your chance. Ask away. And that mole on your left butt cheek? You probably need to get that thing checked out. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/2 "2010-08-31T18:58:22Z")
Did you notice the poison ivy under my window? I didn’t until about a hour ago. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Accident](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Mr.Accident](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Accident)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/3 "2010-08-31T19:01:09Z")
Did you see where I left my keys? I can’t seem to find them anywhere. Also, who really got the last coke out of the fridge? ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/4 "2010-08-31T19:03:16Z")
I don’t think I need to ask you anything: I’ve found out all I need to know from my security cameras. Though I must say that watching you masturbate while you are watching me enjoying DVDs of The Thundercats creeps me out too. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/5 "2010-08-31T19:11:52Z")
Which Thundercat? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/6 "2010-08-31T19:15:58Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Which Thundercat? The answer to that question is obviously Cheetara. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/7 "2010-08-31T19:16:32Z")
Someone told me that my bushes are infested with bedbugs and spiders. Can you confirm that? ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/9 "2010-08-31T19:28:10Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Did you notice the poison ivy under my window? I didn’t until about a hour ago. Luckily I’ve built up resistance to all forms of botanical poisons through my training in ninja school. The same training is what has allowed me to remain undetected for so long. It’s not as rare as you might think. In fact there’s seven more of us watching you right now. Don’t put that in your mouth. You don’t know where it’s been. > [@Mr.Accident](#): > > Did you see where I left my keys? I can’t seem to find them anywhere. Also, who really got the last coke out of the fridge? You left the keys in the freezer. They were in your hand when you reached in there for that peperoni hot pocket and you dropped them. The soda was taken by a drunken Lindsey Lohan. You can’t let that chick anywhere near coke. > [@Giles](#): > > I don’t think I need to ask you anything: I’ve found out all I need to know from my security cameras. > > Though I must say that watching you masturbate while you are watching me enjoying DVDs of The Thundercats creeps me out too. That was actually Bob, one of the other seven ninjas on your property currently. I’ll have a talk with him. > [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Which Thundercat? Snarf. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/10 "2010-08-31T19:37:21Z")
Seven ninjas? I thought I’d only counted five. But all those ninjas look the same to me. By the way, you should should have a word with the two posted on my roof. They sleep on the job a lot, and I’m worried that they might fall off, into the swimming pool. Not that they wouldn’t be able to swim, of course, but I keep the sharks in there hungry. ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/11 "2010-08-31T20:06:06Z")
Do you really think I can’t see you out there? And it’s not a mole, it’s a cigarette burn. I fear for your eyes if you’re still there over the weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/12 "2010-08-31T20:20:46Z")
How do you differentiate between ninjas without removing their scarves? Also, how often do you order delivery, while stalking? ---
**Author:** ![A\_Spoonful\_of\_Awesome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@A\_Spoonful\_of\_Awesome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Spoonful_of_Awesome)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/13 "2010-08-31T20:20:48Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > I must say, watching you masturbate to DVDs of _The Thundercats_ is kinda creeping me out. So you’re saying that my fully-grown Sword of Omens gave you sight beyond sight? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![GHO57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df788c/32.png) [@GHO57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GHO57)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/14 "2010-08-31T20:26:05Z")
While you’re back there, could you trim the bushy thing on your left… I’ve been meaning to cut the dead branches all year? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/15 "2010-08-31T20:30:21Z")
\ You got any last words? ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/16 "2010-08-31T20:32:28Z")
Why won’t you return my calls??? ---
**Author:** ![Stauderhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/17 "2010-08-31T20:41:37Z")
Could you tell the kids in the other dorms to keep it down? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/18 "2010-08-31T20:57:55Z")
You’re hiding in my bushes and can see in my windows? Interesting, as I live on the 5th floor. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/19 "2010-08-31T21:46:52Z")
We have periscopes. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/20 "2010-08-31T21:51:28Z")
Do you mind watching the baby while the Mrs. and I step out for a movie? ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168/21 "2010-08-31T21:57:57Z")
Would you mind taking shooting some of the squirrels around the house? They keep eating our tomatoes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-is-hiding-in-your-bushes/552168.md?page=2)