# Ask the Guy Who Just Got Out of a Residential Detox Facility **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2012, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847 "2012-06-30T20:47:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/41 "2012-07-02T14:41:14Z")
Now that you’re clean, can you figure out some way to live somewhere other than with your father? Having a toxic relationship like that as part of your living situation sounds like a big obstacle to long-term recovery. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/42 "2012-07-02T15:59:19Z")
I have no questions at this point, but wanted to say good luck. I went through a three week out patient rehab program four years ago. I’ve relapsed twice (both because I thought I could handle being a social drinker), but have stuck with it an have been sober now since last November. It’s a tough road, but it’s worth it. My life is completely different now - I have an awesome job, I have a great relationship with my husband, I’m doing my Masters…all things that I could never do if I was still drinking. ---
**Author:** ![alexandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@alexandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alexandra)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/43 "2012-07-02T16:52:56Z")
Good luck, **Crawlspace**. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/44 "2012-07-02T18:13:08Z")
Why do you think you will be able to stay sober simply by using a SSRI? Many, _many_ people drink while on these medications. ---
**Author:** ![Crawlspace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Crawlspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crawlspace)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/45 "2012-07-02T18:28:27Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > Interesting thread. I just had to respond to this: > NOBODY could have been the son he wanted. I’d bet good money that it’s nothing to do with who you were or weren’t and everything to do with the fact that you were an easy target. In other words, that idea is a lie he planted in your head so he could make himself feel big by making you feel small. A real father wants the child he has got. > > Good luck with all this. That makes a lot of sense, thank you for that. I’d always thought it was because I was a passive nerd, but now I can imagine him being the same way if I had been more like him (e.g. stealing cars to go on joy rides by the time he was 13). > [@TokyoPlayer](#): > > You may want to see meetings in the outside world. I would not have gotten anything from just listening to fellow detox patients. It was listening to people who had gotten and stayed sober that made a difference for me. The one meeting I did get something from was the first one. It was an NA and the main speaker was a 17 year old who had been into every drug since he was about 12 and was headed towards ruin, but got clean, stayed clean and now has his whole life ahead of him. > [@Ibanez](#): > > I could only imagine what kind of mind fuck that would be like coming from the person who is suppose to love you. Luckily I never had to go through that, I grew up without father and I think if my father was like that I would rather grow up without one. Way to freakn’ poisonous. If he’s still like this **Crawlspace** , stay away far away. I haven’t spoken more than 1 word sentences to him in over a year when we had a big fight, I brought up all the stuff he did to me and how he never “made amends” for it. His response was essentially, “Because you deserved it.” As far as I know, he’s in therapy and is a better person for it. My sisters still have a relationship with him, but they were more ignored rather than bullied. As I told my mom, I’m not opposed to having a relationship, we got along great when I worked for him while in college and he treated me as crappy as his other carpenters, but it’s always been me putting in the effort to find common ground and engage in his interests and I’m done. As Gandhi said, “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” > [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Now that you’re clean, can you figure out some way to live somewhere other than with your father? Having a toxic relationship like that as part of your living situation sounds like a big obstacle to long-term recovery. I’ve been looking for places for the past few months, but affordable housing in NYC is not easy to come by though, even with roommates. I’m going to redouble my efforts and try to keep myself otherwise occupied and out of the house after work (gym, walks, library, brothels, you know the usual ;-). And thanks to everyone for the support. If I’m not back 'till tomorrow don’t worry, my sister is coming to visit with my 10 month old niece and since my dad should be at a meeting tonight, I might actually get to spend some time with her. P.S. They really should have told me that the half life of librium is 5-30 hours and the half-life of the active metabolite 36-200 hours. I was going to go shopping Saturday but decided to walk to the pharmacy to drop of scripts first and I was stumbling all over the sidewalk. Driving would have been incredibly dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![Crawlspace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Crawlspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crawlspace)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/46 "2012-07-02T18:33:01Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Why do you think you will be able to stay sober simply by using a SSRI? Many, _many_ people drink while on these medications. It’s an Aspergerish tendency of mine to not want to break the rules/follow orders. The same reason why I was out of bed, showered, teeth brushed, bed made by 7 am and attended every scheduled meeting every day of detox no matter how poorly I felt or how little I slept. They gave me a sheet with the rules and I did it. ETA: Kind of the same reason why I never got a DUI. I’d rather call a cab and spend $50 than break the law. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/47 "2012-07-03T16:36:38Z")
As the days have passed since you got home, how has your mom been w/ you? In regards to housing, I’ve heard of ‘sober living’ facilities but I don’t know if they’re open to all who want to live that way or only those forced to by the courts. There are also religious living facilities where alcohol is unheard of; I don’t know your sky fairy flavor but maybe that’s something to look into, Higher Power-wise. I’m here every day reading and pulling for you and you are kept in the best positive thoughts of this anonymous internet person 2000+ miles away. I hope you continue to see a greater fullness of living. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/48 "2012-07-03T16:45:54Z")
> [@Crawlspace](#): > > It’s an Aspergerish tendency of mine to not want to break the rules/follow orders. The same reason why I was out of bed, showered, teeth brushed, bed made by 7 am and attended every scheduled meeting every day of detox no matter how poorly I felt or how little I slept. They gave me a sheet with the rules and I did it. > > ETA: Kind of the same reason why I never got a DUI. I’d rather call a cab and spend $50 than break the law. Also, SSRI’s reduce compulsion tendancies, which many addicts and alcoholics have. I’m on SSRI’s now and my compulsion to drink is much less then it used to be. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/49 "2012-07-03T18:28:18Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Why do you think you will be able to stay sober simply by using a SSRI? Many, _many_ people drink while on these medications. I was thinking the same thing, but didn’t want to ask. I believe some of the SSRIs say that light drinking is ok. But light drinking to you might be a tad more than to most people. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/50 "2012-07-03T18:29:26Z")
> [@EmAnJ](#): > > Also, SSRI’s reduce compulsion tendancies, which many addicts and alcoholics have. I’m on SSRI’s now and my compulsion to drink is much less then it used to be. I knew someone who was a compulsive gambler and once he went on Paxil he had no more urge. ---
**Author:** ![wipetheclock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b19c9b/32.png) [@wipetheclock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wipetheclock)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/51 "2012-07-03T18:38:53Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > In regards to housing, I’ve heard of ‘sober living’ facilities but I don’t know if they’re open to all who want to live that way or only those forced to by the courts. There are sober housing options that are both voluntary and inexpensive, a friend of mine currently lives in one. Oxford House is one widespread organization but, of course, there are others. ---
**Author:** ![Crawlspace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Crawlspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crawlspace)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/52 "2012-07-04T02:27:21Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > As the days have passed since you got home, how has your mom been w/ you? In regards to housing, I’ve heard of ‘sober living’ facilities but I don’t know if they’re open to all who want to live that way or only those forced to by the courts. There are also religious living facilities where alcohol is unheard of; I don’t know your sky fairy flavor but maybe that’s something to look into, Higher Power-wise. > > I’m here every day reading and pulling for you and you are kept in the best positive thoughts of this anonymous internet person 2000+ miles away. I hope you continue to see a greater fullness of living. Mom’s been supportive, worried, a bit overbearing at times – in essence a mom. In terms of housing, it didn’t occur to me until yesterday that I don’t need to keep looking for apartments/roommates in the same neighborhoods since proximity to good bars would now be a negative and not a necessity. Opens the door to many more, much cheaper areas. And thanks. In other news, I have decided to delay taking the SSRIs. They were prescribed after a 15 minute consultation based on my recollection of what a psychiatrist mentioned as a possible course of action over a year ago. They can have some pretty serious side effects and I think a more formal evaluation should be done. Also had my first “test” today. There was a champagne celebration because a lab-mate published a paper and I was perfectly happy with my diet Coke. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/53 "2012-07-04T13:48:14Z")
> [@Crawlspace](#): > > In other news, I have decided to delay taking the SSRIs. They were prescribed after a 15 minute consultation based on my recollection of what a psychiatrist mentioned as a possible course of action over a year ago. They can have some pretty serious side effects and I think a more formal evaluation should be done. I found the “side effects” of my drinking to be much more serious than what SSRI’s are capable of. As always, though, it’s best to consult with medical doctors. ---
**Author:** ![sleestak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@sleestak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleestak)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/54 "2012-07-04T16:17:04Z")
If you are looking for a place to stay, a halfway house may be a good option. They are usually cheap, provide food, support and an environment where a lot of the stress is limited. I stayed in one for about 5 months or so when I got sober. It was a great choice (though when I originally went in I hated the idea but basically had no other option). The basics were this: There was a curfew unless you were working. You had to attend an A.A. or N.A. meeting daily. There were daily chores and you had to keep your bed area clean. The house\* was open to anyone as long as you weren’t using/drinking and followed the rules. I highly suggest looking into a halfway house. They are useful because they can keep you on the right track and get you into the habit of living like a normal person instead of a drunk. That sounds kinda trivial but it is harder, and more important, than you would think. Additionally, it helps you get into a social group that is focused on being sober. Part of the problem, for me at least, was that drinking was all that I knew. I didn’t have a social life. I didn’t hang out with friends. I didn’t do a bunch of stuff the normal folks did. Trying to overcome that and relearn how to be social was quite hard. The way of life I was used to was to drink by myself. Getting sober was hard, getting out of the rut of being alone was hard. Had I not gone to a place where I had to deal with people on a daily basis I probably would have fallen back into being anti-social and that would have been very bad. Additionally, if your thoughts turn to drinking you have a resource _right there_ to help you get past those moments. Slee \*The halfway house is now my families first donation choice. We give them all kinds of stuff. Kinda funny, I go by my parents house and half the time they have a donation pile for the house. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/55 "2012-07-04T16:54:33Z")
> [@Crawlspace](#): > > In other news, I have decided to delay taking the SSRIs. They were prescribed after a 15 minute consultation based on my recollection of what a psychiatrist mentioned as a possible course of action over a year ago. They can have some pretty serious side effects and I think a more formal evaluation should be done. **Crawlspace** , I don’t know you, but to me this just sounds like non-compliance. You didn’t act on the diagnosis you got in medical school, you rejected all the meetings, and now you’re “delaying” the SSRI prescription. You have a self-image of being good at following instructions, but to an outside observer, that doesn’t look accurate. You did a really good thing for yourself by going to detox. Now you need to find some followup care. Your addiction is going to try to talk you into turning down every option, so try to keep in mind that your instincts and your judgment are not necessarily trustworthy. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/56 "2012-07-04T17:58:31Z")
What are: AA, NA, CA, RR? (AA is Alcoholics Anonymous, right?) Sorry, I guess that’s a real rookie question. Starting med school over again - yuk. There are many med-related fields that may pique your medically-relatedinterests, including [my company’s neuroscience division](http://www.elekta.us/neuroscience/). I work in their medical device software division. Your med school related experiences would be a plus in searching for jobs like these. Be creative about explaining your recent “absence”, but don’t lie about it. You don’t have to get into deep details about it. It’s nobody else’s business, and if it doesn’t affect future work performance, then it’s no longer relevant. Sharing too many details may hurt you, in some yet-unforeseen way, down the road. In drinking/celebratory situations, diet ginger ale is a good substitute for champagne, and cranberry juice looks almost like red wine. I hope you (re)find God - He is real, and He loves you (Gay, Bi, or whatever anyone is) and if you want to keep your money, yes you can! Congratulations on quitting drinking. (You too, **EmAnJ** , and the others here who have stayed sober.) Good luck to you in your recovery journey. This addiction is some serious shit. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/57 "2012-07-04T18:15:21Z")
AA= Alcoholics Anonymous NA = Narcotics(Users?) Anonymous RR = Rational Recovery CA… er not sure. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/58 "2012-07-04T18:32:13Z")
> [@Crawlspace](#): > > In other news, I have decided to delay taking the SSRIs. Ok, and this was your _only_ “safeguard” in place to keep you from relapsing back into drinking. This is in addition to the fact that antidepressants aren’t an adequate tool, by themselves, to keep an alcoholic on a path of abstinence. I think you need to re-evaluate your committment to your sobriety and make a _real_, concrete, long-term plan for how you will address this long-term problem. Because as you are now, I see you returning to drinking. ---
**Author:** ![Crawlspace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Crawlspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crawlspace)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/59 "2012-07-04T23:02:35Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > **Crawlspace** , I don’t know you, but to me this just sounds like non-compliance. You didn’t act on the diagnosis you got in medical school, you rejected all the meetings, and now you’re “delaying” the SSRI prescription. You have a self-image of being good at following instructions, but to an outside observer, that doesn’t look accurate. I’m not sure where you’re getting this from. I attended \*every \*meeting, session, art therapy, whatever they had us do and did my best to take it seriously. I simply didn’t get much out of the AA and CA meetings. Relapsed patients said they weren’t very good either, so maybe we just got unlucky. The one speaker at the NA meeting was inspiring, but all the meetings felt weird to me, sorry to disappoint. I am willing to try a few more, but it’s not something I see as integral to recovery. And it is a delay. I was not prescribed an SSRI by the psychiatrist in med-school (with whom I met three times for 5 hours), he mentioned it as one of several possibilities. While going through intake I asked them a few times to contact him for his assessment and plan thinking I’d meet with the psych at least once a day for 10-15 minutes and he could either concur or disagree. They never did and the prescription was written based on what I could remember from his summary mostly because I was upset they couldn’t get me into inpatient. I filled the prescription. I have a new patient meeting with a PCP a week from today and I’ll discuss it with him to make sure I’m not being overly paranoid about the potential long term side-effects. I’ll even read up tonight and might be able to convince myself I’m being paranoid. But Zoloft is some pretty serious stuff and isn’t even a first line treatment for social anxiety. I filled and am taking every other prescription. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > Ok, and this was your _only_ “safeguard” in place to keep you from relapsing back into drinking. This is in addition to the fact that antidepressants aren’t an adequate tool, by themselves, to keep an alcoholic on a path of abstinence. I think you need to re-evaluate your committment to your sobriety and make a _real_, concrete, long-term plan for how you will address this long-term problem. Because as you are now, I see you returning to drinking. I think you need to reread your question, my response and the rest of the thread. You asked if I \*expected \*to relapse. No, no one trying not to relapse \*expects \*to relapse. Being on SSRIs would augment that, as it is a bright line I don’t see myself crossing. If my new doc can allay my fears, I’ll start taking them. That is not my \*only \*safeguard, and in fact there are NO safeguards, which is why AA, as much as it’s penetrated itself into the American psyche as the only way to stay sober, has a miserable success rate. However, as I’ve already mentioned, I am trying to find an outpatient rehab that won’t drastically interfere with work and I see 1-1 counseling mixed in with group therapy being much more valuable and useful to me than meetings. I liked the random, “What do you guys want to talk about today?” sessions we had with the different counselors. > [@TokyoPlayer](#): > > I found the “side effects” of my drinking to be much more serious than what SSRI’s are capable of. As always, though, it’s best to consult with medical doctors. I concur. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847/60 "2012-07-04T23:17:18Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Why do you think you will be able to stay sober simply by using a SSRI? Many, _many_ people drink while on these medications. I know quite a few people who do–moderately–but (as far as I know) they don’t have a history of problematic drinking. In as much as depression can eventually lead people to abusive drinking, SSRIs might help before they get to that point, but I don’t think SSRIs have ever been shown to prevent someone who already has a drinking problem from relapsing. I don’t think that’s what they’re for. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-just-got-out-of-a-residential-detox-facility/626847.md?page=4)