Ask The Guy Who Owned an Exotic Pet Store.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
201

Sure. :wink:

Step one: Inspect your dog. Does your dog weigh more than a beer? If yes, go to step 1.5, if no, Stop.

Step 1.5: Does your dog weigh more than the fridge door? If yes go to step two, if no, stop.

Step two: Congratulations, you own a dog that is not considered “a rat”. Your dog MAY have the level of manliness, or womanliness needed to retrieve a beer. Is your dog tall enough to retrieve a bottle from the lowest shelf? If yes, go to step three, if no, you are in possession of a basset hound, or a fat rat, Stop.

Step three: Build stairs for your pug. If you don’t have a pug, go to step four.

Step four: Train your dog to go to the fridge. This should be easy, simply give the command to “go fridge” and point at it. If your dog goes, treat it. If it looks at you as if you’ve grown a third head, try some more until it get’s the idea. If it runs around, licks itself, or doesn’t pay attention to you, you have a “dumb dog”. You might want to work on the basics first. Stop.

Step five: Tie a dishrag around the fridge handle and teach your dog to pull on it. initially send your dog “go fridge”, and then encourage it to pull on the rag. when it does, treat it. Eventually it will learn to pull the door open.

Step six; teach your dog what a beer is. You do this by showing it a beer and repeating "beer. Beeeeer. " Remember that dogs are mentally the equivalent of a retarded small child. This may take time, so don’t do this with your friends around; they already KNOW that you are retarded without you helping them out with such behaviour. Besides, they know your dog is dumb and won’t get the idea anyway. Eventually they will get the idea. Start a retrieving game by rolling an empty. When your dog reliably retrieves the empty, AND can open the door, you are ready grasshopper.

Step seven: Place the beer on the lowest shelf. This is where beer now lives. I don’t care where you kept it in the past, it now and forever must live on this shelf. Have your dog open the fridge. That task accomplished have them “bring beer” or whatever command you used in the fetch game. When the dog returns your drink, treat it lavishly with meat or cheese.

Step eight: Link the commands. “(name), Go fridge, bring beer”. Your dog should now be ready to accomplish this on their own. Treat your dog lavishly when they can do this reliably. If you think you are ready, show off to your friends, but be warned, most dogs understand the bragging dynamic and will have an attack of the stupid when you try to show off. Chicken wings can alleviate this condition. I suggest you make certain your dog does this trick as well as it does sit or shake before showing off during the big game.

202

I’m curious as to why you do not recommend Gopher or King snakes as pets. I’ve had several of each as pets over the years, and found them to be great pets*. The only problem that I ever had was feeding them. They would not eat mice in any form. Full grown, pinkies, frozen, Methodist, it just didn’t matter. I tried meal worms, crickets, and night crawlers but all were ignored.

I was ready to let one stubborn non-eater go, when a clerk at a fish store made an offhand remark.

“Have you tried feeder fish?”

I bought a dozen small gold fish, and emptied the bag into a small tupperware bowl that I was using in the cage as a water dish.

That snake not only struck at warp speed, but ate every one of those fish in about 4 seconds. Damndest thing I ever saw. I’ve used feeder fish ever since after that.

*Unless they were bad, and needed to be punished. Then I’d take them out of the cage, and put them on the linoleum floor in the kitchen. Snakes on linoleum go nowhere, fast, and soon regret the error of their ways.

203

I don’t recommend them for beginners for exactly that reason. Fussy feeding habits, coupled with a higher aggression level than the ubiquitous corn snake. Why take on extra trouble when you are just getting started?

204

Ignorance fought. Thanks!

205

Have you ever… ah, eaten any of your stock after they have expired. Maybe the troublemaker snake who bashed himself to death, for example.

Just can’t help thinking of that Monty Python sketch: “K, looks like we’ve got an eater…”

206

Acid Lamp, I’m enjoying this thread immensely.

One of my favorite tourist traps in the world is the Black Hills Reptile Gardens in South Dakota. I’ve gone there twice, with small children, and it’s so cute to put a little kid on the back of one of those behemoth tortoises they have (I assume they’re Galapagos Giant Tortoises).

Are those ever legal to deal in? Did you ever sell them or get people asking for them? And, is there any way to really estimate just how old they are? It’s humbling to think you could be treating as a pet an animal that shared this planet with Abe Lincoln.

207

Only once. We had an Egyptian cobra that died of natural causes. Since it wasn’t disease, or poison I decided it would be cool to make some nuggets. It tastes the same as other snakes FTR.

208

Sort of like the public aquariums that have seafood restaurants in them? :smiley: Or maybe that’s the fate of the ugly fish, the slow learners for the show, etc.

209

The largest tortoises that you can legally acquire are Aldabra Giant Tortoises. They are commonly sold as young animals and are captive bred. They get easily large enough to ride about, though it takes about 25 years to get one to a respectable size under optimal conditions. African Spur-thigh’s also get quite large and can reach 400 lbs in weight.

210

WAG: Chicken?

211

Acid Lamp:

In the snake thread vain a couple of observations and maybe you will tell me what you think. It is not my intention to throw a damper on the enjoyable high quality info exchange here. The fellow referenced in the article below was known to me and perhaps others that view here but suffice to say he struck me as a prudent fellow doing what he enjoyed. In recent past the incidence of snake bite and the resulting mortality rate seems to have increased markedly here in Texas, possibly due to the increasing popularity of events that put large groups of people, some mentally impaired to close to large populations of rattlers whose reflexes are simply champion. Anyway, one of the victims I alluded to earlier and who is still recovering a year after the incident was introduced to me by a mutual friend. Consequently his predicament lends to conversation laced with content pertaining to the event, the what are the chances type thing anyway I begin to wax and wane philisophical about Texas and snake roundups, drunk Bubbas going "hey Billy Bob watch this… thats no doubt the underlying reason for the high snake bites man thing here in Hooterville…well maybe he said to me but how do you explain Florida and the pygmy rattler thing…since his little setback and with plenty of time to burn in rehab,(docs says 18mos give or take and he’ll be 95%) snake bites man seems to have become a subject he just can’t research enufff. I don’t really have a clue about a Florida/rattler scenario so I shrug it off w/well let me do a little checking and Jeez Acid …does Florida offer an agriculture exemption for pygmy rattlesnake breeding and final dispensation in the retail store of your choice…Maybe the proliferation of the little blighter and the odd finger chomping in the young mens apparel department is the result of a program gone awry, not unlike the Chinchilla ranches of yesteryear. Well you know what w/the water… and their really really small …you just don’t see the little bastards…you can get used to most anything after you live here awhile you’ll hardly notice them…Yes sir here’s your Tasty Burger would you care for a hot apple pie or pygmy rattlesnake to go w/that today…
Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Deming Man Dies From Rattlesnake Bite
Associated Press
DEMING — A man who reportedly kept 300 snakes in his Deming home has died five days after he was bitten by one of them — a canebrake rattlesnake.
The Deming Headlight reports 37-year-old James Bear died Tuesday at Thomason Hospital in El Paso.
He had been hospitalized since Thursday, when he was bitten on his right thumb at his home.
Bear operated the Southwest Serpentarium and hoped to open a museum on N.M. 549.
His wife, Danielle Bear, says her husband had been fascinated by snakes since he was a child.
The canebrake rattlesnake, also known as the timber rattlesnake, is found in the southern United States, particularly North Carolina, Georgia and Florida. It can grow to be as large as 4 to 6 feet.
Its venom is poisonous to nerves and nerve tissue.

212

Acid Lamp, you’ve already told us how you hate dealing with our little cousins of the monkey tribe, and why. Also, most of the well-known reasons why it’s not a great idea for most people to keep a pet monkey have been mentioned by yourself and others. However, you did concede that for certain rare individuals, in the right circumstances, having a simian companion can be a very positive and rewarding experience on both sides.

What qualities does a person need, in your informed opinion, to be a good monkey keeper? How might a person who’s always wanted a pet monk learn if s/he would actually have a chance of doing the right thing by the little hairy feller and creating a positive, enduring relationship?

Because I’ve wanted my own little primate pal --a capuchin, a wooly, or maybe a squirrel monkey – ever since I was a kid, back when it was legal for private individuals to keep them just about everywhere in the USA. Now that I’m pushing fifty, of course, the situation has changed drastically, but it’s still a dream or ambition of mine that I keep on the back burners of my psyche. So far, there’s always been an insurmountable obstacle to its realization – first was the adamant opposition of my parents, then years of living nomadically and/or in poverty; for the last two decades it’s been a matter of insufficient income and being a California resident. But were all that to change – if, say, I inherited a quarter mill and moved to Tucson next Friday-- how can I know, finally, whether or not I’m fit to be a proper monkey owner/companion? I really like the little monsters, see, and would hate to cause one of them to lead a life of unhappiness. Or to get all my fingers bit off, for that matter.
P.S.: I don’t mean the physical/material considerations (which I’ve researched and have a fair idea of) so much as the emotional and psychological requirements of the human involved.

213

slytlyuzd, I don’t think that there has been any appreciable rise in rattlesnake related injuries or fatalities. We are simply more media accessible now and the news loves stories about venomous snakes. There is no agricultural exemption for breeding any of the native species of rattlesnake unless the law has changed very recently.

214

(snipitty-snip)

The first thing that a person must be is patient. Monkeys require a lot of care and attention; they are very smart, but also extremely mischievous and will test your patience greatly during the training period. They WILL have lapses in their hygiene, both unintentional and willful (like tearing off diapers etc) and a potential keeper must be resigned to the fact that even the best behaved of primates will occasionally indulge in this habit. The same goes for the biting. While it is simple to teach your monkey that it is unacceptable, they will still bite if frightened, upset, or just want your attention. That beings me to the most important thing:

Monkey keepers need to be able to keep their pet with them at all times. If you work from home, or have a job that allows such a luxury, then you have already won half the battle. They are much like small children and need constant, stimulating interaction to remain happy and emotionally even keeled. They should be able to retire to their cage when THEY feel tired, or need time alone; not the other way around.

Supposing you meet those first two criteria, you must now be disciplined. beyond training concerns, you must be willing to prepare your pet’s food for it daily, first bottles (often frequently and at night), then baby food, then solids. You must be willing to meet the needs of your pet as a matter of routine, without rancor.

Lastly, a potential monkey keeper needs dedication. These animals are not like a reptile, or a fish, or even a sensitive dog or cat. They form deep emotional bonds with their keeper, and IMHO have a complex emotional life. They are in my experience capable of the full range of emotions that we are, and should be treated accordingly. I’ve seen monkeys separated from a keeper fall into depression followed by a refusal to eat, and in one case it took tube feeding, and constant dedication from a surrogate mother to pull them through it.

If you feel that you meet these needs, I’d happily find a monkey for you if you were a client of mine. Under the right care, they are among the most rewarding of companion animals; and a well trained, happy monkey is an absolute delight.

If you are seriously considering this, feel free to PM me or keep posting here and I’ll be happy to provide any guidance that I can regarding species specific care or an objective breeder evaluation.

215

Found this picture (link below) after looking into Wolverines as pets (definitely not in a cage though). Do you think it is real? How did he manage to keep it as a pet? Looks almost like a lap dog in this photo!

http://toddhageman.blogspot.com/2007/08/they-couldve-been-james-bond.html

great thread, thanks.

216

Anything is possible. I should think that if you could get a newborn kit and bottle raise it, it would a distinct possibility to have a tamed wolverine. I still wouldn’t trust it as far as I could throw it though. The unusual thing about using the imprinting method, is that if handling is consistent since birth, mammals accept this as a normal thing and aggression is curbed. The problem with wild animals is that this curbing only goes so far. When such animals are scared, stressed, or merely startled, they usually respond with disproportionate force as per their instincts.

217

What are your thoughts on large tortoises as pets? On seeing that picture my immediate thought was that I’d love to have one, though I certainly don’t have the space right now. Are there any species that can tolerate moderate cold (say 50 degrees F?) Are they obnoxious, smelly, or otherwise difficult to keep?

218

If you have the space for them they are easy and fun pets. Many people simply let them wander about the house with a basking area made from a heat mat, and spotlight in a corner. They are not smelly, loud, or otherwise obnoxious. Most species can handle that temperature, but if they are going to be outdoors they must have a warm, sheltered structure or they will burrow deep into the yard. Spurthighs can dig a burrow 25 feet deep or more.

219

Wow, you have good taste in cat breeds too. I’ve got a wegie and it’s an absolutely delightful breed of cat. If you are looking for one, I could ask my breeders, who are a lovely mom n’pop type operation.

220

Oh, I’m seriously considering it, all right…but, as I mentioned last time, I’m fairly poor and live in Cali – the state with what’s probably the most restricted, authoritarian and intrusive rules about what animals people are allowed to own in the 48 contiguous.

I’m very interested in your opinions on specific species of primates though – like, what ones are the most easy-going or playful, or likelier to become dangerously aggro when their hormones kick in. From what I’ve read I get the general idea that (allowing for vast individual differences in temperament) rhesus and other macaques are lively, enjoyable playfellows as juves and comparatively hardy and easier to maintain, but get either too rowdy or flat-out evil toward humans as they mature; **caps **are disconcertingly intelligent and emotionally intense, sweet but mercurial and excitable personalities, and woolies are supposed to be about as consistently affable, gentle and disinclined to bite as a monkey can get-- but that’s all from older books on pet simians which are probably fairly useless now…

Funny, but while I find chimps and the other anthropoids to be fascinating, awe-inspiring, frequently comical and sometimes downright cute, the practice of keeping them as pets or otherwise captive has upset me ever since I was old enough to really give the matter much thought – it smells discomfortingly like actual slavery (at least as far as my emotional hit on it goes), and I am a bit disturbed that this isn’t more readily apparent to most people. The ape kind are our ancient ancestors from the original old homeplace, after all, homebodies who stayed back there after we grew up and left, and I think we might owe them some respect and consideration on that account.
***ETA: *If I am in a position to pursue your kind offer of breeder eval anytime soon I will certainly be PMing you about it, thanks.