# Ask the Guy Who Saw TROY **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 8, 2004, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203 "2004-05-08T18:43:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![xvxdarkknightxvx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/34f0e0/32.png) [@xvxdarkknightxvx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xvxdarkknightxvx)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/41 "2004-05-10T04:48:45Z")
How can you not like Brad Pitt? **12 Monkeys** and **Fight Club** are enough for me to like him. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/42 "2004-05-10T14:41:03Z")
Dear Guy Who Saw Troy- Is this better than that festering, cantankerous, horrible, yucky POS that the USA network tried to pawn off on us last year? ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/43 "2004-05-10T15:07:48Z")
**Dear GWST** Both my wife and I think Brad Pitt is pretty hot and that Orlando Bloom is a wimpy, little girly-boy, so that’s a wash. My question: How much computer generated action is there? Specifically, I can’t abide the “run-jump-travel 30 feet while doing bicycle kicks in the air-kick your opponent in the head and chest” stuff (think Matrix, Kill Bill, etc.). Huge crowds - fine, you can use a computer to generate them. But don’t use slow motion etc to enhance the action when simple gouge of the eye, sword to the temple is much more plausible. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/44 "2004-05-10T15:53:06Z")
**Dear the Guy Who Saw TROY:** Helen of Troy was supposed to be the face that launched a thousand ships. I’m assuming that this feat was **not** accomplished by whacking her face into each ship like a bottle of champagne as it left drydock. Well, I’ve seen pictures of the actress who plays Helen in this movie, and while I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers, I gotta say that her face would only launch 200, maybe 300 ships tops. (In other words, her beauty only measures about 200-300 milliHelens). Dost thou concur? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/45 "2004-05-10T18:53:47Z")
> [@](#): > > Either way, one of the draws of this film was the crop of handsome actors - Pitt, Bana, Bloom, Sean Bean (who was quite good), etc. - and not many movies are going to have a gay hero when they’ve cast a handsome actor to get the female audience. Funny you should say this… I just saw _Interview with the Vampire_ last night, and Hollywood is most certainly ready, willing, and able to make a homoerotic movie starring actors that make the ladies swoon. ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/46 "2004-05-10T19:23:03Z")
**Dear Mr. I’ve seen the movie and I’m going to talk about it and you can’t stop me,** > [@Loopydude](#): > > My wife likes Mr. Bean, et al., (snip) Did Mr. Bean’s comedy work with the movie, or did it just seem weird? Was it like seeing him in Rat Race, where you wanted to laugh, but it just didn’t work for some reason? I would think that if you’re going to cast [Rowan Atkinson](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000100/) in this kind of movie, his Blackadder character might be more appropriate. Also, I’ve seen the trailers, and I don’t really want to see this movie. Why is that? I usually like big stupid movies. Signed, Confused Guy in California ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/47 "2004-05-10T19:29:04Z")
Dear GWST: Of course the title is probably a clue, but is this written in such a way where you root for one side over the other or is it (like the source) more of a “this is what happened- I’m not really being partisan?” theme? And is it true that the movie is essentially nothing more than a retelling of _Fried Green Tomatoes_ only with Greek guys instead of southern lesbians? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/48 "2004-05-10T19:33:14Z")
PS- How much of the film takes place **after** the fall of Troy (i.e. do you see Priam killed, Cassandra & Hecuba & family enslaved or killed, etc.)? And is Helen seen as a whore or a victim? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/49 "2004-05-10T19:35:09Z")
Okay, having checked out some of the rest of the cast, I can now safely say that I’d have paid to watch a love scene between Brad Pitt and [Garrett Hedlund](http://garrett.philipbarantini.com/images/troy/garrett_april24_04.jpg) (Patroclus). That’s all I got… ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/50 "2004-05-10T19:40:18Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > Thanks, Marley, for a carefully crafted and thoughtful response. > > Brrr. Not encouraging. I’m not a Brad Pitt fan by any means, shirtless, clothed, or otherwise. I mean, “Meet Joe Black” was the last Pitt vehicle I’ve been subjected to, and that was truly an ordeal. No nekkid slave girls? Sorry, hon, it’s Girls Night Out to Troy! Lookie no touchie! I’ve noticed a distinct lack of nekkid slavegirls in ALL the sword and sandal dramas that have been inspired by Gladiator. What a mistake! One of the advantages that modern sword and sandal movies have is that they can finally SHOW nekkid slavegirls, or better yet, nekkid slavegirls in chains. The exploitation movies of the 80s (Amazon Queen, Deathstalker) were clearly aware of this and made great use of it. It’s a shame to see these A level flicks dumping the nekkid slavegirls in favor of the family crowd. I think it may cost 'em tickets, too. Daddy don’t wanna sit through a historical sword and sandal flick if he doesn’t get to see his nekkid slavegirls. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/51 "2004-05-10T19:53:23Z")
**Mausmagill** , I didn’t see that movie, so I can’t say. I can say I definitely wouldn’t call this a festering POS. **plnnr** : I really hate wire-fighting, and I didn’t see any here. Most of the fighting is done with swords, so there’s no crazy judo stuff. Achilles throws a couple of spears with a distance and accuracy that’s impossible, but he’s supposed to do that- he’s Achilles. There’s a little bit of slow-mo, but not much. That’s a pet peeve of mine as well, so I was happy about that. **tracer** : I’m off the market, but I thought she was pretty damn good-looking. **lightningtool** , maybe I’m being wooshed, but the Mr. Bean in question is Sean Bean (aka Boromir from LOTR), not Rowan Atkinson. > [@](#): > > is this written in such a way where you root for one side over the other or is it (like the source) more of a “this is what happened- I’m not really being partisan?” It’s non-partisan. Agamemnon and Menelaus are baddies, but rooting for them to lose would entail rooting against Achilles and Odysseus and co., so you really don’t. [quote] And is it true that the movie is essentially nothing more than a retelling of Fried Green Tomatoes only with Greek guys instead of southern lesbians? [/quote Fried Green Tomatoes is about Southern lesbians? How am I just finding this out?? > [@](#): > > PS- How much of the film takes place after the fall of Troy (i.e. do you see Priam killed, Cassandra & Hecuba & family enslaved or killed, etc.)? And is Helen seen as a whore or a victim? About 10 seconds. Priam dies, but Cassandra and Hecuba aren’t in the movie at all. You don’t think of her as a whore because you can’t possibly like Menelaus in this movie, so she’s sort of a victim of her own heart (and maybe Paris’s lovin’). ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/52 "2004-05-10T20:06:09Z")
> [@lightingtool](#): > > **Dear Mr. I’ve seen the movie and I’m going to talk about it and you can’t stop me,** > > Did Mr. Bean’s comedy work with the movie, or did it just seem weird? Was it like seeing him in Rat Race, where you wanted to laugh, but it just didn’t work for some reason? I would think that if you’re going to cast [Rowan Atkinson](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000100/) in this kind of movie, his Blackadder character might be more appropriate. > > Also, I’ve seen the trailers, and I don’t really want to see this movie. Why is that? I usually like big stupid movies. > > Signed, > Confused Guy in California SEAN Bean, aka Boromir. Repeat: SEAN BEAN. NOT the goofy MR. Bean, aka Rowan Atkinson. C’mon now, my wife does have _some_ taste, even if she married me. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/53 "2004-05-10T20:10:42Z")
By Zeus, fuck this coding! 😛 Should’ve looked like this: Sampiro: > [@](#): > > And is it true that the movie is essentially nothing more than a retelling of Fried Green Tomatoes only with Greek guys instead of southern lesbians? Me: Fried Green Tomatoes is about Southern lesbians? How am I just finding this out?? > [@](#): > > PS- How much of the film takes place after the fall of Troy (i.e. do you see Priam killed, Cassandra & Hecuba & family enslaved or killed, etc.)? And is Helen seen as a whore or a victim? Me: \ ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2004, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/54 "2004-05-10T20:46:25Z")
My post about Mr Bean was written in a joking manner, or at least it was supposed to be. Next time, I will use this guy 😃 or possibly this one 😛 to show that I’m not a dummy. :smack: I thought it was funny… ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/55 "2004-05-11T01:47:22Z")
It IS funny! 😃 But sometimes, without the proper emoticon… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203/56 "2004-05-11T04:40:22Z")
Exactly. It was clever! But since there’s no inflection online… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-saw-troy/244203.md?page=2)