# Ask the guy who was once horribly depressed, and now is living the ecstatic life

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [March 17, 2012, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043 "2012-03-17T12:34:55Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 19\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\
**Post date:** [March 18, 2012, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/41 "2012-03-18T16:37:35Z")

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> [@monstro](#):
>
> City Hall red tape should not trigger suicidal ideation.

No. It triggering _homicidal_ ideation is pretty normal, though. 😛

> [@](#):
>
> I believe the OP when he says he got over his depression by looking on the outside and not becoming too attached to anything while appreciating everything. But it is my opinion that sometimes a person can become depressed if that’s all they do.

Absolutely. If you don’t truly attach, you wind up sitting there in an echo chamber by yourself thinking “_This_ is all there is? Well, that sucks.”

It’s not attachment itself that’s a bad thing, it’s being attached to negative things, or clinging to attachments that are no longer good for us. There’s a great deal of beauty and joy in clinging fiercely to something that’s good and true and right that you miss out on by never attaching deeply. There’s a great deal of peace in letting go of something whose time has passed, or was never good to start with, and clinging fiercely to such things only brings pain and unhappiness. The secret is learning to see when things are good and true and right, and when they’re bad or their time is done.

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**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\
**Post date:** [March 18, 2012, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/42 "2012-03-18T17:12:44Z")

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Thanks for launching this thread…I have a few questions for you:  
-is it possible to be depressed “intellectually”-that is, you weigh everything, and it looks bleak?  
-I have wonderd about my “peak moments”-times when I was very happy-is it possible (IYO) to duplicate those situations?  
That said, congratulations-life is so much better when you are happy.😃

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**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\
**Post date:** [March 18, 2012, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/43 "2012-03-18T18:36:01Z")

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> [@John\_DiFool](#):
>
> It’s heartbreaking to me to consider the possibility that nothing a person does (inner or outer) will ever cure them of depression (or other mental issues).

It is heartbreaking, but a Buddhist usually doesn’t expect things to get better. Or worse. All a person can do is just experience the moment, neither anticipating or dreading the next . Hope carries with it desire, and desire is the root of suffering.

Buddhism is both liberating and depressing.

I think I’m coming to terms with depression in the same way that other people come in terms with physical handicaps. It is heartbreaking to consider that people will never be cured from diabetes or cancer or tuberculosis, and yet people with these diseases can still experience happy times and appreciate the goodness in life. A person with depression (both clinical and non-clinical) can operate in this same fashion. Maybe perpetual happiness is too lofty a goal, but contentment is within reach. Maybe instead of trying to love themselves, they can just strive to tolerate themselves. I don’t find this kind of “settling” to be tragic or heartbreaking. I just think it’s realistic way of approaching an intractable problem.

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**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\
**Post date:** [March 18, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/44 "2012-03-18T18:41:26Z")

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> [@monstro](#):
>
> I think I’m coming to terms with depression in the same way that other people come in terms with physical handicaps. It is heartbreaking to consider that people will never be cured from diabetes or cancer or tuberculosis, and yet people with these diseases can still experience happy times and appreciate the goodness in life. A person with depression (both clinical and non-clinical) can operate in this same fashion. Maybe perpetual happiness is too lofty a goal, but contentment is within reach. Maybe instead of trying to love themselves, they can just strive to tolerate themselves. I don’t find this kind of “settling” to be tragic or heartbreaking. I just think it’s realistic way of approaching an intractable problem.

Well put. Depression isn’t about being sad because your dog died. It’s a physical condition that you may or may not be able to treat. In the most severe form it may be something that destroys the quality of life. But plenty of people with varying degrees of clinical depression find a satisfactory quality of life anyway, just as do people with other physical problems.

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**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\
**Post date:** [March 18, 2012, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/45 "2012-03-18T18:45:27Z")

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> [@John\_DiFool](#):
>
> It’s heartbreaking to me to consider the possibility that nothing a person does (inner or outer) will ever cure them of depression (or other mental issues). I’m a strong believer in “no fate”, and I don’t think anything can’t ever be overcome-a way MUST exist.

It may be heartbreaking, but it’s just the truth that some people cannot be ‘‘cured’’ of depression. I have done almost every conceivable therapy (CBT, cognitive therapy, psychodynamic therapy, exposure therapy, EMDR etc.) including dropping $10k to have someone shoot electromagnetic pulses into my left prefrontal cortex. I have tried over 15 different medications. I have had 9 therapists and due to a terrifying bout of suicidal ideation last night I’m about to seek out my tenth. I am, without a doubt, the most proactive person I have EVER met regarding my mental health.

I’m never getting ‘‘out’’ of this. I have two choices: I can rail against the universe for afflicting me with this disease and suffer even more, or I can accept that this is my reality and continue to live my life the best way I know how.

For some people, that’s all we have.

ETA: What **monstro** said.

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**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\
**Post date:** [March 18, 2012, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/46 "2012-03-18T19:12:26Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> …a way MUST exist…

Yes, there is one way for me, I just need to get off my fat ass just do it.

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**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\
**Post date:** [March 18, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/47 "2012-03-18T21:38:09Z")

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> [@ralph124c](#):
>
> Thanks for launching this thread..I have a few questions for you:  
> -is it possible to be depressed “intellectually”-that is, you weigh everything, and it looks bleak?  
> -I have wonderd about my “peak moments”-times when I was very happy-is it possible (IYO) to duplicate those situations?  
> That said, congratulations-life is so much better when you are happy.😃

Yeah, the intellectual thing was probably part of it-I felt like a pawn in a random universe, toyed with by uncaring yet unconscious forces.

I’m a bit impatient with “peak” experiences-I much prefer to cultivate more or less permanent plateaus. Peaks usually don’t “stick”, while a plateau is a new level from which you won’t come back down.

> [@monstro](#):
>
> It is heartbreaking, but a Buddhist usually doesn’t expect things to get better. Or worse. All a person can do is just experience the moment, neither anticipating or dreading the next . Hope carries with it desire, and desire is the root of suffering.

That is most certainly true, and on another forum I was arguing just that point today (in a different context); on the other hand, when people can’t get themselves unstuck, that is indeed tragic, non-attachment, hope, or whatever.

> [@olivesmarch4th](#):
>
> I am, without a doubt, the most proactive person I have EVER met regarding my mental health.

Just throwing this out there, not meaning to be presumptuous, but have you ever considered not being proactive? I don’t mean being passive and helpless, per se, but instead of beating yourself up in a futile battering ram fight with your depression, try relaxing your center instead, so to speak. All that tension is probably making things worse. But again if I am overstepping my bounds (and perhaps you’ve already tried something like that) forgive me.

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**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\
**Post date:** [March 18, 2012, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/48 "2012-03-18T21:49:31Z")

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> [@John\_DiFool](#):
>
> I’m a bit impatient with “peak” experiences-I much prefer to cultivate more or less permanent plateaus. Peaks usually don’t “stick”, while a plateau is a new level from which you won’t come back down.

How long have you been at this plateau?

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**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\
**Post date:** [March 19, 2012, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/49 "2012-03-19T00:20:21Z")

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This one has been at least 3 months-we shall see if I can weather this little mini-storm (so far…doing okay).

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**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\
**Post date:** [March 19, 2012, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/50 "2012-03-19T01:35:57Z")

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> [@John\_DiFool](#):
>
> Just throwing this out there, not meaning to be presumptuous, but have you ever considered not being proactive? I don’t mean being passive and helpless, per se, but instead of beating yourself up in a futile battering ram fight with your depression, try relaxing your center instead, so to speak. All that tension is probably making things worse. But again if I am overstepping my bounds (and perhaps you’ve already tried something like that) forgive me.

I guess I was sort of talking about that with my spiel about accepting depression as a part of my life. I seem to do better when I stop railing against it and focus on other things.

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**Author:** ![Snake\_Plissken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@Snake\_Plissken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snake_Plissken)\
**Post date:** [March 20, 2012, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/51 "2012-03-20T13:35:07Z")

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> [@John\_DiFool](#):
>
> Yeah, the intellectual thing was probably part of it-I felt like a pawn in a random universe, toyed with by uncaring yet unconscious forces.
> 
> I’m a bit impatient with “peak” experiences-I much prefer to cultivate more or less permanent plateaus. Peaks usually don’t “stick”, while a plateau is a new level from which you won’t come back down.
> 
> That is most certainly true, and on another forum I was arguing just that point today (in a different context); on the other hand, when people can’t get themselves unstuck, that is indeed tragic, non-attachment, hope, or whatever.
> 
> Just throwing this out there, not meaning to be presumptuous, but have you ever considered not being proactive? I don’t mean being passive and helpless, per se, but instead of beating yourself up in a futile battering ram fight with your depression, try relaxing your center instead, so to speak. All that tension is probably making things worse. But again if I am overstepping my bounds (and perhaps you’ve already tried something like that) forgive me.

Interesting,

I was diagnosed as bipolar. When I was young, I was unnaturally happy and motivated. I succeded at everything I ever attempted. I also got into a shit-ton of trouble.

Fast forward to my 40s. Crippling depression. The only reason I left the house was because I had kids to raise. Considering all the shit I’ve been through, I’m really sitting pretty. My kids are great, I have a nice house, I dont have money problems, and I have a good marriage of 27 years.

At 50, I can say I’m really happy. I have no idea why. Some of it has to do with getting one knee replaced and the other one repaired, so I’m not in constant pain anymore. I also quit making other people rich on my hard work.

I’m not going to question why I feel better, and I’m not anticipating a relapse. I get down sometimes. I think everyone does, but I’m not sure because I dont have a reference of whats normal.

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**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\
**Post date:** [March 20, 2012, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/52 "2012-03-20T15:46:04Z")

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Are you still taking antidepressants?

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**Author:** ![Snake\_Plissken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@Snake\_Plissken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snake_Plissken)\
**Post date:** [March 20, 2012, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/53 "2012-03-20T15:52:46Z")

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> [@Dogzilla](#):
>
> Are you still taking antidepressants?

If you are asking me, I have been off meds for about 6 years, with the exception of seroquel twice when hypomania was starting to veer me into risk taking behavior.

The manic part of the disorder for the most part left me when I was in my late 30s. It only returned after administering cpr, and once when I found myself in a fight.

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**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\
**Post date:** [March 20, 2012, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/54 "2012-03-20T16:12:43Z")

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> [@Snake\_Plissken](#):
>
> If you are asking me, I have been off meds for about 6 years, with the exception of seroquel twice when hypomania was starting to veer me into risk taking behavior.
> 
> The manic part of the disorder for the most part left me when I was in my late 30s. It only returned after administering cpr, and once when I found myself in a fight.

Thanks for the information, but I was asking the OP.

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**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\
**Post date:** [March 20, 2012, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/55 "2012-03-20T19:25:40Z")

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Not in over 25 years now.

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**Author:** ![CuriouslyCinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e480ec/32.png) [@CuriouslyCinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriouslyCinnamon)\
**Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/56 "2012-03-29T16:54:21Z")

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OK, now let me tell you my story. I am 31 and have felt ‘different’ for as long as i can remember, it’s very weird but its almost as if I don’t belong here, I just don’t know how best to explain it. Recently I have been all the more confused as I really don’t know who I am (not literally of course) after I peel away all these societal labels (Accountant, Husband, Son, Friend, etc).

Very often when I have a couple of drinks with my wife and/or friends and I go to the bathroom I find myself staring at the mirror and I ask myself 'who is that staring back?'I almost don’t recognize myself. It’s like… the deeper I look the more enveloped I become with the question ‘who am I really?’

I’m not happy at work cos my boss is a dick and I feel he respects others more than he respects me, my staff are mostly OK but they often don’t respect either my decisions or my authority. I shy away from confrontations and I take criticisms badly. I know that to do so gives away my power but I can’t help but feeling like shit. I often think people may be talking about me behind my back and I try to please everyone even if that sometimes means taking the hit myself.

I also try to be too nice to some people and either give excuses for myself, give too many explanations when these are not required and try to (overly) use humour to diffuse potentially difficult situations. I often feel my job is the problem as ‘things would be better if I asked for a transfer’ but I know deep down this isn’t true as 1. there are dicks wherever you go and 2. the problem is with my attitude.

The only persons I can truly be myself with are with my wife or my 2 closest friends.

So… any ideas?

Thanks

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**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\
**Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/57 "2012-03-29T19:19:41Z")

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**John** , thanks so much for posting this. I wasn’t reading the Dope when you made the OP, so I’m glad I found this. Funny, I had my big turnaround about two months after you did. But the last six months or so have been the best.

**CuriouslyCinnamon** , I have plenty of ideas, but my first one is… get a new job!

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**Author:** ![CuriouslyCinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e480ec/32.png) [@CuriouslyCinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriouslyCinnamon)\
**Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/58 "2012-03-29T20:10:27Z")

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lol any other ideas?

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**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\
**Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-who-was-once-horribly-depressed-and-now-is-living-the-ecstatic-life/616043/59 "2012-03-29T20:28:46Z")

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Don’t poo poo the idea of changing jobs! You spend a third of your life there. I don’t care how enightened you become, an asshole boss is still an asshole boss.

As for finding out who you really are, there’s a lot to discuss. But the short answer is that the true you is the eternal detached observer. The trick is to quiet your mind enough to see that. There are some meditation exercises that can help to facilitate that.

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