# Ask the guy who's just read Lord of the Rings **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 12, 2005, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171 "2005-09-12T01:24:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/1 "2005-09-12T01:24:01Z")
Well, reread actually, but I don’t want to get this thread off to a pedantic start. From basing Samwise Gamgee on C.S. Lewis to having not a single toilet break in all those pages, from the reason that the word “tobacco” is never used, though his heroes smoke like chimneys, to his attitude towards women and whether “southering” must be a word if “westering” is, I’ve got the answers and am willing to share them. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/2 "2005-09-12T01:54:15Z")
Where did I set my wallet? ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/3 "2005-09-12T02:08:57Z")
If Gandalf could charter Gwaihir to airlift Sam and Frodo _off_ Mount Doom in a _deus ex aquila_, why didn’t he just hire him to fly Frodo _to_ Mount Doom in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/4 "2005-09-12T02:19:05Z")
Sauron would have interfered? ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/5 "2005-09-12T02:32:30Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > If Gandalf could charter Gwaihir to airlift Sam and Frodo _off_ Mount Doom in a _deus ex aquila_, why didn’t he just hire him to fly Frodo _to_ Mount Doom in the first place? Easy. Like Shadowfax, Gwaihir bridles at the idea of saddles, etc. Sam and Frodo, being short and fat, couldn’t ride the eagle without something to hold on to. They can ride shotgun with Gandalf as the wizard has a big shaft they can hold on to. Next? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/6 "2005-09-12T02:38:52Z")
So why doesn’t he ever use the word tobacco? ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/7 "2005-09-12T02:45:28Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > So why doesn’t he ever use the word tobacco? It draws attention to the filthy habit these hobbits (and Inklings - same difference) had, plus it smacks of commercialism. “Weed” is greener, and suits Tolkien’s notion of natural stuff which doesn’t require much processing. No machines (“Curses everlasting be upon their name!”) needed. Plus, a smoker is a thinker. “Fumo ergo cogito.” ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/8 "2005-09-12T02:47:15Z")
Why did Narvi carve the term “Moria” into the entrance to Khazad-dum (Dwarrow-delf, aka “Dwarve-delving”)? After all, it was not called “Moria” (which means black pit) until after the Balrog of Morgoth drove the dwarves out. And why didn’t Gandalf point out to Denethor, when the latter denigrated Aragorn’s right to the throne because he was a ‘mere’ descendant of the house of Isildur, that Aragorn was also descended from the house of Anarion, via Firiel, the daughter of Ondoher, King of Gondor. Huh? Huh? ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/9 "2005-09-12T03:04:40Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > Why did Narvi carve the term “Moria” into the entrance to Khazad-dum (Dwarrow-delf, aka “Dwarve-delving”)? After all, it was not called “Moria” (which means black pit) until after the Balrog of Morgoth drove the dwarves out. Easy. Dwarves are thick and typically monolingual, and there are no flies on an elf. > [@QTM](#): > > And why didn’t Gandalf point out to Denethor, when the latter denigrated Aragorn’s right to the throne because he was a ‘mere’ descendant of the house of Isildur, that Aragorn was also descended from the house of Anarion, via Firiel, the daughter of Ondoher, King of Gondor. Huh? Huh? Simple. He’d fallen asleep struggling through Appendix A. Genealogy isn’t his thing. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/10 "2005-09-12T03:45:24Z")
[QUOTE=roger thornhill] Easy. Like Shadowfax, Gwaihir bridles at the idea of saddles, etc. Sam and Frodo, being short and fat, couldn’t ride the eagle without something to hold on to. They can ride shotgun with Gandalf as the wizard has a big shaft they can hold on to. [QUOTE] Bollocks. The _real_ reason was that Eagles only had non-smoking flights. Where did Hobbits get potatoes {and tobacco} from if no-one had discovered America yet? ---
**Author:** ![La\_Llorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@La\_Llorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/La_Llorona)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/11 "2005-09-12T03:50:28Z")
Slashy: yes or no? If yes, with whom? The world awaits a definitive answer from **roger thornhill**! We bow before your expertise! ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/12 "2005-09-12T04:15:43Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > > [@roger thornhill](#): > > > > Easy. Like Shadowfax, Gwaihir bridles at the idea of saddles, etc. Sam and Frodo, being short and fat, couldn’t ride the eagle without something to hold on to. They can ride shotgun with Gandalf as the wizard has a big shaft they can hold on to. > > Bollocks. The _real_ reason was that Eagles only had non-smoking flights. Where did Hobbits get potatoes {and tobacco} from if no-one had discovered America yet? A pair of bid shiny palantirs back top you, mate! You’ve been buying into too many Sir Walter bloody Raleigh stories. They didn’t smoke tobacco - they smoked pipe-weed. And there were spuds in the Shire aea ago. Where do you think you lot got 'em from? And I even fixed your coding. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/13 "2005-09-12T04:17:07Z")
> [@La Llorona](#): > > Slashy: yes or no? If yes, with whom? > > The world awaits a definitive answer from **roger thornhill**! We bow before your expertise! Yes, yes, of course you do. But could you keep your questions to some form of recognisably human tongue if you want a reply? ---
**Author:** ![La\_Llorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@La\_Llorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/La_Llorona)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/14 "2005-09-12T04:24:03Z")
> [@roger thornhill](#): > > Yes, yes, of course you do. But could you keep your questions to some form of recognisably human tongue if you want a reply? Oh, burn. I prostrate myself before thee, **roger thornhill** , and most humbly beg thy noble forgiveness! Human translation: LOTR is thought fairly widely to be slashy; that is, to have homosexual subtext between various characters. Example: Frodo/Sam, Frodo/Legolas, Legolas/Gimli, etc. Of course, there are quite a number of people who think this is complete and total bunk. So in your view: any subtext, and if so, with whom? ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/15 "2005-09-12T04:53:25Z")
Lord of the Rings is an asexual book. There’s no nooky – the males are too busy wandering around - and smoking - and the females are too busy looking radiant, dishing out gifts – and dusting and vacuuming after the males have laid down large deposits of ash all over the place. There will always be sickos and saddos who are going to read in a homosexual subtext every time a sword is unsheathed or two blokes suck on the same pipe. Same as there will always be those who see a subtler meaning to what Dubya says. “Seek ye not the mysteries ere thou hast grasped the bleeding obvious.” ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/16 "2005-09-12T05:01:52Z")
> [@roger thornhill](#): > > A pair of big shiny palantirs back to you, mate! > > And I even fixed your coding. Thanks. I’ve fixed your spelling in return. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/17 "2005-09-12T06:35:59Z")
What do you think is the recpie for _lembas_? Just who is Tom Bombadil? Is he the eldest, or are the Elves eldest? What power does he has over the ring? ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/18 "2005-09-12T07:12:20Z")
> [@ExtraKun](#): > > What do you think is the recipe for _lembas_? Flour, eggs, milk, _whey_ and a pinch of salt. (The translation “waybread” is a mistranslation from the Luthien - should be wheybread.) And notice how Tolkien has his little fellahs eating **white** bread - reflecting mid twentieth century mores. > [@EK](#): > > Just who is Tom Bombadil? He’s a right pain in the neck is Tom. Tweer than twee. And as for the woman he lives with, wet doesn’t do her justice. > [@EK](#): > > Is he the eldest, or are the Elves eldest? What power does he have over the ring? Well, they evolved around about the same time, so your guess is as good as mine. > [@EK](#): > > What power does he have over the ring? Absolutely none whatsoever. He’s the Karl Rove of Middle-Earth. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/19 "2005-09-12T07:52:14Z")
Have you been down at The Green Dragon again? ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171/20 "2005-09-12T08:33:07Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > Have you been down at The Green Dragon again? You mock that which you do not understand. It is clear that your will is being bent towards the dark spirit. It is rum indeed. You covet that which you cannot have - if you only knew it, that which you cannot handle. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whos-just-read-lord-of-the-rings/321171.md?page=2)