# Ask the guy whose girlfriend is marrying a woman. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 13, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668 "2014-01-13T16:26:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/21 "2014-01-13T18:23:30Z")
This is fraught with so many pitfalls… -Is what they’re planning to do considered insurance fraud? -Will they cohabitate? -Will they make this information that you’ve provided to us common knowledge? If so, aren’t they worried that someone might blackmail them or rat them out? -What happens if Debbie never gets her stuff together professionally and won’t ever be able to afford health-insurance? -Either one of them can suddenly play the crazy-partner card, file for divorce and demand half of the marital assets. -What if one of them becomes mentally ill, or involved in an accident leaving them disabled? If either one dies without a will, the assets (or debts!) of the deceased will likely transfer to the survivor. IANAL, and the above items may not be wholly correct. But Jeez!.. those are quite some risks to take just to get less expensive insurance! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/22 "2014-01-13T18:26:38Z")
> [@bienville](#): > > All the people shouting “Fraud!” need to start providing cites. Can’t? I wonder why. > > For as long as there has been marriage, people have gotten married for “practical” reasons absent a romantic partnership. Louise’s insurance can be extended to her spouse as allowed by her employer and insurance company. Debbie would be Louise’s wife, they’d be married, there’s no further test imposed to determine the “validity” of the marriage. > > No fraud. [Fraud.](http://www.insurance.ca.gov/0300-fraud/0100-fraud-division-overview/0100-what-is-insurance-fraud/) ---
**Author:** ![Cognoscant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Cognoscant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cognoscant)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/23 "2014-01-13T18:29:05Z")
> [@bienville](#): > > All the people shouting “Fraud!” need to start providing cites. Can’t? I wonder why. Well I don’t know about you but our insurance provider required proof that my wife and I were living together to ensure family benefits. (Now, yeah, I agree that it wasn’t like their fraud office was driving around our house every so often but they did need documentation of some sort.) A copy of our mortgage contract sufficed; a copy of our apartment contract was required for our previous insurer. To the best of my knowledge **Agent Foxtrot** hasn’t said anything about Louise and Debbie living together. If they testify to the insurance company that they are, then don’t, well yes that is insurance fraud. > [@](#): > > ETA: Funny that the “Ask the” Thread so quickly turned into a “Tell the” Thread. 😛 That’s possibly because it’s a _freakin’ horrible idea._ “I’m going to let my girlfriend enter a sham marriage for insurance purposes”? What could possibly go wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/24 "2014-01-13T18:30:58Z")
> [@bienville](#): > > All the people shouting “Fraud!” need to start providing cites. Can’t? I wonder why. > > For as long as there has been marriage, people have gotten married for “practical” reasons absent a romantic partnership. Louise’s insurance can be extended to her spouse as allowed by her employer and insurance company. Debbie would be Louise’s wife, they’d be married, there’s no further test imposed to determine the “validity” of the marriage. > > No fraud. > > I’ll agree that the terms of the eventual divorce should be a concern. Just because everyone is playing nice now, doesn’t mean everyone will play nice when it comes time to divorce. I’ve seen numerous opponents of same-sex marriage tell people completely seriously that they’re completely free to marry… as long as, apparently, they marry someone they have no romantic or sexual feelings for. And yet they never seemed to bring up questions of fraud when thinking of this ‘solution’ for people who want same-sex marriage. Edit: However, I will totally throw my hat in the ring on the “whoa, this could be really fucking stupid in that this other person holds an inordinate amount of control over the girlfriend’s life/rights/assets/etc. and may not be wise” argument. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/25 "2014-01-13T18:37:14Z")
Can someone explain to me how this would be considered fraud? Whose business is it why any two people get married? If it is legal for two women to marry, what’s love got to do, got to do with it? “Love” is not something government can regulate. Or am I missing something else? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/26 "2014-01-13T18:38:56Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > [Fraud.](http://www.insurance.ca.gov/0300-fraud/0100-fraud-division-overview/0100-what-is-insurance-fraud/) That doesn’t go into “married just for the benefits,” that I could tell. I know it’s happened with straight couples when someone’s needed insurance. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/27 "2014-01-13T18:39:16Z")
Yeah, there are a lot of people in this thread who need to do less finger-wagging and start providing some cites. They’re going to be “up shit creek” if the insurance company finds out what, exactly? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/28 "2014-01-13T18:40:26Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Can someone explain to me how this would be considered fraud? Whose business is it why any two people get married? If it is legal for two women to marry, what’s love got to do, got to do with it? “Love” is not something government can regulate. Or am I missing something else? See my link in post #22. Provide the state you live in, and I can probably find a cite for that, too. ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/29 "2014-01-13T18:43:06Z")
I’m going to echo **bienville** and point out that straight ‘couples’ have gotten married for the bennies without any romantic or sexual attachment. So this is nothing new, just a twist on the genders. I also know straight couples that were separated for years before getting a divorce, both of them dating other people in the mean time, but staying married for the benefits. And finally, I also know a couple (who happens to be lesbian) who got married because of the romance and the sexual qualities, but who live in different states because that’s where they got jobs. They do in fact fly out to see each other twice a month. And plenty of straight couples do exactly that - how many army wives stay home for a year while their husband is out serving abroad, and nobody bats an eye at that? ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/30 "2014-01-13T18:44:42Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > See my link in post #22. Provide the state you live in, and I can probably find a cite for that, too. I saw your link, and it contained an enormous amount of information. Please point us to the relevant part. (I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’d just like to see the information.) ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/31 "2014-01-13T18:48:18Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > See my link in post #22. Provide the state you live in, and I can probably find a cite for that, too. Could you point me to the specific part you’re looking at on that site? It talks about lying, but these women are not lying about being married. They will really be married. Edit: Or what **Labrador Deceiver** said. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/32 "2014-01-13T18:49:29Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > It sounds like a sitcom solution to a real problem. What state is this and could they simply qualify for domestic partnership for health care instead of marriage? Exactly what I was thinking. Maybe the next time they’re hanging out at the Regal Beagle, they can ask Larry to be best man and Mr. Furley will perform the ceremony. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/33 "2014-01-13T18:55:17Z")
> [@delphica](#): > > Could you point me to the specific part you’re looking at on that site? It talks about lying, but these women are not lying about being married. They will really be married. > > Edit: Or what **Labrador Deceiver** said. The fraud part is getting married for the sole purpose of getting insurance benefits. They could lose all benefits, get fined, go to jail, have their marriage declared invalid-any one or more of these things could happen if the fraud is found out. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/34 "2014-01-13T18:59:55Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > The fraud part is getting married for the sole purpose of getting insurance benefits. They could lose all benefits, get fined, go to jail, have their marriage declared invalid-any one or more of these things could happen if the fraud is found out. It would seem that a force of thought police would be needed to ferret out such a crime. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/35 "2014-01-13T19:03:14Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > The fraud part is getting married for the sole purpose of getting insurance benefits. They could lose all benefits, get fined, go to jail, have their marriage declared invalid-any one or more of these things could happen if the fraud is found out. Yes, we’d like to see a cite for the above. ---
**Author:** ![Septima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Septima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Septima)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/36 "2014-01-13T19:03:42Z")
I’d at least ask some serious questions first - there is no such thing as marriage “just” for something. Marriage is marriage, which is kind of the point. What happens if one of them winds up in a coma - is Louse ready to decide if the plug should be pulled on Debbie? More realistic: If you knock Louise up, you realize Debbie might be considered the legal co-parent, right? That’s going to be a major headache to untangle. You two are in a heterosexual partnership, children is a non-zero risk. Have you talked about that? ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/37 "2014-01-13T19:04:40Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > The fraud part is getting married for the sole purpose of getting insurance benefits. They could lose all benefits, get fined, go to jail, have their marriage declared invalid-any one or more of these things could happen if the fraud is found out. And where in your cite does it say that is fraud? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/38 "2014-01-13T19:04:53Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > It would seem that a force of thought police would be needed to ferret out such a crime. Not really. It’s easy enough to see if the new “couple” has any joint contracts, bank accounts, or living arrangements. Do they go out together, eat meals together or do _anything_ together other than sign insurance forms? All it takes is a pissed off ex-friend to spill the beans to either the company they work for or the insurance company itself, and it all comes tumbling down. ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/39 "2014-01-13T19:07:27Z")
And why would it all come tumbling down? ---
**Author:** ![BleizDu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@BleizDu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BleizDu)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668/40 "2014-01-13T19:10:01Z")
> [@Cognoscant](#): > > I can’t help reading the OP and wanting to ask the obvious question: so Louise is, 100%, no questions asked, “completely heterosexual” and you’re absolutely sure about that? Totally what I was thinking. – OP, my boyfriend contracted a same-sex domestic partnership almost ten years ago (SSM only got allowed last year in France), a couple months before we began to go out together. It was with an illegal immigrant, a trans woman friend, in order for her to obtain papers in the long term. He did love her, though not in a romantic way, and they did live together for some weeks. I didn’t mind it. But we lost contact through the years and she then disappeared, we weren’t managing to know if she was even alive. But if we had wanted to contract a same-sex partnership ourselves, it wouldn’t have been possible without first finding out about her and serving her papers to dissolve the bond legally. It took a couple years and some luck to learn that she had gotten back to her home-country and died from cancer a year ago. (now that ssm is allowed, getting married would have automatically dissolved the domestic partnership, but we are against marriage anyway) Life can changes a lot, and quickly, when my bf did that, he had no idea he would stop keeping in touch with her, or even that she would one day leave for the country from which she had fled. Happily we were never in a situation where having our own relationship legally recognized would have mattered. But it might not be your case you know? I don’t know the laws in your country/state, if/how it’s possible to divorce even if the other person seems to have vanished from the face of the earth. Something to keep in mind I would say. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-whose-girlfriend-is-marrying-a-woman/678668.md?page=3)