# Ask the guy with all the answers **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 4, 2006, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273 "2006-08-04T01:54:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/1 "2006-08-04T01:54:54Z")
I won’t bore you with such details as my qualifications or the exact definition of “all the answers”. You just worry about asking, I’ll worry about answering. Tip of the Day: \*When you have a problem to solve. Focus on it. Focus like the laser. Don’t be like the lamp. The lamp doesn’t focus on anything and seldom burns or pierces things. \* ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/2 "2006-08-04T02:08:07Z")
Last night, I went to go see a reliable $20 whore. The room was filthy but sufficient for the job. She offered me a tuna sandwich which I ate gladly but the thing must have been sitting out for a couple of days and was rank. We did our thing and although the condom broke, I stayed with it only a little while longer. Getting up off the bed, I cut my foot very deeply on this rusty piece of metal sticking off the bed. I drove home but my crappy car was poring fumes in all the way so that I could hardly breath. I crashed into bed. This morning, I woke up not feeling so well. What is wrong with me and what can I do to fix it? ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/3 "2006-08-04T02:09:59Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Last night, I went to go see a reliable $20 whore. The room was filthy but sufficient for the job. She offered me a tuna sandwich which I ate gladly but the thing must have been sitting out for a couple of days and was rank. We did our thing and although the condom broke, I stayed with it only a little while longer. Getting up off the bed, I cut my foot very deeply on this rusty piece of metal sticking off the bed. I drove home but my crappy car was poring fumes in all the way so that I could hardly breath. I crashed into bed. > > This morning, I woke up not feeling so well. What is wrong with me and what can I do to fix it? How should _I_ know? Go see a doctor! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/4 "2006-08-04T02:11:49Z")
Is it safe? ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/5 "2006-08-04T02:14:06Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > Is it safe? Is it ever? ---
**Author:** ![Walter\_Windchill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Walter\_Windchill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walter_Windchill)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/6 "2006-08-04T02:21:21Z")
Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp? ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/7 "2006-08-04T02:28:04Z")
Dear Omnipotent One, Where did I put my car keys? Thanks in advance, Lissa ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/8 "2006-08-04T02:30:15Z")
What was Tom Tully’s first movie? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/9 "2006-08-04T02:31:35Z")
I am confused, very confused, I thought \*\*Cecil \*\* was the guy with all the answers. Do you need to be fearful of Og Smashing you? ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/10 "2006-08-04T02:37:11Z")
What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/11 "2006-08-04T02:39:21Z")
> [@dahfisheroo](#): > > What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? African or European? ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/12 "2006-08-04T03:15:30Z")
> [@Walter Windchill](#): > > Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp? I could answer that question easily. But instead, I choose to ask: Do you _really_ want to know that? . . . And to answer myself: No. You don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/13 "2006-08-04T03:17:02Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > Dear Omnipotent One, > > Where did I put my car keys? > > Thanks in advance, > Lissa Same continent you’re standing on right now. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/14 "2006-08-04T03:18:15Z")
> [@samclem](#): > > What was Tom Tully’s first movie? Check out [IMDB.com](http://IMDB.com) ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/15 "2006-08-04T03:21:35Z")
> [@What Exit?](#): > > African or European? Thank you for saving me the effort. ---
**Author:** ![Walter\_Windchill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Walter\_Windchill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walter_Windchill)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/16 "2006-08-04T03:28:14Z")
For a guy who has all the answers, you’re pretty evasive. In fact, I’m beginning to suspect you don’t have all the answers at all. Perhaps some of the answers – perhaps even more than most – but not all. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/17 "2006-08-04T03:40:28Z")
I said I’d give answers. I said nothing about “good” or “useful” answers. 😉 If you must know, I prefer life questions such as the ones posed in Posts #2 and #4 in this thread. Questions relating to people’s lives, not encyclopedic facts or other uninteresting trivia like the location of some keys. Nevertheless. Every question shall be answered. ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/18 "2006-08-04T03:41:29Z")
> [@Gozu](#): > > Check out [IMDB.com](http://IMDB.com) They’re incorrect. That’s why I gave your service a shot. My mistake. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/19 "2006-08-04T03:56:33Z")
> [@What Exit?](#): > > I am confused, very confused, I thought \*\*Cecil \*\* was the guy with all the answers. > > Do you need to be fearful of Og Smashing you? Good question! The answer is no. Og may or may not smash you. Only Og decides who, what or when to smash. You may be spared or you may be smashed. In either case, living your life in fear of being smashed by Og is futile. Enjoy your smash-free life to the fullest for as long as it lasts! ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273/20 "2006-08-04T03:59:33Z")
> [@samclem](#): > > They’re incorrect. That’s why I gave your service a shot. My mistake. Well, look at it like this. After you received my reply. Did you know the correct answer? If yes, my job here is done. As many Old and wise kung-fu masters with long white beards have said throughout the ages: Sometimes, the answer must come from within. Think about that for a while. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-with-all-the-answers/367273.md?page=2)