# Ask the homicide victim **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 1, 2012, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490 "2012-04-01T17:15:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/21 "2012-04-01T22:02:49Z")
Were you flying low and hit something in the air? ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/22 "2012-04-01T22:09:36Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > Do you have any plans to haunt your killer? Aside from using the internet, have you figured out ways to interact with the mortal world? You mean, other than posting here? I’ll grant you that the SDMB doesn’t seem to have a lot to do with reality sometimes, but I don’t think we’ve died yet. In fact, I think I’ll go for a walk. I feel happy! ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/23 "2012-04-01T22:11:34Z")
How do you want your body to be disposed? I’m thinking squid food… -Popcorn is the new Kernel ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/24 "2012-04-01T22:16:40Z")
Do you want me to avenge you? ‘Cause to be honest, I’ve been itchin’ to avenge the _shit_ out of some motherf\*ckers here lately. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Accident](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Mr.Accident](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Accident)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/25 "2012-04-01T22:22:02Z")
> [@figure9](#): > > No. I went through a revolving door and ended up in the lobby of a building. Although I died wearing a T-shirt and jeans, I’m now wearing Khakis, a shirt and tie, and a plastic name tag. > Someone lead me past an infinite number of cubicles and then told me this one was mine. This cubicle has a computer, an in-basket and an out-basket, but both baskets are empty. Well, doesn’t sound like you’re in heaven. Have you met the boss yet? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/26 "2012-04-01T23:47:55Z")
> [@figure9](#): > > Someone lead me past an infinite number of cubicles and then told me this one was mine. This cubicle has a computer, an in-basket and an out-basket, but both baskets are empty. Any time anyone gets on their knees to pray, it [makes your telephone ring](http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Modest_Mouse#Styrofoam_Boots.2FIt.27s_All_Nice_On_Ice.2C_Alright)? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/27 "2012-04-02T00:13:54Z")
Talked to anyone in the neighboring cubicles yet? Random dead people or are you in a section based on some criterion? ---
**Author:** ![figure9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/28 "2012-04-02T00:25:21Z")
> [@](#): > > Do you have a cubicle next to Moby? I havent met anyone I recognize. There are three people in cubicles near mine: A fat bald man who sleeps all the time, A potato shaped guy with a tie that curls away from his body, and a woman who seems to be very angry. > [@](#): > > Do you have any plans to haunt your killer? Aside from using the internet, have you figured out ways to interact with the mortal world? I don’t think haunting my killer would be much fun. He spends all of his time eating bananas humping stuffed animals and flinging his feces. > [@](#): > > How many bullets did you survive? Between 3.5 and 7.2. > [@](#): > > Can you say hi to my grandpa? I’m not sure. Does he speak English? Seriously I don’t even know what your grandfather looks like. What do you want me to do? Spend all eternity asking people if they are DianaG 's grandfather, just so I can tell him you said, “Hi”. I have a phobia about approaching strangers. Trying to find your grandpa would be the ultimate torture for me. That is weird. Now there’s a paper in my in basket! > [@](#): > > How do you want your body to be disposed? Bury me at a toxic waste dump. When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’ll have superpowers! > [@](#): > > Do you want me to avenge you? ‘Cause to be honest, I’ve been itchin’ to avenge the shit out of some motherf\*ckers here lately. Everyone on this board has been very kind to me, so I really don’t need to be avenged. Still if you want to yell out, “This is for what you did to figure9.” before you commit an act of unimaginable brutality it would certainly give me a pleasant glow. > [@](#): > > Have you met the boss yet? There’s a boss? Should I try to look busy? Maybe I’ll read that note in my in-basket. Let’s see "Please find DianaG’s grandpa and tell him she said, “Hi”. CURSE YOU DianaG!!! > [@](#): > > In fact, I think I’ll go for a walk. I feel happy! Oh sure, rub it in.:mad: ---
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/29 "2012-04-02T00:52:04Z")
> [@FlyByNight512](#): > > Did you see a bright light at the end of a tunnel? You’re confusing death with birth. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/30 "2012-04-02T01:11:52Z")
> [@figure9](#): > > Everyone on this board has been very kind to me, so I really don’t need to be avenged. Still if you want to yell out, “This is for what you did to figure9.” before you commit an act of unimaginable brutality it would certainly give me a pleasant glow. Done! ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/31 "2012-04-02T02:22:49Z")
> [@figure9](#): > > I havent met anyone I recognize. There are three people in cubicles near mine: A fat bald man who sleeps all the time, A potato shaped guy with a tie that curls away from his body, and a woman who seems to be very angry. **Figure9** , I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you… ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/32 "2012-04-02T02:46:33Z")
Was your homicide justifiable? ---
**Author:** ![figure9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/33 "2012-04-02T14:26:03Z")
> [@](#): > > Was your homicide justifiable? I’m sure the monkey thought it was. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/34 "2012-04-02T17:48:59Z")
Have you seen a red Swingline stapler anywhere? ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/35 "2012-04-02T20:19:28Z")
Did the monkey look like this? > **[Photo and Video Storage | Photobucket](https://s716.photobucket.com/albums/ww161/kbsports224/?action=view¤t=family-guy-evil-monkey.jpg&newest=1)** > > Store your photos and videos online with Photobucket's secure storage. Available on iOS, Android and desktop. Securely backup your memories and sign up today! ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/36 "2012-04-02T20:46:33Z")
I assume that your homicide is being investigated. Do you know if the lead dectective is a tightly wound rebel with nothing to lose or an aging veteran with just one more case to solve before retirement? ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/37 "2012-04-03T03:08:20Z")
> [@figure9](#): > > I’m sure the monkey thought it was. You asked me if I thought that everybody sees colors differently but we all call them the same names because we learned them that way. So I stabbed you in the eye with a spork. Then you looked up at me with your good eye and asked if I knew that Iceland was “literally” green and Greenland was “literally” icy. You needed killing, and that’s when I shot you. So yeah, it was justified. ---
**Author:** ![figure9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/38 "2012-04-03T16:59:34Z")
Did you know that a pineapple is not a pine or an apple? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/39 "2012-04-04T23:31:53Z")
Have you seen Elvis yet? ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490/40 "2012-04-05T01:38:58Z")
Hey, Elvis is still alive. I saw him working on a construction site. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-homicide-victim/617490.md?page=3)