choie, I just wanted to give you a virtual high five and a hearty “Woo-hoo!!” I think you’re awesome for tackling your clutter. I’ll be following this thread and rooting for you through the whole process.
I’m not really a messy person, but wow am I not neat, and while I was able to stay pretty much on top of my own clutter when I was single, I find dealing with a family’s and a house’s worth of stuff leaves me overwhelmed and discouraged. However, and it’s a glorious however, something seems to have moved in me and maybe in us lately, and we’ve been clearing out old areas of the house in the last few weeks. My son wanted to change his room, and we told him we would buy some new furniture for him if he gave his room a thorough going-over. He did so magnificently, and got rid of untold quantities of things that he no longer needed. Now he has a spacious and orderly room with a new desk and new sofa and he has kept it in perfect shape since the change.
I was inspired by that to go through my closet for the first time in ever, and I devoted most of a day to sorting through things, trying on every single item, and ruthlessly taking out the clothes that just don’t fit or aren’t stylish anymore. The greatest part is that I found some clothes I had bought last fall that hadn’t yet been right for the season, and which I had completely forgotten. Woot! Actually, no, the greatest part is that I cleared out the shame from my closet: all those clothes that didn’t fit and made me feel bad about myself are now gone, off to be useful to some thinner woman. Everything that’s left fits and is nicely organized in the closet with plenty of space in between. It makes me happy just looking at it!
Now I need to apply that energy to other areas, but hey, it’s a start, and a good one!
Hey everyone! Thanks for tuning in to the choie show and adding your congrats ane encouragement! This would be a much harder task if I didn’t have you good folks urging me forward.
The place is at that annoying stage of cleaning – where everything’s been emptied from the closets and drawers and whatnot, but hasn’t been returned to whereever-it’s-about-to-go yet. This gives the appearance that things are actually worse than before. But of course that’s not true.
Sol remains a stalwart worker; I’m definitely going to give him a major “tip” when this is all over. He’s even fixed my nighttable, which has been hobbling around on three legs for about four years.
Best of all, he started/finished the bathroom today, and oh em gee, the room is a revelation. I don’t remember it ever looking this bright and shiny! We also cleaned out one of my two closets, throwing out an old set of Ikea drawers that I’d been using for way too long, tons of clothes that had evidence of moth activity. The stuff I really wanted, we put in separate bag to go to a real launderette so if there are any eggs or any other tainted ickiness it’ll be taken care of.
Actually I’ve been as “harsh” as I can in throwing things out, but I did make some exceptions when I just wasn’t ready to get rid of something. As I mentioned before I’ll get some plastic containers to help organize these items and keep them free of dust (not to mention bugs). My guitar and Casio now rest happily in my closet, avoiding the dust they’ve been exposed to for a while.
I did have an odd reaction whille throwing out some clothes. These were items I didn’t even care about, but out of nowhere I suddenly felt choked up and tearful. I don’t know what it was about these particular clothes (which I hadn’t worn since, geeze I don’t even know, the mid-1990s maybe?) that set me off.
If I was gonna have an emotional reaction to something, I’d’ve thought it would be deciding to throw out my late father’s bathrobe with his name on it (“Morty”), which I’d done earlier. That was a bit of a wrench, but the robe was in bad shape and honestly, I’d never even seen him in it–it was purchased after we’d left our home and while he was living in Manhattan with his girlfriend. So I didn’t have that emotional a connection to it, which I suppose is why I was able to make the executive decision to dump it. Still, not easy to throw something like that out, especially with his name on it. And yet, as I said, that wasn’t what caused me to have a mini-weepy moment (easily hidden from Sol since he was doing the bathroom at the time).
Anyway, the moment passed and here we are. The items scheduled to be tossed tomorrow (one of our garbage days) are:
ancient Total Gym Extra machine, rarely used except by my cats as a scratching post
Nonworking fans (one box fan, one standing)
huge-ass 20-inch CRT monitor (also nonworking) from my 1997 Dell, which btw cost $3500 in those days for a luxurious 80MB hard drive.
Seven large garbage bags of clothes, papers, etc.
Aforementioned Ikea drawers
Nonworking record player
Two blue metal folding chairs that I’ve had since my very first apartment in 1989.
50 or so magazines (they’ll be recycled)
I just remembered that Marco came up today again and called me out into the hall. I was thinking, good God, Sol didn’t even wear a BEDBUGS911 t-shirt today! What’s the problem now? But my thoughts were too ungenerous toward Marco. As it turns out, he told me that one of the other tenants in the Penthouse (la-di-dah) was getting rid of a nearly new loveseat and chair, and had offered them to Marco. Since Marco didn’t need them, he’d thought of me and asked if I’d like to take a look. We went up and the loveseat’s great – sort of a plush microfiber, sand-colored, and very comfortable. Since I have to get rid of my broken chair, this will be a great substitution, thereby saving me $500 or so. Not as convinced by the chaise lounge, but on the other hand, since I had been looking for a recliner, a chaise lounge could actually be a decent replacement.
So I thanked the neighbor (and tried not to cry with jealousy over the penthouse, which has 90 degrees of windows that wrap-around with a patio so there are actual green things outside. Plus, y’know, more than one room. Frankly all he needed was two rooms and I’d’ve been envious as hell!
Anyway, so Marco was really thoughtful to think of me. God, I didn’t even tip the guy this year (had a low fundage situation)! But since he’s saving me $500 he’ll be getting a mid-year tip instead. (Of course it’s not even just the saved money, it’s the kindness of having thought of me.) Apparently Sol and Marco had spoken yesterday to mend fences and Marco had mentioned what a good tenant / nice person I was. Which astonished me, because I… well, I could simply say it’s because I’m always astonished when someone says anything positive about me, and that’d be enough explanation. But in particular it’s because I’m one of THOSE tenants that could be a fire hazard or health hazard or whatever, plus they know I’m paying less than most of the other tenants, and I’m not always able to give Christmas tips, and… well you get the idea.
I’m charging my phone right now but once it’s charged, I’ll show you the before/after of the bathroom. I feel like I need an embossed invitation just to go in there to wash my hands.
Tomorrow should be interesting. Sol’s boss will be coming by to check up on things. Of course Sol is a bit nervous because as I said, the place looks pretty crowded – probably where most people start their cleaning experiences. But I plan on showing him the* before* pictures so he can see the difference. I don’t want him thinking Sol hasn’t been doing an amazing job, because he totally has. And not just in the cleaning, but in treating me with compassion and dignity. I thanked him this morning for how easy he’d made things for me, mentioning how nervous I’d been before he arrived, and then he’d been so awesome making me feel no shame at all, which is one hell of an achievement! Of course he brushed it off (though appreciating the compliment) but I truly meant it. I’ve never gotten the slightest whiff of judgment from him, and I’m a virtual bloodhound when it comes to sensing (or perhaps I should say perceiving) judgment from others.
Of course I will definitely be telling this to Sol’s boss tomorrow. He should know what a gem of a worker he has.
Glad to have inspired you, Sunspace! Way to go!
What a great metaphorm Siam Sam. Yeah, it really is kind of like what we here in the U.S. would call Silly Putty (do they even still make that anymore?), which sticks to a surface of, say, a comic book illustration, and when you peel it off, an impression of the comic art remains behind.
Thanks for putting it that way, it’s a vivid illustration.
And thanks to everyone for your continued good thoughts, and congrats to shantih for that turnaround and getting control of your house back from the items that threatened to take over. Gotta watch those bastards, they work together and plan total domination if you don’t keep on top of 'em.
Well, I wrote a really nice post on the night you started this thread about how awesome you are for being so brave, and how I myself rescue coffee cups and bring them home where they’ll be safe. But then it got zapped and I said screw it, I’m going to bed. I hope you felt the good vibes even without the words.
Here’s the really great payoff for all your hard work-you don’t need an invitation, you don’t even have to call first because that lovely room is YOURS! You deserve a really nice place to be, and I’m so glad you’re going to have one!
Not as convinced by the chaise lounge, but on the other hand, since I had been looking for a recliner, a chaise lounge could actually be a decent replacement. [END QUOTE]
Oh, choie, congratulations are in order first! It so wonderful that you have taken this huge first step in giving yourself a comfortable place to live, which you, like everybody, deserves. You absolutely deserve to be happy and comfortable in your own home.
However, and I hate to be the shitheel that points it out, but this statement looks like trouble. If you LOVE the chaise lounge, and have a good space for it, take it and enjoy. If you don’t absolutely love it, don’t take it. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Only keep what you need or love in your house, otherwise, as I am sure you know, it will very quickly become an overwhelming amount of “stuff”.
What’s also really nice is how everything you’re doing here is also helping with relationships with people you’ve known for years–they’re getting to see what a good, kind person you are, you’re getting opportunities to show appreciation for those you know (Marco) and ensuring that new acquaintances (Sol) get due credit. Not to mention how all of us reading this have gotten to see what a great gal you are. The benefits of clutter cleaning are obviously huge, but there’s so much more, so many other good things, coming out of this too.
I think I’m going to go get rid of those Japanese size-7 skirts that I can’t even fit over one thigh anymore. ::cough::
First as always, thanks a million for your supportive words. I just can’t imagine how much harder this would’ve been without knowing people were rooting for me and sympathizing with my situation. What it’s taught me is that shame has kept me trapped for way too long, and this goes for many areas of my life too.
Sol has also been amazingly helpful in this regard. Earlier today when he mentioned that we’d be dealing with under the bed on either Thursday or Friday (later we settled on Friday), he said in advance, “And don’t feel ashamed or nothing, there’s no need to do that; I’ll feel bad if you’re upset about that. It’s just you and me, no one else, I’m just doing a job, and we’ll get rid of everything and you’ll feel a lot better.”
(Of course by “no one else” he doesn’t realize I’m broadcasting all this stuff for hundreds to see! But still, you can probably imagine how touched I was by his thoughtfulness in saying something like this. The process would’ve been soooo much more traumatic without his easygoing, good-natured, utterly unjudgmental attitude.)
Anyway, sorry I didn’t post the first pictures last night as I promised. I thought I’d be able to but my phone had other ideas. I do have a before/after shot of my bathroom. Though unfortunately the full ickiness of the “before” picture is somewhat smoothed away by the low quality of the image, trust me – it looked much worse in real life than it does in this picture:
What you can’t see in the first picture is the mold and grime on the sink and tub, but trust me, those fixtures were not as white as they look in the first picture!
I took a bath last night and wow. So lovely and relaxing. Baths usually are anyway, but there’s a HUGE difference in taking a bath in a cluttered, stinky environment and taking a bath in a zen-like, clean space. Such a rewarding experience!
I can’t wait to show you the other “after” shots, which I’ll take on Friday. (Actually if we finish the kitchen I’ll try to upload those pics, because… wow. I know what a massive difference this will make. There’s so much unused space in there it’s a shame.
Just looking at the rest of the “before” pictures now makes me shudder. I wouldn’t say it was nearly a Collyer brother scenario, but alas, it wasn’t 180 degrees from it either.
So let’s see, what’s new to report? Well, all of the garbage I mentioned in my earlier post (the Total Gym, the two nonworking fans, the nonworking CRT monitor) are history. I’ve (or rather, Sol has) reclaimed the corner of my room where that stupid monitor and fan were hiding for years, and now that I can push my TV/DVD/stereo system in the corner, the apartment suddenly looks about six feet longer than it did before.
The closet we emptied yesterday can now be used for storage, and thanks to my sister’s surprise gift of a couple of storage containers, I can put away all the little tchochkes that don’t really have a proper home, such as various art supplies and wrapping paper and christmas cards and so on. Getting that stuff organized but out of sight will be a big relief.
Oh, and Sol managed to fix something that has pissed me off for years: the telephone cord for my modem / router, which used to cut a diagonal path in the middle of my floor because it wasn’t long enough to place at the edge of the room/along the wall. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tripped over that freakin’ thing. He found more wire and a connector to attach the two cords and now those wires are neatly placed at the edge of the wall, basically hidden from sight. He also organized all the wires from my computer/monitor/printer/tv/stereo/dvd player/router/lamp so they’re not a jumbled chaotic mess, but again placed neatly and in a less, shall we say, haphazard grouping.
He also cleaned one of the windows, and will be doing the other one tomorrow as well as the outside of both. (NYC grime is hard to get rid of. The scary part is all that black soot is basically what we’re breathing in every day.)
Thursday will be devoted to de-dusting the bookshelves, disgorging the mess from my second closet, and dealing with the eighth circle of hell that is my kitchen. (I think even Sol wanted to put that off until as late as possible!) That leaves Friday for handling the black hole beneath my bed and, once that’s done, a final sweep/cleaning of my floors. And then the biggest difference will be getting rid of my recliner (note I’m trying not to call it by name, lest the parting be too painful. Yes, I’ve become the kind of killer that de-humanizes her victims.)
The only nonworking thing I’ve kept is this ceramic, jade-green lamp, which has both sentimental value for me (my mom picked it out, and my father made it work … though sadly, not for long!) and it’s also very pretty. All in all I think I’ve been surprisingly good at making decisions to toss things out. I’d expected to be much more Hamletesque about deciding to keep/discard items, but it really hasn’t gone nearly as badly as I thought it would.
Thanks so much, OldnCrinkly. (Yipe, just using your screenname makes it sound as if I’m insulting you when I’m thanking you!) You’re absolutely right about this. Once the boxes are gone and I get an idea where the loveseat will go, I’ll have a better idea of whether the chaise lounge will work for me. It’s not so much that I didn’t like it, but I was doubting whether it would fit – not aesthetically but literally! I can definitely envision sitting/lying on it and reading or writing in very, very comfortable style. But once I bring the loveseat down, I’ll know how much space is left, and whether I really want to use that space for a relatively large piece of furniture. (It’s not actually that large, actually… no bigger than a reclining chair in “reclined” position.)
If worst comes to worst, I’ll sell it. It’s basically brand new as far as I can tell – doesn’t look like the guy ever sat in it himself – so hey, maybe I can earn something from it. The cool thing is that once my apartment is finally in a showable state, I won’t mind having someone come in to take a look at the chair. My biggest problem when it comes to throwing stuff out isn’t new items, it’s old/sentimental things that feel like they’re clutching at me, begging me not to let them go. (Ugh, I wish I hadn’t just come up with that visua. Stay focused, stay focused…)
ANYway. That’s all for tonight as I’m exhausted as per usual. As always, my most sincere gratitude to everyone for your good wishes, empathy, and encouragement.
I don’t usually have a problem throwing things away, but I have a problem with the women in my family and clothes. Whenever Mom and SiL (henceforth, the clotheshorses) buy me something I wouldn’t have bought in a million years, I make “oh you really shouldn’t have” noises, I make “well, it’s not really my style” noises, but eventually I take it. I wear it maybe once, maybe never, but I lug it around and lug it around and lug it around before finally giving it to charity. Then one day they’re rummaging in my closet and say “oh, where’s… [that gorgeous silk skirt (which is gorgeous in their eyes but not in mine and didn’t match anything I had)]/[the minidress (which according to the clotheshorses I could not blouse up and wear as a long blouse over trous, it had to be pulled straight)]/[the pink coat (I tore the pink lace off my cradle as soon as I was able to reach it)]?” and I make lalala noises.
A chaise lounge takes up a lot more space than a pink-and-grey-and-swirly-beige skirt. If you don’t really want it, don’t take it: the space it’s not occupying is the space your recliner will eventually occupy.
Love the before and after photo, you can definitely see that it’s cleaner and tidier. Sol sounds like an absolute gem of a person. Keep up the great work!
Have you been thinking about a routine of cleaning that will help you maintain the standard of cleanliness/tidiness?
Good for you, **choie! You’re doing amazingly well with this! Your bathroom looks fantastic now; I can’t wait to see the pix of your streamlined, orderly, serene apartment when all this is done!
choie, you are doing such a great job and I’m so happy for you. I’ve been through something like this twice.
In my experience, the only way to break the cycle is to organize your home in a way that works with your natural movements through your space, and to set up a cleaning routine in the same way. For instance, although I’m not a morning person, for some reason the 2 hours I have alone after I get my kids off to school, while I’m getting ready for work, is the best time of the day for me to clean. I think this is because it’s nice and bright, I’ve had a cup of coffee, am listening to the news, I feel refreshed and I’m alone. So as I’m moving around the house getting ready for work, it doesn’t feel like a burden or chore to move things to where they belong. I DON’T spend the whole 2 hours cleaning, it’s maybe 45 min total, but it’s interspersed with showering, ironing, dressing, etc. As an example, I have long, curly hair which I like to condition/wash daily and air dry - but it gets frizzy if I go out while it’s still wet. So while I’m waiting for my hair to dry is a perfect time to drink more coffee and wash the dishes. I can’t emphasize enough how much thinking about it as “waiting for my hair to dry” instead of “doing the dishes” relieves the stress of cleaning.
It took some time to figure that out though. It also took some time to figure out where things should belong in my home. For instance, common advice is to have a landing spot near your entrance to put things down when you come through the door. That advice doesn’t work for me because it only turns into a cluttered space which is disheartening and weighing to see and walk past everyday. For me, it works better to have the kitchen table as the landing spot because I can’t stand to cook in a messy kitchen so the table gets cleaned off everyday. Plus, the kitchen is brightly lit and a warm, pleasant, safe place to deal with bills, etc. (As someone who deals with depression, this was an enormous epiphany. It is so much easier to deal with stressful things in a space that’s clean and feels safe. ESPECIALLY since in the kitchen there is instantly something manual to do to help me relieve any anxiety and have a chance to think productively.)
I’m sorry for rambling. What I’m trying to say is to try and give yourself some time after your home is clean to re-learn yourself and your space. You will probably try some things that don’t really work for you, but that’s perfectly fine. You don’t have to make everything perfect right away.
That chaise - if Sol or Marco has empty boxes get some taped together in the size of the chaise then put those boxes where you anticipate putting the chaise. Then live with it for a day if you can. Remember a chaise is significantly different from a recliner because you cannot close it, so it permanently takes up that whole space.
Hi, choie. I just wanted to pop in and say I am loving this thread, and am so inspired by you. I’ve been feeling the need to really declutter for a while, but even when I do get a good chunk done (say, the craft table or the bedroom closet), it seems to get cluttered up again so quickly. It’s especially bad now that we have a toddler, and we’re constantly accumulating new clothes and toys that are outgrown just a few months later. It leaves me feeling defeated and I resign myself to living with clutter. But this thread (and the incredibly helpful daily affirmations at Unfuck Your Habitat; thanks, Lsura!) are helping me commit to doing a little each day, and keeping at it, and I’m seeing a difference. So I thank you.
And see, you’re not just inspiring, you’re funny. Like cancer boy!
There’s no shame in keeping a lovely non-working lamp. It’s basically a decorative vase. But - rewiring a lamp is easy-peasy and cheap. I’ve done it myself. You can find a wiring kit at just about any hardware store, and if you’re really feeling daunted, they can probably do it for you in about 10 minutes.
Imagine this instead, then: they’re not clutching and begging you to keep them, they’re reaching out to embrace you in gratitude for letting them be free to go see the world, meet new people, and have new experiences. I mean, what a bummer it must be to be an object that just sits around under a pile of stuff, and doesn’t even get used, right? Borrr-ing! Give it away, and let it have some fun. And think of how happy its new owner will be! When I watch the hoarder shows on TV, and I hear them say, as they always do, “But I might be able to use it someday!” I think, “Selfish! There are people out there who can use those things now!” Let it go to the people who need it. If it’s an item that’s truly useless, then it should be recycled, so it can become something useful again. And if it’s really just garbage, it’s going to be sitting in a pile of stuff anyway; it doesn’t care whether that pile is in your house or at the landfill. So at least let it go to the dump and make some new friends.
Keep up the good work - I can’t wait to see the rest of the photos.
