# Ask the Iraqi Information Minister **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 18, 2003, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524 "2003-04-18T11:24:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/1 "2003-04-18T11:24:32Z")
This is a surprise to you all. That is because you have believed we are dead or not yet functioning. But this is a lie. You do not see us in Baghdad because we have moved. But this is not news. We have always intended to move our capitol. And we have not said this many times because we have wished to confuse and confound the invading infidels who are committing suicide all over the country. Our plan is to lure them into our cities and then to crush them after they all are dead. You will see. We will use unconventional means to crush them. What you think you are seeing are Marines in Baghdad, but these are in reality Republican Guard troops who have killed the infidels and have infiltrated their ranks. You have also been lied to that Saddam is dead. Blessed be his name. He is not dead. This is a lie. All that you hear are lies. I am telling the truth. You do not hear the truth because you do not listen to me. I can answer your questions which I am sure are in reality. But please do not ask stupid questions. Do not ask if we are defeated because we are victorious. I am alive as I can prove to you if you go [here](http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com). ---
**Author:** ![Andy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aeb1de/32.png) [@Andy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/2 "2003-04-18T11:40:43Z")
Are you the last member of the elite republican information guard? ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/3 "2003-04-18T11:41:26Z")
So, um, how do you explain the total collapse of your army being a “Victory”? Also, how can people die at the gates of Baghdad when there’s no gates? ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/4 "2003-04-18T11:42:51Z")
Oh yeah, and where did you get the cool beret? Can I have one? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/5 "2003-04-18T11:50:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Andy \* > \*\*Are you the last member of the elite republican information guard? \*\* I am not the last member. This is a lie. We have elite republican information guards ALL over the WHOLE country. What you see on the news is an illusion made in Hollywood. If you do not believe me, ask my staff. They will tell you the same thing I tell you, which this will prove that I tell the truth. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/6 "2003-04-18T11:54:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by welby \* > \*\*So, um, how do you explain the total collapse of your army being a “Victory”? Also, how can people die at the gates of Baghdad when there’s no gates? \*\* You are too far from reality. Our navy is even now en route to Washington to cut off the heads of Bush and Rumsfelt. Our air force is headed to Doha to destroy the headquarters of the infidels. Our army is completely intact. What your planes have bombed was cardboard cut-outs. We have not lost one soldier, but we have killed thousands of the enemy and in fact we have killed all of them. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/7 "2003-04-18T11:55:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by welby \* > \*\*Oh yeah, and where did you get the cool beret? Can I have one? \*\* You must pay with your life as I have done to have this beret. But I am alive and you are not. This is the truth as I will prove to you IN ONE HOUR! ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/8 "2003-04-18T12:30:14Z")
So, how’re Elvis and Bigfoot doing? ---
**Author:** ![Marine\_One](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marine_one/32/3461_2.png) [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/9 "2003-04-18T13:36:22Z")
How is Mrs. Iraqi Information Minister and the little Information Ministers? Have you moved them to Guam yet? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/10 "2003-04-18T13:42:50Z")
Have you seen [www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com](http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com) yet? ---
**Author:** ![Yossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/9de0a6/32.png) [@Yossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yossarian)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/11 "2003-04-18T13:43:00Z")
How does one get a job as an information minister? ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/12 "2003-04-18T13:44:44Z")
Sir? Sir? JC, here. SD News. How do you account for the Iraqi people pulling down that statue? And what’s this thing on my neck, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/13 "2003-04-18T13:50:16Z")
Dear Mr. Iraqi Information Minister, I am nine years old, and I am writing a report about Iraq for school. Can you tell me what is your favorite thing about Iraq? What is your least favorite thing about Iraq? Thank you very much. Sincerely, Kn\*ckers ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/14 "2003-04-18T14:04:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Robot Arm \* > \*\*Have you seen [www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com](http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com) yet? \*\* [sub]Psst – [/sub] > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by the Iraqi Information Minister \* > I am alive as I can prove to you if you go [here](http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com). ---
**Author:** ![caveman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/caveman/32/7242_2.png) [@caveman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caveman)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/15 "2003-04-18T14:25:04Z")
Sir, is it true, as reported on CNN, that you love the cock? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/16 "2003-04-18T14:33:29Z")
Have you always vacationed in Syria? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/17 "2003-04-18T14:39:35Z")
Hmmmm, he’s gone silent. ---
**Author:** ![Mars\_Horizon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mars_horizon/32/2804_2.png) [@Mars\_Horizon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mars_Horizon)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/18 "2003-04-18T14:51:35Z")
I’ve a few questions I’d like to ask so-called Iraqi Information Minister - I put it to you that you committed suicide in Baghdad on the eve of the US occupation. Furthermore, I suggest that you are none other than Ron Higgins, noted Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf impersonator. Mars of the Yard who is too clever for you naughty people! ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/19 "2003-04-18T16:35:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kal \* > \*\*So, how’re Elvis and Bigfoot doing? \*\* I assure you these creatures are the imaginings of the infidels. None of their history is true. You have been mislead by Al-Jazeera and all the western media. This is not a proper question. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/20 "2003-04-18T16:38:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Marine\_One \* > \*\*How is Mrs. Iraqi Information Minister and the little Information Ministers? > > Have you moved them to Guam yet? \*\* We all are fine. My wives and I are fine except that we are exhausted. Our children are fine. All Iraqis are well. It is because Saddam is alive and is in control of Iraq, but in a non-conventional way. You will see. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524.md?page=2)