# Ask the Iraqi Information Minister **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 18, 2003, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524 "2003-04-18T11:24:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/21 "2003-04-18T16:40:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pantellerite \* > \*\*How does one get a job as an information minister? \*\* One must always tell the truth and speak well the English as I speak him better than even Mr. Bush. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/22 "2003-04-18T16:45:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jonathan Chance \* > \*\*Sir? Sir? > > JC, here. SD News. > > How do you account for the Iraqi people pulling down that statue? > > And what’s this thing on my neck, anyway? \*\* No one has pulled down any statue. No one! These things you have seen on American television are fake. They are statues of Saddam’s double and are not statues of the great leader himself. It was our intention that they pull down these statues which have not been pulled down. That way they are fools and dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/23 "2003-04-18T16:53:21Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Kn_ckers \* > \*\*Dear Mr. Iraqi Information Minister, > I am nine years old, and I am writing a report about Iraq for school. Can you tell me what is your favorite thing about Iraq? What is your least favorite thing about Iraq? > > Thank you very much. > > Sincerely, > Kn\*ckers \*\* This is a proper question. We love our children which is why we do not put them in prison. My favorite thing about Iraq is Saddam who is the father of all our children. Saddam is also your favorite as you will see. There is no least favorite thing about Iraq except the British and Americans who are not here and are desecrating our deserts with their heels. We have them trapped in our deserts and in our cities. We will destory them there and gouge out their eyeballs because we are a peaceful people and do not deserve this invasion. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/24 "2003-04-18T16:56:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by caveman \* > \*\*Sir, is it true, as reported on CNN, that you love the cock? \*\* CNN is a lying dog. There is no CNN. CNN is owned by Mr. Bush and is most foul. That is why we do not allow them to report. They are liars, and if we find them here we will put them out in the desert where they can die with the other infidels. You must tell CNN that I said this. I will also tell them myself when our navy reaches Atlanta. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/25 "2003-04-18T17:00:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Have you always vacationed in Syria? \*\* We are not in Syria. We are in Baghdad but you cannot find us because your eyes are blind. God has blinded the eyes of the infidels and the liars and the pigs whom we will greet with shoes with they arrive. I curse them most with my fervor. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/26 "2003-04-18T17:03:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > \*\*Hmmmm, he’s gone silent. \*\* This statement is a lie. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/27 "2003-04-18T17:05:20Z")
Was Wolf Blitzer of CNN named for the war? Why are Sadam’s statues hollow like cheap Easter bunnies? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/28 "2003-04-18T17:06:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mars Horizon \* > \*\*I’ve a few questions I’d like to ask so-called Iraqi Information Minister - > > I put it to you that you committed suicide in Baghdad on the eve of the US occupation. > > Furthermore, I suggest that you are none other than Ron Higgins, noted Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf impersonator. > Mars of the Yard > who is too clever for you naughty people! \*\* These are not proper questions but are for propoganda only. Why should we commit suicide when we have the blessings of God? And I will say this: there is no US occupation because the US are cowards and have too many liberals in their colleges to fight a war. We love the American people but we hate their citizens because they believe the lies of Mr. Bush. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/29 "2003-04-18T17:10:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > \*\*Was Wolf Blitzer of CNN named for the war? > > Why are Sadam’s statues hollow like cheap Easter bunnies? \*\* Wolf Blitzer is the heel of a dog. Plus as I have told you, these statues are not of Saddam but of his double. We had intended to remove them ourselves all along, but now the pig invaders have helped us in an unwitting manner. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/30 "2003-04-18T17:29:19Z")
If I buy one of [these](http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/meast/04/18/offbeat.iraq.dolls.reut/index.html) will you autograph it for me? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/31 "2003-04-18T17:31:57Z")
Dear Mr. Iraqi Information Officer, I have been a member of the Tau Beta Beta fraternity at the University of Toledo for just over a year now. Recently, I asked Mary Beth Schnapper to our spring formal. However, I recently found out that this girl who I have had my eye on since I transferred here from Goldwater Community College last fall has recently broken up with her steady boyfriend. (They had been going out since their sophomore year in HS.) I really want to ask her to the formal (her name is Josephine Titweiller), but I’m not sure how to break my date with Mary Beth. By the way, I heard from my Tau Beta Beta brother that his sister’s best friend said that Josephine said I was cute at last December’s Goin’-Home-For-the-Holidays kegger at the Gamma Ep house. Being the fountain of information that you are, I thought you’d have some bitchin’ advice for me. Yours truly, Crap Nelson, Class of 2006, School of Engineering, U of T ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/32 "2003-04-18T18:22:18Z")
Can we have our tanks back? I heard you captured most of them. And, when are you going to broadcast from the deck of the aricraft carrier you carrier-jacked? And, did you know you didn’t make it into then deck of 55? ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/33 "2003-04-18T18:45:43Z")
What are you doing tomorrow night? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/34 "2003-04-18T19:10:14Z")
If you are the information minister, how do you get promoted to information bishop? Do you then wear a different hat? Also, how does Saddam’s ass taste? Does he wipe sufficiently? Inquiring minds want to know. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/35 "2003-04-18T19:36:36Z")
You are thinking of his armpit, Shodan. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/36 "2003-04-18T19:42:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by welby \* > \*\*If I buy one of [these](http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/meast/04/18/offbeat.iraq.dolls.reut/index.html) will you autograph it for me? \*\* This is heresy. In the Qur’an, it is written that there should be no graven images except for Saddam who is the Shamir of the modern age. Bless his holy name. I am nothing because I do not lie. But these dolls come from the snouts of camels. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/37 "2003-04-18T19:44:01Z")
Is it true that the no statue of Saddam has been torn down? –because it was actually only a statue of one of his body doubles? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/38 "2003-04-18T19:45:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Happy Lendervedder \* > \*\*Dear Mr. Iraqi Information Officer, > > I have been a member of the Tau Beta Beta fraternity at the University of Toledo for just over a year now. Recently, I asked Mary Beth Schnapper to our spring formal. However, I recently found out that this girl who I have had my eye on since I transferred here from Goldwater Community College last fall has recently broken up with her steady boyfriend. (They had been going out since their sophomore year in HS.) I really want to ask her to the formal (her name is Josephine Titweiller), but I’m not sure how to break my date with Mary Beth. By the way, I heard from my Tau Beta Beta brother that his sister’s best friend said that Josephine said I was cute at last December’s Goin’-Home-For-the-Holidays kegger at the Gamma Ep house. > > Being the fountain of information that you are, I thought you’d have some bitchin’ advice for me. > > Yours truly, > > Crap Nelson, Class of 2006, School of Engineering, U of T \*\* These are not the thoughts that a young man should be thinking about. He should be thinking of Saddam. You must stop before you become weak like the American liberals. I recommend that you wash your genitals vigorously with warm water and thick soapy lather. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/39 "2003-04-18T19:51:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\*What are you doing tomorrow night? 😉 \*\* Something unconventional. Something quite new and not conventional to be sure. You will see. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524/40 "2003-04-18T19:56:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shodan \* > \*\*If you are the information minister, how do you get promoted to information bishop? Do you then wear a different hat? > > Also, how does Saddam’s ass taste? Does he wipe sufficiently? > > Inquiring minds want to know. > > Regards, > Shodan \*\* These are not proper questions. These are the questions of dogs with bloated heads but with sore feet who have been dancing in fear. All who mock Saddam will be destroyed just as you can see. I can drive you in my car and show you to Saddam, as I tell you he is alive. But I will not because I am busy with giving the information to you. This is the way in which you will not be stupid. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-iraqi-information-minister/169524.md?page=3)