# Ask the King of Awesomeness! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 29, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177 "2003-05-29T03:00:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![StupidSmartAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@StupidSmartAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StupidSmartAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/1 "2003-05-29T03:00:13Z")
Hello, my loyal subjects, it is I, King of Awesomeness, from the province of Awesomeonia. By royal decree, you have to ask me a question, or you’ll be sent to the provincial prison in Dufhaven. Ask me a question, I will know. Oh, and my second royal decree is that the streets will now be lined with pepperoni pizza! _A_ ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/2 "2003-05-29T03:02:59Z")
What time is it? ---
**Author:** ![Zunite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/51bf81/32.png) [@Zunite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zunite)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/3 "2003-05-29T03:03:32Z")
Why pepperoni pizza? ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/4 "2003-05-29T03:05:09Z")
How old are you? What is your IQ? Is there a history of mental illness in your family? Were you dropped on your head as kid much? How _much_ crack do you smoke each day? ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/5 "2003-05-29T03:05:51Z")
A few questions on the kingdom of awesomeness: As you claim to have found **Cecil** in a plate of spagetti, and you wish our sidewalks to be covered with pizza, is it a fair guess that you find italian food awe-inspiring? Is this kindom shocking as well as aweful? ---
**Author:** ![StupidSmartAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@StupidSmartAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StupidSmartAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/6 "2003-05-29T03:06:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lobsang \* > \*\*What time is it? \*\* It is currently Hammer Time, which means that all my loyal subjects must now take a hammer and smash all their clocks, in celebration of the birth of the god Chronos. ---
**Author:** ![StupidSmartAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@StupidSmartAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StupidSmartAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/7 "2003-05-29T03:08:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zunite \* > \*\*Why pepperoni pizza? \*\* It is because the King of Awesome favors Pepperoni above all other meats, because it’sa nice and spicy. ---
**Author:** ![StupidSmartAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@StupidSmartAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StupidSmartAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/8 "2003-05-29T03:10:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Q.E.D. \* > \*\*How old are you? What is your IQ? Is there a history of mental illness in your family? Were you dropped on your head as kid much? How _much_ crack do you smoke each day? \*\* You have been sentenced to life imprisonment in the west tower of the state prison in Dufhaven for insolence. ---
**Author:** ![Tarrsk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/97f17d/32.png) [@Tarrsk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarrsk)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/9 "2003-05-29T03:14:25Z")
What is the Ultimate Question? ---
**Author:** ![StupidSmartAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@StupidSmartAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StupidSmartAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/10 "2003-05-29T03:15:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bill H. \* > \*\*A few questions on the kingdom of awesomeness: > > As you claim to have found **Cecil** in a plate of spagetti, and you wish our sidewalks to be covered with pizza, is it a fair guess that you find italian food awe-inspiring? > > Is this kindom shocking as well as aweful? \*\* Indeed, my friend. My linegae descends from Italians, coming from my great great great uncle Mario Pepperonii Leawesomianitioni El Burrona Jr. My kingdom is neither shocking nor awful, I have no idea why you would think such a thing. Now, purge that thought from your mind or I’ll burn you at the stake for being a witch. ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/11 "2003-05-29T03:17:20Z")
How come you’re the King? Been sneaking up on relatives again with The Bloody Knife, huh? Well? Come’on, gimme an answer! What too chicken to talk back huh? Well wadda ya say about that eh? ---
**Author:** ![Zunite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/51bf81/32.png) [@Zunite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zunite)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/12 "2003-05-29T03:19:08Z")
I don’t know that whole pepperoni thing makes it seem sorta yucky to me. Plus why would you want to banish Q.E.D. to a tower; I think you just doomed your kingdom to be banished into the center of the universe’s sphere. ---
**Author:** ![StupidSmartAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@StupidSmartAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StupidSmartAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/13 "2003-05-29T03:20:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tarrsk \* > \*\*What is the Ultimate Question? \*\* Ah, the ultimate question, I have pondered that on many starless nights in my youth, watching as my Land of Awesomeness prosper, wondering what great things would that question unlock… I do believe, my loyal subject, it is: “Could their be a question so kicking rad that not even the most kickin’ raddest deity answer it?” Think about it, my loyal subject. ---
**Author:** ![Vanyel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Vanyel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vanyel)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/14 "2003-05-29T03:21:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bill H. \* > **you wish our sidewalks to be covered with pizza** No, His Divine Awesomeness decreed only that the streets be lined with pepperoni pizza. Anyhoo, **Your Awesomenity** , what is the best kind of woman-blonde, brunette, redhead, what? ---
**Author:** ![StupidSmartAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@StupidSmartAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StupidSmartAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/15 "2003-05-29T03:24:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rabid\_Squirrel \* > \*\*How come you’re the King? Been sneaking up on relatives again with The Bloody Knife, huh? Well? Come’on, gimme an answer! What too chicken to talk back huh? Well wadda ya say about that eh? \*\* Well, I do recall once waking up naked in a field full of roses, with a knife dripping something red, and all of my relatives nearby, all horribly mutilated beyond belief. But then, I tasted the red drippings and it turned out to be tomato paste. Yum. ---
**Author:** ![StupidSmartAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@StupidSmartAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StupidSmartAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/16 "2003-05-29T03:28:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zunite \* > \*\*I don’t know that whole pepperoni thing makes it seem sorta yucky to me. Plus why would you want to banish Q.E.D. to a tower; I think you just doomed your kingdom to be banished into the center of the universe’s sphere. \*\* I wouldn’t care if he was the smartest person in the world, insolent people that reside in my kingdom go to prison. No exceptions. Pepperoni is the finest of the meats, so verstatile, goes well with everything. It even goes well with peanut butter and jelly. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/17 "2003-05-29T03:28:43Z")
Is it true the Kindom of Awesomeness is a state of mind? And if so, is one allowed to change their mind? Who’s the next in line to the thrown? Who’s that behind you? Is it true you threw your own mother into Dufhaven? Are conjugal visits allowed? ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/18 "2003-05-29T03:33:28Z")
What number am I thinking of? ---
**Author:** ![StupidSmartAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@StupidSmartAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StupidSmartAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/19 "2003-05-29T03:33:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Vanyel \* > \*\*No, His Divine Awesomeness decreed only that the streets be lined with pepperoni pizza. > > Anyhoo, **Your Awesomenity** , what is the best kind of woman-blonde, brunette, redhead, what? \*\* Good job, loyal subject **Vanyel** , for your unmovable loyalty even in the eye of evil, I’m promoting you Sir Vanyel the Just, lord and regent of the district of Kronvien. I personally prefer blonde, because red and black hair [in most cases], show that they are either infested with hellfire or are tainted by the black ebony soul of the devil, in that order. ---
**Author:** ![StupidSmartAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@StupidSmartAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StupidSmartAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177/20 "2003-05-29T03:57:21Z")
The King of Awesomeness is going to sleep. You can still ask questions of me, just don’t expect speedy answers until I wake up. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-king-of-awesomeness/178177.md?page=2)