# Ask the Living Avatar of GURTHEK, Lord of All He Purveys and Pretender to the Flown **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 4, 2006, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398 "2006-05-04T15:26:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/1 "2006-05-04T15:26:00Z")
Be prepared to be disappointed with the answers, however. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/2 "2006-05-04T16:10:40Z")
So. You found work yet? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/3 "2006-05-04T16:14:45Z")
> [@](#): > > “You have been tried by twelve good men and true, not of your peers but as high above you as heaven is of hell, and they have said you are guilty. Time will pass and seasons will come and go. Spring with its wavin’ green grass and heaps of sweet-smellin’ flowers on every hill and in every dale. Then sultry Summer, with her shimmerin’ heat-waves on the baked horizon. And Fall, with her yeller harvest moon and the hills growin’ brown and golden under a sinkin’ sun. And finally Winter, with its bitin’, whinin’ wind, and all the land will be mantled with snow. But you won’t be here to see any of ‘em; not by a damn sight, because it’s the order of this court that you be took to the nearest tree and hanged by the neck til you’re dead, dead, dead, you olive-colored son of a billy goat.” > > ```auto > > ``` How does the above quote apply to the Binomial Theorem? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/4 "2006-05-04T16:14:57Z")
**DO NOT MOCK ME PEASANT!!!** Actually, no. I think I am going to go to grad school and get a teaching degree. This freelance carpentry is geting might old to these old bones. But thanks for askin’. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/5 "2006-05-04T16:17:34Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > **DO NOT MOCK ME PEASANT!!!** > > Actually, no. I think I am going to go to grad school and get a teaching degree. This freelance carpentry is geting might old to these old bones. But thanks for askin’. Sorry, this was in response to \*\*carniverousplant. \*\* \*\* Bosda \*\*snuck one in there, for which he shall be punished. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/6 "2006-05-04T16:19:43Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > How does the above quote apply to the Binomial Theorem? **FOOL. DO YOU THINK ME A CRETIN?** I think Thomas Maguane said it best– > [@](#): > > The French have a word for it, but I call it pussy. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/7 "2006-05-04T16:22:38Z")
To heck with the binomial theorem. I don’t unerstand the olive colored part. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/8 "2006-05-04T16:22:57Z")
What was it like to have your ass kicked by both Chuck Norris _and_ Wilford Brimley, and still live to tell the tale? ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/9 "2006-05-04T16:26:34Z")
O **Living Avatar of GURTHEK, Lord of All He Purveys and Pretender to the Flown** - Can you lend me a tenner until next pay day? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/10 "2006-05-04T16:30:58Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > What was it like to have your ass kicked by…Wilford Brimley How much do they pay him to sit on that horse and sell snake oil? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/11 "2006-05-04T16:33:35Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > What was it like to have your ass kicked by both Chuck Norris _and_ Wilford Brimley, and still live to tell the tale? \*\*HA!! YOUR \*\*\*\*MISTRANSLATION AMUSES GURTHEK!! \*\* Actually, they were licking my ass. And it felt sorta good, if you want to know the truth. They both must use conditioner on their mustaches. > [@Stephen Wright](#): > > Can you lend me a tenner until next pay day? If you can tell me what color my chakra is. The answer is on a post-it stuck to the Continental Divide. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/12 "2006-05-04T16:40:05Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > Actually, they were licking my ass. And it felt sorta good, if you want to know the truth. They both must use conditioner on their mustaches. Fool. The world knows Wilford Brimley exudes Pro Vitamin B5 from his pores. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/13 "2006-05-04T16:43:46Z")
> [@Mindfield](#): > > Fool. The world knows Wilford Brimley exudes Pro Vitamin B5 from his pores. Look, we’re talkin’ about that old fart that made the movie with Levon Helm, right? And Gurthek, how come you ain’t slaying your foes and hearing the lamentations of their women and such instead of posting about old farts on some computer board? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/14 "2006-05-04T16:45:23Z")
> [@Mindfield](#): > > Fool. The world knows Wilford Brimley exudes Pro Vitamin B5 from his pores. **YOU DARE REFUTE THE GREAT GURTHEK?** Well, you may be right. And with the size of those pores that’s a might sweet mustache ride. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/15 "2006-05-04T16:49:27Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Look, we’re talkin’ about that old fart that made the movie with Levon Helm, right? > > And Gurthek, how come you ain’t slaying your foes and hearing the lamentations of their women and such instead of posting about old farts on some computer board? **I WILL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. ONE NIGHT WITH ME AND THEIR WOMEN WILL NEVER SLEEP WITH ANOTHER MAN!** And were actually fartees, not farts, as you will realize when you consider the physiological necessities of the event. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/16 "2006-05-04T16:49:30Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Look, we’re talkin’ about that old fart that made the movie with Levon Helm, right? So? He’ll still take you out and expect sex afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/17 "2006-05-04T16:55:05Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > **YOU DARE REFUTE THE GREAT GURTHEK?** > > Well, you may be right. And with the size of those pores that’s a might sweet mustache ride. The Wilford Brimley pleases all comers. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/18 "2006-05-04T17:02:11Z")
**GURTHECK!** I, Regallag the Axe, Northern Hero and Demon Slayer, challenge you to a battle to the death! What say you? My axes verus your… whatever it is you use! The winner gets glory, the loser gets death! ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/19 "2006-05-04T17:06:55Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > **GURTHECK!** I, Regallag the Axe, Northern Hero and Demon Slayer, challenge you to a battle to the death! What say you? My axes verus your… whatever it is you use! > > The winner gets glory, the loser gets death! **THE LOSER WILL HAVE HIS AXE HANDED TO HIM. IF GURTHEK IS FEELING MAGNANIMOUS, THE LOSER WILL FEEL PAIN FOR ONLY A FEW CENTURIES.** Or, alternately, tiddlwinks at forty paces. I’ve got the wind of a fifty year old fat man. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2006, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398/20 "2006-05-04T17:26:07Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > **I WILL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. ONE NIGHT WITH ME AND THEIR WOMEN WILL NEVER SLEEP WITH ANOTHER MAN!** You’re that bad? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-living-avatar-of-gurthek-lord-of-all-he-purveys-and-pretender-to-the-flown/355398.md?page=2)